_Monday, April 30th._--After this week Newmarket will be "a blasted
heath," for all horse-racing is to be stopped. Irish Members could
hardly believe the dreadful news. What are the hundred thousand young
men who refuse to for their country to do with their spare time?
Scotch Members, on the contrary, were rather pleased. Mr. DUNCAN
MILLAR, whose desire to deprive his countrymen of their national
beverage is only equalled by his zeal on behalf of their national
food, rejoiced in the prospect that fewer oats for high-mettled racers
would mean more "parritch" for humble constituents.
[Illustration: THE PROPOSED DEMOLITION OF THE LADIES' GRILLE.
_The SPEAKER and Sir A. MOND_ (_together_). "AFTER YOU, SIR."]
There never was a dockyard Member who more faithfully fulfilled
the House of Commons' conception of the type than Sir CLEMENT
KINLOCH-COOKE. In a comparatively short Parliamentary career he must
have already cost the country a pretty penny in extra pay and pensions
to the "mateys" and "matlows" of Devonport. Latterly he has given the
Admiralty a rest and has devoted himself to strafing the Home Office
for its alleged tenderness to the Conscientious Objectors lodged at
Princetown--a race of sturdy beggars, according to his account, who
live like fighting-cocks, do next to no work, get leave periodically
to air their eloquence at pacifist meetings, and, worst of all,
invade his constituency in their leisure hours. Mr. SHIRLEY BENN,
who represents the neighbouring borough of Plymouth, supported this
indictment, and added the amazing detail that one of the Princetown
pacifists was an ex-pugilist.
[Illustration: THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER LYING IN WAIT FOR A
RICH PRIZE.]
Invited to select from the 670 members of the House the two men least
likely to engage in personal violence I should have thought myself
safe in choosing Sir GEORGE GREENWOOD and Mr. JOSEPH KING. The former
is so devoted to animals that he would not turn upon a worm; the
thought of bloodshed so shocks the latter that he welcomes any
suggestion of peace however illusory. But, when Mr. KING described a
proposal of Sir GEORGE'S as "infected with Prussianism," that gallant
knight promptly invited him to repeat his language outside the House;
and Mr. KING, nothing daunted, declared his readiness "to meet the
hon. Member where he likes and with whatever weapons he likes." If
the meeting had come off it is believed that Blue Books at forty yards
would have been the choice; but, happily, peace was soon afterwards
restored.
_Tuesday, May 1st._--Some of our super-patriots have no luck. Mr.
JOYNSON-HICKS, having discovered that the British Vice-Consul at Riga
was a gentleman with the suspicious name of WISKEMANN, thought that he
had got hold of a sure thing--not the whole Hidden Hand, perhaps, but
certainly one of the phalanges. And then down came Lord ROBERT CECIL
with the information that the gentleman in question was not only
British-born but was a product of Wellington and Cambridge, and a
public servant in whom the Foreign Office had the utmost confidence.
"Foiled again," muttered HICKS to JOYNSON, "but a time will come!"
Like the retired soap-boiler who always looked in on melting-days Lord
HARCOURT could not resist the attraction of the Office of Works' Vote.
He never displayed his ability more signally than in the rapidity and
ease with which he used as First Commissioner to get his Estimates
through the House. It was a treat to hear him poking fun at the bores,
demolishing the captious and humouring the serious critics of his
administration. His present successor goes about his business in a
more stolid way. In his hands the rapier has become a ploughshare. At
first the few Members who stayed to listen found him _Le Mond qui nous
ennuie_, but he woke them up later with the startling announcement
that he can, if he likes, with a stroke of the pen remove the ladies'
grille, and admit the fair visitors to a full view of the House, and,
what is more important, admit the House to a full view of the fair
visitors. For the moment, I gather, he means to hold his hand, pending
full consideration of all the changes that such a revolution may
involve. Besides, the SPEAKER may have to be consulted, although up to
the present he has exhibited no desire to rush in where angels--bless
them!--love to tread.
_Wednesday, May 2nd._--Curiosity to hear Mr. BONAR LAW'S first
Budget-speech caused a full House. The Peers attended in force, and
among the distinguished strangers was "Dr. JIM," a man of action who,
as a rule, takes little interest in the men of talk.
The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER'S Budget statement was praised by
his predecessor for its ability and lucidity. Personally, I thought
rapidity was its most notable characteristic. Unhampered by manuscript
(save a couple of sheets of notepaper containing a few of the
principal figures) and relying upon his exceptional memory, he rattled
through his thousand-million totals at such a pace that my panting
pencil toiled after him in vain. In seventy-five minutes by the clock
he spoke four solid columns of The Times.
As we have failed to drink ourselves out of our difficulties, for the
Excise returns show a steady falling off, we are to do our bit towards
smoking ourselves out of them by paying 1s. 10d. a pound more on our
tobacco. This last impost constitutes a real piece of self-denial on
the CHANCELLOR'S part, for he is much addicted to cigars both long
and strong, somewhat resembling those which enabled Mr. W.J. TRAVIS to
carry off the Amateur Golf Championship to America.
_Thursday, May 3rd._--The secrets of the Budget were so well kept that
Mr. LAW himself forgot the most important of them until to-day. In
future it will be a case of "one man (or woman) one dog," unless the
owner is prepared to pay on an ascending scale for his extra pets. In
our fight with Germany we must neglect no precaution however small.
To get the KAISER back to his kennel we will, if necessary, empty our
own. Doggedness is essential to victory, but not over-doggedness. Then
let us, in CALVERLEY'S phrase, "curtail the already cur-tailed cur."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A CADET'S DAY.