The Earth, or as the Latins called it, Tellus (from which originated the
expression, "Do tell us"), is the third planet in the Solar System, and
the one on which we subsist, with all our important joys and sorrows.
The San Diego Herald is published weekly on this planet, for five
dollars per annum, payable invariably in advance. As the Earth is by no
means the most important planet in the system, there is no reason to
suppose that it is particularly distinguished from the others by being
inhabited. It is reasonable, therefore, to conclude that all the other
planets of the system are filled with living, moving and sentient
beings; and as some of them are superior to the Earth in size and
position, it is not improbable that their inhabitants may be superior to
us in physical and mental organization.
But if this were a demonstrable fact, instead of a mere hypothesis, it
would be found a very difficult matter to persuade us of its truth. To
the inhabitants of Venus the Earth appears like a brilliant star--very
much, in fact, as Venus appears to us; and, reasoning from analogy, we
are led to believe that the election of Mr. Pierce, the European war, or
the split in the great Democratic party produced but very little
excitement among them.
To the inhabitants of Jupiter, our important globe appears like a small
star of the fourth or fifth magnitude. We recollect, some years ago,
gazing with astonishment upon the inhabitants of a drop of water,
developed by the Solar Microscope, and secretly wondering whether they
were or not reasoning beings, with souls to be saved. It is not
altogether a pleasant reflection that a highly scientific inhabitant of
Jupiter, armed with a telescope of (to us) inconceivable form, may be
pursuing a similar course of inquiry, and indulging in similar
speculations regarding our Earth and its inhabitants. Gazing with
curious eye, his attention is suddenly attracted by the movements of a
grand celebration of Fourth of July in New York, or a mighty convention
in Baltimore. "God bless my soul," he exclaims, "I declare they're
alive, these little creatures; do see them wriggle!" To an inhabitant of
the Sun, however, he of Jupiter is probably quite as insignificant, and
the Sun man is possibly a mere atom in the opinion of a dweller in
Sirius. A little reflection on these subjects leads to the opinion that
the death of an individual man on this Earth, though perhaps as
important an event as can occur to himself, is calculated to cause no
great convulsion of Nature or disturb particularly the great aggregate
of created beings.
The Earth moves round the Sun from west to east in a year, and turns on
its axis in a day; thus moving at the rate of 68,000 miles an hour in
its orbit, and rolling around at the tolerably rapid rate of 1,040
miles per hour. As our readers may have seen that when a man is
galloping a horse violently over a smooth road, if the horse from
viciousness or other cause suddenly stops, the man keeps on at the same
rate over the animal's head; so we, supposing the Earth to be suddenly
arrested on its axis, men, women, children, horses, cattle and sheep,
donkeys, editors and members of Congress, with all our goods and
chattels, would be thrown off into the air at a speed of 173 miles a
minute, every mother's son of us describing the arc of a parabola, which
is probably the only description we should ever be able to give of the
affair.
This catastrophe, to one sufficiently collected to enjoy it, would,
doubtless, be exceedingly amusing; but as there would probably be no
time for laughing, we pray that it may not occur until after our demise;
when, should it take place, our monument will probably accompany the
movement. It is a singular fact that if a man travel round the Earth in
an eastwardly direction he will find, on returning to the place of
departure, he has gained one whole day; the reverse of this proposition
being true also, it follows that the Yankees who are constantly
traveling to the West do not live as long by a day or two as they would
if they had stayed at home; and supposing each Yankee's time to be worth
$1.50 per day, it may be easily shown that a considerable amount of
money is annually lost by their roving dispositions.
Science is yet but in its infancy; with its growth, new discoveries of
an astounding nature will doubtless be made, among which, probably, will
be some method by which the course of the Earth may be altered and it
be steered with the same ease and regularity through space and among the
stars as a steamboat is now directed through the water. It will be a
very interesting spectacle to see the Earth "rounding to," with her head
to the air, off Jupiter, while the Moon is sent off laden with mails and
passengers for that planet, to bring back the return mails and a large
party of rowdy Jupiterians going to attend a grand prize fight in the
ring of Saturn.
Well, Christopher Columbus would have been just as much astonished at a
revelation of the steamboat and the locomotive engine as we should be to
witness the above performance, which our intelligent posterity during
the ensuing year A.D. 2000 will possibly look upon as a very ordinary
and common-place affair.
Only three days ago we asked a medium where Sir John Franklin was at
that time; to which he replied, he was cruising about (officers and crew
all well) on the interior of the Earth, to which he had obtained
entrance through SYMMES HOLE!
With a few remarks upon the Earth's Satellite, we conclude the first
Lecture on Astronomy; the remainder of the course being contained in a
second Lecture, treating of the planets, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and
Neptune, the Asteroids, and the fixed stars, which last, being
"fixings," are, according to Mr. Charles Dickens, American property.