ABERDEEN, _June 10, 1637_.
CLXXVI.--_To_ CARLETON.
(_A CHRISTIAN'S CONFESSION OF UNWORTHINESS--DESIRE FOR CHRIST'S
HONOUR--PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES._)
WORTHY AND MUCH HONOURED,--Grace, mercy, and peace be to you. I
received your letter from my brother, to which I now answer
particularly.
I confess two things of myself: _1st_, Woe, woe is me, that men should
think there is anything in me! He is my witness, before whom I am as
crystal, that the secret house-devils that bear me too often company,
and that this sink of corruption which I find within, make me go with
low sails. And if others saw what I see, they would look by[278] me,
but not to me.
[278] Look past me.
_2ndly_, I know that this shower of His free grace behoved to be on
me, otherwise I should have withered. I know, also, that I have need
of a buffeting tempter, that grace may be put to exercise, and I kept
low.
Worthy and dear brother in the Lord Jesus, I write that from my heart
which ye now read. _1st_, I avouch that Christ, and sweating and
sighing under His cross, is sweeter to me by far, than all the
kingdoms in the world could possibly be. 2_ndly_, If you, and my
dearest acquaintance in Christ, reap any fruit by my suffering, let me
be weighed in God's even balance, if my joy be not fulfilled. What am
I, to carry the marks of such a great King! But, howbeit I am a sink
and sinful mass, a wretched captive of sin, my Lord Jesus can hew
heaven out of worse timber than I am; if worse can be. _3rdly_, I now
rejoice with joy unspeakable and glorious, that I never purposed to
bring Christ, or the least hoof or hair-breadth of truth, under
trysting.[279] I desired to have and keep Christ all alone; and that
He should never rub clothes with that black-skinned harlot of Rome. I
am now fully paid home, so that nothing aileth me for the present, but
love-sickness for a real possession of my fairest Well-beloved. I
would give Him my bond under my faith and hand, to frist heaven an
hundred years longer, so being He would lay His holy face to my
sometimes wet cheeks. Oh, who would not pity me, to know how fain I
would have the King shaking the tree of life upon me, or letting me
into the well of life with my old dish, that I might be drunken with
the fountain here in the house of my pilgrimage! I cannot, nay, I
would not, be quit of Christ's love. He hath left the mark behind
where He gripped. He goeth away and leaveth me and His burning love to
wrestle together, and I can scarce win my meat of His love, because of
His absence. My Lord giveth me but hungry half-kisses, which serve to
feed pain and increase hunger, but do not satisfy my desires; His
dieting of my soul for this race maketh me lean. I have gotten the
wale and choice of Christ's crosses, even the tithe and the flower of
the gold of all crosses, to bear witness to the truth; and herein
find I liberty, joy, access, life, comfort, love, faith, submission,
patience, and resolution to take delight in on-waiting. And withal, in
my race, He hath come near me, and let me see the gold and crown.
What, then, want I but fruition and real enjoyment, which is reserved
to my country?[280] Let no man think he shall lose at Christ's hands
in suffering for Him. _4thly_, As for these present trials, they are
most dangerous; for people are stolen off their feet with well-washen
and white-skinned pretences of indifferency. But it is the power of
the great antichrist working in this land. Woe, woe, woe be to
apostate Scotland! There is wrath, and a cup of the red wine of the
wrath of God Almighty in the Lord's hand, that they shall drink and
spue, and fall and not rise again. The star called "Wormwood and gall"
is fallen into the fountains and rivers, and hath made them bitter.
The sword of the Lord is furbished against the idol-shepherds of the
land. Women shall bless the barren womb and miscarrying breast; all
hearts shall be faint, and all knees shall tremble. An end is coming;
the leopard and the lion shall watch over our cities; houses great and
fair shall be desolate without an inhabitant. The Lord hath said,
"Pray not for this people, for I have taken My peace from them." Yet
the Lord's third part shall come through the fire, as refined gold for
the treasure of the Lord, and the outcasts of Scotland shall be
gathered together again, and the wilderness shall blossom as the
flower, and bud, and grow as the rose of Sharon; and great shall be
the glory of the Lord upon Scotland. _5thly_, I am here assaulted with
the learned and pregnant wits of this kingdom. But, all honour be to
my Lord, truth but laughs at bemisted and blind scribes, and disputers
of this world; and God's wisdom confoundeth them, and Christ
triumpheth in His own strong truth, that speaketh for itself. _6thly_,
I doubt not but my Lord is preparing me for heavier trials. I am most
ready at the good pleasure of my Lord, in the strength of His grace,
for anything He will be pleased to call me to; neither shall the
black-faced messenger, Death, be holden at the door, when it shall
knock. If my Lord will take honour of the like of me, how glad and
joyful will my soul be! Let Christ come out with me to a hotter battle
than this, and I will fear no flesh. I know that my Master shall win
the day, and that He hath taken the ordering of my sufferings into His
own hand. _7thly_, As for my deliverance that miscarrieth; I am here,
by my Lord's grace, to lay my hand on my mouth, to be silent, and wait
on. My Lord Jesus is on His journey for my deliverance; I will not
grudge that He runneth not so fast as I would have Him. On-waiting
till the swelling rivers fall, and till my Lord arise as a mighty man
after strong wine, will be my best. I have not yet resisted to blood.
_8thly_, Oh, how often am I laid in the dust, and urged by the tempter
(who can ride his own errands upon our lying apprehensions) to sin
against the unchangeable love of my Lord! When I think upon the
sparrows and swallows that build their nests in the kirk of Anwoth,
and of my dumb Sabbaths, my sorrowful, bleared eyes look asquint upon
Christ, and present Him as angry. But in this trial (all honour to our
princely and royal King!) faith saileth fair before the wind, with
topsail up, and carrieth the passenger through. I lay inhibitions upon
my thoughts, that they receive no slanders of my only, only Beloved.
Let Him even say out of His own mouth, "There is no hope;" yet I will
die in that sweet beguile, "It is not so, I shall see the salvation of
God." Let me be deceived really, and never win to dry land; it is my
joy to believe under the water, and to die with faith in my hand,
gripping Christ. Let my conceptions of Christ's love go to the grave
with me, and to hell with me; I may not, I dare not quit them. I hope
to keep Christ's pawn: if He never come to loose it, let Him see to
His own promise. I know that presumption, howbeit it be made of
stoutness, will not thus be wilful in heavy trials.
[279] To bring under man's appointment the smallest part of Christ's
truth.
[280] Till I reach the heavenly country?
Now my dearest in Christ, the great Messenger of the Covenant, the
only wise and all-sufficient Jehovah, establish you to the end. I hear
that the Lord hath been at your house, and hath called home your wife
to her rest. I know, Sir, that ye see the Lord loosing the pins of
your tabernacle, and wooing your love from this plastered and
over-gilded world, and calling upon you to be making yourself ready to
go to your Father's country, which shall be a sweet fruit of that
visitation. Ye know, "to send the Comforter," was the King's word when
He ascended on high. Ye have claim to, and interest in, that promise.
Remember my love in Christ to your father. Show him that it is late
and black night with him. His long lying at the water-side is that he
may look his papers ere he take shipping, and be at a point for his
last answer before his Judge and Lord.
All love, all mercy, all grace and peace, all multiplied saving
consolations, all joy and faith in Christ, all stability and
confirming strength of grace, and the good-will of Him that dwelt in
The Bush, be with you.
Your unworthy brother, in his sweet Lord Jesus,