The path of every star is fixed and limited, every plant bears flowers
and fruit which in form and color exactly resemble their kind, and in
all the fundamental characteristics of their qualities and dispositions,
of their instinctive bent and external impulse, all animals of the same
species resemble each other; thus, the hunter who knows the red-deer in
his father’s forest, may know in every forest on earth how the stag will
behave in any given case. The better a genus is fitted for variability
in the conformation of its individuals, the higher is the rank it
is entitled to hold in the graduated series of creatures capable of
development; and it is precisely that wonderful many-sidedness of his
inner life, and of its outward manifestation, which assigns to man his
superiority over all other animated beings.
Some few of our qualities and activities can be fitly symbolized in
allegorical fashion by animals; thus, courage finds an emblem in the
lion, gentleness in the dove, but the perfect human form has satisfied
a thousand generations, and will satisfy a thousand more, when we desire
to reduce the divinity to a sensible image, for, in truth, our heart
is as surely capable of comprehending “God in us,”--that is in our
feelings--as our intellect is capable of comprehending His outward
manifestation in the universe.
Every characteristic of every finite being is to be found again in man,
and no characteristic that we can attribute to the Most High is foreign
to our own soul, which, in like manner, is infinite and immeasurable,
for it can extend its investigating feelers to the very utmost boundary
of space and time. Hence, the roads which are open to the soul, are
numberless as those of the divinity. Often they seem strange, but the
initiated very well know that these roads are in accordance to fixed
laws, and that even the most exceptional emotions of the soul may be
traced back to causes which were capable of giving rise to them and to
no others.
Blows hurt, disgrace is a burden, and unjust punishment embitters the
heart, but Paulus’ soul had sought and found a way to which these simple
propositions did not apply.
He had been ill-used and contemned, and, though perfectly innocent, ere
he left the oasis he was condemned to the severest penance. As soon as
the bishop had heard from Petrus of all that had happened in his
house, he had sent for Paulus, and as he could answer nothing to the
accusation, he had expelled him from his flock--to which the anchorites
belonged--forbidden him to visit the church on week-days, and declared
that this his sentence should be publicly proclaimed before the
assembled congregation of the believers.
And how did this affect Paulus as he climbed the mountain, lonely and
proscribed?
A fisherman from the little seaport of Pharan, who met him half-way and
exchanged a greeting with him, thought to himself as he looked after
him, “The great graybeard looks as happy as if he had found a treasure.”
Then he walked on into the valley with his scaly wares, reminded, as he
went, of his son’s expression of face when his wife bore him his first
little one.
Near the watch-tower at the edge of the defile, a party of anchorites
were piling some stones together. They had already heard of the bishop’s
sentence on Paulus, the sinner, and they gave him no greeting. He
observed it and was silent, but when they could no longer see him
he laughed to himself and muttered, while he rubbed a weal that the
centurion’s whip had left upon his back, “If they think that a Gaul’s
cudgel has a pleasant flavor they are mistaken, however I would not
exchange it for a skin of Anthyllan wine; and if they could only know
that at least one of the stripes which torments me is due to each one of
themselves, they would be surprised! But away with pride! How they spat
on Thee, Jesus my Lord, and who am I, and how mildly have they dealt
with me, when I for once have taken on my back another’s stripes. Not a
drop of blood was drawn! I wish the old man had hit harder!”
He walked cheerfully forward, and his mind recurred to the centurion’s
speech that he could if he list, “tread him down like a worm,” and he
laughed again softly, for he was quite aware that he was ten times
as strong as Phoebicius, and formerly he had overthrown the braggart
Arkesilaos of Kyrene and his cousin, the tall Xenophanes, both at once
in the sand of the Palaestra. Then he thought of Hermas, of his sweet
dead mother, and of his father, and--which was the most comforting
thought of all--of how he had spared the old man this bitter sorrow.
On his path there grew a little plant with a reddish blossom. In years
he had never looked at a flower or, at any rate, had never wished to
possess one; to-day he stooped down over the blossom that graced the
rock, meaning to pluck it. But he did not carry out his intention, for
before he had laid his hand upon it, he reflected:
“To whom could I offer it? And perhaps the flowers themselves rejoice in
the light, and in the silent life that is in their roots. How tightly it
clings to the rock. Farther away from the road flowers of even greater
beauty blow, seen by no mortal eye; they deck themselves in beauty for
no one but for their Creator, and because they rejoice in themselves. I
too will withdraw from the highways of mankind; let them accuse me! So
long as I live at peace with myself and my God I ask nothing of any one.
He that abases himself--aye, he that abases himself!--My hour too shall
come, and above and beyond this life I shall see them all once more;
Petrus and Dorothea, Agapitus and the brethren who now refuse to receive
me, and then, when my Saviour himself beckons me to Him, they will see
me as I am, and hasten to me and greet me with double kindness.”
He looked up, proud and rejoicing as he thought thus, and painted to
himself the joys of Paradise, to which this day he had earned an assured
claim. He never took longer and swifter steps than when his mind was
occupied with such meditations, and when he reached Stephanus’ cave
he thought the way from the oasis to the heights had been shorter than
usual.
He found the sick man in great anxiety, for he had waited until now for
his son in vain, and feared that Hermas had met with some accident--or
had abandoned him, and fled out into the world. Paulus soothed him with
gentle words, and told him of the errand on which he had sent the lad to
the farther coast of the sea.
We are never better disposed to be satisfied with even bad news than
when we have expected it to be much worse; so Stephanus listened to his
friend’s explanation quite calmly, and with signs of approval. He could
no longer conceal from himself that Hermas was not ripe for the life of
an anchorite, and since he had learned that his unhappy wife--whom he
had so long given up for lost--had died a Christian, he found that he
could reconcile his thoughts to relinquishing the boy to the world.
He had devoted himself and his son to a life of penance, hoping and
striving that so Glycera’s soul might be snatched from damnation, and
now he knew that she herself had earned her title to Heaven.
“When will he come home again?” he asked Paulus.
“In five or six days,” was the answer. “Ali, the fisherman--out of whose
foot I took a thorn some time since--informed me secretly, as I was
going to church yesterday, that the Blemmyes are gathering behind the
sulphur-mountains; when they have withdrawn, it will be high time to
send Hermas to Alexandria. My brother is still alive, and for my sake he
will receive him as a blood-relation, for he too has been baptized.”
“He may attend the school of catechumens in the metropolis, and if
he--if he--”
“That we shall see,” interrupted Paulus. “For the present it comes to
this, we must let him go from hence, and leave him to seek out his own
way. You fancy that there may be in heaven a place of glory for such
as have never been overcome, and you would fain have seen Hermas among
them. It reminds me of the physician of Corinth, who boasted that he was
cleverer than any of his colleagues, for that not one of his patients
had ever died. And the man was right, for neither man nor beast had ever
trusted to his healing arts. Let Hermas try his young strength, and even
if he be no priest, but a valiant warrior like his forefathers, even so
he may honestly serve God. But it will be a long time before all this
comes to pass. So long as he is away I will attend on you--you still
have some water in your jar?”
“It has twice been filled for me,” said the old man. “The brown
shepherdess, who so often waters her goats at our spring, came to me
the first thing in the morning and again about two hours ago; she asked
after Hermas, and then offered of her own accord to fetch water for me
so long as he was away. She is as timid as a bird, and flew off as soon
as she had set down the jug.”
“She belongs to Petrus and cannot leave her goats for long,” said
Paulus. “Now I will go and find you some herbs for a relish; there will
be no more wine in the first place. Look me in the face--for how great
a sinner now do you take me? Think the very worst of me, and yet perhaps
you will hear worse said of me. But here come two men. Stay! one is
Hilarion, one of the bishop’s acolytes, and the other is Pachomius the
Memphite, who lately came to the mountain. They are coming up here, and
the Egyptian is carrying a small jar. I would it might hold some more
wine to keep up your strength.”
The two friends had not long to remain in ignorance of their visitor’s
purpose. So soon as they reached Stephanus’ cave, both turned their
backs on Paulus with conspicuously marked intention; nay the acolyte
signed his brow with the cross, as if he thought it necessary to protect
himself against evil influences.
The Alexandrian understood; he drew back and was silent, while Hilarion
explained to the sick man that Paulus was guilty of grave sins, and
that, until he had done full penance, he must remain excluded as a
rotten sheep from the bishop’s flock, as well as interdicted from
waiting on a pious Christian.
“We know from Petrus,” the speaker went on, “that your son, father, has
been sent across the sea, and as you still need waiting on, Agapitus
sends you by me his blessing and this strengthening wine; this youth
too will stay by you, and provide you with all necessaries until Hermas
comes home.”
With these words he gave the wine-jar to the old man, who looked in
astonishment from him to Paulus, who felt indeed cut to the heart when
the bishop’s messenger turned to him for an instant, and with the cry,
“Get thee out from among us!” disappeared. How many kindly ties, how
many services willingly rendered and affectionately accepted were swept
away by these words--but Paulus obeyed at once. He went up to his sick
friend, their eyes met and each could see that the eyes of the other
were dimmed with tears.
“Paulus!” cried the old man, stretching out both his hands to his
departing friend, whom he felt he could forgive whatever his guilt; but
the Alexandrian did not take them, but turned away, and, without looking
back, hastily went up the mountain to a pathless spot, and then on
towards the valley--onwards and still onwards, till he was brought to a
pause by the steep declivity of the hollow way which led southwards from
the mountains into the oasis.
The sun stood high and it was burning hot. Streaming with sweat and
panting for breath he leaned against the glowing porphyry wall behind
him, hid his face in his hands and strove to collect himself, to think,
to pray--for a long time in vain; for instead of joy in the suffering
which he had taken upon himself, the grief of isolation weighed upon his
heart, and the lamentable cry of the old man had left a warning echo
in his soul, and roused doubts of the righteousness of a deed, by which
even the best and purest had been deceived, and led into injustice
towards him. His heart was breaking with anguish and grief, but when
at last he returned to the consciousness of his sufferings physical and
mental, he began to recover his courage, and even smiled as he murmured
to himself:
“It is well, it is well--the more I suffer the more surely shall I find
grace. And besides, if the old man had seen Hermas go through what I
have experienced it would undoubtedly have killed him. Certainly I wish
it could have been done without--without--aye, it is even so--without
deceit; even when I was a heathen I was truthful and held a lie, whether
in myself or in another, in as deep horror as father Abraham held
murder, and yet when the Lord required him, he led his son Isaac to the
slaughter. And Moses when he beat the overseer--and Elias, and Deborah,
and Judith. I have taken upon myself no less than they, but my lie will
surely be forgiven me, if it is not reckoned against them that they shed
blood.”
These and such reflections restored Paulus to equanimity and to
satisfaction with his conduct, and he began to consider, whether he
should return to his old cave and the neighborhood of Stephanus, or seek
for a new abode. He decided on the latter course; but first he must find
fresh water and some sort of nourishment; for his mouth and tongue were
quite parched.
Lower down in the valley sprang a brooklet of which he knew, and hard
by it grew various herbs and roots, with which he had often allayed his
hunger. He followed the declivity to its base, then turning to the left,
he crossed a small table land, which was easily accessible from the
gorge, but which on the side of the oasis formed a perpendicular cliff
many fathoms deep. Between it and the main mass of the mountain rose
numerous single peaks, like a camp of granite tents, or a wildly tossing
sea suddenly turned to stone; behind these blocks ran the streamlet,
which he found after a short search.
Perfectly refreshed, and with renewed resolve to bear the worst with
patience, he returned to the plateau, and from the edge of the precipice
he gazed down into the desert gorge that stretched away far below
his feet, and in whose deepest and remotest hollow the palmgroves and
tamarisk-thickets of the oasis showed as a sharply defined mass of
green, like a luxuriant wreath flung upon a bier. The whitewashed roofs
of the little town of Pharan shone brightly among the branches and
clumps of verdure, and above them all rose the new church, which he was
now forbidden to enter. For a moment the thought was keenly painful that
he was excluded from the devotions of the community, from the Lord’s
supper and from congregational prayer, but then he asked, was not every
block of stone on the mountain an altar--was not the blue sky above a
thousand times wider, and more splendid than the mightiest dome raised
by the hand of man, not even excepting the vaulted roof of the Serapeum
at Alexandria, and he remembered the “Amen” of the stones, that had
rung out after the preaching of the blind man. By this time he had quite
recovered himself, and he went towards the cliff in order to find
a cavern that he knew of, and that was empty--for its gray-headed
inhabitant had died some weeks since. “Verily,” thought he, “it seems to
me that I am by no means weighed down by the burden of my disgrace, but,
on the contrary, lifted up. Here at least I need not cast down my eyes,
for I am alone with my God, and in his presence I feel I need not be
ashamed.”
Thus meditating, he pressed on through a narrow space, which divided two
huge masses of porphyry, but suddenly he stood still, for he heard the
barking of a dog in his immediate neighborhood, and a few minutes after
a greyhound rushed towards him--now indignantly flying at him, and
now timidly retreating--while it carefully held up one leg, which was
wrapped in a many-colored bandage.
Paulus recollected the enquiry which Phoebicius lead addressed to the
Amalekite as to a greyhound, and he immediately guessed that the Gaul’s
runaway wife must be not far off. His heart beat more quickly, and
although he did not immediately know how he should meet the disloyal
wife, he felt himself impelled to go to seek her. Without delay he
followed the way by which the dog had come, and soon caught sight of a
light garment, which vanished behind the nearest rock, and then behind a
farther, and yet a farther one.
At last he came up with the fleeing woman. She was standing at the very
edge of a precipice, that rose high and sheer above the abyss--a strange
and fearful sight; her long golden hair had got tangled, and waved over
her bosom and shoulders, half plaited, half undone. Only one foot was
firm on the ground; the other-with its thin sandal all torn by the sharp
stones--was stretched out over the abyss, ready for the next fatal step.
At the next instant she might disappear over the cliff, for though with
her right hand she held on to a point of rock, Paulus could see that the
boulder had no connection with the rock on which she stood, and rocked
too and fro.
She hung over the edge of the chasm like a sleepwalker, or a possessed
creature pursued by demons, and at the same time her eyes glistened with
such wild madness, and she drew her breath with such feverish rapidity
that Paulus, who had come close up to her, involuntarily drew back. He
saw that her lips moved, and though he could not understand what she
said, he felt that her voiceless utterance was to warn him back.
What should he do? If he hurried forward to save her by a hasty grip,
and if this manoeuvre failed, she would fling herself irredeemably into
the abyss: if he left her to herself, the stone to which she clung would
get looser and looser, and as soon as it fell she would certainly
fall too. He had once heard it said, that sleep-walkers always threw
themselves down when they heard their names spoken; this statement now
recurred to his mind, and he forbore from calling out to her.
Once more the unhappy woman waved him off; his very heart stopped
beating, for her movements were wild and vehement, and he could see that
the stone which she was holding on by shifted its place. He understood
nothing of all the words which she tried to say--for her voice, which
only yesterday had been so sweet, to-day was inaudibly hoarse--except
the one name “Phoebicius,” and he felt no doubt that she clung to the
stone over the abyss, so that, like the mountain-goat when it sees
itself surprised by the hunter, she might fling herself into the depth
below rather than be taken by her pursuer. Paulus saw in her neither her
guilt nor her beauty, but only a child of man trembling on the brink
of a fearful danger whom he must save from death at any cost; and the
thought that he was at any rate not a spy sent in pursuit of her by
her husband, suggested to him the first words which he found courage to
address to the desperate woman. They were simple words enough, but they
were spoken in a tone which fully expressed the childlike amiability of
his warm heart, and the Alexandrian, who had been brought up in the most
approved school of the city of orators, involuntarily uttered his words
in the admirably rich and soft chest voice, which he so well knew how to
use.
“Be thankful,” said he, “poor dear woman--I have found you in a
fortunate hour. I am Paulus, Hermas’ best friend, and I would willingly
serve you in your sore need. No danger is now threatening you, for
Phoebicius is seeking you on a wrong road; you may trust me. Look at
me! I do not look as if I could betray a poor erring woman. But you are
standing on a spot, where I would rather see my enemy than you; lay your
hand confidently in mine--it is no longer white and slender, but it is
strong and honest--grant me this request and you will never rue it! See,
place your foot here, and take care how you leave go of the rock there.
You know not how suspiciously it shook its head over your strange
confidence in it. Take care! there--your support has rolled over into
the abyss! how it crashes and splits. It has reached the bottom, smashed
into a thousand pieces, and I am thankful that you preferred to follow
me rather than that false support.” While Paulus was speaking he had
gone up to Sirona, as a girl whose bird has escaped from its cage, and
who creeps up to it with timid care in the hope of recapturing it; he
offered her his hand, and as soon as he felt hers in his grasp, he had
carefully rescued her from her fearful position, and had led her down
to a secure footing on the plateau. So long as she followed him
unresistingly he led her on towards the mountain--without aim or fixed
destination--but away, away from the abyss.
She paused by a square block of diorite, and Paulus, who had not failed
to observe how heavy her steps were, desired her to sit down; he pushed
up a flag of stone, which he propped with smaller ones, so that Sirona
might not lack a support for her weary back. When he had accomplished
this, Sirona leaned back against the stone, and something of dawning
satisfaction was audible in the soft sigh, which was the first sound
that had escaped her tightly closed lips since her rescue. Paulus smiled
at her encouragingly, and said, “Now rest a little, I see what you want;
one cannot defy the heat of the sun for a whole day with impunity.”
Sirona nodded, pointed to her mouth, and implored wearily and very
softly for “water, a little water.” Paulus struck his hand against
his forehead, and cried eagerly, “Directly--I will bring you a fresh
draught. In a few minutes I will be back again.”
Sirona looked after him as he hastened away. Her gaze became more and
more staring and glazed, and she felt as if the rock, on which she was
sitting, were changing into the ship which had brought her from Massilia
to Ostia. Every heaving motion of the vessel, which had made her so
giddy as it danced over the shifting waves, she now distinctly felt
again, and at last it seemed as if a whirlpool had seized the ship,
and was whirling it round faster and faster in a circle. She closed her
eyes, felt vaguely and in vain in the air for some holdfast, her head
fell powerless on one side, and before her cheek sank upon her shoulder
she uttered one feeble cry of distress, for she felt as if all her limbs
were dropping from her body, as leaves in autumn fall from the boughs,
and she fell back unconscious on the stony couch which Paulus had
constructed for her.
It was the first swoon that Sirona, with her sound physical and mental
powers, had ever experienced; but the strongest of her sex would have
been overcome by the excitement, the efforts, the privations, and the
sufferings which had that day befallen the unfortunate fair one.
At first she had fled without any plan out into the night and up the
mountain; the moon lighted her on her way, and for fully an hour she
continued her upward road without any rest. Then she heard the voices of
travellers who were coming towards her, and she left the beaten road and
tried to get away from them, for she feared that her greyhound, which
she still carried’ on her arm, would betray her by barking, or if they
heard it whining, and saw it limp. At last she had sunk down on a stone,
and had reflected on all the events of the last few hours, and on what
she had to do next. She could look back dreamily on the past, and build
castles in the air in a blue-skyed future-this was easy enough; but she
did not find it easy to reflect with due deliberation, and to think in
earnest. Only one thing was perfectly clear to her: she would rather
starve and die of thirst, and shame, and misery-nay, she would rather
be the instrument of her own death, than return to her husband. She
knew that she must in the first instance expect ill-usage, scorn, and
imprisonment in a dark room at the Gaul’s hands; but all that seemed to
her far more endurable than the tenderness with which he from time
to time approached her. When she thought of that, she shuddered and
clenched her white teeth, and doubled her fists so tightly that her
nails cut the flesh. But what was she to do? If Hermas were to meet her?
And yet what help could she look for from him, for what was he but a
mere lad, and the thought of linking her life to his, if only for a day,
appeared to her foolish and ridiculous.
Certainly she felt no inclination to repent or to blame herself; still
it had been a great folly on her part to call him into the house for the
sake of amusing herself with him.
Then she recollected the severe punishment she had once suffered,
because, when she was still quite little, and without meaning any harm,
she had taken her father’s water-clock to pieces, and had spoiled it.
She felt that she was very superior to Hermas, and her position was now
too grave a one for her to feel inclined to play any more. She thought
indeed of Petrus and Dorothea, but she could only reach them by going
back to the oasis, and then she feared to be discovered by Phoebicius.
If Polykarp now could only meet her on his way back from Raithu; but the
road she had just quitted did not lead from thence, but to the gate-way
that lay more to the southwards.
The senator’s son loved her--of that she was sure, for no one else
had ever looked into her eyes with such deep delight, or such tender
affection; and he was no inexperienced boy, but a right earnest man,
whose busy and useful life now appeared to her in a quite different
light to that in which she had seen it formerly. How willingly now would
she have allowed herself to be supported and guided by Polykarp! But how
could she reach him? No--even from him there was nothing to be expected;
she must rely upon her own strength, and she decided that so soon as the
morning should blush, and the sun begin to mount in the cloudless sky,
she would keep herself concealed during the day, among the mountains,
and then as evening came on, she would go down to the sea, and endeavor
to get on board a vessel to Klysma and thence reach Alexandria. She wore
a ring with a finely cut onyx on her finger, elegant ear-rings in her
ears, and on her left arm a bracelet. These jewels were of virgin gold,
and besides these she had with her a few silver coins and one large gold
piece, that her father had given her as token out of his small store,
when she had quitted him for Rome, and that she had hitherto preserved
as carefully as if it were a talisman.
She pressed the token, which was sewn into a little bag, to her lips,
and thought of her paternal home, and her brothers and sisters.
Meanwhile the sun mounted higher and higher: she wandered from rock to
rock in search of a shady spot and a spring of water, but none was to be
found, and she was tormented with violent thirst and aching hunger.
By mid-day the strips of shade too had vanished, where she had found
shelter from the rays of the sun, which now beat down unmercifully on
her un protected head. Her forehead and neck began to tingle violently,
and she fled before the burning beams like a soldier before the shafts
of his pursuer. Behind the rocks which hemmed in the plateau on which
Paulus met her, at last, when she was quite exhausted, she found a shady
resting-place. The greyhound lay panting in her lap, and held up its
broken paw, which she had carefully bound up in the morning when she had
first sat down to rest, with a strip of stuff that she had torn with the
help of her teeth from her under-garment. She now bound it up afresh,
and nursed the little creature, caressing it like an infant. The dog was
as wretched and suffering as herself, and besides it was the only being
that, in spite of her helplessness, she could cherish and be dear to.
But ere long she lost the power even to speak caressing words or to stir
a hand to stroke the dog. It slipped off her lap and limped away, while
she sat staring blankly before her, and at last forgot her sufferings
in an uneasy slumber, till she was roused by Iambe’s barking and the
Alexandrian’s footstep. Almost half-dead, her mouth parched and brain
on fire, while her thoughts whirled in confusion, she believed that
Phoebicius had found her track, and was come to seize her. She had
already noted the deep precipice to the edge of which she now fled,
fully resolved to fling herself over into the depths below, rather than
to surrender herself prisoner.
Paulus had rescued her from the fall, but now--as he came up to her with
two pieces of stone which were slightly hollowed, so that he had been
able to bring some fresh water in them, and which he held level with
great difficulty, walking with the greatest care--he thought that
inexorable death had only too soon returned to claim the victim he had
snatched from him, for Sirona’s head hung down upon her breast, her
face was sunk towards her lap, and at the back of her head, where her
abundant hair parted into two flowing tresses, Paulus observed on the
snowy neck of the insensible woman a red spot which the sun must have
burnt there.
His whole soul was full of compassion for the young, fair, and unhappy
creature, and, while he took hold of her chin, which had sunk on her
bosom, lifted her white face, and moistened her forehead and lips with
water, he softly prayed for her salvation.
The shallow cavity of the stones only offered room for a very small
quantity of the refreshing moisture, and so he was obliged to return
several times to the spring. While he was away the dog remained by his
mistress, and would now lick her hand, now put his sharp little nose
close up to her mouth, and examine her with an anxious expression, as if
to ascertain her state of health.
When Paulus had gone the first time to fetch some water for Sirona
he had found the dog by the side of the spring, and he could not help
thinking, “The unreasoning brute has found the water without a guide
while his mistress is dying of thirst. Which is the wiser--the man or
the brute?” The little dog on his part strove to merit the anchorite’s
good feelings towards him, for, though at first he had barked at him,
he now was very friendly to him, and looked him in the face from time to
time as though to ask, “Do you think she will recover?”
Paulus was fond of animals, and understood the little dog’s language.
When Sirona’s lips began to move and to recover their rosy color, he
stroked Iambe’s smooth sharp head, and said, as he held a leaf that he
had curled up to hold some water to Sirona’s lips, “Look, little fellow,
how she begins to enjoy it! A little more of this, and again a little
more. She smacks her lips as if I were giving her sweet Falernian. I
will go and fill the stone again; you stop here with her, I shall be
back again directly, but before I return she will have opened her eyes;
you are pleasanter to look upon than a shaggy old graybeard, and she
will be better pleased to see you than me when she awakes.” Paulus’
prognosis was justified, for when he returned to Sirona with a fresh
supply of water she was sitting upright; she rubbed her open eyes,
stretched her limbs, clasped the greyhound in both arms, and burst into
a violent flood of tears.
The Alexandrian stood aside motionless, so as not to disturb her,
thinking to himself:
“These tears will wash away a large part of her suffering from her
soul.”
When at last she was calmer, and began to dry her eyes, he went up to
her, offered her the stone cup of water, and spoke to her kindly. She
drank with eager satisfaction, and ate the last bit of bread that he
could find in the pocket of his garment, soaking it in the water. She
thanked him with the childlike sweetness that was peculiar to her, and
then tried to rise, and willingly allowed him to support her. She was
still very weary, and her head ached, but she could stand and walk.
As soon as Paulus had satisfied himself that she had no symptoms Of
fever, he said, “Now, for to-day, you want nothing more but a warm mess
of food, and a bed sheltered from the night-chill; I will provide both.
You sit down here; the rocks are already throwing long shadows, and
before the sun disappears behind the mountain I will return. While I am
away, your four-footed companion here will while away the time.”
He hastened down to the spring with quick steps; close to it was the
abandoned cave which he had counted on inhabiting instead of his former
dwelling. He found it after a short search, and in it, to his great joy,
a well preserved bed of dried plants, which he soon shook up and relaid,
a hearth, and wood proper for producing fire by friction, a water-jar,
and in a cellar-like hole, whose opening was covered with stones and so
concealed from any but a practised eye, there were some cakes of hard
bread, and several pots. In one of these were some good dates, in
another gleamed some white meal, a third was half full of sesame-oil,
and a fourth held some salt.
“How lucky it is,” muttered the anchorite, as he quitted the cave, “that
the old anchorite was such a glutton.”
By the time he returned to Sirona, the sun was going down.
There was something in the nature and demeanor of Paulus, which made all
distrust of him impossible, and Sirona was ready to follow him, but she
felt so weak that she could scarcely support herself on her feet.
“I feel,” she said, “as if I were a little child, and must begin again
to learn to walk.”
“Then let me be your nurse. I knew a Spartan dame once, who had a beard
almost as rough as mine. Lean confidently on me, and before we go down
the slope, we will go up and down the level here two or three times.”
She took his arm, and he led her slowly up and down.
It vividly recalled a picture of the days of his youth, and he
remembered a day when his sister, who was recovering from a severe
attack of fever, was first allowed to go out into the open air. She had
gone out, clinging to his arm into the peristyle of his father’s house;
as he walked backward and forwards with poor, weary, abandoned Sirona,
his neglected figure seemed by degrees to assume the noble aspect of a
high-born Greek; and instead of the rough, rocky soil, he felt as if
he were treading the beautiful mosaic pavement of his father’s court.
Paulus was Menander again, and if there was little in the presence of
the recluse, which could recall his identity with the old man he had
trodden down, the despised anchorite felt, while the expelled and sinful
woman leaned on his arm, the same proud sense of succoring a woman, as
when he was the most distinguished youth of a metropolis, and when he
had led forward the master’s much courted daughter in the midst of a
shouting troop of slaves.
Sirona had to remind Paulus that night was coming on, and was startled,
when the hermit removed her hand from his arm with ungentle haste, and
called to her to follow him with a roughness that was quite new to him.
She obeyed, and wherever it was necessary to climb over the rocks, he
supported and lifted her, but he only spoke when she addressed him.
When they had reached their destination, he showed her the bed, and
begged her to keep awake, till he should have prepared a dish of warm
food for her, and he shortly brought her a simple supper, and wished her
a good night’s rest, after she had taken it.
Sirona shared the bread and the salted meal-porridge with her dog,
and then lay down on the couch, where she sank at once into a deep,
dreamless sleep, while Paulus passed the night sitting by the hearth.
He strove to banish sleep by constant prayer, but fatigue frequently
overcame him, and he could not help thinking of the Gaulish lady, and of
the many things, which if only he were still the rich Menander, he would
procure in Alexandria for her and for her comfort. Not one prayer could
he bring to its due conclusion, for either his eyes closed before he
came to the “Amen,” or else worldly images crowded round him, and
forced him to begin his devotions again from the beginning, when he
had succeeded in recollecting himself. In this half-somnolent state he
obtained not one moment of inward collectedness, of quiet reflection;
not even when he gazed up at the starry heavens, or looked down on the
oasis, veiled in night, where many others like himself were deserted by
sleep. Which of the citizens could it be that was watching by that light
which he saw glimmering down there in unwonted brightness?--till he
himself, overpowered by fatigue, fell asleep.