_Philenio Sisterno, a Scholler of Bologna, being mocked of three
faire Gentlewomen, at a banket made of set purpose he was reuenged
on them all._
At Bologna, whiche is the noblest citie of Lombardie, the mother
of studies, and accomplished with al things nedefull and
requisite for sutch a florishing state, there was a yong
scholler, a Gentleman of the countrie of Crete named Philenio
Sisterno, of very good grace and behauiour. It chanced that in
his time, there was a great feast made in the citie, wherunto
were bidden the fayrest dames, and beste of reputation there:
there was likewyse many Gentlemen and Schollers of Bologna,
amonges whom was this Philenio Sisterno: who followyng the
manner of young men, dallying sometime with one, sometime with
another, and perceiuing them for his purpose determined to
daunce with one of them: and comming to one whiche was called
Emerentiana, the wyfe of sir Lamberto Bentiuoglia, hee prayed
her to daunce: who, beyng verie gentle and of no less audacitie
than beautiful, refused not. Then Philenio leading forth the
daunce very softly, sometymes wrynging her by the hand, spake
somewhat secretly vnto her these wordes: "Madame, your beautie
is so great, that without doubt it surmounteth all that ever I
sawe, and there is no woman in the world to whome I beare so
great affection, as to your persone, whiche if it were
correspondent to me in Loue, I would thinke myself the beste
contented man in the world, otherwyse I shall in shorte tyme bee
depriued of life, and then you shall be the cause of my death:
and louing you (Madame) as I doe, and as my dutie requireth, you
ought to take me for your seruaunt, vsing me and those litle
goodes whiche I haue as your owne: and I doe assure you, that it
is impossible for me to receiue greater fauour from heauen, then
to see myselfe subiecte to sutch a gentlewoman, as you be,
whiche hath taken me in a nette lyke a byrde." Nowe Emerentiana,
whiche earnestly had marked those sweet and pleasaunt woordes,
like a wyse gentlewoman, semed to geue no eare thereunto, and
made him no aunswere at all. The daunce ended, and Emerentiana
being set down in her place, this young scholler went to take
another gentlewoman by the hand, and began to daunce with her:
whiche was not so sone begonne, but thus he said vnto her: "It
nedeth not Madame, that by woordes I doe expresse the feruant
Loue which I beare you, and will so doe, so long as my poore
spirite shall gouerne and rule my members: and if I could
obtaine you for my Maistresse and singuler Ladye, I would thinke
myself the happiest man aliue. Then louing you as I do, and
being wholly yours, as you may easely vnderstand, refuse me not
I besech you for your humble seruaunt, sithe that my life and
all that I haue dependeth vpon you alone." The yong gentlewoman,
whose name was Panthemia, perceiuing his meaning, did not
aunswere him any thing at that time: but honestly proceded in
her daunce: and the daunce ended, smyling a litle, she sat downe
with the other dames. This done, amorous Philenio rested not
vntil he had taken the thirde by the hand, (who was the
gentlest, fairest, and trimmest dame in all Bologna,) and began
to daunce with her, romyng abrode, to shewe his cunning before
them that came to behold him. And before the daunce was
finished, he saide thus vnto her: "Madame, it may so be, as I
shall seme vnto you very malapert to manifest the secret Loue
that I haue and doe beare you at this instant, for which you
ought not to blame me but your beautie, which rendreth you
excellent aboue al the rest, and maketh me your slaue and
prysoner. I speake not of your commendable behauiour, of your
excellent and maruellous vertues, which be such and of so great
effect, as they would make the gods descend to contemplate the
same. If then your excellent beautie and shape, so well fauoured
by nature, and not by art, may seeme to content the immortall
Gods, you ought not to be offended, if the same do constraine me
to loue you, and to inclose you in the priuie cabane of my
harte: I beseeche you then, gentle Madame (the onely comfort of
my life) to haue pitie vpon him that dieth a thousand times a
daye for you. In so doing, my life shall be prolonged by you,
commending me humbly vnto your good grace." This faire
gentlewoman called Simphorosia, vnderstanding the sweete and
pleasaunt woordes vttered from the very harte of Philenio, could
not dissemble her sighes, but waying her honor, because she was
maried, gaue him no answere at all. And the daunce ended, she
retourned to her place. Nowe it chaunced, as these three ladies
did sit together iocundly disposed to debate of sundrie mery
talke, behold Emerentiana, the wife of Seignior Lamberto, not
for any euill, but in sporting wise said vnto her companions:
"Gentlewomen, I haue to tell you a pleasaunt matter which
happened to this day." "What is that?" said her companions.
"I haue gotten this night, (said she) in dauncing, a curteous
louer, a very faire Gentleman, and of so good behauiour as any
in the worlde: who said that he was so inflamed with my beauty
that he tooke no rest day nor night:" and from point to point,
rehearsed vnto them, all that he had said. Which Panthemia and
Simphorosia vnderstanding, answered that the like had chaunced
vnto them, and they departed not from the feaste before eche of
theim knewe him that was their louer: whereby they perceiued
that his woordes proceded not of faithfull Loue, but rather of
follie and dissimulation, in suche wise as they gaue so lyghte
credite thereunto, as of custome is geuen to the woordes of
those that bee sicke. And they departed not from thence vntill
all three with one accorde, had conspired euery one to giue him
mocke. Philenio continuing thus in Loue, sometime with one,
sometime with another, and perceiuing that euery of them seemed
to Loue him, hee determined with himselfe, if it were possible
to gather of them the last frute of his Loue. But he was greatly
deceyued in his desire, for that all his enterprise was broken:
and that done, Emerentiana whiche could not any longer dissemble
the loue of the foolishe scholer called one of her maydes, which
was of a fayre complexion and a ioly wenche, charging her that
she should deuise meanes to speake with Philenio, to geue him to
vnderstande the loue which her maistresse bare vnto him: and
when it were his pleasure she willingly would one night haue him
at home at her house. Which newes when Philenio heard, he
greatly reioyced, and said to the maid: "Returne to your
Maistresse, faire maide, and commend me vnto her, telling her in
my behalf, that I doe praye her to loke for me this euening, if
her husband be not at home." During which time, Emerentiana
caused a certaine number of fagots of sharpe thornes to be made,
and to be layd vnder her bedde still wayting for her minion.
When night was come, Philenio toke his sworde, and went to the
house of his enemy, and calling at the dore with the watchworde
the same incontinently was opened: and after that they had
talked a litle while together, and banketted after the best
maner, they withdrew themselues into the chamber to take their
reste. Philenio had no soner put of his clothes to goe to bedde,
but Seignior Lamberto her husband came home: which the
Maistresse of the house perceiuing, made as though she had bene
at her wittes ende, and could not tell whether to conuey her
minion, but prayed him to hide himself vnder the bedde. Philenio
seeing the daunger, wherein both he and the wife were, not
taking with him any other garmentes, but only his shirte, crept
vnder the bed where he was so cruelly prickt and scratched with
the thornes, as there was no parte of his body (from the toppe
of his head to the sole of his foote) free from bloud, and the
more he sought to defende himselfe in that darke place, the more
sharpely and piteously he was tormented, and durst not crie for
feare least Seignior Lamberto would kill him. I will leaue to
your consideration in what plight this poore wretche was in, who
by reason of his miserable being, as he was brechelesse in that
terrible purgatorie, even so was he speachlesse and durst not
speake for his life. In the morning when Segnior Lamberto was
gone forth, the poore scholler put on his clothes so well as he
could, and all bloudy as he was, returning to his lodging, was
like to die: but being deligently cured by phisicians, in short
time he recouered his former health. Shortly after, Philenio
began to pursue again his loue towardes the other two, that is
to say, Panthemia and Simphorosia, and found conuenient time one
euening to speake to Panthemia, to whom he rehearsed his griefes
and continuall tormentes, praying her to haue pitie vpon him.
The subtile and wise wenche Panthemia, fayning to haue
compassion vppon him, excused her selfe by lacke of meanes to
content his desire, but in thend vanquished with faire
supplications and maruellous sighes, shee made him to come home
to her house, and being vnready, dispoyled of al his apparell to
go to bed with his Lady she required hym to go with her into a
litle closet, wher all her swete smels and perfumes were, to the
intent he might be well perfumed before he went to bedde. The
yong dolt not doubting the subtiltie of this wicked woman,
entred the closet and setting his foote vpon a borde vnnnayled
from the ioyst, fell so depe into a store house where
marchauntes vse to lay there cottons and wolles, as he thought
he had broken his necke and his legges, notwithstanding as
fortune would he had no hurt. This poore scholler being in that
darke place, began to seke for some dore or ladder to go out,
and finding nothing for his purpose he cursed the houre and time
that euer he knew Panthemia. When the dauning of the day began
to appeare, the simple sot discried in one place of the
storehouse certain ventes in the wall, which gaue some light,
because they wer old and couered ouer with mosse, in such wise,
as he began with maruelous force, to pluck out the stones in the
moste decaied place of the wall, and made so great a hole, as he
went out. And being in a lane hard by the great streate,
barefoote and bare legged, and in his shirt, he went home to his
lodging vnknowen of any. A litle whyle after Simphorosia
vnderstanding of the deceits whiche the other twoo had done to
Philenio, attempted to geue hym the thirde, whiche was not
inferior to the other twayne. And for that purpose, she began a
farre of to caste her amorous lokes vpon him, letting hym to
knowe that shee was in great distresse for his Loue. This poore
soule hauing already forgotten his fortune paste, began to walke
vp and downe before her house, like a man altogether tormented
and pained with Loue. Then Simphorosia, seing him to be farre in
loue with her, sent hym a letter by an old woman, whereby she
aduertised hym, that his beautie and good behauior, so
puissantly did gouerne her affections as she could take no rest
night nor day, for the earnest loue that she bare him: wherefore
she praied him if it were his pleasure to come and speake with
her. Philenio receiuing that letter, and perusing the contentes,
not considering the deceite prepared for him, ne yet any longer
remembring the iniuries past, was more ioyfull and glad then
euer he was before: who taking pen and paper, aunswered her
againe, that he for his parte suffered no lesse tormentes for
her sake, yea and in respect of vnfayned Loue, that he loued her
farre better than she did hym, and at al tymes when shee
pleased, hee woulde be at her commaundement to doe her seruice:
the aunswere read, and oportunitie found, Simphorosia caused him
to come home to her house, and after many false sighes, she
saide vnto him: "My deare frend Philenio, I knowe none other in
all the world, that hath brought me into this state and plighte
wherein presently I am, but you, because your beautie, good
grace and pleasaunt talke, haue so sette my harte on fyre as I
feele it to kindle and burne like drye woode." Which talke
Maister scholler hearing, thought assuredly that she consumed
for loue of him: this poore Nodgecock, contriuing the time in
sweete and pleasaunt woordes, with his dareling Simphorosia, the
time approched that he should go to bed with his faire lady, who
said vnto him: "My swete frend Philenio, abide a whyle, and let
vs make some banket and collation:" who taking him by the hande,
caried him into her closet adioyning, wher was a table ready
furnished with exquisit conficts and wynes of the best. This
gentlewoman had made a composition in the wyne, to cause this
yong gallant to sleepe for a certain time. Philenio thinking no
hurte, toke the cup and filled it with the wyne, and dranke it
vp at one draught. His spirits reuiued with this refreshing,
after he had bene very well perfumed and washed in swete waters,
he went to bedde and within a while after this drinke began to
woorke, and hee slepte so soundly, as canon shot, or the
greatest gonnes of the worlde were not able to wake hym: then
Simphorosia perceiuing the drinke beginne to woorke, called one
of her sturdy maides that wel was instructed in the game of this
pageant: both whiche carying this poore sleepy scholler by the
feete and armes, and opening the dore very softlye, they fayre
and well bestowed hym in the middeste of the streete, a good
stone's caste of from the house, where he lay all the nighte.
But when the dawning of the daye dyd appeare, or an houre
before, the drynke lost his vertue, and the poore soule began to
awake, and thinking that he had bene a bedde with the
gentlewoman he perceiued hymself brechelesse and in his shirt
more dead then aliue, through the colde that he had endured, by
lying starke naked vppon the earth. The poore wretche was not
able to help himselfe so much as with his armes and legges,
ne yet to stande vppon his feete without great paine:
notwithstanding, through creping and sprawling, hee got home to
his house, vnseene of anye, and prouided so well as hee could
for recouery of his health: and had it not been for his youth,
which did helpe him at that instant, his sinewes had been
benommed for euer. In the ende, hauing atteined his former state
of health he still remembred the iniuries past, and without
shewing any signe of anger or displeasure, made as though he
loued them all three better then euer he did before, and
sometime seemed to be in loue with the one, and sometime with an
other: they againe for their part nothing mistrusting the malice
of Philenio, set a good face on the matter, vsinge amorous
cheere and countenance towards him, but when his backe was
tourned, with mockes and floutes they toke their pleasure. He
bearing in his brest secrete despite, was still desirous with
his hand to marke them in the face, but like a wise man, waying
the natures of women, he thought it woulde redounde to his
greate shame and reproche, if hee did them any hurt: and
therefore restrayning the heate of his choler vsed pacience. And
yet by deuising and practising, how he might be euen with them
and reuenged, hee was in great perplexitie. Very shortly after
it chaunced that the scholler had inuented a meane, easely to
satisfie his desire, and so sone as hee had fully resolued what
to do, fortune therunto was fauorable: who hyred in the citie of
Bologna a very faire house which had a large hall, and comodious
chambers: and purposed to make a greate and sumptuous feast, and
to inuite many Ladies and Gentlewomen to the same: amongs whom
these three were the first that should be bidden: which
accordingly was done: and when the feast day was come the three
gentlewomen that were not very wise at that instante, repaired
thither nothing suspecting the scholler's malice. In the end a
litle to recreate the Gentlewomen and to get them a stomacke,
attendinge for supper time, the Scholler toke these his three
louers by the hand, and led them friendly into a chamber,
somewhat to refresh them. When these three innocent women were
come into the Scholler's Chamber, hee shut fast the doore, and
going towards them, he sayde: "Beholde faire ladies, now the
time is come for me to be reuenged vpon you and to make you
suffer the penaunce of the torment wherwith ye punished me for
my great Loue." The Gentlewomen hearing those cruell woordes,
rather dead then aliue, began to repent that euer they had
offended him, and besides that, they cursed themselues, for
giuinge credit vnto him whom they ought to haue abhorred. The
Scholler with fierce and angry countenaunce commaunded them vpon
paine of their liues to strippe themselues naked: which sentence
when these three goddesses heard, they began to loke one vppon
another, weeping and praying him, that although he woulde not
for their sakes, yet in respect of his owne curtesie and
naturrall humanitie, that hee woulde saue their honor aboue all
thinges. This gallant reioysing at their humble and pitifull
requestes was thus curteous vnto them, that he would not once
suffer them to stand with their garmentes on in his presence:
the women casting themselues downe at his feete wept bitterly,
beseeching him that he woulde haue pitie vpon them, and not to
be the occasion of a slaunder so great and infamous. But he
whose hart was hardened as the Diamonde, said vnto them, that
this facte was not worthy of blame but rather of reuenge. The
women dispoyled of their apparel (and standing before him, so
free from couering as euer was Eue before Adam) appeared as
beautifull in this their innocent state of nakednes, as they did
in their brauerie: in so much that the yong scholler viewing
from toppe to toe, those fayre and tender creatures, whose
whitenesse surpassed the snow, began to haue pitie vppon them:
but calling to his remembraunce the iniuries past and the
daunger of death wherein he was, he reiected all pitie and
continued his harde and obstinate determination. Then he toke
all their apparell, and other furnitures that they did weare,
and bestowed it in a little chamber, and with threatning words
commaunded all three to lie in one bed. The women altogether
astonned, began to say to themselues: "Alas, what fooles be we?
what wil our husbands and our frendes say, when they shal
vnderstand that we be found naked and miserablie slaine in this
bed? It had been better for vs to haue died in our cradels, than
apprehended and found dead in this state and plight." The
Scholler seeing them bestowed one by another in the bed, like
husband and wyfe, couered them with a very white and large
sheete, that no part of their bodies might be seene and knowen,
and shutting the Chamber doore after him Philenio went to seeke
their husbands, which were dauncing in the hall: and the daunce
ended, he intreated them to take the paines to goe with him: who
was their guide into the Chamber where the three Muses lay in
their bedde, saying vnto them: "Sirs, I haue broughte you into
this place to shewe you some pastime and to let you see the
fayrest thinges that euer you saw in your liues.{"} Then
approching neere the bed, and holding a torch in his hand, he
began fayre and softly to lift vp the shete at the bed's feete,
discouering these fayre ladies euen to the knees. Ye should haue
seen then, how the hushands did behold their white legges and
their wel proporcioned feete, which don he disclosed them euen
to the stomack, and shewed their legges and thighes farre whiter
than alablaster, which seemed like two pillers of fine marble,
with a rounde body so wel formed as nothing could be better:
consequently he tourned vp the sheete a litle further, and their
stomackes appeared somewhat round and plumme, hauing two rounde
breasts so firme and feate, as they would haue constrayned the
great God Iupiter to imbrace and kisse them. Whereat the
husbandes toke so great pleasure and contentmente, as coulde be
deuised: I omitte for you to thincke in what plighte these poore
naked women weare, hearinge theyr husbandes to mocke them: all
this while they laye very quiet, and durst not so much as to hem
or coughe, for feare to be knowen: the husbands were earnest
with the Scholler to discouer their faces, but hee wiser in
other mennes hurtes than in his owne, would by no meanes consent
vnto it. Not contented with this, the yong scholler shewed their
apparel to their husbands, who seing the same were astonned, and
in viewing it with great admiration, they said one to another:
"Is not this the gowne that I once made for my wife? Is not this
the coyfe that I bought her? Is not this the pendant that she
weareth about her necke? be not these the rings that set out and
garnisht her fingers?" Being gone out of the chamber for feare
to trouble the feast, he would not suffer them to depart, but
caused them to tarie supper. The Scholler vnderstandinge that
supper was ready, and that the maister of the house had disposed
all thinges in order, he caused the geastes to sit downe. And
whiles they were remouing and placing the stooles and chayres,
he returned into the chamber, wher the three dames lay, and
vncouering them, he sayd vnto them: "Bongiorno, faire Ladies:
did you heare your hushandes? They be here by, and do earnestly
tarie for you at supper. What do ye meane to do? Vp and rise ye
dormouses, rubbe your eyes and gape no more, dispatche and make
you ready, it is time for you now to repayre into the hall,
where the other gentlewomen do tarie for you." Behold now how
this Scholer was reuenged by interteigning them after this
maner: then the poore desolate women, fearing least their case
would sorte to som pitiful successe, dispayring of their health,
troubled and discomforted, rose vp expecting rather death than
any other thing: and tourning them toward the scholler they said
vnto him: "Maister Philenio, you haue had sufficient reueng vpon
vs: the best for you to do now, is to take your sword, and to
bereue us of oure life, which is more lothsome vnto vs than
pleasaunt: and if you will not do vs that good tourne, suffer vs
to go home to our houses vnknowen, that our honours may be
saued." Then Philenio thinking that he had at pleasure vsed
their persons, deliuered them their apparel, and so sone as they
were ready, he let them out at a litle dore, very secretlye
vnknowen of anye, and so they went home to their houses. So sone
as they had put of their fayre furnitures, they folded them vp,
and layd them in their chestes: which done, they went about
their houshold busines, till their husbands came home, who being
retourned they founde their wives sowing by the fire side in
their chambers: and because of their apparell, their ringes and
iewels, which they had seene in the Scholler's Chamber, it made
them to suspect their wiues, euery of them demaunding his
seuerall wife, where she had bin that nighte, and where their
apparell was. They well assured of themselues, aunswered boldly,
that they were not out of their house all the euening, and
taking the keyes of their cofers shewed them their aparell,
their ringes and other things, which their husbandes had made
them. Which when their husbandes saw, they could not tell what
to say, and forthwith reiected all suspicion, which they had
conceiued: telling them from point to point, what they had seen
that night. The women vnderstanding those woordes, made as
though they knew nothing and after a little sport and laughter
betweene them, they went to bed. Many times Philenio met his
Gentlewomen in the streates and sayde vnto them: "Which of you
was most afraide or worste intreated?" But they holding downe
their heads, passed forth not speaking a word: in this maner the
Scholler was requited so well as he could of the deceites done
against him, by the three Gentlewomen aforesaid.