SUBE THE SHOWMAN
A battered silk hat that had seen his father through a campaign for
district attorney a number of years before rested on his ears, causing
them to protrude unnaturally, while a full-dress coat with pointed tails
that just cleared the floor gave him a quadrupedal appearance. This coat
was the wearer's conception of sartorial perfection, having been cut out
by his own hands from an old raincoat of his father's. A pair of
painter's overalls with a hectic past completed his costume.
And while the audience gazed with interest at the ringmaster, the
ringmaster was gazing with equal interest at the audience. He was trying
to make himself think that the circus was solely responsible for the
gala dress that confronted him, although his better judgment should have
told him that most of those present were thus gayly clad for Cottontop
Sigsbee's party that was to take place at the conclusion of the
performance.
After cracking the whip a few times to show how skillfully it could be
done, the ringmaster proceeded to deliver a highly entertaining lecture
prepared by himself in collaboration with one Job, and to assure his
hearers that his show possessed the only "genuine blood-sweatin'
behemoth of Holy Writ now in captivity, regardluss of the claims of
jealous compet'ors exackly as advertised."
As he gave a preliminary shake of the drop-curtain the anticipations of
the audience ran high, for they distinctly smelled something suggestive
of the odor of wild animals; but alas, it was only a faint reminiscence
from the curtain. After one or two false starts the ringmaster drew back
the curtain.
"Behold now behemoth, ladies and gent'mun!" he cried with a sweeping
gesture of the hand toward the center of the stage.
With a craning of necks and a straining of eyes the audience beheld a
quadruped about the size of Sport and the color of stove-blacking,
manacled by a huge log-chain to a Nubian animal trainer who bore a
striking resemblance to Gizzard Tobin, although bereft of all clothing
save a pair of swimming trunks and a sparse coating of black.
The murmur of disapproval that greeted this tableau was quickly quelled
by the ringmaster, as he brought the curtains together and began to
declaim in a loud voice:
"Not so pre-vious, ladies and gent'mun! Not so pre-vious, I beg of you!
The best is yet to come! You have not seen this wonderful Biblic animal
p'form!... Why, ladies and gent'mun, he sweats blood! Bl-l-l-l-ud!...
Real,--rich,--red,--human bl-l-l-ud!... Each and every person present is
untitled to see him sweat bl-l-l-ud, or money refunded, exackly as
advertised!"
Then the ringmaster poked his head between the curtains and said in a
desperate whisper quite as audible on one side of the curtain as the
other: "Hurry up, Giz! I can't keep this up all night!" and turning to
the audience resumed, "Yes, ladies and gent'mun, he sweats bl-l-lud; and
Job, this wond'ful blood-sweatin' creature's trainer, is now gettin' his
blood ready for him. For, ladies and gent'mun, he does act'ally sweat
bl-l-lud! Real,--rich,--red,--human,--bl-l-l-lud! The same as you one
and all have got in your insides, exackly as advertised--"
Three distinct raps were heard. Again Sube drew back the redolent
curtain and to all appearances the dog-like behemoth was sweating blood
profusely. He was completely inundated with a bright red liquid which
dripped and trickled down on the floor in numerous gory puddles.
[Illustration: THE AUDIENCE WAS SPELL BOUND]
For an instant the audience was spellbound. Sube was enough of a showman
to realize this; but he was not enough of a showman to draw the curtain
before the spell could be broken. Intoxicated with success, he attempted
to prolong the supreme moment to the uttermost. And thus came disaster.
For this particular behemoth was new at the blood-sweating business. In
fact, he had no idea that he was sweating blood. He knew only that he
was saturated with a chilling liquid, and he did the customary thing: he
shook himself thoroughly.
For an instant there was an ominous silence, during which fresh white
dresses with socks to match suddenly acquired numberless polka dots,
while multitudes of crimson freckles appeared on hitherto unblemished
cheeks and arms and legs; and Biscuit Westfall's new white sailor suit,
purchased especially for the party, broke out with more red pimples than
a bad case of chicken-pox. Nobody was spared. But those in the rear were
only sprinkled, while those in the front row were deluged.
Expectorations, expostulations and lamentations followed in order. Then
came the most dreaded of all showman's disasters, the ghastly rush for
the exits.
Fortunately the stairway was large and the audience was small. There
was no choking of the aisles. Nobody was trampled underfoot. Not a
single casualty occurred, although Sport had a narrow escape. For, as
the howling mob was rushing out of the big barn-door, he came flying
down the stairs astride his long tail, followed by numerous missiles and
epithets forcefully hurled after him by unseen persons in the loft.
Sube came to a hasty conclusion that Cottontop's party was no place for
him, and went into hiding for the rest of the afternoon. Annie called
him until she was hoarse, but there was no response. And when she tried
to enlist Sport's aid in finding his master the long-suffering creature
refused to be lured from his kennel, but spent the remainder of the day
licking at the unpalatable mixture of stove-blacking and raspberry juice
with a sullen expression that seemed to indicate that even among dogs
patience sometimes ceases to be a virtue.
On the whole it was an ignominious ending for Sube's moment of triumph.
It threatened to crush his three-ring ambitions; but two weeks later
when the special train of Baylum and Barney's Greatest Show on Earth
came thundering into town an hour before daybreak, the first person on
hand to welcome and assist was none other than Sube Cane.
In spite of the interference of several officious roustabouts Sube
succeeded in superintending the unloading of the blood-sweating
behemoth's cage, and personally conducted it to the Fair Grounds. When
the tarpaulin was removed it was discovered that the cage had been so
badly damaged in transit that immediate repairs were necessary.
Arrangements were accordingly made to transfer the behemoth to another
cage; and while the roustabouts were still something of a hindrance to
the youthful superintendent, matters progressed smoothly until Sport
appeared on the scene, fawning humbly and wagging his tail with
obsequious joy at the sight of his master.
Sube had placed the dog in solitary confinement before leaving home for
the express purpose of preventing his attendance at the circus, and he
was greatly annoyed at this display of presumption. He intimated as much
in a gruff undertone followed by the vicious throwing of several
imaginary rocks. Sport retired with a deeply injured air, and was soon
lost to sight in the crowd.
But just as the huge hulk of the blood-sweating behemoth was passing
from one cage to the other the faithful animal came back and made a
heroic effort to save his master's life by attempting to attack the
hideous beast through the bars of the temporary fence by which it was
confined.
The unexpectedness of the onslaught caused the behemoth to shy so
violently from its assailant that it knocked down the fence on the
farther side of the lane through which it was being urged, and suddenly
found itself free and unfettered. Meanwhile Sport was pressing his
attack with great vocal enthusiasm, and was showing signs of closing in
on his quarry. He abandoned this idea, however, when the behemoth turned
and made a counter-charge. It was then that a parade not on the program
took place.
It was led by Sport, at a pace totally at variance with the ordinary
formal circus-wagon parade, for Sport was capable of much more speed
than his years and his rheumatism would have induced one to believe. In
fact, the only thing that prevented him from making a world's record was
his tail, which kept getting tangled up with his front legs.
A short distance behind Sport came the behemoth, lumbering, careening
and snorting, but making very rapid progress. Then after a long blank
space came Sube the Showman, on a bicycle he had commandeered for the
occasion, pressed to the utmost to maintain the pace set by the leaders.
Not far behind Sube came a motley crowd of blasphemous circus-hands and
howling urchins. The rear guard was made up of the more mature onlookers
whose curiosity was mightier than their caution.
The parade proceeded by the most direct route to Canes' barn, the First
Section arriving only a few feet in advance of the Second. Nor did the
First Section tarry long in the barn; but hurled itself through a small
hole in the rear wall that led into its kennel--and there it fell
exhausted. The Second Section brought up with a loud snort in an
abandoned horse stall, and stood puffing and wheezing and wondering what
to do next, when the Third Section arrived and by almost superhuman
efforts managed to close the big barn-door all but a few inches.
The Third Section was peering so intently through the crack of the door
in an effort to see whether the Second Section was sweating blood
exackly as advertised, that it failed to note the coming of a
rubber-tired runabout drawn by a team of milk-white Arabians, until the
red-faced individual in charge of the conveyance exploded:
"Well--I'll--be--blowed!"
Sube quickly turned around, and recognizing at a glance that the man
belonged with the circus, cried exultantly:
"I've got 'im!"
"So I should judge," replied the man, smiling broadly.
At this moment the broken ranks of the Fourth Section began to arrive,
badly winded but still swearing magnificently.
"What do you know about that, boys!" shouted the red-faced individual,
pointing with his milk-white whip at a poster on the barn-door.
It was a relic of Sube's circus.
OnLY GenUWiNe BLooD SweATTiNg
BoHemuTH oF HoLy WRiT iN
cAPiTiVity ADmiSion 5sTc
1o MArbLeS oR 20 PiNs
"Did you capture him yourself?" asked the red-faced individual as he
clambered heavily from the runabout.
"Yes, sir."
"May I see him?"
Sube's assurance fled. His bashful reply was almost inaudible. "Yes,
sir," he mumbled.
"Five cents, I suppose," said the showman loudly as he pressed an
unexpected nickel into Sube's hand and peered into the barn.
Sube backed away a few steps and stood picking at the nickel with his
thumbnail when the showman turned from the door and said to the circus
hands:
"He's in there all right. Go after him!" Then placing a large red hand
on Sube's shoulder he added, "Young man, my name's Barney. I've been in
the show business a good many years. But when you get ready to take your
show on the road, I'll get ready to retire. You've got _me_ skinned a
mile!"
Supposing that this was some sort of a doubtful compliment Sube hung his
head. He rubbed his lips with the back of his hand. He bored his heel
into the earth. A sudden feeling of aversion for the loud-mouthed
showman and his cursing assistants swept over him. He decided to abandon
his career as a showman. And without raising his eyes he said:
"I ain't goin' int' the show business. I'm goin' to be a lawyer."