XCVII.--_To_ ALEXANDER GORDON _of Earlston_.
(_CHRIST ENDEARED BY BITTER EXPERIENCES--SEARCHINGS OF HEART--FEAR FOR
THE CHURCH._)
MUCH HONOURED SIR,--Grace, mercy, and peace be to you. I received your
letter, which refreshed me. Except from your son, and my brother, I
have seen few letters from my acquaintance in that country; which
maketh me heavy. But I have the company of a Lord who can teach us all
to be kind, and hath the right gate of it. Though, for the present, I
have seven ups and downs every day, yet I am abundantly comforted and
feasted with my King and Well-beloved daily. It pleaseth Him to come
and dine with a sad prisoner, and a solitary stranger. His spikenard
casteth a smell. Yet my sweet hath some sour mixed with it, wherein I
must acquiesce; for there is no reason that His comforts be too cheap,
seeing they are delicates. Why should He not make them so to His own?
But I verily think now, that Christ hath led me up to a nick in
Christianity that I was never at before; I think all before was but
childhood and bairn's play. Since I departed from you, I have been
scalded, whill the smoke of hell's fire went in at my throat, and I
would have bought peace with a thousand years' torment in hell; and I
have been up also, after these deep down-castings and sorrows, before
the Lamb's white throne, in my Father's inner court, the Great King's
dining-hall. And Christ did cast a covering of love on me. He hath
casten a coal into my soul, and it is smoking among the straw and
keeping the hearth warm. I look back to what I was before, and I laugh
to see the sand-houses I built when I was a child.
At first the remembrance of the many fair feast-days with my Lord
Jesus in public, which are now changed into silent Sabbaths, raised a
great tempest, and (if I may speak so) made the devil ado in my soul.
The devil came in, and would prompt me to make a plea with Christ, and
to lay the blame on Him as a hard master. But now these mists are
blown away, and I am not only silenced as to all quarrelling, but
fully satisfied. Now, I wonder that any man living can laugh upon the
world, or give it a hearty good-day. The Lord Jesus hath handled me
so, that, as I am now disposed, I think never to be in this world's
commons again for a night's lodging. Christ beareth me good company.
He hath eased me, when I saw it not, lifting the cross off my
shoulders, so that I think it to be but a feather, because underneath
are everlasting arms. God forbid it come to bartering or nifferings of
crosses; for I think my cross so sweet, that I know not where I would
get the like of it. Christ's honey-combs drop so abundantly, that they
sweeten my gall. Nothing breaketh my heart, but that I cannot get the
daughters of Jerusalem to tell them of my Bridegroom's glory. I charge
you in the name of Christ, that ye tell all that ye come to of it; and
yet it is above telling and understanding. Oh, if all the kingdom were
as I am, except my bonds! They know not the love-kisses that my only
Lord Jesus wasteth on a dawted prisoner. On my salvation, this is the
only way to the New City. I know that Christ hath no dumb seals. Would
He put His privy-seal upon blank paper? He hath sealed my sufferings
with His comforts. I write this to confirm you. I write now what I
have seen as well as heard. Now and then my silence burneth up my
spirit; but Christ hath said, "Thy stipend is running up with interest
in heaven, as if thou wert preaching;" and this from a King's mouth
rejoiceth my heart. At other times I am sad, dwelling in Kedar's
tents.
There are none (that I yet know of) but two persons in this town that
I dare give my word for. And the Lord hath removed my brethren and my
acquaintance far from me; and it may be, that I shall be forgotten in
the place where the Lord made me the instrument to do some good. But I
see that this is vanity in me; let Him make of me what He pleaseth, if
He make salvation out of it to me. I am tempted and troubled, that all
the fourteen prelates[195] should have been armed of God against me
only, while the rest of my brethren are still preaching. But I dare
not say one word but this, "It is good, Lord Jesus, because Thou hast
done it."
[195] See Letter LXVIII.
Wo is me for the virgin-daughter! wo is me for the desolation of the
virgin-daughter of Scotland! Oh, if my eyes were a fountain of tears,
to weep day and night for that poor widow-kirk, that poor miserable
harlot! Alas, that my Father hath put to the door on my poor
harlot-mother! O for that cloud of black wrath, and fury of the
indignation of the Lord, that is hanging over the land!
Sir, write to me, I beseech you. I pray you also be kind to my
afflicted brother. Remember my love to your wife; and the prayer and
blessing of the prisoner of Christ be on you. Frequent your meetings
for prayer and communion with God: they would be sweet meetings to me.
Yours, in his sweet Lord Jesus,