ABERDEEN, _Feb. 4, 1638_.
CCLXXXV.--_To_ ROBERT GORDON _of Knockbrex_.
(_NOT OUR CROSS, BUT CHRIST, THE OBJECT OF ATTRACTION--TOO LITTLE
EXPECTED FROM HIM--SPIRITUAL DEADNESS._)
MY VERY DEAR BROTHER,--Grace, mercy, and peace be unto you.--I thought
to have answered your two letters on this occasion, though I cannot
say all that I would. Your timeous word, "not to delight in the cross,
but in Him who sweeteneth it," came to me in due time. I find the
consolation and off-fallings that follow the cross of Christ so sweet,
that I almost forget myself. My desire and purpose is, when Christ's
honeycombs drop, neither to refuse to receive and feed upon His
comforts, nor yet to make joy my bastard-god, or my new-found heaven.
But what shall I say? Christ very often in His sweet comforts cometh
unsent for, and it were a sin to close the door upon Him. It is not
unlawful to love and delight in Christ's apples, when I am not
dotingly wooing, nor eagerly begging kisses; but when they come clean
from the timber[398] (like kindness itself, that cometh of its own
accord), then I cannot but laugh upon Him who laugheth upon me. If joy
and comforts come single and alone, without Christ Himself, I think I
would send them back again the gate they came, and not make them
welcome; but, when the King's train cometh, and the King in the midst
of the company, oh how I am overjoyed with floods of love! I fear not
that too great spaits of love wash away the growing corn, and loose my
plants at the roots. Christ doeth no skaith, where He cometh; but
certainly, I would wish such spiritual wisdom, as to love the
Bridegroom better than His gifts, His propines, or drink-money. I
would be further in upon Christ than at His joys. They but stand in
the outer side of Christ; I would wish to be in, as a seal upon His
heart, in where His love and mercy lodgeth, beside His heart. My
Well-beloved hath ravished me; but it is done with consent of both
parties, and it is allowable enough. But, my dear brother, ere I part
with this subject, I must tell you (that ye may lift up my King in
praises with me), Christ hath been keeping something these fourteen
years for me, that I have now gotten in my heavy days that I am in for
His name's sake, even an opened coffer of perfumed comforts, and fresh
joys, coming new, and green, and powerful, from the fairest face of
Christ my Lord. Let the sour law, let crosses, let hell be cried down;
love, love hath shamed me from my old ways. Whether I have a race to
run, or some work to do, I see not; but I think Christ seemeth to
leave heaven (to say so), and His court, and come down to laugh, and
play, and sport with a daft bairn.
[398] The tree.
I am not thus plain with many I write to. It is possible I be
misconstructed, and deemed to seek a name. But my witness above
knoweth that I seek to have a good name raised upon Christ. I observe
it to be our folly, to seek little from Christ, because our four-hours
may not be our supper, nor our propines sent by the Bridegroom our
tocher-good, nor our earnest our principal sum. But I trow that few of
us know how much may be had of Christ for a four-hours, and a propine,
and an earnest. We are like the young heir, who knoweth not the whole
bounds of his own lordship. Certainly it is more than my part to say,
"O sweetest Lord Jesus, what howbeit I were split and broken into five
thousand shreds or bits of clay, so being that every shred had a heart
to love Thee, and every one as many tongues as there are in heaven to
sing praises to Thee, before men and angels for evermore!" Therefore,
if my sufferings cry goodness, and praise, and honour upon Christ, my
stipend is well paid. Each one knoweth not what a life Christ's love
is. Scaur not at suffering for Christ; for Christ hath a chair, and a
cushion, and sweet peace for a sufferer. Christ's trencher from the
first mess of the high table is for a sinful witness. Oh, then,
brother, who but Christ! who but Christ! Hold your tongue off lovers,
where He cometh out. O all flesh, O dust and ashes, O angels, O
glorified spirits, O all the shields of the world, be silent before
Him! Come hither, and behold our Bridegroom; stand still and wonder
for evermore at Him! Why cease we to love and wonder, to kiss and
adore Him? It is a hard matter, that days lie betwixt Him and me, and
hold us asunder. Oh, how long, how long! Oh, how many miles are there
to my Bridegroom's dwelling-house! It is a pain to frist Christ's love
any longer. But, it may be that a drunken man lose his feet, and miss
a step. Ye write to me "Hall-binks are slippery." I do not think my
dawting world will still[399] last, and that feasts will be my
ordinary food. I would have humility, patience, and faith to set down
both my feet, when I come to the north side of the cold and thorny
hill. It is ill my common to be sweer to go an errand for Christ, and
to take the wind upon my face for Him. Lord, let me never be a false
witness, to deny that I saw Christ take the pen in His hand, and
subscribe my writs.
[399] Always.
My dear brother, ye complain to me that ye cannot hold sight of me.
But were I a footman, I would go at leisure; but sometimes the King
taketh me into His coach, and draweth me, and then I outrun myself.
But, alas! I am still a forlorn transgressor. Oh how unthankful! I
will not put you off your sense of darkness; but let me say this, "Who
gave you proctor-fee, to speak for the law, which can speak for itself
better than ye can do?" I would not have you to bring your dittay in
your own bosom with you to Christ. Let the "old man" and the "new man"
be summoned before Christ's white throne, and let them be confronted
before Christ, and let each of them speak for themselves. I hope,
howbeit the new man complain of his lying among pots, which maketh the
believer look black, yet he can also say, "I am comely as the tents of
Kedar." Ye shall not have my advice not to bemoan your deadness; but I
find by some experience (which ye knew before I knew Christ), that it
suiteth not a ransomed man, of Christ's buying, to go and plea for the
sour law, our old forcasten husband; for we are not now under the law
(as a covenant), but under grace. Ye are in no man's common, but
Christ's. I know that He bemoaneth you more than you do yourself. I
say this, because I am wearied of complaining. I thought it had been
humility to imagine that Christ was angry with me, both because of my
dumb Sabbaths, and my hard heart; but I feel now nothing but aching
wounds. My grief, whether I will or not, swelleth upon me. But let us
die in grace's hall-floor, pleading before Christ. I deny nothing
that the Mediator will challenge me of; but I turn it all back upon
Himself. Let Him look His own old accounts, if He be angry; for He
will get no more of me. When Christ saith, "I want repentance," I meet
Him with this: "True, Lord, but Thou art made a King and a Prince to
give me repentance" (Acts v. 34). When Christ bindeth a challenge upon
us, we must bind a promise back upon Him. Be wo, and lay yourself in
the dust before God (which is suitable), but withal let Christ take
the payment in His own hand, and pay Himself off the first end of His
own merits; else He will come behind for anything that we can do. I am
every way in your case, as hard-hearted and dead as any man; but yet I
speak to Christ through my sleep. Let us then proclaim a free market
for Christ, and swear ourselves bare, and cry on Him to come without
money and buy us, and take us home to our Ransom-payer's fireside, and
let us be Christ's free-boarders. Because we dow not pay the old, we
may not refuse to take on Christ's new debt of mercy; let us do our
best, Christ will still be behind with us,[400] and many terms will
run together. For my part, let me stand for evermore in His book, as a
forlorn dyvour. I must desire to be thus far in His common of new, as
to kiss His feet. I know not how to win to a heartsome fill and feast
of Christ's love; for I dow neither buy, nor beg, nor borrow, and yet
I cannot want it. I dow not want it! Oh, if I could praise Him! yea I
would rest content with a heart submissive and dying of love for Him.
And, howbeit I never win personally in at heaven's gates, oh, would to
God I could send in my praises to my incomparable Well-beloved, or
cast my love-songs of that matchless Lord Jesus over the walls, that
they might light in His lap, before men and angels!
[400] Will not have got from us all He claims.
Now, grace, grace be with you. Remember my love to your wife and
daughter, and brother John.
Yours, in his sweet Lord Jesus,