If the world were not composed of a race of ungrateful scoundrels, who
share your prosperity while it lasts, and, even when gorged with your
venison and Burgundy, abuse the generous giver of the feast, I am sure I
merit a good name and a high reputation: in Ireland, at least, where
my generosity was unbounded, and the splendour of my mansion and
entertainments unequalled by any other nobleman of my time. As long as
my magnificence lasted, all the country was free to partake of it; I had
hunters sufficient in my stables to mount a regiment of dragoons, and
butts of wine in my cellar which would have made whole counties drunk
for years. Castle Lyndon became the headquarters of scores of needy
gentlemen, and I never rode a-hunting but I had a dozen young fellows of
the best blood of the country riding as my squires and gentlemen of
the horse. My son, little Castle Lyndon, was a prince; his breeding and
manners, even at his early age, showed him to be worthy of the two noble
families from whom he was descended: I don’t know what high hopes I had
for the boy, and indulged in a thousand fond anticipations as to his
future success and figure in the world. But stern Fate had determined
that I should leave none of my race behind me, and ordained that I
should finish my career, as I see it closing now--poor, lonely, and
childless. I may have had my faults; but no man shall dare to say of me
that I was not a good and tender father. I loved that boy passionately;
perhaps with a blind partiality: I denied him nothing. Gladly, gladly,
I swear, would I have died that his premature doom might have been
averted. I think there is not a day since I lost him but his bright face
and beautiful smiles look down on me out of heaven, where he is, and
that my heart does not yearn towards him. That sweet child was taken
from me at the age of nine years, when he was full of beauty and
promise: and so powerful is the hold his memory has of me that I have
never been able to forget him; his little spirit haunts me of nights
on my restless solitary pillow; many a time, in the wildest and maddest
company, as the bottle is going round, and the song and laugh roaring
about, I am thinking of him. I have got a lock of his soft brown hair
hanging round my breast now: it will accompany me to the dishonoured
pauper’s grave; where soon, no doubt, Barry Lyndon’s worn-out old bones
will be laid.
My Bryan was a boy of amazing high spirit (indeed how, coming from such
a stock, could he be otherwise?), impatient even of my control, against
which the dear little rogue would often rebel gallantly; how much more,
then, of his mother’s and the women’s, whose attempts to direct him he
would laugh to scorn. Even my own mother [‘Mrs. Barry of Lyndon’ the
good soul now called herself, in compliment to my new family) was quite
unable to check him; and hence you may fancy what a will he had of his
own. If it had not been for that, he might have lived to this day: he
might--but why repine? Is he not in a better place? would the heritage
of a beggar do any service to him? It is best as it is--Heaven be good
to us!--Alas! that I, his father, should be left to deplore him.
It was in the month of October I had been to Dublin, in order to see a
lawyer and a moneyed man who had come over to Ireland to consult with me
about some sales of mine and the cut of Hackton timber; of which, as I
hated the place and was greatly in want of money, I was determined to
cut down every stick. There had been some difficulty in the matter. It
was said I had no right to touch the timber. The brute peasantry about
the estate had been roused to such a pitch of hatred against me, that
the rascals actually refused to lay an axe to the trees; and my agent
(that scoundrel Larkins) declared that his life was in danger among
them if he attempted any further despoilment (as they called it) of the
property. Every article of the splendid furniture was sold by this time,
as I need not say; and as for the plate, I had taken good care to bring
it off to Ireland, where it now was in the best of keeping--my banker’s,
who had advanced six thousand pounds on it: which sum I soon had
occasion for.
I went to Dublin, then, to meet the English man of business; and so
far succeeded in persuading Mr. Splint, a great shipbuilder and
timber-dealer of Plymouth, of my claim to the Hackton timber, that he
agreed to purchase it off-hand at about one-third of its value, and
handed me over five thousand pounds: which, being pressed with debts at
the time, I was fain to accept. HE had no difficulty in getting down the
wood, I warrant. He took a regiment of shipwrights and sawyers from his
own and the King’s yards at Plymouth, and in two months Hackton Park was
as bare of trees as the Bog of Allen.
I had but ill luck with that accursed expedition and money. I lost the
greater part of it in two nights’ play at ‘Daly’s,’ so that my debts
stood just as they were before; and before the vessel sailed for
Holyhead, which carried away my old sharper of a timber-merchant, all
that I had left of the money he brought me was a couple of hundred
pounds, with which I returned home very disconsolately: and very
suddenly, too, for my Dublin tradesmen were hot upon me, hearing I had
spent the loan, and two of my wine-merchants had writs out against me
for some thousands of pounds.
I bought in Dublin, according to my promise, however--for when I give
a promise I will keep it at any sacrifices--a little horse for my dear
little Bryan; which was to be a present for his tenth birthday, that was
now coming on: it was a beautiful little animal and stood me in a good
sum. I never regarded money for that dear child. But the horse was very
wild. He kicked off one of my horse-boys, who rode him at first, and
broke the lad’s leg; and, though I took the animal in hand on the
journey home, it was only my weight and skill that made the brute quiet.
When we got home I sent the horse away with one of my grooms to a
farmer’s house, to break him thoroughly in, and told Bryan, who was all
anxiety to see his little horse, that he would arrive by his birthday,
when he should hunt him along with my hounds; and I promised myself
no small pleasure in presenting the dear fellow to the field that day:
which I hoped to see him lead some time or other in place of his fond
father. Ah me! never was that gallant boy to ride a fox-chase, or to
take the place amongst the gentry of his country which his birth and
genius had pointed out for him!
Though I don’t believe in dreams and omens, yet I can’t but own that
when a great calamity is hanging over a man he has frequently many
strange and awful forebodings of it. I fancy now I had many. Lady
Lyndon, especially, twice dreamed of her son’s death; but, as she was
now grown uncommonly nervous and vapourish, I treated her fears with
scorn, and my own, of course, too. And in an unguarded moment, over the
bottle after dinner, I told poor Bryan, who was always questioning me
about the little horse, and when it was to come, that it was arrived;
that it was in Doolan’s farm, where Mick the groom was breaking him in.
‘Promise me, Bryan,’ screamed his mother, ‘that you will not ride the
horse except in company of your father.’ But I only said, ‘Pooh, madam,
you are an ass!’ being angry at her silly timidity, which was always
showing itself in a thousand disagreeable ways now; and, turning round
to Bryan, said, ‘I promise your Lordship a good flogging if you mount
him without my leave.’
I suppose the poor child did not care about paying this penalty for the
pleasure he was to have, or possibly thought a fond father would remit
the punishment altogether; for the next morning, when I rose rather
late, having sat up drinking the night before, I found the child had
been off at daybreak, having slipt through his tutor’s room (this was
Redmond Quin, our cousin, whom I had taken to live with me), and I had
no doubt but that he was gone to Doolan’s farm.
I took a great horsewhip and galloped off after him in a rage, swearing
I would keep my promise. But, Heaven forgive me! I little thought of it
when at three miles from home I met a sad procession coming towards me:
peasants moaning and howling as our Irish do, the black horse led by the
hand, and, on a door that some of the folk carried, my poor dear dear
little boy. There he lay in his little boots and spurs, and his little
coat of scarlet and gold. His dear face was quite white, and he smiled
as he held a hand out to me, and said painfully, ‘You won’t whip me,
will you, papa?’ I could only burst out into tears in reply. I have seen
many and many a man dying, and there’s a look about the eyes which you
cannot mistake. There was a little drummer-boy I was fond of who was hit
down before my company at Kuhnersdorf; when I ran up to give him
some water, he looked exactly like my dear Bryan then did--there’s no
mistaking that awful look of the eyes. We carried him home and scoured
the country round for doctors to come and look at his hurt.
But what does a doctor avail in a contest with the grim invincible
enemy? Such as came could only confirm our despair by their account
of the poor child’s case. He had mounted his horse gallantly, sat him
bravely all the time the animal plunged and kicked, and, having overcome
his first spite, ran him at a hedge by the roadside. But there were
loose stones at the top, and the horse’s foot caught among them, and he
and his brave little rider rolled over together at the other side. The
people said they saw the noble little boy spring up after his fall and
run to catch the horse; which had broken away from him, kicking him on
the back, as it would seem, as they lay on the ground. Poor Bryan ran a
few yards and then dropped down as if shot. A pallor came over his face,
and they thought he was dead. But they poured whisky down his mouth, and
the poor child revived: still he could not move; his spine was injured;
the lower half of him was dead when they laid him in bed at home. The
rest did not last long, God help me! He remained yet for two days with
us; and a sad comfort it was to think he was in no pain.
During this time the dear angel’s temper seemed quite to change: he
asked his mother and me pardon for any act of disobedience he had been
guilty of towards us; he said often he should like to see his brother
Bullingdon. ‘Bully was better than you, papa,’ he said; ‘he used not
to swear so, and he told and taught me many good things while you were
away.’ And, taking a hand of his mother and mine in each of his little
clammy ones, he begged us not to quarrel so, but love each other, so
that we might meet again in heaven, where Bully told him quarrelsome
people never went. His mother was very much affected by these
admonitions from the poor suffering angel’s mouth; and I was so too. I
wish she had enabled me to keep the counsel which the dying boy gave us.
At last, after two days, he died. There he lay, the hope of my family,
the pride of my manhood, the link which had kept me and my Lady Lyndon
together. ‘Oh, Redmond,’ said she, kneeling by the sweet child’s body,
‘do, do let us listen to the truth out of his blessed mouth: and do you
amend your life, and treat your poor loving fond wife as her dying child
bade you.’ And I said I would: but there are promises which it is out of
a man’s power to keep; especially with such a woman as her. But we
drew together after that sad event, and were for several months better
friends.
I won’t tell you with what splendour we buried him. Of what avail are
undertakers’ feathers and heralds’ trumpery? I went out and shot the
fatal black horse that had killed him, at the door of the vault where we
laid my boy. I was so wild, that I could have shot myself too. But for
the crime, it would have been better that I should, perhaps; for what
has my life been since that sweet flower was taken out of my bosom?
A succession of miseries, wrongs, disasters, and mental and bodily
sufferings which never fell to the lot of any other man in Christendom.
Lady Lyndon, always vapourish and nervous, after our blessed boy’s
catastrophe became more agitated than ever, and plunged into devotion
with so much fervour, that you would have fancied her almost distracted
at times. She imagined she saw visions. She said an angel from heaven
had told her that Bryan’s death was as a punishment to her for her
neglect of her first-born. Then she would declare Bullingdon was alive;
she had seen him in a dream. Then again she would fall into fits of
sorrow about his death, and grieve for him as violently as if he had
been the last of her sons who had died, and not our darling Bryan; who,
compared to Bullingdon, was what a diamond is to a vulgar stone. Her
freaks were painful to witness, and difficult to control. It began to
be said in the country that the Countess was going mad. My scoundrelly
enemies did not fail to confirm and magnify the rumour, and would add
that I was the cause of her insanity: I had driven her to distraction, I
had killed Bullingdon, I had murdered my own son; I don’t know what else
they laid to my charge. Even in Ireland their hateful calumnies reached
me: my friends fell away from me. They began to desert my hunt, as they
did in England, and when I went to race or market found sudden reasons
for getting out of my neighbourhood. I got the name of Wicked Barry,
Devil Lyndon, which you please: the country-folk used to make marvellous
legends about me: the priests said I had massacred I don’t know how
many German nuns in the Seven Years’ War; that the ghost of the murdered
Bullingdon haunted my house. Once at a fair in a town hard by, when I
had a mind to buy a waistcoat for one of my people, a fellow standing by
said, ‘’Tis a strait-waistcoat he’s buying for my Lady Lyndon.’ And
from this circumstance arose a legend of my cruelty to my wife; and many
circumstantial details were narrated regarding my manner and ingenuity
of torturing her.
The loss of my dear boy pressed not only on my heart as a father, but
injured my individual interests in a very considerable degree; for as
there was now no direct heir to the estate, and Lady Lyndon was of a
weak health, and supposed to be quite unlikely to leave a family, the
next in succession-that detestable family of Tiptoff--began to exert
themselves in a hundred ways to annoy me, and were at the head of
the party of enemies who were raising reports to my discredit. They
interposed between me and my management of the property in a hundred
different ways; making an outcry if I cut a stick, sunk a shaft, sold a
picture, or sent a few ounces of plate to be remodelled. They harassed
me with ceaseless lawsuits, got injunctions from Chancery, hampered my
agents in the execution of their work; so much so that you would have
fancied my own was not my own, but theirs, to do as they liked with.
What is worse, as I have reason to believe, they had tamperings and
dealings with my own domestics under my own roof; for I could not have
a word with Lady Lyndon but it somehow got abroad, and I could not be
drunk with my chaplain and friends but some sanctified rascals would
get hold of the news, and reckon up all the bottles I drank and all the
oaths I swore. That these were not few, I acknowledge. I am of the old
school; was always a free liver and speaker; and, at least, if I did and
said what I liked, was not so bad as many a canting scoundrel I know of
who covers his foibles and sins, unsuspected, with a mask of holiness.
As I am making a clean breast of it, and am no hypocrite, I may as well
confess now that I endeavoured to ward off the devices of my enemies
by an artifice which was not, perhaps, strictly justifiable. Everything
depended on my having an heir to the estate; for if Lady Lyndon, who
was of weakly health, had died, the next day I was a beggar: all my
sacrifices of money, &c., on the estate would not have been held in a
farthing’s account; all the debts would have been left on my shoulders;
and my enemies would have triumphed over me: which, to a man of my
honourable spirit, was ‘the unkindest cut of all,’ as some poet says.
I confess, then, it was my wish to supplant these scoundrels; and, as I
could not do so without an heir to my property, _I_ DETERMINED TO FIND
ONE. If I had him near at hand, and of my own blood too, though with
the bar sinister, is not here the question. It was then I found out the
rascally machinations of my enemies; for, having broached this plan to
Lady Lyndon, whom I made to be, outwardly at least, the most obedient
of wives,--although I never let a letter from her or to her go or arrive
without my inspection,--although I allowed her to see none but those
persons who I thought, in her delicate health, would be fitting society
for her; yet the infernal Tiptoffs got wind of my scheme, protested
instantly against it, not only by letter, but in the shameful libellous
public prints, and held me up to public odium as a ‘child-forger,’ as
they called me. Of course I denied the charge--I could do no otherwise,
and offered to meet any one of the Tiptoffs on the field of honour, and
prove him a scoundrel and a liar: as he was; though, perhaps, not
in this instance. But they contented themselves by answering me by a
lawyer, and declined an invitation which any man of spirit would have
accepted. My hopes of having an heir were thus blighted completely:
indeed, Lady Lyndon (though, as I have said, I take her opposition for
nothing) had resisted the proposal with as much energy as a woman of her
weakness could manifest; and said she had committed one great crime in
consequence of me, but would rather die than perform another. I could
easily have brought her Ladyship to her senses, however: but my scheme
had taken wind, and it was now in vain to attempt it. We might have had
a dozen children in honest wedlock, and people would have said they were
false.
As for raising money on annuities, I may say I had used her life
interest up. There were but few of those assurance societies in my time
which have since sprung up in the city of London; underwriters did
the business, and my wife’s life was as well known among them as, I do
believe, that of any woman in Christendom. Latterly, when I wanted to
get a sum against her life, the rascals had the impudence to say my
treatment of her did not render it worth a year’s purchase,--as if my
interest lay in killing her! Had my boy lived, it would have been a
different thing; he and his mother might have cut off the entail of a
good part of the property between them, and my affairs have been put in
better order. Now they were in a bad condition indeed. All my schemes
had turned out failures; my lands, which I had purchased with borrowed
money, made me no return, and I was obliged to pay ruinous interest for
the sums with which I had purchased them. My income, though very large,
was saddled with hundreds of annuities, and thousands of lawyers’
charges; and I felt the net drawing closer and closer round me, and no
means to extricate myself from its toils.
To add to all my perplexities, two years after my poor child’s death, my
wife, whose vagaries of temper and wayward follies I had borne with for
twelve years, wanted to leave me, and absolutely made attempts at what
she called escaping from my tyranny.
My mother, who was the only person that, in my misfortunes, remained
faithful to me (indeed, she has always spoken of me in my true light, as
a martyr to the rascality of others and a victim of my own generous and
confiding temper), found out the first scheme that was going on; and
of which those artful and malicious Tiptoffs were, as usual, the main
promoters. Mrs. Barry, indeed, though her temper was violent and her
ways singular, was an invaluable person to me in my house; which would
have been at rack and ruin long before, but for her spirit of order
and management, and for her excellent economy in the government of my
numerous family. As for my Lady Lyndon, she, poor soul! was much too
fine a lady to attend to household matters--passed her days with her
doctor, or her books of piety, and never appeared among us except at my
compulsion; when she and my mother would be sure to have a quarrel.
Mrs. Barry, on the contrary, had a talent for management in all matters.
She kept the maids stirring, and the footmen to their duty; had an eye
over the claret in the cellar, and the oats and hay in the stable; saw
to the salting and pickling, the potatoes and the turf-stacking, the
pig-killing and the poultry, the linen-room and the bakehouse, and the
ten thousand minutiae of a great establishment. If all Irish housewives
were like her, I warrant many a hall-fire would be blazing where the
cobwebs only grow now, and many a park covered with sheep and fat cattle
where the thistles are at present the chief occupiers. If anything
could have saved me from the consequences of villainy in others, and
(I confess it, for I am not above owning to my faults) my own too easy,
generous, and careless nature, it would have been the admirable prudence
of that worthy creature. She never went to bed until all the house was
quiet and all the candles out; and you may fancy that this was a matter
of some difficulty with a man of my habits, who had commonly a dozen of
jovial fellows (artful scoundrels and false friends most of them were!)
to drink with me every night, and who seldom, for my part, went to bed
sober. Many and many a night, when I was unconscious of her attention,
has that good soul pulled my boots off, and seen me laid by my servants
snug in bed, and carried off the candle herself; and been the first
in the morning, too, to bring me my drink of small-beer. Mine were no
milksop times, I can tell you. A gentleman thought no shame of taking
his half-dozen bottles; and, as for your coffee and slops, they were
left to Lady Lyndon, her doctor, and the other old women. It was my
mother’s pride that I could drink more than any man in the country,--as
much, within a pint, as my father before me, she said.
That Lady Lyndon should detest her was quite natural. She is not the
first of woman or mankind either that has hated a mother-in-law. I set
my mother to keep a sharp watch over the freaks of her Ladyship; and
this, you may be sure, was one of the reasons why the latter disliked
her. I never minded that, however. Mrs. Barry’s assistance and
surveillance were invaluable to me; and, if I had paid twenty spies
to watch my Lady, I should not have been half so well served as by the
disinterested care and watchfulness of my excellent mother. She slept
with the house-keys under her pillow, and had an eye everywhere. She
followed all the Countess’s movements like a shadow; she managed to
know, from morning to night, everything that my Lady did. If she walked
in the garden, a watchful eye was kept on the wicket; and if she chose
to drive out, Mrs. Barry accompanied her, and a couple of fellows in my
liveries rode alongside of the carriage to see that she came to no harm.
Though she objected, and would have kept her room in sullen silence,
I made a point that we should appear together at church in the
coach-and-six every Sunday; and that she should attend the race-balls
in my company, whenever the coast was clear of the rascally bailiffs who
beset me. This gave the lie to any of those maligners who said I wished
to make a prisoner of my wife. The fact is, that, knowing her levity,
and seeing the insane dislike to me and mine which had now begun to
supersede what, perhaps, had been an equally insane fondness for me, I
was bound to be on my guard that she should not give me the slip. Had
she left me, I was ruined the next day. This (which my mother knew)
compelled us to keep a tight watch over her; but as for imprisoning her,
I repel the imputation with scorn. Every man imprisons his wife to a
certain degree; the world would be in a pretty condition if women were
allowed to quit home and return to it whenever they had a mind. In
watching over my wife, Lady Lyndon, I did no more than exercise the
legitimate authority which awards honour and obedience to every husband.
Such, however, is female artifice, that, in spite of all my watchfulness
in guarding her, it is probable my Lady would have given me the slip,
had I not had quite as acute a person as herself as my ally: for, as
the proverb says that ‘the best way to catch one thief is to set another
after him,’ so the best way to get the better of a woman is to engage
one of her own artful sex to guard her. One would have thought that,
followed as she was, all her letters read, and all her acquaintances
strictly watched by me, living in a remote part of Ireland away from her
family, Lady Lyndon could have had no chance of communicating with
her allies, or of making her wrongs, as she was pleased to call them,
public; and yet, for a while, she carried on a correspondence under my
very nose, and acutely organised a conspiracy for flying from me; as
shall be told.
She always had an inordinate passion for dress, and, as she was never
thwarted in any whimsey she had of this kind (for I spared no money to
gratify her, and among my debts are milliners’ bills to the amount of
many thousands), boxes used to pass continually to and fro from Dublin,
with all sorts of dresses, caps, flounces, and furbelows, as her fancy
dictated. With these would come letters from her milliner, in answer to
numerous similar injunctions from my Lady; all of which passed through
my hands, without the least suspicion, for some time. And yet in these
very papers, by the easy means of sympathetic ink, were contained all
her Ladyship’s correspondence; and Heaven knows (for it was some time,
as I have said, before I discovered the trick) what charges against me.
But clever Mrs. Barry found out that always before my lady-wife chose to
write letters to her milliner, she had need of lemons to make her drink,
as she said; this fact, being mentioned to me, set me a-thinking, and
so I tried one of the letters before the fire, and the whole scheme
of villainy was brought to light. I will give a specimen of one of the
horrid artful letters of this unhappy woman. In a great hand, with wide
lines, were written a set of directions to her mantua-maker, setting
forth the articles of dress for which my Lady had need, the peculiarity
of their make, the stuff she selected, &c. She would make out long lists
in this way, writing each article in a separate line, so as to have more
space for detailing all my cruelties and her tremendous wrongs. Between
these lines she kept the journal of her captivity: it would have made
the fortune of a romance-writer in those days but to have got a copy of
it, and to have published it under the title of the ‘Lovely Prisoner,
or the Savage Husband,’ or by some name equally taking and absurd. The
journal would be as follows:--
*****
‘MONDAY.--Yesterday I was made to go to church. My odious, MONSTROUS,
VULGAR SHE-DRAGON OF A MOTHER-IN-LAW, in a yellow satin and red ribands,
taking the first place in the coach; Mr. L. riding by its side, on the
horse he never paid for to Captain Hurdlestone. The wicked hypocrite led
me to the pew, with hat in hand and a smiling countenance, and kissed
my hand as I entered the coach after service, and patted my Italian
greyhound--all that the few people collected might see. He made me
come downstairs in the evening to make tea for his company; of whom
three-fourths, he himself included, were, as usual, drunk. They painted
the parson’s face black, when his reverence had arrived at his seventh
bottle; and at his usual insensible stage, they tied him on the grey
mare with his face to the tail. The she-dragon read the “Whole Duty of
Man” all the evening till bedtime; when she saw me to my apartments,
locked me in, and proceeded to wait upon her abominable son: whom she
adores for his wickedness, I should think, AS STYCORAX DID CALIBAN.’
*****
You should have seen my mother’s fury as I read her out this passage!
Indeed, I have always had a taste for a joke (that practised on the
parson, as described above, is, I confess, a true bill), and used
carefully to select for Mrs. Barry’s hearing all the COMPLIMENTS that
Lady Lyndon passed upon her. The dragon was the name by which she was
known in this precious correspondence: or sometimes she was designated
by the title of the ‘Irish Witch.’ As for me, I was denominated ‘my
gaoler,’ ‘my tyrant,’ ‘the dark spirit which has obtained the mastery
over my being,’ and so on; in terms always complimentary to my power,
however little they might be so to my amiability. Here is another
extract from her ‘Prison Diary,’ by which it will be seen that my Lady,
although she pretended to be so indifferent to my goings on, had a sharp
woman’s eye, and could be as jealous as another:--
*****
‘WEDNESDAY.--This day two years my last hope and pleasure in life was
taken from me, and my dear child was called to heaven. Has he joined his
neglected brother there, whom I suffered to grow up unheeded by my side:
and whom the tyranny of the monster to whom I am united drove to exile,
and perhaps to death? Or is the child alive, as my fond heart sometimes
deems? Charles Bullingdon! come to the aid of a wretched mother, who
acknowledges her crimes, her coldness towards thee, and now bitterly
pays for her error! But no, he cannot live! I am distracted! My only
hope is in you, my cousin--you whom I had once thought to salute by a
STILL FONDER TITLE, my dear George Poynings! Oh, be my knight and my
preserver, the true chivalric being thou ever wert, and rescue me from
the thrall of the felon caitiff who holds me captive--rescue me from
him, and from Stycorax, the vile Irish witch, his mother!’
(Here follow some verses, such as her Ladyship was in the habit of
composing by reams, in which she compares herself to Sabra, in the
‘Seven Champions,’ and beseeches her George to rescue her from THE
DRAGON, meaning Mrs. Barry. I omit the lines, and proceed:)--
‘Even my poor child, who perished untimely on this sad anniversary, the
tyrant who governs me had taught to despise and dislike me. ‘Twas
in disobedience to my orders, my prayers, that he went on the fatal
journey. What sufferings, what humiliations have I had to endure since
then! I am a prisoner in my own halls. I should fear poison, but that I
know the wretch has a sordid interest in keeping me alive, and that my
death would be the signal for his ruin. But I dare not stir without my
odious, hideous, vulgar gaoler, the horrid Irishwoman, who pursues my
every step. I am locked into my chamber at night, like a felon, and
only suffered to leave it when ORDERED into the presence of my lord (_I_
ordered!), to be present at his orgies with his boon companions, and
to hear his odious converse as he lapses into the disgusting madness of
intoxication! He has given up even the semblance of constancy--he, who
swore that I alone could attach or charm him! And now he brings
his vulgar mistresses before my very eyes, and would have had me
acknowledge, as heir to my own property, his child by another!
‘No, I never will submit! Thou, and thou only, my George, my early
friend, shalt be heir to the estates of Lyndon. Why did not Fate join me
to thee, instead of to the odious man who holds me under his sway, and
make the poor Calista happy?’
*****
So the letters would run on for sheets upon sheets, in the closest
cramped handwriting; and I leave any unprejudiced reader to say whether
the writer of such documents must not have been as silly and vain a
creature as ever lived, and whether she did not want being taken care
of? I could copy out yards of rhapsody to Lord George Poynings, her old
flame, in which she addressed him by the most affectionate names, and
implored him to find a refuge for her against her oppressors; but they
would fatigue the reader to peruse, as they would me to copy. The fact
is, that this unlucky lady had the knack of writing a great deal more
than she meant. She was always reading novels and trash; putting
herself into imaginary characters and flying off into heroics and
sentimentalities with as little heart as any woman I ever knew; yet
showing the most violent disposition to be in love. She wrote always as
if she was in a flame of passion. I have an elegy on her lap-dog, the
most tender and pathetic piece she ever wrote; and most tender notes
of remonstrance to Betty, her favourite maid; to her housekeeper, on
quarrelling with her; to half-a-dozen acquaintances, each of whom she
addressed as the dearest friend in the world, and forgot the very moment
she took up another fancy. As for her love for her children, the above
passage will show how much she was capable of true maternal feeling:
the very sentence in which she records the death of one child serves
to betray her egotisms, and to wreak her spleen against myself; and she
only wishes to recall another from the grave, in order that he may be of
some personal advantage to her. If I DID deal severely with this woman,
keeping her from her flatterers who would have bred discord between us,
and locking her up out of mischief, who shall say that I was wrong? If
any woman deserved a strait-waistcoat,--it was my Lady Lyndon; and I
have known people in my time manacled, and with their heads shaved, in
the straw, who had not committed half the follies of that foolish, vain,
infatuated creature.
My mother was so enraged by the charges against me and herself which
these letters contained, that it was with the utmost difficulty I could
keep her from discovering our knowledge of them to Lady Lyndon; whom it
was, of course, my object to keep in ignorance of our knowledge of her
designs: for I was anxious to know how far they went, and to what pitch
of artifice she would go. The letters increased in interest (as they say
of the novels) as they proceeded. Pictures were drawn of my treatment
of her which would make your heart throb. I don’t know of what
monstrosities she did not accuse me, and what miseries and starvation
she did not profess herself to undergo; all the while she was living
exceedingly fat and contented, to outward appearances, at our house at
Castle Lyndon. Novel-reading and vanity had turned her brain. I could
not say a rough word to her (and she merited many thousands a day, I
can tell you), but she declared I was putting her to the torture; and
my mother could not remonstrate with her but she went off into a fit of
hysterics, of which she would declare the worthy old lady was the cause.
At last she began to threaten to kill herself; and though I by no means
kept the cutlery out of the way, did not stint her in garters, and left
her doctor’s shop at her entire service,--knowing her character full
well, and that there was no woman in Christendom less likely to lay
hands on her precious life than herself; yet these threats had an
effect, evidently, in the quarter to which they were addressed; for the
milliner’s packets now began to arrive with great frequency, and the
bills sent to her contained assurances of coming aid. The chivalrous
Lord George Poynings was coming to his cousin’s rescue, and did me
the compliment to say that he hoped to free his dear cousin from the
clutches of the most atrocious villain that ever disgraced humanity; and
that, when she was free, measures should be taken for a divorce, on the
ground of cruelty and every species of ill-usage on my part.
I had copies of all these precious documents on one side and the other
carefully made, by my beforementioned relative, godson, and secretary,
Mr. Redmond Quin at present the WORTHY agent of the Castle Lyndon
property. This was a son of my old flame Nora, whom I had taken from her
in a fit of generosity; promising to care for his education at Trinity
College, and provide for him through life. But after the lad had been
for a year at the University, the tutors would not admit him to commons
or lectures until his college bills were paid; and, offended by this
insolent manner of demanding the paltry sum due, I withdrew my patronage
from the place, and ordered my gentleman to Castle Lyndon; where I made
him useful to me in a hundred ways. In my dear little boy’s lifetime,
he tutored the poor child as far as his high spirit would let him; but
I promise you it was small trouble poor dear Bryan ever gave the
books. Then he kept Mrs. Barry’s accounts; copied my own interminable
correspondence with my lawyers and the agents of all my various
property; took a hand at piquet or backgammon of evenings with me and
my mother; or, being an ingenious lad enough (though of a mean boorish
spirit, as became the son of such a father), accompanied my Lady
Lyndon’s spinet with his flageolet; or read French and Italian with her:
in both of which languages her Ladyship was a fine scholar, and with
which he also became conversant. It would make my watchful old mother
very angry to hear them conversing in these languages; for, not
understanding a word of either of them, Mrs. Barry was furious when they
were spoken, and always said it was some scheming they were after. It
was Lady Lyndon’s constant way of annoying the old lady, when the three
were alone together, to address Quin in one or other of these tongues.
I was perfectly at ease with regard to his fidelity, for I had bred the
lad, and loaded him with benefits; and, besides, had had various proofs
of his trustworthiness. He it was who brought me three of Lord George’s
letters, in reply to some of my Lady’s complaints; which were concealed
between the leather and the boards of a book which was sent from the
circulating library for her Ladyship’s perusal. He and my Lady too had
frequent quarrels. She mimicked his gait in her pleasanter moments;
in her haughty moods, she would not sit down to table with a tailor’s
grandson. ‘Send me anything for company but that odious Quin,’ she would
say, when I proposed that he should go and amuse her with his books and
his flute; for, quarrelsome as we were, it must not be supposed we were
always at it: I was occasionally attentive to her. We would be friends
for a month together, sometimes; then we would quarrel for a fortnight;
then she would keep her apartments for a month: all of which domestic
circumstances were noted down, in her Ladyship’s peculiar way, in her
journal of captivity, as she called it; and a pretty document it is!
Sometimes she writes, ‘My monster has been almost kind to-day;’ or, ‘My
ruffian has deigned to smile.’ Then she will break out into expressions
of savage hate; but for my poor mother it was ALWAYS hatred. It was,
‘The she-dragon is sick to-day; I wish to Heaven she would die!’ or,
‘The hideous old Irish basketwoman has been treating me to some of her
Billingsgate to-day,’ and so forth: all which expressions, read to Mrs.
Barry, or translated from the French and Italian, in which many of them
were written, did not fail to keep the old lady in a perpetual fury
against her charge: and so I had my watch-dog, as I called her, always
on the alert. In translating these languages, young Quin was of great
service to me; for I had a smattering of French--and High Dutch, when I
was in the army, of course, I knew well--but Italian I knew nothing of,
and was glad of the services of so faithful and cheap an interpreter.
This cheap and faithful interpreter, this godson and kinsman, on whom
and on whose family I had piled up benefits, was actually trying to
betray me; and for several months, at least, was in league with the
enemy against me. I believe that the reason why they did not move
earlier was the want of the great mover of all treasons--money: of
which, in all parts of my establishment, there was a woful scarcity; but
of this they also managed to get a supply through my rascal of a godson,
who could come and go quite unsuspected: the whole scheme was arranged
under our very noses, and the post-chaise ordered, and the means of
escape actually got ready; while I never suspected their design.
A mere accident made me acquainted with their plan. One of my colliers
had a pretty daughter; and this pretty lass had for her bachelor, as
they call them in Ireland, a certain lad, who brought the letter-bag
for Castle Lyndon (and many a dunning letter for me was there in it, God
wot!): this letter-boy told his sweetheart how he brought a bag of money
from the town for Master Quin; and how that Tim the post-boy had told
him that he was to bring a chaise down to the water at a certain hour.
Miss Rooney, who had no secrets from me, blurted out the whole story;
asked me what scheming I was after, and what poor unlucky girl I was
going to carry away with the chaise I had ordered, and bribe with the
money I had got from town?
Then the whole secret flashed upon me, that the man I had cherished in
my bosom was going to betray me. I thought at one time of catching the
couple in the act of escape, half drowning them in the ferry which they
had to cross to get to their chaise, and of pistolling the young traitor
before Lady Lyndon’s eyes; but, on second thoughts, it was quite clear
that the news of the escape would make a noise through the country, and
rouse the confounded justice’s people about my ears, and bring me no
good in the end. So I was obliged to smother my just indignation, and
to content myself by crushing the foul conspiracy, just at the moment it
was about to be hatched.
I went home, and in half-an-hour, and with a few of my terrible looks, I
had Lady Lyndon on her knees, begging me to forgive her; confessing
all and everything; ready to vow and swear she would never make such an
attempt again; and declaring that she was fifty times on the point of
owning everything to me, but that she feared my wrath against the poor
young lad her accomplice: who was indeed the author and inventor of
all the mischief. This--though I knew how entirely false the statement
was--I was fain to pretend to believe; so I begged her to write to her
cousin, Lord George, who had supplied her with money, as she admitted,
and with whom the plan had been arranged, stating, briefly, that she had
altered her mind as to the trip to the country proposed; and that, as
her dear husband was rather in delicate health, she preferred to stay at
home and nurse him. I added a dry postscript, in which I stated that it
would give me great pleasure if his Lordship would come and visit us
at Castle Lyndon, and that I longed to renew an acquaintance which in
former times gave me so much satisfaction. ‘I should seek him out,’
I added, ‘so soon as ever I was in his neighbourhood, and eagerly
anticipated the pleasure of a meeting with him.’ I think he must have
understood my meaning perfectly well; which was, that I would run him
through the body on the very first occasion I could come at him.
Then I had a scene with my perfidious rascal of a nephew; in which the
young reprobate showed an audacity and a spirit for which I was quite
unprepared. When I taxed him with ingratitude, ‘What do I owe you?’ said
he. ‘I have toiled for you as no man ever did for another, and worked
without a penny of wages. It was you yourself who set me against you,
by giving me a task against which my soul revolted,--by making me a spy
over your unfortunate wife, whose weakness is as pitiable as are her
misfortunes and your rascally treatment of her. Flesh and blood could
not bear to see the manner in which you used her. I tried to help her
to escape from you; and I would do it again, if the opportunity offered,
and so I tell you to your teeth!’ When I offered to blow his brains out
for his insolence, ‘Pooh!’ said he,--‘kill the man who saved your poor
boy’s life once, and who was endeavouring to keep him out of the
ruin and perdition into which a wicked father was leading him, when a
Merciful Power interposed, and withdrew him from this house of crime? I
would have left you months ago, but I hoped for some chance of rescuing
this unhappy lady. I swore I would try, the day I saw you strike her.
Kill me, you woman’s bully! You would if you dared; but you have not the
heart. Your very servants like me better than you. Touch me, and they
will rise and send you to the gallows you merit!’
I interrupted this neat speech by sending a water-bottle at the young
gentleman’s head, which felled him to the ground; and then I went to
meditate upon what he had said to me. It was true the fellow had saved
poor little Bryan’s life, and the boy to his dying day was tenderly
attached to him. ‘Be good to Redmond, papa,’ were almost the last words
he spoke; and I promised the poor child, on his death-bed, that I would
do as he asked. It was also true, that rough usage of him would be
little liked by my people, with whom he had managed to become a great
favourite: for, somehow, though I got drunk with the rascals often, and
was much more familiar with them than a man of my rank commonly is,
yet I knew I was by no means liked by them; and the scoundrels were
murmuring against me perpetually.
But I might have spared myself the trouble of debating what his fate
should be, for the young gentleman took the disposal of it out of my
hands in the simplest way in the world: viz. by washing and binding up
his head so soon as he came to himself: by taking his horse from the
stables; and, as he was quite free to go in and out of the house and
park as he liked, he disappeared without the least let or hindrance;
and leaving the horse behind him at the ferry, went off in the very
post-chaise which was waiting for Lady Lyndon. I saw and heard no more
of him for a considerable time; and now that he was out of the house,
did not consider him a very troublesome enemy.
But the cunning artifice of woman is such that, I think, in the long
run, no man, were he Machiavel himself, could escape from it; and
though I had ample proofs in the above transaction (in which my wife’s
perfidious designs were frustrated by my foresight), and under her own
handwriting, of the deceitfulness of her character and her hatred
for me, yet she actually managed to deceive me, in spite of all my
precautions and the vigilance of my mother in my behalf. Had I followed
that good lady’s advice, who scented the danger from afar off, as it
were, I should never have fallen into the snare prepared for me; and
which was laid in a way that was as successful as it was simple.
My Lady Lyndon’s relation with me was a singular one. Her life was
passed in a crack-brained sort of alternation between love and hatred
for me. If I was in a good-humour with her (as occurred sometimes) there
was nothing she would not do to propitiate me further; and she would
be as absurd and violent in her expressions of fondness as, at other
moments, she would be in her demonstrations of hatred. It is not your
feeble easy husbands who are loved best in the world; according to my
experience of it. I do think the women like a little violence of temper,
and think no worse of a husband who exercises his authority pretty
smartly. I had got my Lady into such a terror about me, that when I
smiled, it was quite an era of happiness to her; and if I beckoned to
her, she would come fawning up to me like a dog. I recollect how, for
the few days I was at school, the cowardly mean-spirited fellows would
laugh if ever our schoolmaster made a joke. It was the same in
the regiment whenever the bully of a sergeant was disposed to be
jocular--not a recruit but was on the broad grin. Well, a wise and
determined husband will get his wife into this condition of discipline;
and I brought my high-born wife to kiss my hand, to pull off my boots,
to fetch and carry for me like a servant, and always to make it a
holiday, too, when I was in good-humour. I confided perhaps too much
in the duration of this disciplined obedience, and forgot that the very
hypocrisy which forms a part of it (all timid people are liars in their
hearts) may be exerted in a way that may be far from agreeable, in order
to deceive you.
After the ill-success of her last adventure, which gave me endless
opportunities to banter her, one would have thought I might have been on
my guard as to what her real intentions were; but she managed to mislead
me with an art of dissimulation quite admirable, and lulled me into a
fatal security with regard to her intentions: for, one day, as I was
joking her, and asking her whether she would take the water again,
whether she had found another lover, and so forth, she suddenly burst
into tears, and, seizing hold of my hand, cried passionately out,--
‘Ah, Barry, you know well enough that I have never loved but you! Was I
ever so wretched that a kind word from you did not make me happy! ever
so angry, but the least offer of goodwill on your part did not bring me
to your side? Did I not give a sufficient proof of my affection for
you, in bestowing one of the first fortunes in England upon you? Have I
repined or rebuked you for the way you have wasted it? No, I loved you
too much and too fondly; I have always loved you. From the first moment
I saw you, I felt irresistibly attracted towards you. I saw your bad
qualities, and trembled at your violence; but I could not help loving
you. I married you, though I knew I was sealing my own fate in doing so;
and in spite of reason and duty. What sacrifice do you want from me? I
am ready to make any, so you will but love me; or, if not, that at least
you will gently use me.’
I was in a particularly good humour that day, and we had a sort of
reconciliation: though my mother, when she heard the speech, and saw me
softening towards her Ladyship, warned me solemnly, and said, ‘Depend
on it, the artful hussy has some other scheme in her head now.’ The old
lady was right; and I swallowed the bait which her Ladyship had prepared
to entrap me as simply as any gudgeon takes a hook.
I had been trying to negotiate with a man for some money, for which I
had pressing occasion; but since our dispute regarding the affair of
the succession, my Lady had resolutely refused to sign any papers for my
advantage: and without her name, I am sorry to say, my own was of little
value in the market, and I could not get a guinea from any money-dealer
in London or Dublin. Nor could I get the rascals from the latter place
to visit me at Castle Lyndon: owing to that unlucky affair I had with
Lawyer Sharp when I made him lend me the money he brought down, and
old Salmon the Jew being robbed of the bond I gave him after leaving my
house, [Footnote: These exploits of Mr. Lyndon are not related in the
narrative. He probably, in the cases above alluded to, took the law into
his own hands.] the people would not trust themselves within my walls
any more. Our rents, too, were in the hands of receivers by this time,
and it was as much as I could do to get enough money from the rascals to
pay my wine-merchants their bills. Our English property, as I have
said, was equally hampered; and, as often as I applied to my lawyers and
agents for money, would come a reply demanding money of me, for debts
and pretended claims which the rapacious rascals said they had on me.
It was, then, with some feelings of pleasure that I got a letter from
my confidential man in Gray’s Inn, London, saying (in reply to some
ninety-ninth demand of mine) that he thought he could get me some money;
and inclosing a letter from a respectable firm in the city of London,
connected with the mining interest, which offered to redeem the
incumbrance in taking a long lease of certain property of ours, which
was still pretty free, upon the Countess’s signature; and provided they
could be assured of her free will in giving it. They said they heard
she lived in terror of her life from me, and meditated a separation, in
which case she might repudiate any deeds signed by her while in durance,
and subject them, at any rate, to a doubtful and expensive litigation;
and demanded to be made assured of her Ladyship’s perfect free will in
the transaction before they advanced a shilling of their capital.
Their terms were so exorbitant, that I saw at once their offer must be
sincere; and, as my Lady was in her gracious mood, had no difficulty in
persuading her to write a letter, in her own hand, declaring that the
accounts of our misunderstandings were utter calumnies; that we lived
in perfect union, and that she was quite ready to execute any deed which
her husband might desire her to sign.
This proposal was a very timely one, and filled me with great hopes.
I have not pestered my readers with many accounts of my debts and law
affairs; which were by this time so vast and complicated that I never
thoroughly knew them myself, and was rendered half wild by their
urgency. Suffice it to say, my money was gone--my credit was done. I was
living at Castle Lyndon off my own beef and mutton, and the bread, turf,
and potatoes off my own estate: I had to watch Lady Lyndon within, and
the bailiffs without. For the last two years, since I went to Dublin
to receive money (which I unluckily lost at play there, to the
disappointment of my creditors), I did not venture to show in that city:
and could only appear at our own county town at rare intervals, and
because I knew the sheriffs: whom I swore I would murder if any ill
chance happened to me. A chance of a good loan, then, was the most
welcome prospect possible to me, and I hailed it with all the eagerness
imaginable.
In reply to Lady Lyndon’s letter, came, in course of time, an answer
from the confounded London merchants, stating that if her Ladyship
would confirm by word of mouth, at their counting-house in Birchin Lane,
London, the statement of her letter, they, having surveyed her property,
would no doubt come to terms; but they declined incurring the risk of
a visit to Castle Lyndon to negotiate, as they were aware how other
respectable parties, such as Messrs. Sharp and Salmon of Dublin,
had been treated there. This was a hit at me; but there are certain
situations in which people can’t dictate their own terms: and, ‘faith,
I was so pressed now for money, that I could have signed a bond with Old
Nick himself, if he had come provided with a good round sum.
I resolved to go and take the Countess to London. It was in vain that
my mother prayed and warned me. ‘Depend on it,’ says she, ‘there is some
artifice. When once you get into that wicked town, you are not safe.
Here you may live for years and years, in luxury and splendour, barring
claret and all the windows broken; but as soon as they have you in
London, they’ll get the better of my poor innocent lad; and the first
thing I shall hear of you will be, that you are in trouble.’
‘Why go, Redmond?’ said my wife. ‘I am happy here, as long as you are
kind to me, as you are now. We can’t appear in London as we ought; the
little money you will get will be spent, like all the rest has been.
Let us turn shepherd and shepherdess, and look to our flocks and be
content.’ And she took my hand and kissed it; while my mother only said,
‘Humph! I believe she’s at the bottom of it--the wicked SCHAMER!’
I told my wife she was a fool; bade Mrs. Barry not be uneasy, and was
hot upon going: I would take no denial from either party. How I was to
get the money to go was the question; but that was solved by my good
mother, who was always ready to help me on a pinch, and who produced
sixty guineas from a stocking. This was all the ready money that Barry
Lyndon, of Castle Lyndon, and married to a fortune of forty thousand a
year, could command: such had been the havoc made in this fine fortune
by my own extravagance (as I must confess), but chiefly by my misplaced
confidence and the rascality of others.
We did not start in state, you may be sure. We did not let the country
know we were going, or leave notice of adieu with our neighbours. The
famous Mr. Barry Lyndon and his noble wife travelled in a hack-chaise
and pair to Waterford, under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and thence
took shipping for Bristol, where we arrived quite without accident. When
a man is going to the deuce, how easy and pleasant the journey is! The
thought of the money quite put me in a good humour, and my wife, as she
lay on my shoulder in the post-chaise going to London, said it was the
happiest ride she had taken since our marriage.
One night we stayed at Reading, whence I despatched a note to my agent
at Gray’s Inn, saying I would be with him during the day, and begging
him to procure me a lodging, and to hasten the preparations for the
loan. My Lady and I agreed that we would go to France, and wait there
for better times; and that night, over our supper, formed a score of
plans both for pleasure and retrenchment. You would have thought it
was Darby and Joan together over their supper. O woman! woman! when I
recollect Lady Lyndon’s smiles and blandishments--how happy she seemed
to be on that night! what an air of innocent confidence appeared in
her behaviour, and what affectionate names she called me!--I am lost
in wonder at the depth of her hypocrisy. Who can be surprised that an
unsuspecting person like myself should have been a victim to such a
consummate deceiver!
We were in London at three o’clock, and half-an-hour before the time
appointed our chaise drove to Gray’s Inn. I easily found out Mr.
Tapewell’s apartments--a gloomy den it was, and in an unlucky hour I
entered it! As we went up the dirty back-stair, lighted by a feeble lamp
and the dim sky of a dismal London afternoon, my wife seemed agitated
and faint.
‘Redmond,’ said she, as we got up to the door, ‘don’t go in: I am
sure there is danger. There’s time yet; let us go back--to
Ireland--anywhere!’ And she put herself before the door, in one of her
theatrical attitudes, and took my hand.
I just pushed her away to one side. ‘Lady Lyndon,’ said I, ‘you are an
old fool!’
‘Old fool!’ said she; and she jumped at the bell, which was quickly
answered by a mouldy-looking gentleman in an unpowdered wig, to whom she
cried, ‘Say Lady Lyndon is here;’ and stalked down the passage muttering
‘Old fool.’ It was ‘OLD’ which was the epithet that touched her. I might
call her anything but that.
Mr. Tapewell was in his musty room, surrounded by his parchments and tin
boxes. He advanced and bowed; begged her Ladyship to be seated; pointed
towards a chair for me, which I took, rather wondering at his insolence;
and then retreated to a side-door, saying he would be back in one
moment.
And back he DID come in one moment, bringing with him--whom do you
think? Another lawyer, six constables in red waistcoats with bludgeons
and pistols, my Lord George Poynings, and his aunt Lady Jane Peckover.
When my Lady Lyndon saw her old flame, she flung herself into his arms
in an hysterical passion. She called him her saviour, her preserver,
her gallant knight; and then, turning round to me, poured out a flood of
invective which quite astonished me.
‘Old fool as I am,’ said she, ‘I have outwitted the most crafty and
treacherous monster under the sun. Yes, I WAS a fool when I married you,
and gave up other and nobler hearts for your sake--yes, I was a fool
when I forgot my name and lineage to unite myself with a base-born
adventurer--a fool to bear, without repining, the most monstrous tyranny
that ever woman suffered; to allow my property to be squandered; to see
women, as base and low-born as yourself’--
‘For Heaven’s sake, be calm!’ cries the lawyer; and then bounded back
behind the constables, seeing a threatening look in my eye which the
rascal did not like. Indeed. I could have torn him to pieces, had he
come near me. Meanwhile, my Lady continued in a strain of incoherent
fury; screaming against me, and against my mother especially, upon whom
she heaped abuse worthy of Billingsgate, and always beginning and ending
the sentence with the word fool.
‘You don’t tell all, my Lady,’ says I bitterly; ‘I said OLD fool.’
‘I have no doubt you said and did, sir, everything that a blackguard
could say or do,’ interposed little Poynings. ‘This lady is now safe
under the protection of her relations and the law, and need fear your
infamous persecutions no longer.’
‘But YOU are not safe,’ roared I; ‘and, as sure as I am a man of honour,
and have tasted your blood once, I will have your heart’s blood now.’
‘Take down his words, constables: swear the peace against him!’ screamed
the little lawyer, from behind his tipstaffs.
‘I would not sully my sword with the blood of such a ruffian,’ cried my
Lord, relying on the same doughty protection. ‘If the scoundrel remains
in London another day, he will be seized as a common swindler.’ And this
threat indeed made me wince; for I knew that there were scores of writs
out against me in town, and that once in prison my case was hopeless.
‘Where’s the man will seize me!’ shouted I, drawing my sword, and
placing my back to the door. ‘Let the scoundrel come. You--you cowardly
braggart, come first, if you have the soul of a man!’
‘We’re not going to seize you!’ said the lawyer; my Ladyship, her aunt,
and a division of the bailiffs moving off as he spoke. ‘My dear sir, we
don’t wish to seize you: we will give you a handsome sum to leave the
country; only leave her Ladyship in peace!’
‘And the country will be well rid of such a villain!’ says my Lord,
retreating too, and not sorry to get out of my reach: and the scoundrel
of a lawyer followed him, leaving me in possession of the apartment, and
in company of the bullies from the police-office, who were all armed to
the teeth. I was no longer the man I was at twenty, when I should have
charged the ruffians sword in hand, and have sent at least one of them
to his account. I was broken in spirit; regularly caught in the toils:
utterly baffled and beaten by that woman. Was she relenting at the door,
when she paused and begged me turn back? Had she not a lingering love
for me still? Her conduct showed it, as I came to reflect on it. It was
my only chance now left in the world, so I put down my sword upon the
lawyer’s desk.
‘Gentlemen,’ said I, ‘I shall use no violence; you may tell Mr. Tapewell
I am quite ready to speak with him when he is at leisure!’ and I sat
down and folded my arms quite peaceably. What a change from the Barry
Lyndon of old days! but, as I have read in an old book about Hannibal
the Carthaginian general, when he invaded the Romans, his troops, which
were the most gallant in the world, and carried all before them, went
into cantonments in some city where they were so sated with the
luxuries and pleasures of life, that they were easily beaten in the next
campaign. It was so with me now. My strength of mind and body were no
longer those of the brave youth who shot his man at fifteen, and fought
a score of battles within six years afterwards. Now, in the Fleet
Prison, where I write this, there is a small man who is always jeering
me and making game of me; who asks me to fight, and I haven’t the
courage to touch him. But I am anticipating the gloomy and wretched
events of my history of humiliation, and had better proceed in order.
I took a lodging in a coffee-house near Gray’s Inn; taking care to
inform Mr. Tapewell of my whereabouts, and anxiously expecting a visit
from him. He came and brought me the terms which Lady Lyndon’s friends
proposed-a paltry annuity of L300 a year; to be paid on the condition of
my remaining abroad out of the three kingdoms, and to be stopped on the
instant of my return. He told me what I very well knew, that my stay
in London would infallibly plunge me in gaol; that there were writs
innumerable taken out against me here, and in the West of England; that
my credit was so blown upon that I could not hope to raise a shilling;
and he left me a night to consider of his proposal; saying that, if I
refused it, the family would proceed: if I acceded, a quarter’s salary
should be paid to me at any foreign port I should prefer.
What was the poor, lonely, and broken-hearted man to do? I took the
annuity, and was declared outlaw in the course of next week. The rascal
Quin had, I found, been, after all, the cause of my undoing. It was he
devised the scheme for bringing me up to London; sealing the attorney’s
letter with a seal which had been agreed upon between him and the
Countess formerly: indeed he had always been for trying the plan, and
had proposed it at first; but her Ladyship, with her inordinate love of
romance, preferred the project of elopement. Of these points my mother
wrote me word in my lonely exile, offering at the same time to come over
and share it with me; which proposal I declined. She left Castle Lyndon
a very short time after I had quitted it; and there was silence in that
hall where, under my authority, had been exhibited so much hospitality
and splendour. She thought she would never see me again, and bitterly
reproached me for neglecting her; but she was mistaken in that, and in
her estimate of me. She is very old, and is sitting by my side at this
moment in the prison, working: she has a bedroom in Fleet Market over
the way; and, with the fifty-pound annuity, which she has kept with
a wise prudence, we manage to eke out a miserable existence, quite
unworthy of the famous and fashionable Barry Lyndon.
Mr. Barry Lyndon’s personal narrative finishes here, for the hand
of death interrupted the ingenious author soon after the period at which
the Memoir was compiled; after he had lived nineteen years an inmate
of the Fleet Prison, where the prison records state he died of delirium
tremens. His mother attained a prodigious old age, and the inhabitants
of the place in her time can record with accuracy the daily disputes
which used to take place between mother and son; until the latter, from
habits of intoxication, falling into a state of almost imbecility,
was tended by his tough old parent as a baby almost, and would cry if
deprived of his necessary glass of brandy.
His life on the Continent we have not the means of following accurately;
but he appears to have resumed his former profession of a gambler,
without his former success.
He returned secretly to England, after some time, and made an abortive
attempt to extort money from Lord George Poynings, under a threat of
publishing his correspondence with Lady Lyndon, and so preventing
his Lordship’s match with Miss Driver, a great heiress, of strict
principles, and immense property in slaves in the West Indies.
Barry narrowly escaped being taken prisoner by the bailiffs who were
despatched after him by his lordship, who would have stopped his
pension; but Lady Lyndon would never consent to that act of justice,
and, indeed, broke with my Lord George the very moment he married the
West India lady.
The fact is, the old Countess thought her charms were perennial, and was
never out of love with her husband. She was living at Bath; her property
being carefully nursed by her noble relatives the Tiptoffs, who were to
succeed to it in default of direct heirs: and such was the address of
Barry, and the sway he still held over the woman, that he actually had
almost persuaded her to go and live with him again; when his plan and
hers was interrupted by the appearance of a person who had been deemed
dead for several years.
This was no other than Viscount Bullingdon, who started up to the
surprise of all; and especially to that of his kinsman of the house
of Tiptoff. This young nobleman made his appearance at Bath, with
the letter from Barry to Lord George in his hand; in which the former
threatened to expose his connection with Lady Lyndon--a connection,
we need not state, which did not reflect the slightest dishonour upon
either party, and only showed that her Ladyship was in the habit of
writing exceedingly foolish letters; as many ladies, nay gentlemen, have
done ere this. For calling the honour of his mother in question, Lord
Bullingdon assaulted his stepfather (living at Bath under the name of
Mr. Jones), and administered to him a tremendous castigation in the
Pump-Room.
His Lordship’s history, since his departure, was a romantic one, which
we do not feel bound to narrate. He had been wounded in the American
War, reported dead, left prisoner, and escaped. The remittances which
were promised him were never sent; the thought of the neglect almost
broke the heart of the wild and romantic young man, and he determined to
remain dead to the world at least, and to the mother who had denied
him. It was in the woods of Canada, and three years after the event had
occurred, that he saw the death of his half-brother chronicled in
the Gentleman’s Magazine, under the title of ‘Fatal Accident to Lord
Viscount Castle Lyndon;’ on which he determined to return to England:
where, though he made himself known, it was with very great difficulty
indeed that he satisfied Lord Tiptoff of the authenticity of his
claim. He was about to pay a visit to his lady mother at Bath, when
he recognised the well-known face of Mr. Barry Lyndon, in spite of the
modest disguise which that gentleman wore, and revenged upon his person
the insults of former days.
Lady Lyndon was furious when she heard of the rencounter; declined
to see her son, and was for rushing at once to the arms of her adored
Barry; but that gentleman had been carried off, meanwhile, from gaol to
gaol, until he was lodged in the hands of Mr. Bendigo, of Chancery Lane,
an assistant to the Sheriff of Middlesex; from whose house he went to
the Fleet Prison. The Sheriff and his assistant, the prisoner, nay, the
prison itself, are now no more.
As long as Lady Lyndon lived, Barry enjoyed his income, and was perhaps
as happy in prison as at any period of his existence; when her Ladyship
died, her successor sternly cut off the annuity, devoting the sum
to charities: which, he said, would make a nobler use of it than the
scoundrel who had enjoyed it hitherto. At his Lordship’s death, in the
Spanish campaign, in the year 1811, his estate fell in to the family of
the Tiptoffs, and his title merged in their superior rank; but it does
not appear that the Marquis of Tiptoff (Lord George succeeded to the
title on the demise of his brother) renewed either the pension of Mr.
Barry or the charities which the late lord had endowed. The estate has
vastly improved under his Lordship’s careful management. The trees in
Hackton Park are all about forty years old, and the Irish property is
rented in exceedingly small farms to the peasantry; who still entertain
the stranger with stories of the daring and the devilry, and the
wickedness and the fall of Barry Lyndon.
THE END