_(From our Adjutant's Diary)._
The depôt has decided that Matilda is a notable puppy. I could not tell
you her particular make, but our motor cyclist artificer described her
as a "1917 model; well upholstered but weak in the chassis and
unreliable in the differential on hairpin bends; in fact, built for
comfort and not speed."
Matilda became a celebrity all in one day. The C.O. wrote the following
chit to her master:--
"O.C.-'A' Company.--If your dog _must_ stroll into my orderly-room, will
you please see that she is kept reasonably clean? Please take necessary
action, initial and return."
Matilda was bathed and sent back for inspection to the C.O., with a chit
from O.C. "A" Company, pointing out that, as he couldn't initial her, he
had put his office stamp on her tummy and hoped it wouldn't rub off.
The C.O. pronounced Matilda to be moderately clean. As she was
conducting the trumpeter back to "A" Company she fell into a vat of
by-products near the mess hut. She couldn't be washed again, as the
Quartermaster had already written three scathing chits about the
previous use of depôt disinfectant. Matilda spent the night licking
herself clean in the detention cell.
The staff of "A" Company loved Matilda in spite of the fact that her
conduct was prejudicial to good order and military discipline, and that
she constantly used abusive language to her superiors. Even the Company
Sergeant-Major loved her. He might have loved her still, but ... and
that's the story.
Brown was the depôt nuisance. He had a conduct sheet filled up in red
and black, and his entries would have been even more numerous if he had
not possessed a great gift of cunning. He had had several passages of
arms with the C.S.M. of "A" Company and had emerged unscathed more than
once.
On the occasion of this story Brown was being tried for using abusive
language to a superior officer, to wit, the said C.S.M. The abusive
language consisted of one very striking epithet. The charge was read
over to Brown, and the C.S.M. was called upon to give evidence. He
stepped smartly forward. Matilda loitered between his legs ... and then,
I regret to say, the C.S.M. applied the same epithet to Matilda that
Brown had applied to him.
The case was reluctantly dismissed, and Matilda is out of favour with
the C.S.M.
* * * * *
"It was my first experience of a sandstorm, and I can tell you
that the sensation was a most terrible one. With the aid of my
assistants I got off the camel, which immediately stretched
itself in the sand, and moistening my handkerchief pushed it
across my face."
_Sydney Herald (N.S.W.)._
Wise and dexterous creature! We presume it drew the moisture from its
internal reservoir.
* * * * *
"The second cook, who is an American citizen, managed when the
Germans ordered the lifeboats to be given up to hide one under
his raincoat."--_Western Mail_.
One of the collapsible sort, no doubt.
* * * * *
"Some very daring entrances were forced into these fortresses.
One single soldier not directly concerned with the attack found
20 bottles of champagne in one, drank a glass or two, and went
forward to seek for others. Squeezing into one he discovered a
German officer in bed."--_Daily Mail_.
It must have been a bantam who thought of this ingenious ruse.
* * * * *