CCXLV.--To my LADY BOYD.
(_IMPERFECTIONS--YEARNINGS AFTER CHRIST--CHRIST'S SUPREMACY NOT
INCONSISTENT WITH CIVIL AUTHORITY._)
MY VERY HONOURABLE AND CHRISTIAN LADY,--Grace, mercy, and peace be to
you.--I received your letter, and am well pleased that your thoughts
of Christ stay with you, and that your purpose still is, by all means,
to take the kingdom of heaven by violence; which is no small conquest.
And it is a degree of watchfulness and thankfulness, also, to observe
sleepiness and unthankfulness. We have all good cause to complain of
false light, that playeth the thief and stealeth away the lantern,
when it cometh to the practice of constant walking with God. Our
journey is ten times a-day broken into ten pieces. Christ getteth but
only broken, and halved, and tired work of us, and, alas! too often
against the hair.[357]
[357] Against the grain.
I have been somewhat nearer the Bridegroom; but when I draw nigh, and
see my vileness, for shame I would be out of His presence again. But
yet, desire of His soul-refreshing love putteth blushing me under an
arrest. Oh, what am I, so loathsome a burden of sin, to stand beside
such a beautiful and holy Lord, such a high and lofty One who
inhabiteth eternity! But since it pleaseth Christ to condescend to
such an one as I, let shamefacedness be laid aside, and lose itself in
His condescending love. I would heartily be content to keep a corner
of the King's hall. Oh, if I were at the yonder end of my weak
desires, then should I be where Christ, my Lord and lover, liveth and
reigneth; there I should be everlastingly solaced with the sight of
His face, and satisfied with the surpassing sweetness of His matchless
love. But truly now I stand in the nether side of my desires; and with
a drooping head, and panting heart, I look up to fair Jesus, standing
afar off from us, whill corruption and death shall scour and refine
the body of clay, and rot out the bones of the old man of sin. In the
meantime we are blessed in sending word to the Beloved, that we love
to love Him; and till then, there is joy in wooing, suiting, lying
about His house, looking in at the windows, and sending a poor soul's
groans and wishes through a hole of the door to Jesus, till God send a
glad meeting. And blessed be God, that after a low ebb, and so sad a
word, "Lord Jesus, it is long since I saw Thee," that even then our
wings are growing, and the absence of sweet Jesus breedeth a new
fleece of desires and longings for Him. I know that no man hath a
velvet cross, but the cross is made of that which God will have it.
But verily, howbeit it be no warrantable market to buy a cross,[358]
yet I dare not say, "Oh that I had liberty to sell Christ's cross,"
lest therewith, also, I should sell joy, comfort, sense of love,
patience, and the kind visits of a Bridegroom. And, therefore, blessed
be God we get crosses unbought and good-cheap. Sure I am, it were
better to buy crosses for Christ than to sell them: howbeit neither be
allowed to us.
[358] No one is warranted, in God's market, to buy such a thing as a
trial; we must not bring trials on ourselves.
And for Christ's joyful coming and going, which your Ladyship speaketh
of, I bear with it, as love can permit. It should be enough to me, if
I were wise, that Christ will have joy and sorrow halvers of the life
of the saints, and that each of them should have a share of our days;
as the night and the day are kindly partners and halvers of time, and
take it up betwixt them. But if sorrow be the greedier halver of our
days here, I know that joy's day shall dawn, and do more than
recompense all our sad hours. Let my Lord Jesus (since He willeth to
do so) weave my bit and span-length of time with white and black, well
and wo, with the Bridegroom's coming and His sad departure, as warp
and woof in one web; and let the rose be neighboured with the thorn;
yet hope that maketh not ashamed hath written a letter and lines of
hope to the mourners in Zion, that it shall not be long so. When we
are over the water, Christ shall cry down crosses, and up heaven for
evermore! and down hell, and down death, and down sin, and down
sorrow! and up glory, up life, up joy for evermore! In this hope, I
sleep quietly in Christ's bosom whill He come who is not slack; and
would sleep so, were it not that the noise of the devil, and of sin's
feet, and the cries of an unbelieving heart, awaken me. But, for the
present, I have nothing whereof I can accuse Christ's cross. Oh, if I
could please myself in Christ only!
I hope, Madam, that your sons will improve their power for Jesus. For
there is no danger, neither is there any question or justling betwixt
Christ and authority (though our enemies falsely state the question),
as if Christ and authority could not abide under one roof. The
question only is, betwixt Christ and men in authority. Authority is
for and from Christ, and sib to Him; how then can He make a plea with
it? Nay, the truth is, worms and gods of clay are risen up against
Christ. If the fruit of your Ladyship's womb be helpers of Christ, ye
have good ground to rejoice in God.
All that your Ladyship can expect for your good-will to me and my
brother (a wronged stranger for Christ), is the prayers of a prisoner
of Jesus, to whom I recommend your Ladyship, and your house and
children; and in whom I am, Madam,
Your Ladyship's in Christ,