(_WEAK ASSURANCE--GRACE DIFFERENT FROM LEARNING--SELF-ACCUSATIONS._)
MADAM,--Upon the offered opportunity of this worthy bearer, I could
not omit to answer the heads of your letter.
_1stly_, I think not much to set down on paper some good things anent
Christ (that sealed and holy thing),[202] and to feed my soul with raw
wishes to be one with Christ; for a wish is but broken and half love.
But verily to obey this, "Come and see," is a harder matter! Oh, I
have smoke rather than fire, and guessings rather than real assurances
of Him. I have little or nothing to say, that I am as one who hath
found favour in His eyes; but there is some pining and mismannered
hunger, that maketh me miscall and nickname Christ as a changed Lord.
But alas! it is ill-flitten. I cannot believe without a pledge. I
cannot take God's word without a caution, as if Christ had lost and
sold His credit, and were not in my books responsal, and law-biding.
But this is _my_ way; for _His_ way is, "After that ye believed, ye
were sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise" (Eph. i. 13).
[202] Luke i. 35.
_2ndly_, Ye write, "that I am filled with knowledge, and stand not in
need of these warnings." But certainly my light is dim when it cometh
to handy-grips. And how many have full coffers, and yet empty bellies!
Light, and the saving use of light, are far different. Oh, what need
then have I to have the ashes blown away from my dying-out fire! I may
be a book-man, and (yet) be an idiot and stark fool in Christ's way!
Learning will not beguile Christ. The Bible beguiled the Pharisees,
and so may I be misled. Therefore, as night-watchers hold one another
waking by speaking to one another, so have we need to hold one another
on foot: sleep stealeth away the light of watching, even the light
that reproveth sleeping. I doubt not but more would fetch heaven, if
they believed not heaven to be at the next door. The world's negative
holiness--"no adulterer, no murderer, no thief, no cozener"--maketh
men believe they are already glorified saints. But the sixth chapter
to the Hebrews may affright us all, when we hear that men may take (a
taste) of the gifts and common graces of the Holy Spirit, and a taste
of the powers of the life to come, to hell with them. Here is
reprobate silver, which yet seemeth to have the King's image and
superscription upon it!
_3rdly_, I find you complaining of yourself. And it becometh a sinner
so to do. I am not against you in that. Sense of death is a sib
friend, and of kin and blood to life; the more sense, the more life;
the more sense of sin, the less sin. I would love my pain, and
soreness, and my wounds, howbeit these should bereave me of my night's
sleep, better than my wounds without pain. Oh, how sweet a thing it is
to give Christ His handful of broken arms and legs, and disjointed
bones!
_4thly_, Be not afraid for little grace. Christ soweth His living
seed, and He will not lose His seed. If He have the guiding of my
flock and state, it shall not miscarry. Our spilled works, losses,
deadness, coldness, wretchedness, are the ground upon which the Good
Husbandman laboureth.
_5thly_, Ye write, "that His compassions fail not, notwithstanding
that your service to Christ miscarrieth." To which I answer:
God forbid that there were buying and selling, and blocking for as
good again, betwixt Christ and us; for then free grace might go to
play, and a Saviour sing dumb, and Christ go to sleep. But we go to
heaven with light shoulders; and all the bairn-teme, and the vessels
great and small that we have, are fastened upon the sure Nail (Isa.
xxii. 23, 24). The only danger is, that we give grace more to do than
God giveth it; that is, by turning His grace into wantonness.
_6thly_, Ye write, that "few see your guiltiness, and that ye cannot
be free with many, as with me." I answer: Blessed be God, that Christ
and we are not heard before men's courts. It is at home, betwixt Him
and us, that pleas are taken away.
Grace be with you.
Yours, in his sweet Lord Jesus,