(_THE COMFORTS OF CHRIST'S CROSS--DESIRES FOR CHRIST._)
HONOURABLE AND CHRISTIAN LADY,--Grace, mercy, and peace be to you.--I
cannot but write to your Ladyship of the sweet and glorious terms I am
in with the most joyful King that ever was, under this well-thriving
and prosperous cross. It is my Lord's salvation, wrought by His own
right hand, that the water doth not suffocate the breath of hope, and
joyful courage, in the Lord Jesus; for His own person is still in the
camp with His poor soldier. I see that the cross is tied, with
Christ's hand, to the end of an honest profession. We are but fools to
endeavour to loose Christ's knot. When I consider the comforts of God,
I durst not consent to sell or wadset my short liferent of the cross
of the Lord Jesus. I know that Christ bought with His own blood a
right to sanctified and blessed crosses, in so far as they blow me
over the water to my long-desired home: and it were not good that
Christ should be the buyer and I the seller. I know that time and
death shall take sufferings fairly off my hand. I hope we shall have
an honest parting at night, when this cold and frosty afternoon-tide
of my evil and rough day shall be over. Well is my soul of either
sweet or sour, that Christ hath any part or portion in: if He be at
the one end of it, it shall be well with me. I shall die ere I libel
faults against Christ's cross. It shall have my testimonial under my
hand, as an honest and saving mean of Christ for mortification and
faith's growth. I have a stronger assurance, since I came over the
Forth,[370] of the excellency of Jesus, than I had before. I am rather
about Him than in Him, while I am absent from Him in this house of
clay. But I would be in heaven, for no other cause than to essay and
try what boundless joy it must be to be over head and ears in my
well-beloved Christ's love. Oh that fair One hath my heart for
evermore! But alas, it is over-little for Him! Oh, if it were better
and more worthy for His sake! Oh, if I might meet with Him, face to
face, on this side of eternity, and might have leave to plead with
Him, that I am so hungered and famished here with the niggardly
portion of His love that He giveth me! Oh that I might be carver and
steward myself, at mine own will, of Christ's love (if I may lawfully
wish this!); then would I enlarge my vessel (alas! a narrow and ebb
soul), and take in a sea of His love. My hunger for it is hungry and
lean, in believing that ever I shall be satisfied with that love: so
fain would I have what I know I cannot hold. O Lord Jesus, delightest
Thou, delightest Thou, to pine and torment poor souls with the want of
Thy incomparable love? Oh, if I durst call Thy dispensation cruel! I
know that Thou Thyself art mercy, without either brim or bottom; I
know that Thou art a God bank-full of mercy and love; but, oh, alas!
little of it cometh my way. I die to look afar off to that love,
because I can get but little of it. But hope saith, "This Providence
shall ere long look more favourably upon poor bodies," and on me also.
Grace be with your Ladyship's spirit.
Your Ladyship's, in his sweet Lord Jesus,