CCIV.--_To_ MARGARET FULLERTON.
(_CHRIST, AND NOT CREATURES, WORTHY OF ALL LOVE--LOVE NOT TO BE
MEASURED BY FEELING._)
MISTRESS,--Grace, mercy, and peace be to you.--I am glad that ever ye
did cast your love on Christ; fasten more and more love every day on
Him. Oh, if I had a river of love, a sea of love that would never go
dry, to bestow upon Him! But, alas, the pity! Christ hath beauty for
me, but I have not love for Him. Oh, what pain is it to see Christ in
His beauty, and then to want a heart and love for Him! But I see that
want we must, till Christ lend us, never to be paid again. Oh that He
would empty these vaults and lower houses (of these poor souls) of
bastard and base lovers, which we follow! And verily, I see no object
in heaven or in earth that I could ware this much of love upon, that I
have upon Christ. Alas! that clay, and time, and shadows, run away
with our love, which is ill spent upon any but upon Christ. Each fool
at the day of judgment will seek back his love from the creatures,
when he shall see them all in a fair fire. But they shall prove
irresponsal debtors; and, therefore, it is best here, that we look ere
we leap, and look ere we love.
I find now under His cross, that I would fain give Him more than I
have to give Him, if giving were in my power; but I rather wish Him my
heart, than give Him it. Except He take it, and put Himself in
possession of it (for I hope[318] He hath a market-right to me, since
He hath ransomed me), I see not how Christ can have me. Oh that He
would be pleased to be more homely with my soul's love, and to come
into my soul, and take His own! But when He goeth away and hideth
Himself, all is to me that I had of Christ as if it had fallen into
the sea-bottom. Oh that I should be so fickle in my love, as to love
Him only by the eyes and the nose! that is, to love Him only in as far
as fond and foolish sense carrieth me, and no more; and when I see
not, and smell not, and touch not, then I have all to seek. I cannot
love _perqueer_, nor rejoice _perqueer_. But this is our weakness,
till we be at home, and shall have aged men's stomachs to bear
Christ's love.
[318] No doubt He hath--_q.d._ I trust none denies.
Pray for me, that our Lord would bring me back to you, with a new
blessing of the Gospel of Christ. I forget not you. Grace, grace be
with you.
Yours, in his sweet Lord Jesus,