her own; she pitched upon a courtier, equally remarkable for hunting and
drinking, who had given several proofs of his great virility among the
daughters of his tenants and domestics. They fell in love at first sight
(for such was the gallantry of the times) were married, came to court,
and madam appeared with superior qualifications. The king was struck
with her beauty. All property was at the king’s command; the husband
was obliged to resign all pretensions in his wife to the sovereign,
whom God had anointed to commit adultery where he thought proper. The
king loved her for some time; but at length repenting of his misdeeds,
and instigated by his father-confessor, from a principle of conscience
removed her from his levee to the bar of this tavern, and took a new
mistress in her stead. Let it not surprise you to behold the mistress
of a king degraded to so humble an office. As the ladies had no mental
accomplishments, a good face was enough to raise them to the royal couch;
and she, who was this day a royal mistress, might the next, when her
beauty palled upon enjoyment, be doomed to infamy and want.
“Under the care of this lady the tavern grew into great reputation;
the courtiers had not yet learned to game, but they paid it off by
drinking: drunkenness is ever the vice of a barbarous, and gaming of a
luxurious age. They had not such frequent entertainments as the moderns
have, but were more expensive and more luxurious in those they had.
All their fooleries were more elaborate, and more admired by the great
and the vulgar than now. A courtier has been known to spend his whole
fortune at a single feast, a king to mortgage his dominions to furnish
out the frippery of a tournament. There were certain days appointed for
riot and debauchery, and to be sober at such times was reputed a crime.
Kings themselves set the example; and I have seen monarchs in this room
drunk before the entertainment was half concluded. These were the times,
sir, when kings kept mistresses, and got drunk in public; they were too
plain and simple in those happy times to hide their vices, and act the
hypocrite, as now.”—“Lord! Mrs. Quickly,” interrupting her, “I expected
to have heard a story, and here you are going to tell me I know not
what of times and vices; pr’ythee let me entreat thee once more to wave
reflections, and give thy history without deviation.”
“No lady upon earth,” continued my visionary correspondent, “knew how
to put off her damaged wine or women with more art than she. When these
grew flat, or those paltry, it was but changing the names; the wine
became excellent, and the girls agreeable. She was also possessed of the
engaging leer, the chuck under the chin, winked at a double-entendre,
could nick the opportunity of calling for something comfortable, and
perfectly understood the discreet moments when to withdraw. The gallants
of these times pretty much resembled the bloods of ours; they were fond
of pleasure, but quite ignorant of the art of refining upon it; thus a
court-bawd of those times resembled the common low-lived harridan of a
modern bagnio. Witness, ye powers of debauchery, how often I have been
present at the various appearances of drunkenness, riot, guilt, and
brutality! A tavern is the true picture of human infirmity: in history we
find only one side of the age exhibited to our view; but in the accounts
of a tavern we see every age equally absurd and equally vicious.
“Upon this lady’s decease, the tavern was successively occupied by
adventurers, bullies, pimps, and gamesters. Towards the conclusion of
the reign of Henry VII. gaming was more universally practised in England
than even now. Kings themselves have been known to play off at primero,
not only all the money and jewels they could part with, but the very
images in churches. The last Henry played away, in this very room, not
only the four great bells of St. Paul’s cathedral, but the fine image of
St. Paul, which stood upon the top of the spire, to Sir Miles Partridge,
who took them down the next day, and sold them by auction. Have you then
any cause to regret being born in the times you now live? or do you still
believe that human nature continues to run on declining every age? If we
observe the actions of the busy part of mankind, your ancestors will be
found infinitely more gross, servile, and even dishonest, than you. If,
forsaking history, we only trace them in their hours of amusement and
dissipation, we shall find them more sensual, more entirely devoted to
pleasure, and infinitely more selfish.
“The last hostess of note I find upon record was Jane Rouse. She was
born among the lower ranks of the people; and by frugality and extreme
complaisance contrived to acquire a moderate fortune: this she might have
enjoyed for many years, had she not unfortunately quarrelled with one of
her neighbours, a woman who was in high repute for sanctity through the
whole parish. In the times of which I speak, two women seldom quarrelled
that one did not accuse the other of witchcraft, and she who first
contrived to vomit crooked pins was sure to come off victorious. The
scandal of a modern tea-table differs widely from the scandal of former
times: the fascination of a lady’s eyes at present is regarded as a
compliment; but if a lady formerly should be accused of having witchcraft
in her eyes, it were much better both for her soul and body that she had
no eyes at all.
“In short, Jane Rouse was accused of witchcraft; and though she made
the best defence she could, it was all to no purpose; she was taken
from her own bar to the bar of the Old Bailey, condemned, and executed
accordingly. These were times indeed! when even women could not scold in
safety.
“Since her time, the tavern underwent several revolutions, according to
the spirit of the times, or the disposition of the reigning monarch.
It was this day a brothel, and the next a conventicle for enthusiasts.
It was one year noted for harbouring Whigs, and the next infamous
for a retreat to Tories. Some years ago it was in high vogue, but at
present it seems declining. This only may be remarked in general, that
whenever taverns flourish most, the times are the most extravagant and
luxurious.”——“Lord! Mrs. Quickly,” interrupted I, “you have really
deceived me: I expected a romance, and here you have been this half hour
giving me only a description of the spirit of the times: if you have
nothing but tedious remarks to communicate, seek some other hearer; I am
determined to hearken only to stories.”
I had scarcely concluded, when my eyes and ears seemed open to my
landlord, who had been all this while giving me an account of the repairs
he had made in the house, and was now got into the story of the cracked
glass in the dining-room.
VI.
ADVENTURES OF A STROLLING PLAYER.
I am fond of amusement in whatever company it is to be found; and wit,
though dressed in rags, is ever pleasing to me. I went some days ago to
take a walk in St. James’s Park, about the hour in which company leave it
to go to dinner. There were but few in the walks, and those who stayed
seemed by their looks rather more willing to forget that they had an
appetite than gain one. I sat down on one of the benches, at the other
end of which was seated a man in very shabby clothes.
We continued to groan, to hem, and to cough, as usual upon such
occasions, and at last ventured upon conversation. “I beg pardon, sir,”
cried I, “but I think I have seen you before; your face is familiar to
me.”—“Yes, sir,” replied he, “I have a good familiar face, as my friends
tell me. I am as well known in every town in England as the dromedary or
live crocodile. You must understand, sir, that I have been these sixteen
years Merry Andrew to a puppet-show; last Bartholomew fair my master and
I quarrelled, beat each other, and parted; he to sell his puppets to the
pincushion-makers in Rosemary-lane, and I to starve in St. James’s Park.”
“I am sorry, sir, that a person of your appearance should labour under
any difficulties.”—“O sir,” returned he, “my appearance is very much at
your service; but though I cannot boast of eating much, yet there are
few that are merrier: if I had twenty thousand a year I should be very
merry; and, thank the Fates, though not worth a groat, I am very merry
still. If I have three-pence in my pocket, I never refused to be my three
halfpence; and if I have no money, I never scorn to be treated by any
that are kind enough to pay my reckoning. What think you, sir, of a steak
and a tankard? You shall treat me now; and I will treat you again when I
find you in the park in love with eating, and without money to pay for a
dinner.”
As I never refuse a small expense for the sake of a merry companion, we
instantly adjourned to a neighbouring ale-house, and in a few moments had
a frothing tankard, and a smoking steak spread on the table before us. It
is impossible to express how much the sight of such good cheer improved
my companion’s vivacity. “I like this dinner, sir,” says he, “for three
reasons: first, because I am naturally fond of beef; secondly, because I
am hungry; and, thirdly and lastly, because I get it for nothing: no meat
eats so sweet as that for which we do not pay.”
He therefore now fell-to, and his appetite seemed to correspond with his
inclination. After dinner was over, he observed that the steak was tough;
“and yet, sir,” returns he, “bad as it was, it seemed a rump-steak to me.
O the delights of poverty and a good appetite! We beggars are the very
foundlings of nature; the rich she treats like an arrant step-mother;
they are pleased with nothing; cut a steak from what part you will, and
it is insupportably tough; dress it up with pickles, and even pickles
cannot procure them an appetite. But the whole creation is filled with
good things for the beggar; Calvert’s butt out-tastes Champagne, and
Sedgeley’s home-brewed excels Tokay. Joy, joy, my blood, though our
estates lie no where, we have fortunes wherever we go. If an inundation
sweeps away half the grounds of Cornwall, I am content; I have no lands
there: if the stocks sink, that gives me no uneasiness; I am no Jew.”
The fellow’s vivacity, joined to his poverty, I own, raised my curiosity
to know something of his life and circumstances; and I entreated that
he would indulge my desire.—“That I will, sir,” said he, “and welcome;
only let us drink to prevent our sleeping; let us have another tankard
while we are awake; let us have another tankard; for, ah, how charming a
tankard looks when full!
“You must know, then, that I am very well descended; my ancestors have
made some noise in the world; for my mother cried oysters, and my father
beat a drum: I am told we have even had some trumpeters in our family.
Many a nobleman cannot show so respectful a genealogy; but that is
neither here nor there: as I was their only child, my father designed
to breed me up to his own employment, which was that of a drummer to a
puppet-show. Thus the whole employment of my younger years was that of
interpreter to Punch and king Solomon in all his glory. But though my
father was very fond of instructing me in beating all the marches and
points of war, I made no very great progress, because I naturally had no
ear for music; so at the age of fifteen I went and listed for a soldier.
As I had ever hated beating a drum, so I soon found that I disliked
carrying a musket also; neither the one trade nor the other were to my
taste, for I was by nature fond of being a gentleman; besides, I was
obliged to obey my captain; he has his will, I have mine, and you have
yours: now I very reasonably concluded, that it was much more comfortable
for a man to obey his own will than another’s.
“The life of a soldier soon therefore gave me the spleen; I asked leave
to quit the service; but as I was tall and strong, my captain thanked
me for my kind intention, and said, because he had a regard for me, we
should not part. I wrote to my father a very dismal penitent letter,
and desired that he would raise money to pay for my discharge; but the
good man was as fond of drinking as I was (sir, my service to you), and
those who are fond of drinking never pay for other people’s discharges:
in short he never answered my letter. What could be done? If I have
not money, said I to myself, to pay for my discharge, I must find an
equivalent some other way: and that must be by running away. I deserted,
and that answered my purpose every bit as well as if I had bought my
discharge.
“Well, I was now fairly rid of my military employment; I sold my
soldier’s clothes, bought worse, and, in order not to be overtaken, took
the most unfrequented roads possible. One evening as I was entering a
village, I perceived a man, whom I afterwards found to be the curate of
the parish, thrown from his horse in a miry road, and almost smothered
in the mud. He desired my assistance; I gave it, and drew him out with
some difficulty. He thanked me for my trouble, and was going off; but
I followed him home, for I loved always to have a man thank me at his
own door. The curate asked an hundred questions; and whose son I was;
from whence I came? and whether I would be faithful? I answered him
greatly to his satisfaction; and gave myself one of the best characters
in the world for sobriety, (sir, I have the honour of drinking your
health) discretion, and fidelity. To make a long story short, he wanted
a servant, and hired me. With him I lived but two months; we did not
much like each other; I was fond of eating, and he gave me but little to
eat; I loved a pretty girl, and the old woman, my fellow servant, was
ill-natured and ugly. As they endeavoured to starve me between them, I
made a pious resolution to prevent their committing murder; I stole the
eggs as soon as they were laid; I emptied every unfinished bottle that
I could lay my hands on; whatever eatable came in my way was sure to
disappear; in short, they found I would not do; so I was discharged one
morning, and paid three shillings and sixpence for two months’ wages.
“While my money was getting ready, I employed myself in making
preparations for my departure; two hens were hatching in an out-house, I
went and took the eggs from habit, and not to separate the parents from
the children, I lodged hens and all in my knapsack. After this piece of
frugality, I returned to receive my money, and with my knapsack on my
back, and a staff in my hand, I bid adieu with tears in my eyes to my
old benefactor. I had not gone far from the house, when I heard behind
me the cry of stop thief! but this only increased my dispatch; it would
have been foolish to stop, as I knew the voice could not be levelled at
me. But hold, I think I passed those two months at the curate’s without
drinking. Come, the times are dry, and may this be my poison if ever I
spent two more pious, stupid months, in all my life!
“Well, after travelling some days, whom should I light upon but a company
of strolling players. The moment I saw them at a distance my heart warmed
to them; I had a sort of natural love for every thing of the vagabond
order: they were employed in settling their baggage, which had been
overturned in a narrow way; I offered my assistance, which they accepted;
and we soon became so well acquainted, that they took me as a servant.
This was a paradise to me; they sung, danced, drank, eat, and travelled,
all at the same time. By the blood of the Mirabels, I thought I had never
lived till then. I grew as merry as a grig, and laughed at every word
that was spoken. They liked me as much as I liked them; I was a very
good figure, as you see; and, though I was poor, I was not modest.
“I love a straggling life above all things in the world; sometimes
good, sometimes bad; to be warm to-day, and cold to-morrow; to eat when
one can get it, and drink when (the tankard is out) it stands before
me. We arrived that evening at Tenterden, and took a large room at the
Greyhound, where we resolved to exhibit Romeo and Juliet, with the
funeral procession, the grave, and the garden-scene. Romeo was to be
performed by a gentleman from the Theatre-Royal in Drury-lane; Juliet,
by a lady who had never appeared on any stage before; and I was to snuff
the candles: all excellent in our way. We had figures enough, but the
difficulty was to dress them. The same coat that served Romeo, turned
with a blue lining outwards, served for his friend Mercutio: a large
piece of crape sufficed at once for Juliet’s petticoat and pall: a pestle
and mortar from a neighbouring apothecary’s answered all the purposes of
a bell; and our landlord’s own family, wrapped in white sheets, served to
fill up the procession. In short, there were but three figures among us
that might be said to be dressed with any propriety; I mean the nurse,
the starved apothecary, and myself. Our performance gave universal
satisfaction: the whole audience were enchanted with our powers.
“There is one rule by which a strolling-player may be ever secure of
success; that is, in our theatrical way of expressing it, to make a
great deal of the character. To speak and act as in common life, is
not playing, nor is it what people come to see; natural speaking, like
sweet wine, runs glibly over the palate, and scarcely leaves any taste
behind it; but being high in a part resembles vinegar, which grates upon
the taste, and one feels it while he is drinking. To please in town
or country, the way is to cry, wring, cringe into attitudes, mark the
emphasis, slap the pockets, and labour like one in the falling sickness:
that is the way to work for applause; that is the way to gain it.
“As we received much reputation for our skill on this first exhibition,
it was but natural for me to ascribe part of the success to myself; I
snuffed the candles, and let me tell you, that without a candle-snuffer
the piece would lose half its embellishments. In this manner we continued
a fortnight, and drew tolerable houses; but the evening before our
intended departure, we gave out our very best piece, in which all our
strength was to be exerted. We had great expectations from this, and even
doubled our prices, when behold one of the principal actors fell ill of
a violent fever. This was a stroke like thunder to our little company:
they were resolved to go in a body, to scold the man for falling sick at
so inconvenient a time, and that too of a disorder that threatened to be
expensive; I seized the moment, and offered to act the part myself in his
stead. The case was desperate: they accepted my offer; and I accordingly
sat down, with the part in my hand and a tankard before me, (sir, your
health), and studied the character, which was to be rehearsed the next
day, and played soon after.
“I found my memory excessively helped by drinking: I learned my part with
astonishing rapidity, and bid adieu to snuffing candles ever after.
I found that nature had designed me for more noble employments, and I
was resolved to take her when in the humour. We got together in order
to rehearse: and I informed my companions, masters now no longer, of
the surprising change I felt within me. Let the sick man, said I, be
under no uneasiness to get well again; I’ll fill his place to universal
satisfaction; he may even die if he thinks proper; I’ll engage that he
shall never be missed. I rehearsed before them, strutted, ranted, and
received applause. They soon gave out, that a new actor of eminence was
to appear, and immediately all the genteel places were bespoke. Before
I ascended the stage, however, I concluded within myself, that, as I
brought money to the house, I ought to have my share in the profits.
Gentlemen, said I, addressing our company, I don’t pretend to direct
you; far be it from me to treat you with so much ingratitude: you
have published my name in the bills with the utmost good-nature, and
as affairs stand, cannot act without me: so gentlemen, to show you my
gratitude, I expect to be paid for my acting as much as any of you,
otherwise I declare off. I’ll brandish my snuffers, and clip candles as
usual. This was a very disagreeable proposal, but they found that it
was impossible to refuse it; it was irresistible, it was adamant: they
consented, and I went on in king Bajazet: my frowning brows, bound with a
stocking stuffed into a turban, while on my captived arms I brandished a
jack-chain. Nature seemed to have fitted me for the part; I was tall, and
had a loud voice; my very entrance excited universal applause; I looked
round on the audience with a smile, and made a most low and graceful
bow, for that is the rule among us. As it was a very passionate part, I
invigorated my spirits with three full glasses (the tankard is almost
out) of brandy. By Alla! it is almost inconceivable how I went through
it; Tamerlane was but a fool to me; though he was sometimes loud enough
too, yet I was still louder than he: but then, besides, I had attitudes
in abundance: in general I kept my arms folded up thus, upon the pit of
my stomach; it is the way at Drury-lane, and has always a fine effect.
The tankard would sink to the bottom before I could get through the
whole of my merits: in short, I came off like a prodigy; and such was my
success, that I could ravish the laurels even from a sirloin of beef. The
principal gentlemen and ladies of the town came to me, after the play was
over, to compliment me upon my success; one praised my voice, another
my person. ‘Upon my word,’ says the squire’s lady, ‘he will make one of
the finest actors in Europe; I say it, and I think I am something of a
judge.’——Praise in the beginning is agreeable enough, and we receive it
as a favour; but when it comes in great quantities, we regard it only as
a debt, which nothing but our merit could extort: instead of thanking
them, I internally applauded myself. We were desired to give our piece a
second time; we obeyed; and I was applauded even more than before.
“At last we left the town, in order to be at a horse-race at some
distance from thence. I shall never think of Tenterden without tears of
gratitude and respect. The ladies and gentlemen there, take my word for
it, are very good judges of plays and actors. Come, let us drink their
healths, if you please, sir. We quitted the town, I say; and there was a
wide difference between my coming in and going out; I entered the town
a candle-snuffer, and I quitted it an hero!——Such is the world; little
to-day, and great to-morrow. I could say a great deal more upon that
subject, something truly sublime, upon the ups and downs of fortune; but
it would give us both the spleen, and so I shall pass it over.
“The races were ended before we arrived at the next town, which was no
small disappointment to our company; however, we were resolved to take
all we could get. I played capital characters there too, and came off
with my usual brilliancy. I sincerely believe I should have been the
first actor of Europe, had my growing merit been properly cultivated; but
there came an unkindly frost which nipped me in the bud, and levelled me
once more down to the common standard of humanity. I played sir Harry
Wildair; all the country ladies were charmed; if I but drew out my
snuff-box the whole house was in a roar of rapture; when I exercised my
cudgel, I thought they would have fallen into convulsions.
“There was here a lady who had received an education of nine months
in London; and this gave her pretensions to taste, which rendered her
the indisputable mistress of the ceremonies wherever she came. She was
informed of my merits; every body praised me; yet she refused at first
going to see me perform; she could not conceive, she said, any thing but
stuff from a stroller; talked something in praise of Garrick, and amazed
the ladies with her skill in enunciations, tones, and cadences; she was
at last however prevailed upon to go; and it was privately intimated to
me what a judge was to be present at my next exhibition: however, no way
intimidated, I came on in sir Harry, one hand stuck in my breeches, and
the other in my bosom, as usual at Drury-lane; but instead of looking
at me, I perceived the whole audience had their eyes turned upon the
lady who had been nine months in London; from her they expected the
decision which was to secure the general’s truncheon in my hand, or sink
me down into a theatrical letter-carrier. I opened my snuff-box, took
snuff; the lady was solemn, and so were the rest; I broke my cudgel on
Alderman Smuggler’s back; still gloomy, melancholy all, the lady groaned
and shrugged her shoulders. I attempted by laughing myself, to excite
at least a smile, but the devil a cheek could I perceive wrinkled into
sympathy: I found it would not do; all my good-humour now became forced;
my laughter was converted into hysteric grinning; and while I pretended
spirits, my eye showed the agony of my heart: in short, the lady came
with an intention to be displeased, and displeased she was; my fame
expired; I am here, and (the tankard is no more!)”
VII.
RULES ENJOINED TO BE OBSERVED AT A RUSSIAN ASSEMBLY.
When Catharina Alexowna was made empress of Russia, the women were
in an actual state of bondage, but she undertook to introduce mixed
assemblies, as in other parts of Europe: she altered the women’s dress
by substituting the fashions of England; instead of furs, she brought in
the use of taffety and damask; and cornets and commodes instead of caps
of sable. The women now found themselves no longer shut up in separate
apartments, but saw company, visited each other, and were present at
every entertainment.