AN OLFACTORY RETORT
Up to the time that Biscuit struck the water he had uttered no outcry.
He had perfect confidence in his ability to swim and accordingly took
the affair in the light of a rough joke. But when he came to the surface
after his initial ducking he uttered a piercing shriek and went down
again.
"He can't swim a stroke!" cried Sube as he hurriedly swam towards the
spot where Biscuit had disappeared.
When Biscuit came up the second time Sube grabbed him by the hair, and
with the assistance of Gizzard towed him to shore. He was soon stretched
out on the grassy slope, head downwards to insure better drainage. And
even before the water was all out of him he gulped out spasmodically:
"I can swim all right, only they threw me in upside down! I ain't
learned to swim that way yet!"
"You're all right, Biscuit!" Sube assured him. "You can swim like a
fish!"
"Sure I can!... Didn't I swim to shore?"
"Well, you're here, ain't you? How could you get here if you didn't
swim? When you go home you tell your mother you can swim like a fish, or
she'll never let you come down here again."
"Well, I can, can't I?"
"Sure you can; just exactly."
"Then that's what I'll tell her."
"And you better not say an'thing about those big fellers helpin' you
into the water, either," Sube advised.
"Oh, I have to tell her everybody I play with!" exclaimed Biscuit
piously, "if she asks me."
"All right," muttered Sube, "if you call that playin'."
"But what'll I tell her 'bout my clo's bein' all wet?" asked Biscuit.
"Tell her you left 'em too near the bank, and they got pushed in--"
"Oh! I wouldn't tell my mother a lie for anything!"
"Lie? That's no lie! If you'd left 'em back there in the bushes they
wouldn't of got in the water, now would they?"
"Oh, no! Not if I'd left 'em way back there."
"So you _did_ leave 'em too near the water, jus' as I said!"
Biscuit blinked in wordless approval.
That evening while Seth Bissett and Warren Sours with a number of their
associates were enjoying their evening dip, a hooked stick slowly
reached out from the nearby shrubbery, and having become attached to one
of the many articles of wearing apparel lying on the grass, drew it
gently into the bushes. After a moment it was restored in the same way
and another article taken. After this had gone on for some time the
stick disappeared and was seen no more.
When the swimmers came out of the water at the approach of darkness it
was apparent that something had gone wrong. An aroma that could not be
wholly disregarded made known its undesirable presence. At first it
seemed to be located somewhere about the grass plot, but as they
finished dressing and started for home they discovered that it was
apparently everywhere.
On the way Seth Bissett tarried for a friendly chat at the gate of a
certain young lady, but found her unusually distant. So much so that in
spite of his innocence of the cause, he deemed it prudent not to prolong
his visit. Warren Sours went home; and as he entered the house with a
jocular remark about the contaminated state of the atmosphere he was
informed that until his arrival it had been quite satisfactory.
Retirement to the stable followed; and with the aid of a lantern he
finally found in each of his hip pockets a pasty smear, that from the
presence of a small piece of tinfoil in addition to certain other
deductions, he took to be the remnants of a piece of superannuated
limburger cheese. Further evidences were found inside his hatband, and
under the innersole of each of his shoes, but not until several days
later.
Subsequent inquiry developed that none of the persons at the pool that
night had been spared, although no two were attacked in the same place.
Two days elapsed before Seth Bissett found a thin layer of the
"dreadful" inside the lining of his favorite necktie, and in the
meantime he had nearly hated himself to death. It was a week before
Chuck Smith located a smear in the back of his watchcase, and during all
that time he was haunted by a suspicion that he was no longer good
company for man or beast. After changing his entire wardrobe several
times in an effort to forget that fatal swim, Bob Beach found when he
had occasion to use his purse a few days later that all his money,
though honestly earned, had become badly tainted.
Nobody seemed to be able to account for the mysterious attack. Some of
the swimmers accused each other, only to arouse vigorous denial, and
there was no proof. But Seth Bissett had his suspicions, and they were
well founded.
If Mrs. Cane had known of the pollution that swept over the
swimming-hole that night, she would doubtless have supposed that Sube
was attacked in common with the others; for he came home reeking of a
loathsome odor that he was unable to account for. But, of course, Mrs.
Cane heard little of the swimming-hole gossip.
"What _have_ you been doing!" she exclaimed as Sube came into the room.
"Never mind about that," growled his father. "Where are you going just
about as fast as you can get there!"
Sube looked from one of his parents to the other in utter surprise.
"What have I done now?" he asked.
"Heaven only knows!" Mr. Cane exploded. "But do get out of this room
with it!"
"With what?" asked the amazed boy, holding out his empty hands. "I ain't
got an'thing."
Mr. Cane mangled the air with gestures of futility while his wife laid
aside her embroidery and stood up.
"You've got something on you that doesn't smell very good. Come with--"
"Doesn't smell very good!" repeated Mr. Cane sarcastically. "Of all the
feeble language! I can describe it for you in one short word!"
"Sam-u-el! Don't be vulgar! You run along to the bathroom, Sube. We'll
try a little ammonia."
"Ammonia!" jeered Mr. Cane. "Am-mo-nia! You'd better boil him in
muriatic acid and bury him for three weeks! A little ammonia," he
repeated as he stood up and opened another window. Then his curiosity
got the better of him. "Sube," he called, "I want to ask you a few
questions--but you needn't come back here! Stop right there where you
are."
A scowl of suspicion came over Sube's face as he halted and turned
towards the author of his existence.
"Where have you been this evening?" his father began.
"Nowheres--jus' playin' round."
"Round where? Round what?"
"Jus' round here everyplace. I couldn't tell--"
"Well, tell me one place."
"Sir?--Why out in the back yard."
"Where else?"
"Why,--we went over in Bowers' back yard."
A ray of light came over Mr. Cane's stern visage as he asked, "You
weren't playing garbage-man, were you?"
"No! sir!" exclaimed Sube with a look of outraged innocence.
"Where else did you play?" asked his father.
"Where else?--Why--out in the street."
"Well, where else?"
"Over on the back street."
"Well," Mr. Cane was glowering now, "where else?"
"Over on the other street by the coalyard."
"And what game were you playing in all these different streets?"
demanded the inquisitor who was now showing signs of irritation.
"Oh, different games. First we'd play one game awhile, and then
another--"
"You weren't playing sewer inspector, were you?"
"No, sir," muttered the boy as he made a mental note of two games he had
never tried, but would at the first opportunity.
"Haven't you any idea where you got into this unspeakable effluvium?"
demanded his father with ill-restrained petulance.
"No, sir; not unless I might of got it up by the church. I was playin'
round up there part of the time, and I noticed some'pm smelled kind o'
funny, but I couldn't find out--"
"All right. Go on. Get the stuff off from you if you can--but don't come
in here again to-night!"
Sube moved on to the bathroom, where he found that his mother had drawn
a bowl of hot water into which she had put a generous quantity of
ammonia and a scrubbing-brush. But after superintending the operation
for a short time from a point over near the window, she retired, leaving
Sube to his own devices. As soon as she was gone he let out the ammonia
water on the ground that it interfered with his breathing, and hurriedly
rinsing his hands in plain cold water wiped them on the bath mat (as his
father afterward discovered) and slipped down the back stairs to rejoin
his companions in the yard for a good ol' game of rat tail.