"Well, I sh'd say I did. What I set out to do I always do whether it's
curtains or Mr. Kimball. Mr. Kimball has got a great idea as to his
sharpness, but I guess if our sharp ends was under a microscope, he 'd
be the needle an' me the bee-sting most every day. It was too bad you
was n't to that lecture, Mrs. Lathrop,--I did learn a great deal. Not
just about the sting, but some very handy things. It seems if you go
among 'em quietly, they 'll let you take the honey out any time 'n' you
can buy the queens by mail in a box 'n' they 'll lay a whole hive alone
by themselves in no time. Mrs. Macy said she thought some of sendin' for
one or two queens 'n' settin' 'em up in business in bushel baskets, but
when she went home 'n' looked the baskets over 'n' thought what work
it'd be to clean the honey out of 'em each fall she give up the idea.
She's going to set out a orange tree in a flower pot instead. It says in
the 'Ladies' Home Diary' as they grow very nicely so."
"But who--" interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, wrinkling up her face somewhat
over the long strain on her eager attentiveness.
"But I thought you said you seen him," said her friend, with a second
recurrence of her surprised expression; "did n't you see him when you
see him drivin' in? He was holdin' the reins at the big end o' the whip,
I should suppose. I can't well see how you saw everythin' else without
seein' him. He was some better dressed 'n' usual but it just shows what
bein' left a widower does for a man. It seems to somehow put new spirit
in 'em 'n' sets 'em to wearin' ties again. Why, do you know when he come
to go he actually asked me to ride a piece with him 'n' show him which
finger-post to turn in to, an' I will say as, where I would n't of
dreamed o' ridin' with him a week ago, I went to-day an' really enjoyed
it. Yes, I did."
"Was it--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, with a sudden gleam of intuition.
Susan looked surprised for the third time.
"Why, of course," she said, "who else could it be?" Then she left her
position near the door, came over nearer to her friend, took a chair and
began to untie her bonnet.
"I don't know as I 'm surprised over your bein' surprised, Mrs.
Lathrop," she continued in a slightly milder tone after a brief pause
for vocal renovation. "I will confess as I was really nothin' but
surprised myself. I supposed as a matter o' course that to-day he was in
Meadville buryin' her, 'n' when I first see him the funeral was so
strong in my mind as I thought he'd druv over to maybe borrow father's
black bow for his front door. I made my mind right up to tell him
straight to his face as he couldn't have it, for I told you once as I
was keepin' that bow for you, Mrs. Lathrop, an' when I promise anybody
anythin' I keep my word, whether it's a receipt or a bow for their own
funeral, an' when I saw old man Ely it didn't take me no two minutes to
keep my word the same as ever,--'n' father's black bow too. But laws, he
was n't after no bow!--I very quickly found out as all as he was after
was the funeral, f'r it seems as they was uncommonly spry with it. He
told me right off as they had it pretty prompt too, for he says when it
comes to buryin' a wife there 's no need for a man to go slow, 'n' so he
had all Meadville up with the lark 'n' out after old Mrs. Ely. He seemed
to feel all of a sudden as it was a little awkward me not havin' been
there, but I saw how he felt 'n' made his mind easy by tellin' him frank
'n' open that it was n't nothin' agin his wife as kept me here, for when
it come right square down to it I did n't know any one as I 'd enjoy
their funeral more 'n gettin' my curtains ironed; an' I may in truth
repeat to you as that 's so, Mrs. Lathrop, for although it may seem hard
at first hearin', still we both know what it is to iron curtains, 'n' my
motto always is as a live lion has rights above a dead dog, and the
proverb says as the dead is always ready to bury the dead anyhow. Old
man Ely seemed to look on it much as I did, for he did n't fiddle about
none with his affairs, but came right to the point an' told me fair an'
square as, not havin' anythin' particular on hand after it was over, an'
seein' clear as he was three miles out of his way anyhow, he 'd thought
he 'd come on as far as Pete Sanderson's 'n' see about a cow as he 'd
heard Pete had, 'n' then after that it looked to him like it was pretty
much a day for odd jobs straight through, so he come over here to get
some graftin's from our grape-vine. He said as father 'd told him once
as he could have some graftin's from the porch-vine if he 'd come and
cut 'em, 'n' so he was come. I told him as when it was n't nothin' more
important than grape-vines father's words was ever my laws; so he went
out 'n' cut some pieces from the Virginia creeper an' come in perfectly
satisfied, 'n' I may in confidence remark as I was satisfied too for I
was n't overpleased to have him meddlin' with the porch-vine. I will
remark, though, as his cuttin' Virginia creeper for grape-vines did
amuse me some, for it's been a well-known fact for years as Mrs. Ely was
Mr. Ely in everythin' but the clothes he wore, 'n' they say the way she
managed to figger-head him through plantin' 'n' harvest, 'n' pasture 'n'
punkins, was nothin' short of genius, bred in the bone 'n' bustin' out
every seam.
"Howsomesoever, he stayed 'n' stayed 'n' I ironed 'n' ironed, 'n' we
talked about the farm 'n' father 'n' how well he remembered father 'n'
what a good daughter I was 'n' what a good wife Mrs. Ely was 'n' how
well he was goin' to bear it, 'n' I begun to wonder when he was
intendin' to go or whether he was thinkin' of stayin' all day, 'n' at
last there was nothin' but to ask him to dinner, 'n' I was n't intendin'
to have no dinner on a'count o' the curtains. It's a very hard thing,
Mrs. Lathrop, when you're not intendin' to have dinner to have to invite
company for it, but there did n't seem no way to help it. I could n't in
decency more than mention as Mrs. Brown was to home an' I knowed as the
Fishers was give to Irish stew on Tuesdays, but no, sir, there he sat
like a bump on a log 'n' in the hind end I could n't but ask him to stay
'n' have just cold pork 'n' beans on a'count o' the funeral. 'N' so he
stayed. I set my irons back with a heavy heart 'n' said it seemed like
some days misfortunes never come single, for I 'd already seen a
water-bug in the kitchen that very mornin'; but he seemed to have
decided to be thick-skinned, so I put on the tea-kettle 'n' brought out
the pork 'n' beans 'n' we sat down to eat."
"Was--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I should think he was," replied Susan. "I never see such a
appetite. He eat pork 'n' beans like he thought they was twins off a
vine, 'n' I had to finally get up 'n' clear away to save any a _tall_. I
set the tea-kettle by him 'n' told him to end by havin' all the tea he
wanted to pour through the leaves by himself, 'n' I went back to my
ironin'. He sat there 'n' drank tea very happy for a long spell. Seemed
like it sort o' thawed him out, 'n' finally he begin to talk about
_her_, 'n' once he got started on that he never quit. I ironed curtains
'n' listened 'n' let him talk. It was n't long afore he begin to show
the disadvantages o' bein' dead, for he said as he was always the
practical one of them both, 'n' he'd never have dared say that with old
Mrs. Ely on top of the earth. I was amused at his sayin' it anyhow, with
the Virginia creeper graftin's there in a tomato-can bearin' witness
agin him, but I didn't say nothin'. He asked me if I'd believe as she
was really a very fair-lookin' girl when they was married. I couldn't
but stop at that 'n' ask him if it was ever possible as her nose was
ever any different, 'n' he had to say 'No, not any different;' 'n' I can
assure you as he set 'n' rubbed his chin with his hand a long time
afterwards 'n' then drew a big breath 'n' said 'No, not any different.'
I felt to respect his feelin's 'n' did n't say nothin', 'n' after a
while he went on an' said that they was very happy married on the whole,
'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand a nother long while 'n' said
over again 'on the whole.' He asked me then if I ever heard how he came
to marry her first 'n' I said as I always hear as it was to get the
farm. He kind of flared up at that 'n' said there never was nothin' agin
her but her nose, 'n' at that I took a fresh iron 'n' said he asked me a
plain question 'n' I give him a plain answer, which, considerin' his
horse 'n' my clothes-pole 'n' her nose, was all as could in reason be
expected of me. He softened down at that 'n' said as he was n't by no
means meanin' to make light of his dead wife's nose, 'n' I said as,
speakin' o' Mrs. Ely's nose bein' the one thing agin' her, it was the
joy of every other person as met her as it was agin her 'n' not agin
them, for it was a well-known fact as Mr. Kimball had said hunderds of
times as if he had that nose an' leaned over a bridge 'n' see it in the
water he 'd be willin' to let it overbalance him then 'n' there 'n' be
drowned forever. He got pretty meek at that, for it showed as I was in
earnest, 'n' he went on to say as it _was_ large, but he said as afore
she took to that way of kind o' shrinkin' back of it it did n't look so
large, 'n' anyway she was his married 'n' buried wife. I told him I was
certainly glad to know that, seein' as they 'd lived together so many
years, 'n' then he said it 'd really be nothin' but a joy to him to tell
me how he come to marry her, so I said I 'd listen 'n' welcome 'n' he
started in.
"I must say this, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' that is that I soon see as it was
lucky as I was n't feelin' no special call to talk any myself, for he
set out in a most steady sort of a discouragin' down-pour, kind of
cross-your-legs 'n' clear-your-throat, 'n' I see as I was in for it 'n'
just let him pour, for feelin's catches us all ways 'n' whatever he felt
about old Mrs. Ely it was plain as some one had got to hear it to the
last drop. So I let him drop away, 'n' I will in all fairness say, as a
more steady spout I never see no one under. He never seemed to consider
as how me or any one might perhaps enjoy to maybe make a remark from
time to time, 'n' even when he ain't talkin' he 's got that way o'
rubbin' his chin as makes it seem most impolite to bu'st in on. I didn't
care much, though, 'cause I had the curtains, 'n' besides I may in
confidence state as when I really felt to speak I sailed right in anyhow
'n' spoke what I wanted to. For I never was one to sit by 'n' have my
tail calmly trod on, as you 'n' a great many others knows to your cost,
Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' then, too, each time when I see as he was nigh to
tippin' into the cistern it was really nothin' but a joy to him to know
it in time to hitch away."
"Did--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"In the first place," said Susan, "he asked me if I 'd mind his smokin'
his pipe, 'n' I told him I most certainly would, so that ended that
subjeck right up square at the beginnin'. Then he said he 'd been
married nigh on to forty years 'n' I told him to look out for the
cistern 'n' he hitched along a piece 'n' begin again. 'N' then he seemed
set a-goin' for keeps.
"Seems, Mrs. Lathrop, as he never had no family, but he says he was a
very handsome young fellow for all that. I looked pretty hard at him,
but he stuck to it 'n' I let it go. He went on to say as he growed up
anyhow 'n' drifted to Meadville when he was long about twenty-four, 'n'
went on to the Pearson farm. Oh, my, but he says that was a stony farm!
I tell you but he rubbed his chin with his hand a long while afore he
said all over again, 'but that _was_ a stony farm!' An' the
gophers!--Well, he says whatever the Recordin' Angel has got down he
bets he's skipped some o' them gophers. He says the hairs on your head
is a mere joy to reckon up, 'n' fallin' sparrows too, beside them
gophers. He says savin' a cent in the time o' Egypt 'n' seein' what you
'd have now if you 'd only done it, is nothin' to the way them gophers
on the Pearson farm was give to givin' in marriage. He says as it was a
very stony farm, 'n' in between every two stones was one hole 'n' half a
dozen gophers to a hole, in the _single_ season. He says ploughin' was
like churnin' with nothin' but stones 'n' gophers in the churn. He says
they was that tame they'd run up your legs 'n' up the horses' legs; he
said maybe I would n't believe it, 'n' I told him I certainly would n't,
so then he went on to another subjeck.
"He says he used to plough through them gophers all day 'n' court Tilly
all night. Tilly was old Mrs. Ely. He says she 'd never been courted on
a'count of her nose, but he said he wanted a farm bad enough to be
willin' to never forget to tip his face pretty well crossways. He says
she was so happy bein' courted that at first it made the gophers just
seem like nothin' a tall, 'n' he says as you can't maybe get the full
sense o' that but it's there just the same. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop,
you can see that man has suffered. I asked him was he afraid of mice
too, 'n' he bristled up pretty sharp 'n' said he wa'n't afraid of
gophers, only they took you so unawares. I had to tell him right there
to look out for the cistern lid, 'n' he hitched over by the table again
'n' then he said, Well, so it went all summer. He said he got so tired
o' gophers, 'n' moonlight, 'n' hittin' her nose hard by accident, times
when he was n't thinkin', as he was nothin' but glad when September come
'round. He says he 'd figgered all along on bein' married in September,
'n' he never for one moment mistrusted as he wouldn't be; but he says of
all the awful things to count on, Tilly Pearson was the worst. Oh! my,
he says, but she was cranky! 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand a
long while 'n' then said 'cranky,' over again in a very hard tone. He
says would you believe it that after all his love-makin' along the first
o' September she begin to get terrible uppish 'n' throw her head aroun'
'n' put on airs 'n' he was just dumbfounded at her goin's on."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Then he says one awful day when he was stackin' straw, Old Pearson told
him flat 'n' plain as if he was n't goin' to marry Tilly, he need n't
count on spendin' the winter as their company. Well, he says you can
maybe realize what a shock that was. He says his nose was just smashed
numb 'n' his sleep was full o' grabbin' at 'em in his dreams 'n' now it
looked like all was for nothin' a _tall_. Still he says he scraped up a
smile 'n' a cheerful look 'n' told Old Pearson as he was more 'n willin'
to marry Tilly for his winter's board but it was Tilly as was makin' the
trouble. He says Old Pearson looked sort of surprised at that, but he
thought a little while 'n' then he told him as if he was smart he 'd
find a way to bring Tilly to her senses, 'cause every woman had some way
to be brought to her senses, 'n' then he went off 'n' left him to think.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you can see without any tryin' that that man
suffered. I pretty near stopped 'n' burnt jus' to listen to him. He says
as he sit there plum beside hisself 'n' most cried from not knowin' what
under Heaven's name to do. He says he was placed most awful with winter
starin' him stark in the face 'n' no warm place to stay. He says nobody
knows how it feels to feel like he was forced to feel,--'nless they've
been expectin' to be married 'n' then been discharged themselves
instead. He says he looked about most doleful 'n' wished he was dead or
anythin' that's warm, 'n' then he got down from the stack 'n' set on a
old wagon tongue 'n' jus' tried to figger on if there was n't no way as
he could think up as would make Tilly have him. He says the bitter part
was to reflect as he had to work to make Tilly have him, when it 'd
really ought by all rights to have been the other way. He says to think
o' that nose 'n' then him obliged to work 'n' slave to get hold of it!"
"I--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, he see it different," said Susan; "he says,--'n' I can't in
reason see how any one as knows as little as you, Mrs. Lathrop, can deny
him,--he says as no one as gets married easy at the end of courtin' can
possibly figger on the difficulties of gettin' married hard. He says it
was jus' beyond belief the way he felt as he set there reflectin' on his
wasted summer 'n' Tilly flippin' aroun' all unconcerned over him leavin'
in the end. He says his blood begun to slowly begin to boil as he set
there thinkin', 'n' in the end he jus' up an' hit the wagon-tongue with
his fist 'n' said 'By Jinks!' 'n' he says when he says 'By Jinks,' it
_is_ the end, 'n' don't you forget it.
"He says he 'd no sooner said 'By Jinks' than he thought of a plan, 'n'
he says Lord forgive him if he ever thinks of such another plan. He says
what put it into his head Heaven only knows, only o' course he never
expected as it would work out as it did. He says he thought as she 'd
see what he was up to 'n' stop him along half-way. But Oh, my, he says,
you never can count on a woman, 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his
hand for a long time 'n' said all over again 'never can count on a
woman.'
"Well, he says after he'd thought o' the plan he went right to work to
carry it out. He says it was one o' them plans as dilly-dally is death
on. So he begun by makin' sure as she was pastin' labels on pickle-jars
in the back wood-house 'n' then he went out by the shed 'n' got some old
clothes-line as was hangin' there 'n' come round to where the
bingin'-pole was 'n' whittled notches in it 'n' tied a piece o' the line
hard aroun' the end. He says all the time he was tyin' he was countin'
on her runnin' right out 'n' askin' him what under the sun he was
doin',--but she never budged."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, if you 'll keep still 'n' let me talk I 'll tell you," said Miss
Clegg; "I had to keep still while he told me, 'n' the Bible 's authority
for sayin' as what man has done woman can always do too if she has a
mind to.--Well, he says then he bent the end of the pole around 'n' tied
it hard to one of the uprights of the shed so it was sprung around in a
terrible dangerous manner 'n' he says when he got it all tied, he looked
up at the window 'n' why she did n't come out he can't to this day see.
But she did n't--just stayed bobbin' around over her labels 'n' pastin'.
Well, he says o' course he wa'n't in no hurry to go on to next part, so
he dragged the grin'stone out in plain view of her 'n' begun 'n'
sharpened a hatchet most awful sharp. He thought as the hatchet would
bring her anyhow, but still she did n't come out,--jus' stuck to her
stickin' there in the window. I can't well see why he looked for her to
come out because my view would be as if you did n't want a man aroun',
the more ropes an' hatchets he was inclined to the more I 'd let him tie
'n' sharpen, but old Mrs. Ely was always another parts o' speech from
me. She never could eat her own chickens, they say, nor sausage her own
pigs, 'n' I s'pose he knowed her tender spots aforehand 'n' was layin'
for 'em. Anyhow, to go back to him 'n' the grin'stone, he says you can't
under no circumstances keep on sharpenin' a hatchet forever, 'n' so
after a while he _had_ to go on to the next part. He says he was
beginnin' to feel kind o' shaky, but he took more line 'n' made a
slip-noose 'n' tied it hard 'n' fast to the pole. He says he looked up
real bright 'n' hopeful then, but still she did n't come out, 'n' he
says he slid it up over his arm two or three times so she could n't but
see as it was a noose too. Oh, my, but he says he did begin to feel mad
at her then,--he says it wa'n't in reason as any man 'd be pleased at a
woman's smilin' out of a window at him fixin' a noose in plain sight. He
says he 'll leave it to any one dead or alive to get into his skin 'n'
enjoy the way he was beginnin' to feel, but o' course he had to keep on
with his plan, 'n' he says next he laid the hatchet handy an' set down
(Oh, my, but he says the ground sent up a cold chill up his back!) 'n'
tied his feet to the other upright. Well, he says that foot-tyin' was no
joke, for he says he must of took fifteen minutes to it, for he was jus'
about wild by this time, not knowin' what he _would_ do if she did n't
come out _now_. He says no one knows what it is to begin a thing as you
count on _surely_ havin' stopped 'n' then not be stopped a _tall_. He
says as the sentiments as he begun to get was too awful for any ordinary
words 'n' he would scorn to use the words as could describe 'em even if
he knowed any such. Well, he says, at last, when he was through tyin'
his feet, he turned 'n' looked at the window 'n' if she wa'n't gone to
put up the jars, so he had no choice but to sit there on that cold
ground 'n' wait for her to come back. He said he hoped I 'd never know
what his feelin's was as he waited 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his
hand a long time 'n' said all over again, 'as he waited.' I told him it
was n't likely as I would, 'n' to look out for the cistern or he 'd know
new feelin's 'n' a new kind of waitin', so he had to hitch back by the
table again 'n' then he took a long breath before goin' on to the next
part.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, he says when she come back from puttin' up the jars
he jus' could n't but feel as his hour was surely come. He says how he
ever done it he never has seen since, but he took up that noose 'n' put
it over his head. He says as he did so he took a quick look at the
window 'n' seen her lookin', 'n' he says he jus' hoped _surely_ she 'd
give a scream _now_ 'n' come runnin' out the kitchen-door. But he says
she 'd disappointed him so often his heart was like lead, 'n he felt
bluer 'n he 's ever felt any other time in his life. He says he fixed
the noose all smooth around his neck for five minutes or so, 'n' then
there was nothin' in the wide world left for him to do but to take up
that awful sharp hatchet.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I vow I was interested in spite of myself. His
voice shook 'n' his hands too jus' with rememberin'. I really felt to
pity him--I did. He says he lifted the hatchet 'n' looked at the window
tryin' to hope fully 'n' securely as _this_ time she 'd _surely_ come
out screamin' 'n' runnin'. 'N' she never screamed 'n' she never run! Oh,
my, but he says he was tremblin' from head to foot 'n' the cold sweat
jus' poured over him. He says he took up the hatchet 'n' held it
quiverin' in his quiverin' hand, 'n' then he made a weak hack at the
rope as tied the pole to the upright. He says he see her nose in the
window as he hacked 'n' then he says no words can ever describe his
feelin's when he suddenly learned as he 'd cut the rope!--He says he
never had no more idea o' hittin' the rope than he had o' hangin'
himself, 'n' he said when he very quickly felt as he 'd done both
nothin' can properly explain him!--He says the newspapers don't have no
idea a _tall_ of how it feels or they 'd never print it so cool 'n'
calm. He says cuttin' the rope let the pole loose 'n' the noose ran up
on him 'n' choked him most terrible. My gracious, he says but carbolic
acid 'n' Rough on Rats is child's play beside that grip on your throat.
He says he never will forget how it felt, not if he lives to be
Methusalem's great-grandfather. He says he got a most awful jerk from
his head to his heels too as nigh to broke his ankles, 'n' a twist in
his wrist from the weight o' the hatchet, but he said he did n't have no
time to take no a'count o' nothin' just then but the way everythin'
turned red 'n' black 'n' run into his ears."
"Did it kill--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, much excited.
"I 'm goin' to tell you.--He says the last thing he knowed was Tilly's
shriek. O' course when he cut the rope she seen he 'd meant it all, 'n'
so she grabbed up a carvin' knife 'n' yelled to her father 'n' run. Old
man Ely says it was good she run, for there was n't a minute to lose.
Old Pearson run too from where he was in the barn but Tilly got there
first. She didn't lose one second in sawin' him free at both ends 'n' he
says he was so nigh to dead that first he thought she was a gopher, 'n'
then an angel. Oh, my, but he says he was dizzy at first, 'n' faint, 'n'
queer in his ears. He sat 'n' thought about it all by himself for a long
while this mornin' afore he went on again. He says no one ever realizes
how close they are to eternity unless they accidentally go 'n' do
suthin' so darn foolish as that.