BLOOD OUT OF TURNIPS
In the past Mr. Harnden had regularly referred to Egypt as a good
jumping-off place; he emphasized the jest by pointing to the ledge
outcroppings which indicated that the landscape would not sag under the
weight of the most energetic jumper. Then away he would go!
His detractors said that he was in the habit of coming home when affairs
were in such a bad way with him that he could not stay anywhere else.
His wife and daughter had never admitted anything of the sort, even to
each other. They affectionately welcomed Mr. Harnden when he came; after
he had stoked the fires of his faith, and they had darned his socks and
mended his shirts, they gave him the accustomed encouraging and loving
Godspeed when he went away again under a full head of optimism. They
always agreed with him, on each going-away, that this was surely the
time when Opportunity was waiting outside.
But for many weeks Opportunity had seemed to be camping with Mr. Harnden
right in his own home town. He was brisk, radiant, and apparently
prosperous.
Therefore, when he announced in the bosom of his family that he proposed
to go away for a time, his wife and daughter were frankly astonished.
It was directly after breakfast on the morning following Mr. Harnden's
return from the shire town.
He did not display his usual jocose manner when he referred to Egypt as
a jumping-off place. Vona found a sort of furtive uneasiness in the way
he glanced out of the window and fingered his vest-pocket equipment. And
he trod to and fro with the air of a man stepping on hot bricks.
“But you have said you are doing so well in your new business, father!”
Vona's straightforward gaze was disconcerting.
Mr. Harnden kept on with his patrol. “Confound it. I've got to get into
towns where there's more dirt if I'm going to sell any more nursery
stock!”
“Oh, is that it? But I happened to go up in the attic and I found your
sample books thrown behind a trunk, and I was afraid--”
“Afraid of what?” he demanded, with childish temper.
“Afraid you were giving up what seems to be a sure thing. The other
ventures have been such uncertainties!” she returned, her business
woman's composure unaffected by his reproachful stare.
“The books were all smutched up--too many dirty fingers afoul of them.
I shall get new ones--providing I stay in that line.” He was not
convincing. “We'll see--we'll see! I've got to be moving. These are busy
times for me.”
“But you don't say when you're coming back, Joe!” quavered his wife.
“Why should I begin to set dates now, when I never have in past times?”
“Oh, I suppose it's because we've got so used to having you at home,”
she confessed.
“I'm leaving matters in better shape than I ever did before,” said Mr.
Harnden, pompously. “I have been worried about my home in the past when
I have had to be absent on my business. We have Tasper in the house now.
And he will not only guard and protect, but he will pay as he goes. I
may not go far or stay long. Just let it stand that way. Tell inquiring
friends that. I'll keep you posted. You know what my business is; it
takes me here--it takes me there.” He gave his wife a peck of a kiss and
patted Vona's shoulder when he passed her. He picked up a valise in the
hallway.
The girl followed him. “Father, always when you have been away, mother
and I have felt perfectly comfortable and safe here in our home. If Mr.
Britt hasn't the sense or the good taste to go somewhere else to board,
won't you suggest to him that he'd better do so?”
“Nothing of the sort, Vona!” declared Harnden. “That contractor has
brought a lot of strangers here to work on Britt's house, seeing that
the men of this town are biting off their noses to spite their faces!
I wouldn't take a minute's peace, knowing that my home is unprotected,
unless I felt that a friend of mine was here as guardian. Oh, I know
what you mean! But I have the safety of my family to consider instead of
a girl's whims.”
She did not argue the matter. His peppery impatience was increasing.
This time he was not departing with his customary bland hopefulness.
She knew the sort of selfishness her father possessed and how he avoided
scenes that troubled his smug serenity. But on this occasion he seemed
to be impelled by some urgent reason outside of mere anxiety to be away
from complaining tongues.
He hurried out of the house and went to the stable, and she said no
further word.
Ten minutes later he drove away, flinging a kiss to his womenfolks from
the finger tips of the yellow gloves.
He headed directly out of the village and drove at a good clip.
However, one might have concluded that Mr. Harnden's destination was not
as clearly settled in his mind as the haste of his departure suggested.
When he came to four corners he pulled up and looked to right and to
left and to the straight ahead. Mr. Harnden was too well acquainted
with all the roads of Egypt and its environs to be confused by anything
except strictly personal and peculiar doubts which had nothing to do
with the matter of destination. He looked up into the heavens, as if he
really wished that he might be able to escape from Egypt by flight. Then
he did literally what the Yankee phrase suggests by way of synonym for
taking counsel--“he looked between the horse's ears.” He narrowed
his eyes in meditation and spoke aloud. “I reckon it's only general
nervousness on account of overwork and women's foolishness. There ain't
one chance in ten that they'll get around to it to-day.”
Arriving at that comfortable conclusion, Mr. Harnden lighted a cigar and
chirruped to his horse and drove straight on.
The road zigzagged through an alder swamp for some distance, and the
horse footed along slowly because a portion of the way was patched with
sapling “corduroy.” And with the impulse of a man who had been obliged
to waste time, and saw an opportunity to get on, Harnden whipped up when
he was again facing a smooth road. Therefore he came suddenly around
the bend of the alders into cleared country and abreast a farm. It was
a farm made up of the alluvial soil of the lowlands and was a rather
pretentious tract of tillage, compared with the other hillside apologies
of Egypt. And the buildings were in fairly good repair. It was the home
of Jared Sparks Grant, the first selectman of the town.
Mr. Harnden did not look to right or left as his horse trotted past.
He did not appear to be interested in the affairs of Egyptians that
day--even in the case of the town's chief executive. When Harnden was
hailed raucously he did not pull up, though he heard his name. After a
few moments a gun banged behind him.
“I'm saving the other barrel,” the voice announced, after Harnden had
steered his horse from the gutter into the road; the animal had been
frightened by the pattering of shot in the foliage of a tree overhead.
“You'll get it straight, Harnden, unless you drive back here!”
When Harnden wheeled the horse and returned he perceived a dooryard
group which he had affected not to see a few moments before.
There were Jared Sparks Grant, his son, his womenfolks, his hired
man; Mr. Harnden recognized all of them, of course. He also recognized
Deputy-sheriff Wagner Dowd from the shire town. Dowd had a couple of
helpers with him. It was plain that the shotgun which had halted Mr.
Harnden had been very nigh at hand and ready for use; there was a look
about the folks in the dooryard which suggested an armed truce, now
prolonged, for the handling of the new arrival.
“Don't you realize what's going on here?” demanded Selectman Grant, his
weapon in the hook of his arm.
“No!” asserted Mr. Harnden.
“I know a blamed sight better! You can't look at this deputy sheriff
without turning redder than one of the apples in that fake picture book
of yours. You know what you have been doing in this town.”
The selectman's tone was offensively harsh and loud. Mr. Harnden
was moved to show a little spirit, having been cornered--and feeling
protected by the presence of an officer of the law. “I have been doing
business!”
“Scooping in town orders, you mean!”
“Taking them in the due course of my business, Mr. Selectman. I had a
right to do it!”
“And what did you do with those orders?”
“I passed them on--still in the course of my business.”
“And you don't know into whose hands they have come?”
“Oh no!”
The selectman stepped close to the carriage and brandished his gun.
“While this town was staggering along, trying to find a way out, only
a hellion would take and make a club out of those orders and hit us the
last and final clip with 'em. You've done it, Harnden! For the sake of
the dirty money you've done it. They were letting those orders rest
easy till we could get the legislature and have things put into some
condition where we'd know what's what. Through your work some land
pirate has got hold of those town orders. There isn't a cent in the town
treasury. You know it.”
He whirled away from Harnden and shook the gun at the deputy sheriff.
“I sha'n't believe your law, Dowd, till I've been and talked with Squire
Hexter.”
“Go and talk! But in the meantime a good lawyer has told me what to
do and has given me the documents, and I'm not trying the case in your
dooryard. I have levied on those oxen and I shall take 'em along.”
“Do you hear that, Harnden? That's what you have done to your town,”
bellowed the infuriated selectman. “He says there's a law allowing a
creditor to levy on the property of any citizen of a town to satisfy
a judgment. Judgment has been secured on those town orders. They are
jumping on me first.”
“It's what the lawyer told me to do,” insisted the officer. “'Start with
the selectman,' says he. 'That shows the others where they get off.'
Grant, I'm here with the papers and the right to act.” He advanced close
to the selectman, waggling admonitory forefinger. “I've been excusing
your feelings. I don't blame you! This is tough. It's the penalty you
pay for living in such a town. But I don't propose to stand for any more
of that gunplay. Hand it over!”
Grant hesitated. The officer snatched away the gun, broke it down,
and pulled out the undischarged shell. He put that into his pocket and
shoved the gun under the seat of a wagon. “You can have this gun back
after the war is over. Now to business! You claim that the oxen are
exempt because you have no horses. All right! I see you have a dozen
cows. I'll take three of those. I'm fair, you see! You're only entitled
to one cow. But keep nine. I'm going to spread the thing around town
till I have enough to satisfy this judgment. It's for one hundred and
ninety dollars. What say, now? Do you want to pay a fine for obstructing
an officer?”
Selectman Grant shook his head. The flame of his rage had died down into
sullen rancor. He went along to Harnden's carriage and suddenly nipped
that gentleman's nose between toil-calloused index and middle fingers.
“They tell me there's no law against doing this,” he said between his
yellow, hard-set teeth, as he twisted at the nose, while Harnden's eyes
ran water. “If there is a law, I hope you'll stay handy by in this
town and prosecute while we're heating the tar and getting the feathers
ready.”
Sheriff Dowd took advantage of Selectman Grant's preoccupation with
Harnden. He gave off orders to his helpers and they lowered the bars of
the barnyard and started away with the cows.
There was a general disintegration of the group. Mrs. Grant led the
lamenting womenfolk into the house. Mr. Harnden did not really extricate
his nose; Grant twisted so violently that he broke his own grip, and his
victim laced the whip under the horse's belly and escaped.
Within ten minutes Selectman Grant was whipping his own horse in a
direction opposite to that which Harnden had taken. Mr. Grant was hot
after law.
Squire Hexter gave him the law, and cold comfort.
“They can do it, Jared. Outsiders can get hold of unpaid town orders
and put on the screws if they're that heartless. It isn't done once in a
dog's age. But, as I say, it can be done when a creditor is ugly enough.
Harnden didn't say, did he, just who brought the orders?”
“I wouldn't have believed him if he did say! But he didn't say.”
“And you don't know the man who secured judgment?”
“Never heard of him.”
“I will try to trace the matter, Jared. No, keep your wallet in your
pocket. There's no charge. It's a case where the interests of the
citizens in general are concerned. I'm the regularly elected town agent,
as you know!” The Squire smiled. “I'll take a town order for my pay.”
He looked out of the window. “It's about time for somebody else to come
larruping up here after law! Don't hurry, Jared! Wait and hear what's
happened to the neighbors!”
The selectman sat gloomily, elbows squared on his knees, and waited.
Almost opposite the Squire's office the rattle-te-bang business on
Britt's premises was going on.
“I wonder whether Tasper will dare to go ahead and build his palace
after he hears the latest news,” suggested the Squire. “You must be
told, Jared, that after the live stock of the town has been thinned
down to the essentials permitted by law, then the farms and general real
estate can be levied on.”
Grant lifted his haggard face and stared at the Squire. “Then, outside
of the cook stove and my clothes, I don't know whether I'm worth a
blasted cent, hey? They can dreen me slow with a gimlet, or let it out
all at once with a pod auger, can they? That's what the law can do _to_
me, you say! What can it do _for_ me, Squire Hexter?”
“Well, Jared, they'll take your cows over to the shire and auction them
off for what they'll bring. You can sue this town and recover the real
value of the cows, along with interest at twelve per cent. That is to
say, you can get judgment against the town for that amount.”
“And then I can go over to my neighbor's and grab away any loose
property I can find of his?”
“You can do it!”
“Look here, Squire, that makes it nothing except a game of 'tag, you're
it,' and a case of 'I've got my fingers crossed'! The whole of us
running around in circles, and the lawyers picking up all the loose
change we drop from our pockets. Where do we wind up?”
The Squire shook his head slowly and reached down and stroked one of
Eli's ears. “Eli was telling me that Jones thought he had invented
perpetual motion when he tied a piece of liver to a pup's tail and set
the pup to revolving; but the pup wore out.”
Grant sat for some minutes and harkened to the bang of the hammers
across the way. “I don't understand how a farseeing man like Tasp Britt
dares to build a good house here,” he growled.
“Oh, the pup may be worn out by the time it is finished--or those
towers may mean that he intends to list it as a meetinghouse and have it
exempted from taxation, Jared. We shall see!”
But whatever it was that the selectman saw, as he sat there and stared
at the wall of Squire Hexter's office, it evidently was not serving in
the way of comfort.
The Squire's prediction about other seekers for law was fulfilled before
long. The deputy sheriff had proceeded on his travels. The afflicted
parties came up the Squire's stairs. Arden Young reported that three
of his best cows were driven away. George Jordan and his cousin J. O.
Jordan each surrendered two faithful moolies. It was plain that Sheriff
Dowd proposed to make sure that there was auction material enough to
yield one hundred and ninety dollars, along with the costs.
“Jared,” suggested the notary, “you'd better have an accounting and find
out how many of those town orders were issued when the reckless spirit
was on. Somebody has decided to milk the old town. It is being done
scientifically, seeing that this first mess is so modest. But we need to
know about how many messes we're expected to give down.”
Inside of a fortnight there were two more milkings.
At about that time Tasper Britt started proceedings to foreclose a
couple of mortgages. The debtors despondently declared that they would
not attempt to redeem the property; they told Britt that he could
have it for what he could get out of it. The usurer tried to show
disinclination to take over real estate in Egypt, but he did not make a
very good job of the pretense. He had the air of a man who expected to
be obliged to tussle for something, but had had the something dropped
into his grasp when he merely touched the holder's knuckles.
Britt had a map of the town in his office desk. He began to color
sections with a red crayon. According to Mr. Britt's best judgment in
the matter, he was in a fine way to own a whole town--a barony six miles
square--at an extremely reasonable figure. From the selectman down,
nobody seemed to feel that Egypt property was worth anything. As to
beginning suits against the town, nobody felt like paying lawyers' fees
and piling up costs. It was like tilting against a fog bank. And in a
veritable fog bank of doubt and despair the unhappy Egyptians wandered
around and around.