_Monday._--Have just been reading in the _Pall Mall Magazine_ a
wonderful story called "A Re-Incarnation," by the author of "A
Green Carnation." He seems fond of carnations. Re-Incarnation and
Gre-Encarnation. Should have been in the exhibition of the National
Carnation Society at the Crystal Palace. His story tells how a man
murdered a white cat, and afterwards married its soul, re-incarnated in
the body of a young woman with "china-blue" eyes and a large fortune.
Marvellous! Must carefully avoid marrying young women with "china-blue"
eyes and large fortunes, though the latter might not be so harmful.
_Tuesday._--That theory of re-incarnation impresses me wonderfully.
Think about it all night. In the silent darkness remember that I once
stamped on a black beetle. My nurse called it "a black beadle." Think
of this with horror. Will it come back to murder me? Terrible! Get up
still nervous. Must go out into the air and sunlight, to dispel my
gloomy thoughts. Stroll along Piccadilly. To avoid a shower step into
the Burlington Arcade. Heavens, what is that by the entrance? It is a
man in black--a black beadle! Gaze at him aghast. It has come back, the
soul of that harmless crawling thing which I crushed in my boyhood, and
now----Fly while there is yet time! Ha! I am safe at home at last.
_Wednesday._--Have now no doubt of this marvellous theory. It is
probable that re-incarnation may sometimes go the other way. Will
investigate at the Zoological Gardens. Directly I see the largest
elephant I recognise my late mother-in-law. The large, heavy form, the
habit of trampling obstacles under foot--obstacles such as myself--the
very cap-strings, now become ears flapping in the wind, all are there.
She always poked her nose into everything, and she does it now. What
a proboscis she has! Must tell the keeper the real truth to prevent
mishaps. Tell him confidentially. He grins. Assure him that I am quite
serious. He leads me gently by the arm to the exit, where the turnstile
only turns one way, and advises me to go home at once.
_Thursday._--Fresh proofs every hour. Have just seen an omnibus horse,
with the long face, the great yellow teeth and the general expression
of my uncle's second wife. Greatly overcome, seek rest and refreshment
in my club. What is that having lunch over there? Don't tell me it is
an old gentleman with white hair and mild eyes. No! It is my first
rabbit, which died of starvation through my carelessness. See, he is
hungrily munching a lettuce! That is conclusive.
_Friday._--My great work on _Re-Incarnation_ begun to-day. It will
astonish the world, for it is all true. By why have my friends asked
those two doctors to call? There is nothing the matter with me. The
two fools say I ought to give up all writing and keep quite quiet in
the country. Explain that it is impossible. They insist with gentle
firmness. Tell them I have no doubt they are the two leeches I once
took from the bowl at the chemists and put on my little sister's neck,
whence they were removed by the nurse and ruthlessly slaughtered.
_Monday._--My diary has been interrupted, for I have been moving
to this hydropathic establishment, as those doctors called it, at
Colney Hatch. I don't like the place. Most of the visitors seem mad.
But probably many of these water-drinkers are mad. Wouldn't they be
surprised if they knew who I really am? Ha, ha! It will make a nice
summer correspondence for the _Daily Telegraph_. To-morrow I will write
to that paper stating the actual facts. I also am re-incarnated. I am,
or rather I was, the Great Sea Serpent.
* * * * *
MRS. R. was very sorry that the clergyman of her parish had
been compelled to leave. "You see," she said, "the poor man fell off
his bicycle, and his doctor has told him that for some time he must try
an incumbent position. So he has gone away for another cure."
* * * * *
[Illustration: DEFEATED!
_Napoleon R-s-b-ry_ (_meditating_). "UM!--_BLESS_ HARCOURT!"]
* * * * *