(_With apologies to the seers of the Sunday papers_.)
A great port was swathed in bunting last week. I was there, but I must
not say what caused this outburst of enthusiasm. But even the Censor
can scarcely forbid my hinting that it was connected with a naval
success of peculiar brilliance which must be suppressed because we
wish to keep the Bosches guessing.
* * * * *
Who was in Switzerland when he was regularly reported as being in
attendance at War Council meetings? Who was actually supposed to have
addressed a public meeting in England when in reality he was hundreds
of miles away? I make no statement; I merely write the word "Austria."
To those who understand it will be enough.
* * * * *
Have you noticed that for some weeks we have had no news from the Port
of Danzig? I draw no deduction, but do not be surprised to hear in a
few weeks that the Port of Danzig has ceased to exist.
* * * * *
There is grave trouble at Scotland Yard. A Hun Colonel captured at
Arras was found to have in his pocket a receipted bill from a London
hotel of the previous week's date. It would surprise you very much
if I told you at which hotel "Mr. Perkins" stayed and what guests he
entertained there.
* * * * *
Why did the Liberian envoy call at the Foreign Office six times last
week? His explanation, offered to an inquiring Pressman, that he had
lost an umbrella, was naive, to say the least. I must not betray what
I know, but I may hint that KING FERDINAND of Bulgaria is famous for
the devious ways in which he carries on negotiations.
* * * * *
A neutral diplomatist of considerable importance has never taken a
holiday since the War began, and has always told his friends that he
will never leave his post till peace comes. On an afternoon this week
he was seen with beaming face buying a travelling rug and two portable
trunks at one of London's largest emporia. I wonder--yes, I wonder.
* * * * *
[_The Editor_. You are not very spicy this week.
_The Contributor_. Nor would you be if you had been confined to the
house at Peckham Rye with influenza. Better work next week. I have an
appointment to lunch with a member of the National Liberal Club and
shall get right to the heart of things.]
* * * * *