(_LESSONS LEARNED IN THE SCHOOL OF ADVERSITY._)
MADAM,--Grace, mercy, and peace from God our Father, and from our Lord
Jesus Christ, be multiplied upon you.
I have reasoned with your son[258] at large; I rejoice to see him set
his face in the right airth, now when the nobles love the sunny side
of the Gospel best, and are afraid that Christ want soldiers, and
shall not be able to do for Himself.
[258] Lord Boyd. See Letter LXXVIII.
Madam, our debts of obligation to Christ are not small; the freedom of
grace and of salvation is the wonder of men and angels. But mercy in
our Lord scorneth hire. Ye are bound to lift Christ on high, who hath
given you eyes to discern the devil now coming out in his whites, and
the idolatry and apostasy of the time, well washen with fair
pretences; but the skin is black and the water foul. It were art, I
confess, to wash a black devil, and make him white.
I am in strange ups and downs, and seven times a day I lose ground. I
am put often to swimming; and again my feet are set on the Rock that
is higher than myself. He hath now let me see four things which I
never saw before: _1st_, That the Supper shall be great cheer, that is
up in the great hall with the Royal King of glory, when the
four-hours, the standing drink,[259] in this dreary wilderness, is so
sweet. When He bloweth a kiss afar off to His poor heart-broken
mourners in Zion, and sendeth me but His hearty commendations till we
meet, I am confounded with wonder to think what it shall be, when the
Fairest among the sons of men shall lay a King's sweet soft cheek to
the sinful cheeks of poor sinners. O time, time, go swiftly, and
hasten that day! Sweet Lord Jesus, post! come, flying like a young
hart or a roe upon the mountains of separation. I think that we should
tell the hours carefully, and look often how low the sun is. For love
hath no "Ho!" it is pained, pained in itself, till it come into grips
with the party beloved.
[259] When even the slight afternoon meal and the cup handed to one at
the door is so sweet.
_2ndly._ I find Christ's absence to be love's sickness and love's
death. The wind that bloweth out of the airth where my Lord Jesus
reigneth is sweet-smelled, soft, joyful, and heartsome to a soul burnt
with absence. It is a painful battle for a soul sick of love to fight
with absence and delays. Christ's "Not yet" is a stounding of all the
joints and liths[260] of the soul. A nod of His head, when He is under
a mask, would be half a pawn. To say, "Fool, what aileth thee? He is
coming," would be life to a dead man. I am often in my dumb Sabbaths
seeking a new plea with my Lord Jesus (God forgive me!), and I care
not if there be not two or three ounce-weight of black wrath in my
cup.
[260] "Joist" was in some old editions.
_3rdly._ For the third thing, I have seen my abominable vileness; if I
were well known, there would none in this kingdom ask how I do. Many
take my ten to be a hundred, but I am a deeper hypocrite, and
shallower professor, than every one believeth. God knoweth I feign
not. But I think my reckonings on the one page written in great
letters, and His mercy to such a forlorn and wretched dyvour on the
other, to be more than a miracle. If I could get my finger-ends upon a
full assurance, I trow that I would grip fast; but my cup wanteth not
gall. And, upon my part, despair might be almost excused, if every one
in this land saw my inner side. But I know that I am one of them who
have made great sale, and a free market, to free grace. If I could be
saved, as I would fain believe, sure I am that I have given Christ's
blood, His free grace, and the bowels of His mercy, a large field to
work upon; and Christ hath manifested His art, I dare not say to the
uttermost (for He can, if He would, forgive all the devils and damned
reprobates, in respect of the wideness of His mercy), but I say to an
admirable degree.
_4thly._ I am stricken with fear of unthankfulness. This apostate kirk
hath played the harlot with many lovers. They are spitting in the face
of my lovely King, and mocking Him, and I dow not mend it; and they
are running away from Christ in troops, and I dow not mourn and be
grieved for it. I think Christ lieth like an old forcasten[261]
castle, forsaken of the inhabitants; all men run away now from Him.
Truth, innocent truth, goeth mourning and wringing her hands in
sackcloth and ashes. Woe, woe, woe is me, for the virgin daughter of
Scotland! Woe, woe to the inhabitants of this land! for they are gone
back with a perpetual backsliding.
[261] Not used; cast off.
These things take me so up, that a borrowed bed, another man's
fireside, the wind upon my face (I being driven from my lovers and
dear acquaintance, and my poor flock), find no room in my sorrow. I
have no spare or odd sorrow for these; only I think the sparrows and
swallows that build their nests in the kirk of Anwoth, blessed birds.
Nothing hath given my faith a harder back-set[262] till it crack
again, than my closed mouth. But let me be miserable myself alone; God
keep my dear brethren from it. But still I keep breath; and when my
royal, and never, never-enough-praised King returneth to His sinful
prisoner, I ride upon the high places of Jacob. I divide Shechem (Ps.
lx. 6), I triumph in His strength. If this kingdom would glorify the
Lord in my behalf! I desire to be weighed in God's even balance in
this point, if I think not my wages paid to the full. I shall crave no
more hire of Christ.
[262] A thrust back. In a sermon at Anwoth, 1630, on Zech. xiii. 7, he
says, "God gives a back-set and fall under temptation."
Madam, pity me in this, and help me to praise Him; for whatever I be,
the chief of sinners, a devil, and a most guilty devil, yet it is the
apple of Christ's eye, His honour and glory, as the Head of the
Church, that I suffer for now, and that I will go to eternity with.
I am greatly in love with Mr. M. M.;[263] I see him stamped with the
image of God. I hope well of your son, my Lord Boyd.
[263] Mr. Matthew Mowat, minister of Kilmarnock. See notice of him,
Letter CXX.
Your Ladyship and your children have a prisoner's prayers. Grace be
with you.
Your Ladyship's, at all obedience in Christ,