“Now, Mrs. Doran, you think I thrated you ondacent; but do you see that
book?” said he, producing a book of ballads, on which he had sworn many
a similar oath before? “Be the contints o' that book, as sure as you're
beside me, it's you I intind to marry. These other two--the curse o'
the crows upon them! I wish we could get them from about the place--is
bothyrin' for love o' me, an' I surely did promise to get myself called
to them. They wanted it to be a promise of marriage; but, says I, 'sure
if we're called together it's the same, for whin it comes to that, all's
right,'--an' so I tould both o' them, unknownst to one another. Arra,
be me sowl, you'd make two like them, so you would; an' if you hadn't
a penny, I'd marry you afore aither o' them to-morrow. Now, there's the
whole sacret, an' don't be onaisy about it. Tell Father O'Hara how it
is, whin you go home, an' that he must call the three o' you to me agin
on next Sunday, and the Sunday afther, plase Goodness; jist that I may
keep my promise to them. You know I couldn't have luck or grace if I
marrid you wid the sin of two broken promises on me.”
“My goodness, Phelim, but you tuck a, burdyeen off o' me! Faix, you'll
see how happy we'll be.”
“To be sure we will! But I'm tould you're sometimes crass, Mrs. Doran.
Now, you must promise to be kind an' lovin' to the childre, or be the
vestment, I'll break off the match yet.”
“Och, an' why wouldn't I, Phelim, acushla? Sure that's but rason.”
“Well, take this book an' swear it. Be gorra, your word won't do,
for it's a thing my mind's made up on. It's I that'll be fond o' the
childre.”
“An' how am I to swear it, Phelim? for I never tuck an oath myself yet.”
“Take the book in your hand, shut one eye, and say the words afther me.
Be the contints o' this book,”
“Be the contints o' this book,”
“I'll be kind an' motherly, an' boistherous,”
“I'll be kind, an' motherly, an boistherous,”
“To my own childhre,”
“To my own childhre,”
“An' never bate or abuse thim,”
“An' never bate or abuse thim,”
“Barrin' whin they desarve it;”
“Barrin' whin they desarve it;”
“An' this I swear,”
“An' this I swear,”
“In the presence of St. Phelim,”
“In the presence of St. Phelim,” “Amin!”
“Amin!”
“Now, Mrs. Doran, acushla, if you could jist know how asy my conscience
is about the childhre, poor crathurs, you'd be in mighty fine spirits.
There won't be sich a lovin' husband, begad, in Europe. It's I that'll
coax you, an' butther you up like a new pair o' brogues; but, begad,
you must be sweeter than liquorice or sugar-candy to me. Won't you,
darlin'?”
“Be the crass, Phelim, darlin', jewel, I'll be as kind a wife as ever
breathed. Arrah, Phelim, won't you come down to-morrow evenin'? There'll
be no one at home but myself, an'--ha, ha, ha!--Oh, you coaxin' rogue!
But, Phelim, you musn't be--Oh, you're a rogue! I see you laughin'! Will
you come darlin?”
“Surely. But, death alive! I was near for-gettin'; sure, bad luck to the
penny o' the ten guineas but I paid away.”
“Paid away! Is it my ten guineas?”
“Your ten guineas, darlin'; an' right well I managed it. Didn't I secure
Pat Hanratty's farm by it? Sam Appleton's uncle had it as good as taken;
so, begad, I came down wid the ten guineas, by way of airles, an' now we
have it. I knew you'd be plased to hear it, an' that you'd be proud to
give me ten more for clo'es an' the weddin' expenses. Isn't that good
news, avourneen? Eh, you duck o' diamonds? Faith, let Phelim alone! An'
another thing--I must call you Bridget for the future! It's sweeter an'
more lovin'.”
“Phelim, I wish you had consulted wid me afore you done it: but it
can't be helped. Come down to-morrow evenin', an' we'll see what's to be
done.”
“The grace o'heaven upon you, but you are the winnin'est woman alive
this day! Now take my advice, an' go home without comin' in. I'm wantin'
to get this other pair off o' my hands, as well as I can, an' our best
way is to do it all widout noise. Isn't it, darlin'?”
“It is, Phelim, jewel; an' I'll go.”
“Faith, Bridget, you've dealt in thracle afore now, you're so sweet.
Now, acushla, farewell: an' take care of yourself till tomorrow
evenin'!”
Phelim, on re-entering his father's cabin, found Larry and Peggy Donovan
placed between her father and Flattery, each struggling to keep them
asunder. Phelim at first had been anxious to set them by the ears,
but his interview with the old woman changed his plan of operations
altogether. With some difficulty he succeeded in repressing their
tendency to single combat, which, having effected, he brought out
Flattery and his niece, both of whom he thus addressed:--
“Be the vestment, Sally, only that my regard an' love for you is
uncommon, I'd break off the affair altogether, so I would.”
“An' why would you do so, Phelim O'Toole?” inquired the uncle.
“Bekase,” replied Phelim, “you came here an' made a show of me, when I
wished to have no _bruliagh_, at all at all. In regard of Peggy Donovan,
I never spoke a word to the girl about marriage since I was christened.
Saize the syllable! My father brought me down there to gosther awhile,
the other night, an' Paddy sent away for whiskey. An' the curse o'
Cromwell on myself! I should get tossicated. So while I was half-saes
over, the two ould rip set to makin' the match--planned to have us
called--an' me knowin' nothin' about it, good, bad, or indifferent.
That's the thruth, be the sky above us.”
“An' what have you to say about the housekeeper, Phelim?”
“Why I don't know yet, who done me there. I was about takin' a farm, an'
my father borried ten guineas from her. Somebody heard it--I suspect Sam
Appleton--an' gave in our names to the priest, to be called, makin' a
good joke of it. All sorts o' luck to them, barrin' good luck, that did
it; but they put me in a purty state! But never heed! I'll find them out
yet. Now go home, both o' you, an' I'll slip down in half an hour, with
a bottle o' whiskey in my pocket. We'll talk over what's to be done.
Sure Sally here, knows that it's my own intherest to marry her and no
one else.”
“If my father thought you would, Phelim, he'd not stag, even if he was
to cras the wather!”
“Go home, Sally darlin' till I get this mad Donovan an' his daughter
away. Be all that's beautiful I'll be apt to give him a taste o'
my shillely, if he doesn't behave himself! Half an hour I'll be
clownin--wid the bottle; an' don't you go, Nick, till you see me.”
“Phelim,” said the uncle, “you know how the case is. You must aither
marry the girl, or take a long voyage, abouchal. We'll have no bouncin'
or palaver.”
“Bedad, Mick, I've great patience wid you,” said Phelim, smiling: “go
off, I say, both of you.”
They proceeded homewards, and Phelim returned to appease the anger of
Donovan, as he had that of the others. Fresh fiction was again drawn
forth, every word of which the worthy father corroborated. They promised
to go down that night and drink another bottle together; a promise which
they knew by the state of their finances, it was impossible to fulfil.
The prospect of a “booze,” however, tranquillized Donovan, who in his
heart relished a glass of liquor as well as either Phelim or the father.
Shaking of hands and professions of friendship were again beginning to
multiply with great rapidity, when Peggy thought proper to make a few
observations on the merits of her admirer.
“In regard to me,” she observed, “you may save yourself the throuble o'
comin'. I wouldn't marry Phelim, afther what the priest said yistherday,
if he had the riches o' the townland we're spakin' in. I never cared for
him, nor liked him; an' it was only to plase my father an' mother, that
I consinted to be called to him at all. I'll never join myself to the
likes of him. If I do, may I be a corpse the next minute!”
Having thus expressed herself, she left her father, Phelim, and Larry,
to digest her sentiments, and immediately went home.
Donovan, who was outrageous at this contempt of his authority, got his
hat with the intention of compelling her to return and retract, in
their presence, what she had said; but the daughter, being the more
light-footed of the two, reached home before he could overtake her,
where, backed by her mother, she maintained her resolution, and
succeeded, ere long, in bringing the father over to her opinion.
During this whole scene in Larry's, Fool Art sat in that wild
abstraction which characterizes the unhappy class to which he belonged.
He muttered to himself, laughed--or rather chuckled--shrugged his
shoulders, and appeared to be as unconscious of what had taken place as
an automaton. When the coast was clear he rose up and plucking Phelim's
skirt, beckoned him towards the door.
“Phelim,” said he, when they had got out, “would you like to airn a
crown?”
“Tell me how, Art?” said Phelim.
“A letther from, the Square to the jailer of M------ jail. If you bring
back an answer, you'll get a crown, your dinner, an' a quart o' strong
beer.”
“But why don't you bring it yourself, Art?”
“Why I'm afeard. Sure they'd keep ma in jail, I'm tould, if they'd catch
me in it. Aha! Bo dodda, I won't go near them: sure they'd hang me for
shootin' Bonypart.--Aha!”
“Must the answer be brought back today, Art?”
“Oh! It wouldn't do to-morrow, at all. Be dodda, no! Five shillins,
your dinner, an' a quart of sthrong beer!--Aha! But you must give me
a shillin' or two, to buy a sword; for the Square's goin' to make me a
captain: thin I'll be grand! an' I'll make you a sargin'.”
This seemed a windfall to Phelim. The unpleasant dilemma in which Sally
Flattery had placed him, by the fabricated account of her father's
imprisonment, made him extremely anxious to see Foodie himself, and to
ascertain the precise outrage for which he had been secured. Here
then was an opportunity of an interview with him, and of earning
five shillings, a good dinner, and a quart of strong beer, as already
specified.
“Art,” said he, “give me the letther, an' I'm the boy that'll soon do
the job. Long life to you, Art! Be the contints o' the book, Art, I'll
never pelt you or vex you agin, my worthy; an' I'll always call you
captain!” Phelim immediately commenced his journey to M------, which was
only five miles distant, and in a very short time reached the jail, saw
the jailer, and presented his letter.
The latter, on perusing it, surveyed him with the scrutiny of a man
whose eye was practised in scanning offenders.
Phelim, whilst the jailer examined him, surveyed the strong and massy
bolts with which every door and hatchway was secured. Their appearance
produced rather an uncomfortable sensation in him; so much so, that
when the jailer asked him his name, he thought it more prudent, in
consequence of a touch of conscience he had, to personate Art for the
present, inasmuch as he felt it impossible to assume any name more safe
than that of an idiot.
“My name is Art Maguire,” said he in reply to the jailer. “I'm messenger
to Square S----, the one he had was discharged on Friday last. I expect
soon to be made groom, too.”
“Come this way,” said the jailer, “and you shall have an answer.”
He brought Phelim into the prison-yard, where he remained for about
twenty minutes, laboring under impressions which he felt becoming
gradually more unpleasant. His anxiety was not lessened on perceiving
twenty or thirty culprits, under the management of the turnkeys, enter
the yard, where they were drawn up in a line, like a file of soldiers.
“What's your name?” said one of the turnkeys.
“Art Maguire,” replied Phelim.
“Stand here,” said the other, shoving him among the prisoners. “Keep
your head up, you villain, an' don't be ashamed to look your friends in
the face. It won't be hard to identify you, at any rate, you scoundrel.
A glimpse of that phiz, even by starlight, would do you, you dog. Jack,
tell Mr. S. to bring in the gintlemen--they're all ready.”
Phelim's dismay on finding himself under drill with such a villainous
crew was indescribable. He attempted to parley with the turnkey, but was
near feeling the weight of his heavy keys for daring to approach a man
placed in authority.
While thus chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancy, three gentlemen,
accompanied by the jailer, entered the yard, and walked backward and
forward in front of the prisoners, whose faces and persons they examined
with great care. For a considerable time they could not recognize any
of them; but just as they were about to give up the scrutiny, one of the
gentlemen approached Phelim, and looking narrowly into his countenance,
exclaimed,
“Here, jailer, this man I identify. I can-not be mistaken in his face;
the rough visage and drooping eye of that fellow put all doubt as to his
identity out of question. What's his' name?”
“He gives his name, sir, as Arthur Maguire.”
“Arthur what, sir?” said another of the turnkeys, looking earnestly
at Phelim. “Why, sir, this is the fellow that swore the alibis for the
Kellys--ay, an' for the Delaneys, an' for the O'Briens. His name is
Phelim O'Toole; an' a purty boy he is, by all report.”
Phelim, though his heart sank within him, attempted to banter them out
of their bad opinion of him; but there was something peculiarly dismal
and melancholy in his mirth.
“Why, gintlemen--ha, ha!--be gorra, I'd take it as a convanience--I
mane, as a favor--if you'd believe me that there's a small taste of
mistake here. I was sent by Square S. wid a letter to Mr. S-----t, an'
he gave me fifty ordhers to bring him back an answer this day. As for
Phelim O'Toole, if you mane the rascal that swears the alibis, faith, I
can't deny but I'm as like him, the villain, as one egg is to another.
Bad luck to his 'dhroop,' any how; little I thought that it would ever
bring me into throuble--ha, ha, ha! Mr. S------t, what answer have you
for the Square, sir? Bedad, I'm afeard I'll be late.”
“That letter, Master Maguire, or Toole, or whatever your name is,
authorizes me to detain you as a prisoner, until I hear further from Mr.
S.”
“I identify him distinctly,” said the gentleman, once more. “I neither
doubt nor waver on the subject; so you will do right to detain him. I
shall lodge information against him immediately.”
“Sir,” said Phelim to the jailer, “the Square couldn't mane me at all,
in regard that it was another person he gave the letter to, for to bring
to you, the other person gave it to me. I can make my oath of that. Be
gorra, you're playin' your thrieks upon sthrangers now, I suppose.”
“Why, you lying rascal,” said the jailer, “have you not a few minutes
ago asserted to the contrary? Did you not tell me that your name was
Arthur, or Art Maguire? That you are Mr. S.'s messenger, and expect to
be made his groom. And now you deny all this.”
“He's Phelim O'Toole,” said the turnkey, “I'll swear to him; but if you
wait for a minute, I'll soon prove it.”
He immediately retired to the cell of a convict, whom he knew to be from
the townland of Teernarogarah: and ordering its inmate to look through
the bars of his window, which commanded the yard, he asked him if there
was any one among them whom he knew.
The fellow in a few minutes replied, “Whethen, divil a one, barrin'
bouncin' Phelim O'Toole.”
The turnkey brought him down to the yard, where he immediately
recognized Phelim as an old friend, shook hands with him, and addressed
him by his name.
“Bad luck to you,” said Phelim in Irish, “is this a place to welcome
your friends to!”
“There is some mystery here,” said the jailer. “I suppose the fact is,
that this fellow returned a wrong name to Mr. S., and that that accounts
for the name of Arthur Maguire being in the letter.”
All Phelim's attempts to extricate himself were useless. He gave them
the proper version of the letter affair with Fool Art, but without
making the slightest impression. The jailer desired him to be locked up.
“Divil fire you all, you villains!” exclaimed Phelim, “is it goin' to put
me in crib ye are for no rason in life? Doesn't the whole parish
know that I was never off o' my bed for the last three months, wid a
complaint I had, until widin two or three days agone!”
“There are two excellent motives for putting you in crib,” said the
jailer; “but if you can prove that you have been confined to your bed so
long as you say, why it will be all the better for yourself. Go with the
turnkey.”
“No, tarenation to the fut I'll go,” said Phelim, “till I'm carried.”
“Doesn't the gintleman identify you, you villain,” replied one of the
turnkeys; “an' isn't the Square's letther in your favor?”
“Villain, is id!” exclaimed Phelim. “An' from a hangman's cousin, too,
we're to bear this!--eh? Take that, anyhow, an' maybe you'll get more
when you don't expect it. Whoo! Success, Phelim! There's blood in you
still, abouchal!”
He accompanied the words by a spring of triumph from the ground, and
surveyed the already senseless turnkey with exultation. In a moment,
however, he was secured, for the purpose of being put into strong irons.
“To the devil's warmin' pan wid ye all,” he continued, “you may do your
worst. I defy you. Ha! by the heavens above me, you'll suffer for
this, my fine gintleman. What can ye do but hang or thransport me, you
villains? I tell ye, if a man's sowl had a crust of sin on it a foot
thick, the best way to get it off 'ud be jist to shoot a dozen like you.
Sin! Oh, the divil saize the sin at all in it. But wait! Did ye ever
hear of a man they call Dan O'Connell? Be my sowl, he'll make yez rub
your heels together, for keepin' an innocent boy in jail, that there's
no law or no warrant out for. This is the way we're thrated by thim
that's ridin' rough shod over us. But have a taste o' patience, ye
scoundrels! It won't last, I can tell yez. Our day will soon come, an'
thin I'd recommend yez to thravel for your health. Hell saize the day's
pace or happiness ever will be seen in the country, till laws, an'
judges, an' Jries, an' jails, an' jailers, an' turnkeys, an' hangmen is
all swep out of it. Saize the day. An' along wid them goes the parsons,
procthors, tithes an' taxes, all to the devil together. That day's not
very far off, d----d villains! An' now I tell ye, that if a hair o' my
head's touched--ay, if I was hanged to-morrow--I'd lave them behind me
that 'ud put a bullet, wid the help an' blessin' O Grod, through any one
that'll injure me! So lay that to your conscience, an' do your best. Be
the crass, O'Connell I'll make you look nine ways at wanst for this!
He's the boy can put the pin in your noses! He's the boy can make yez
thrimble, one an' all o' yez--like a dog in a wet sack! An', wid the
blessin' o' God, he'll help us to put our feet on your necks afore
long!”
“That's a prudent speech,” observed the jailer; “it will serve you very
much.”
Phelim consigned him to a very warm settlement in reply.
“Bring the ruffian off” added the jailer; “put him in solitary
confinement.”
“Put me wid Foodie Flattery,” said Phelim; “you've got him here,
an' I'll go nowhere else. Faith, you'll suffer for givin' me false
imprisonment. Doesn't O'Connell's name make you shake? Put me wid Foodie
Flattery, I say.”
“Foodie Flattery! There is no such man here. Have you got such a person
here?” inquired the jailer of the turnkey.
“Not at present,” said the turnkey; “but I know Foodie well. We've had
him here twice. Come away, Phelim; follow me; you're goin' to be put
where you'll have an opportunity of sayin' your prayers.”
He then ushered Phelim to a cell, where the reader may easily imagine
what he felt. His patriotism rose to a high pitch; he deplored the
wrongs of his country bitterly, and was clearly convinced that until
jails, judges, and assizes, together with a long train of similar
grievances, were utterly abolished, Ireland could never be right, nor
persecuted “boys,” like himself, at full liberty to burn or murder the
enemies of their country with impunity. Notwithstanding these heroic
sentiments, an indifferent round oath more than once escaped him against
Ribbonism in whole and in part. He cursed the system, and the day, and
the hour on which he was inveigled into it. He cursed those who had
initiated him; nor did his father and mother escape for their neglect
of his habits, his morals, and his education. This occurred when he had
time for reflection. Whilst thus dispensing his execrations, the jailer
and the three gentlemen, having been struck with his allusion to Foodie
Flattery, and remembering that Foodie was of indifferent morals, came to
the unanimous opinion that it would be a good plan to secure him; and by
informing him that Phelim was in prison upon a capital charge, endeavor
to work upon his fears, by representing his companion as disposed
to turn approver. The state of the country, and Foodie's character,
justified his apprehension on suspicion. He was accordingly taken,
and when certified of Phelim's situation, acted precisely as had been
expected. With very little hesitation, he made a full disclosure of the
names of several persons concerned in burnings, waylayings, and robbery
of arms. The two first names on the list were those of Phelim and
Appleton, with several besides, some of whom bore an excellent, and
others an execrable, character in the country.
The next day Fool Art went to Larry's, where he understood that Phelim
was on the missing list. This justified his suspicions of the Squire;
but by no means lessened his bitterness against him, for the prank
he had intended to play upon him. With great simplicity, he presented
himself at the Big House, and met its owner on the lawn, accompanied by
two other gentlemen. The magistrate was somewhat surprised at seeing Art
at large, when he imagined him to be under the jailer's lock and key.
“Well, Art,” said he, concealing his amazement, “did you deliver my
letter?”
“It went safe, your honor,” replied Art. “Did you yourself give it into
his hands, as I ordered you?”
“Whoo! Be dodda, would your honor think Art 'ud tell a lie? Sure he read
it. Aha!”
“An' what did he say, Art?”
“Whoo! Why, that he didn't know which of us had the least sense. You for
sendin' a fool on a message, or me for deliverin' it.”
“Was that all that happened?”
“No, sir. He said,” added the fool, with bitter sarcasm, alluding to
a duel, in which the Squire's character had not come off with flying
colors--“he said, sir, that whin you have another challenge to fight,
you may get sick agin for threepence to the poticarry.”
This having been the manner in which the Squire was said to have evaded
the duel, it is unnecessary to say that Art's readiness to refresh his
memory on the subject prevented him from being received at the Big House
in future.
Reader, remember that we only intended to give you a sketch of Phelim
O'Toole's courtship. We will, however, go so far beyond our original
plan, as to apprise you of his fate.
When it became known in the parish that he was in jail, under a charge
of felony, Sally Mattery abandoned all hopes of securing him as a
husband. The housekeeper felt suitable distress, and hoped, should the
poor boy be acquitted, that he might hould up his head wid any o' them.
Phelim, through the agency of his father, succeeded in getting ten
guineas from her, to pay the lawyers for defending him; not one penny of
which he applied to the purpose for which he obtained it. The expenses
of his defence were drawn from the Ribbon fund, and the Irish reader
cannot forget the eloquent and pathetic, appeal made by his counsel to
the jury, on his behalf, and the strength with which the fact of his
being the whole support of a helpless father and mother was stated.
The appeal, however, was ineffectual; worthy Phelim was convicted, and
sentenced to transportation for life. When his old acquaintances heard
the nature of his destiny, they remembered the two prophecies that
had been so often uttered concerning him. One of them was certainly
fulfilled to the letter--we mean that in which it was stated, “that the
greatest swaggerer among the girls generally comes to the wall at last.”
The other, though not literally accomplished, was touched at least upon
the spirit; transportation for life ranks next to hanging. We,cannot
avoid mentioning a fact connected with Phelim which came to light while
he remained in prison. By incessant trouble he was prevailed upon, or
rather compelled, to attend the prison school, and on examining him,
touching his religion? knowledge, it appeared that he was ignorant of
the plainest truths of Christianity; that he knew not how or by whom the
Christian religion had been promulgated; nor, indeed, any other moral
truth connected with Revelation.
Immediately after his transportation, Larry took to drink, and his
mother to begging, for she had no other means of living. In this mode
of life, the husband was soon compelled to join her. They are both
mendicants, and Sheelah now appears sensible of the error in their
manner of bringing Phelim up.
“Ah! Larry,” she is sometimes heard to say, “I doubt that we wor wrong
for flyin' in the face o' God, becase He didn't give us childhre. An'
when it plased Him to grant us a son, we oughtn't to 've spoiled him by
over-indulgence, an' by lettin' him have his own head in everythin'
as we did. If we had sint him to school, an' larned him to work, an'
corrected him when he desarved it, instead of laughin' at his lies, an'
misbehavior, and his oaths, as if they wor sport--ay, an abusin' the
nabors when they'd complain of him, or tell us what he was--ay!--if we
had, it's a credit an' a comfort he'd be to us now, an' not a shame an'
a disgrace, an' an affliction. We made our own bed, Larry, an' now we
must lie down an it. An' God help us! We made his bed too, poor boy, an'
a hard one it is. God forgive us! but, anyhow, my heart a breakin', for
bad as he was, sure we havn't him to look upon!”
“Thrue,” replied Larry. “Still he was game an' cute to the last. Biddy
Doran's ten guineas will sarve him beyant, poor fellow. But sure the
boys' kep their word to him, anyhow, in regard of shootin' Foodie
Flattery. Myself was never betther plased in my life, than to hear that
he got the slugs into his heart, the villain!”
*****
We have attempted to draw Phelim O'Toole as closely as possible to the
character of that class, whose ignorance, want of education and absence
of all moral principle, constitute them the shame and reproach of
the country. By such men the peace of Ireland is destroyed, illegal
combinations formed, blood shed, and nightly outrages committed. There
is nothing more certain than this plain truth, that if proper religious
and moral knowledge were impressed upon the early principles of persons
like Phelim, a conscience would be created capable of revolting from
crime. Whatever the grievances of a people may be, whether real or
imaginary, one thing is clear, that neither murder nor illegal violence
of any description, can be the proper mode of removing or redressing
them. We have kept Phelim's Ribbonism in the background, because its
details could excite only aversion, and preferred exhibiting his utter
ignorance of morality upon a less offensive subject, in order that the
reader might be enabled to infer, rather than to witness with his mind's
eye, the deeper crimes of which he was capable.