"Hull electors," declared a Radical contemporary, "have dealt the
Coalition a stinging rebuke." But not, as others claim, the _coupon de
grace_.
***
_À propos_, a Woking butcher was fined last week for being thirty-two
thousand coupons short. The report that he has since received a letter
of condolence from Mr. LLOYD GEORGE is not confirmed.
***
A correspondent who has a latchkey would like to hear from a gentleman
who could fit a house to it.
***
A food inspector at Chatham admitted that he could not tell the
difference between No. 1 grade tinned beef and No. 2 grade. The old
plan of calling one grade Rover and the other Fido seems to have been
abolished since the War.
***
The EX-CROWN PRINCE, in a recent interview with a Danish newspaper
man, called LUDENDORFF a liar. LUDENDORFF is believed to be preparing
a crushing rejoinder, in which he calls the EX-CROWN PRINCE a
Hohenzollern.
***
"The new Bolsheviks," says _The Philatelist_, "are fetching eight
shillings a pair." It doesn't say where they are fetching it from, but
it is clear that he loot business has declined since the days of the
old Bolsheviks.
***
The United States Government has purchased four million pounds of
frozen chickens for the American army. They are to be tested by
inspectors before shipment to determine whether they are edible. What
is known in scientific circles as the Soho standard of resilience will
probably be applied.
***
Burglars have broken into an East End moneylender's office. It is not
known definitely how much they lost.
***
The five hundred pounds in notes recently lost by a London hotel guest
have now been recovered. It appears that a waiter had mistaken them
for a gratuity.
***
The Metropolitan police are trying to establish the identity of a man
who can give no account of himself and who knows nothing about the
War. The fact that he was not wearing red tabs only adds to the
mystery.
***
"Some men dance the Jazz dance," says a contemporary, "because it is
stimulating." It is not known why the others do it.
***
A squirrel having been stolen from the Zoo, it is said that the
authorities are taking no further risks, and that in future all lions
and tigers will be securely chained to their cages.
***
It is reported that a much-advertised motor-car, after having its
engine removed, ran for seven miles on its reputation alone.
***
With reference to the report that a service man had received a letter
from the Intelligence Department admitting that a certain mistake was
due to a clerical error, it is now reported that this admission was
due to another oversight.
***
A terrible tragedy was only just averted last week, when a husband,
who had travelled from the City by tube, and his wife, who had been
to the Spring bargain sales, failed to recognise each other on their
return home.
***
The War Office, the Board of Trade and the Zoo have formed a Triple
Alliance for a campaign against rats. As a result of this it is said
that quite a number of the more timid rodents are afraid to go out
alone after dark.
***
The Society of Public Analysts has been asked by the Food Ministry to
define a sausage. A number of pedigree sausages are to be submitted
for classification.
***
The Minister of Foreign Affairs in the late Bavarian Soviet Government
has been placed in a lunatic asylum. The reason for this invidious
distinction is not assigned.
* * * * *