"A year ago I was in the dreariest stage of agnosticism. I was in
despair at times, and sometimes my very soul seemed to be in agony.
Through reading scientific literature I had been convinced that
most of the religious teaching I had learned was false. The
flippancy and shallowness of Ingersoll and his school disgusted me.
I could not find rest in materialism; I considered it as far astray
from the truth as Orthodoxy. I was nineteen years old, and found
myself facing the most tremendous problems of existence. I tried to
tell myself to wait for maturer years to solve them, and to a great
extent that satisfied me. But I still yearned for
_something_,--simply this: 'My soul cried out for the living God!'
Alas! I could not find him. I looked around me for a little
sympathy or a kind word even, but I looked in vain. Every Sunday I
heard denunciations of such views as mine. I heard a great deal of
'blatant atheists,' 'infidel scientists,' etc., but no sympathy for
a despairing agnostic,--only scorn and ridicule. It pained me
intensely to be misunderstood by even those dearest to me on earth,
but I determined to stand firm for what I took to be the truth. Oh
for some men to preach a little charity for the views of others,
and to consider a man as not being necessarily worse than a
criminal because he cannot accept their own views! I owe you a
large debt of gratitude for being the means of lifting me out of a
state of misery and despair, in which I had no pleasure in life,
into a state of cheerfulness, happiness, hope, and peace; not
intellectual peace,--for I do not expect that,--but real 'soul
peace,' a calm trust and a real faith in a living God. I have been
surprised to see how largely Unitarian theology is based on
science. I owe it to science that my life is something more than
daily drudgery. The foundation of my scepticism was laid when I
learned the rudiments of natural philosophy in school. I was
astonished at what I read of Nature's wonders. Since leaving school
I have been an ardent reader of all kinds of scientific literature.
By means of the Mechanics' Institute I have the use of all the
magazines, reviews, etc., besides a splendid library. I have read a
great deal that I did not understand,--books which are beyond my
years; but I have a good idea of what is occupying the minds of the
world's thinkers in this nineteenth century. One of the best
lessons I have learned from the literature you have sent me is
faith,--a very different kind of faith from the mere credulity I
once knew by that name. At times I am dazed and confounded when I
think of the great mysteries surrounding us, especially of the
mysteries of death; but I feel that a good God is over all, and the
main thing is to do right, and all will be well. I cannot express
how much I owe you for the great good you have done me. You have my
heartfelt thanks."