ABERDEEN, _Sept. 9, 1637_.
CCLIV.--_To his Reverend and dear Brother_, MR. ROBERT BLAIR.
(_PERSONAL UNWORTHINESS--GOD'S GRACE--PRAYER FOR OTHERS._)
REVEREND AND DEAR BROTHER,--The reason ye give for not writing to me
affecteth me much, and giveth me a dash, when such an one as ye
conceive an opinion of me, or of anything in me. The truth is, when I
come home to myself, oh, what penury do I find, and how feckless is my
supposed stock, and how little have I! He to whom I am as crystal, and
who seeth through me, and perceiveth the least mote that is in me,
knoweth that I speak what I think and am convinced of: but men cast me
through a gross and wide sieve. My very dear brother, the room of the
least of all saints is too great for the like of me. But lest this
should seem art to fetch home reputation, I speak no more of it. It is
my worth to be Christ's ransomed sinner and sick one. His relation to
me is, that I am sick, and He is the Physician of whom I stand in
need. Alas! how often play I fast and loose with Christ! He bindeth, I
loose; He buildeth, I cast down; He trimmeth up a salvation for me,
and I mar it; I cast out with Christ, and He agreeth with me again,
twenty times a-day; I forfeit my kingdom and heritage, I lose what I
had; but Christ is at my back, and following on, to stoop and take up
what falleth from me. Were I in heaven, and had the crown on my head,
if free-will were my tutor, I should lose heaven. Seeing I lose myself
what wonder I should let go, and lose Jesus, my Lord? Oh, well to me
for evermore, that I have cracked my credit with Christ, and cannot by
law at all borrow from Him, upon my feckless and worthless bond and
faith! For my faith and reputation with Christ is, that I am a
creature that God will not put any trust into. I was, and am,
bewildered with temptations, and wanted a guide to heaven. Oh what
have I to say of that excellent, surpassing, and supereminent thing,
they call, _The grace of God_, the way of free redemption in Christ!
And when poor, poor I, dead in law, was sold, fettered, and imprisoned
in justice's closet-ward, which is hell and damnation; when I, a
wretched one, lighted upon noble Jesus, eternally kind Jesus,
tender-hearted Jesus (nay, when He lighted upon me first, and knew
me), I found that He scorned to take a price, or anything like hire,
of angels, or seraphim, or any of His creatures. And, therefore, I
would praise Him for this, that the whole army of the redeemed ones
sit rent-free in heaven. Our holding is better than blench: we are all
freeholders. And seeing that our eternal feu-duty is but thanks, oh
woful me! that I have but spilled thanks, lame, and broken, and
miscarried praises, to give Him. And so my silver is not good and
current with Christ, were it not that free merits have stamped it, and
washen it and me both! And for my silence I see somewhat better
through it now. If my high and lofty One, my princely and royal
Master, say, "Hold, hold thy peace, I lay bonds on thee, thou must
speak none," I would fain be content, and let my fire be smothered
under ashes, without light or flame! I cannot help it. I take laws
from my Lord, but I give none.
As for your journey to F.,[366] ye do well to follow it. The camp is
Christ's ordinary bed. A carried bed is kindly to the Beloved, down in
this lower house. It may be (and who knoweth but) our Lord hath some
centurions, whom ye are sent to. Seeing your angry mother denieth you
lodging and house-room with her, Christ's call to unknown faces must
be your second wind, seeing ye cannot have a first.[367] Oh that our
Lord would water again with a new visit this piece-withered and dry
hill of our widow, Mount Zion.
[366] This probably means France, as Mr. Blair at this time resolved
to go to that country as chaplain in Colonel Hepburn's regiment. He
embarked at Leith, but seeing the excessive wickedness of some of the
men, abandoned the enterprise, and returned to Edinburgh (Row's
"Continuation of Blair's Life," pp. 151-153).
[367] In his "Christ Dying and Drawing," p. 534 (1727), he uses the
same figurative language: "Compelled to arrive with a second wind, as
a crossed seaman--who should have had the west wind, but finds the
east wind is blowing, and so must just make the best of this second
wind." You cannot get the favour of your mother, the church, which
would have been a first wind to you, according to your desire;
therefore, sail with this other wind, to wit, this call in Providence
to visit foreign lands.
My dear brother, I shall think it comfort, if ye speak my name to our
Well-beloved. Wherever ye are, I am mindful of you. Oh that the Lord
would yet make the light of the moon in Scotland as the light of the
sun, and the light of the sun sevenfold brighter. For myself, as yet I
have received no answer whither to go. I wait on. Oh that Jesus had my
love! Let matters frame as they list, I have some more to do with
Christ; yet I would fain we were nearer.
Now the great Shepherd of the sheep, the very God of peace, establish
and confirm you till the day of His coming.
Yours, in his lovely and sweet Lord Jesus,