[Illustration: 'M']
_MEN AND ACRES,_ the new comedy at WALLACK'S, is one of the best of
TAYLOR'S pieces, and a decided improvement upon the carpenter work of
BOUCICAULT. It has been rechristened by Mr. WALLACK, and its former
name--_Old Men and New Acres, or New Aches and Old Manors,_ or something
else of that sort--has been conveniently shortened. If it does not
convince us that the author has improved since he first began to write
plays, it certainly reminds us that there is such a thing as _Progress_.
In the latter play, Mr. J.W. WALLACK was a civil engineer. In the
present drama, he is an uncivil tradesman. Both appeal to the levelling
tendencies of the age; and in each, the author has done his "level
best"--as Mr. GRANT WHITE would say--to flatter the Family Circle at the
expense of the Boxes.
The cast includes a Vague Baronet and his Managing Wife, their Slangy
Daughter, their Unpleasant Neighbor and his wife and daughter, an
Unintelligible Dutchman, an Innocuous Youth, a Disagreeable Lawyer, and
the Merchant Prince. This is the sort of way in which they conduct
themselves,
_Act_ 1. _Disagreeable Lawyer to Vague Baronet:_ "You are ruined, and
your estate is mortgaged to a Merchant Prince. What do you intend to
do?"
_Vague Baronet._ "I will ask my wife what I think about it."
_Enter Managing Wife._ "Ruined, are we? Allow me to remark,
Fiddlesticks! Get the Merchant to take our third-story hall-bedroom for
a week, and I'll soon clear off the mortgage."
_Enter Slangy Daughter._ "O ma! there was such a precious guy at the
ball last night, and I had no end of a lark with him. Good gracious!
here comes the duffer himself."
_Enter Merchant Prince. (Aside.)_ "So here's the Vague Baronet and his
wife. And there's the slangy girl I fell in love with. Nice lot they
are!" (_To Managing Wife._) "Madam, there is nothing, so grand as the
majesty of trade. Your rank and blood are all gammon. We Merchant
Princes are the only people fit to live. However, I'll condescend to
speak to you."
_Managing Wife. (Aside.)_ "How noble! What a gentlemanly person he
really is!" _(To Merchant Prince.)_ "Sir, I bid you welcome. Here is my
daughter, who was just praising your beauty and accomplishments. I leave
you to entertain her." (_Exeunt Baronet, Wife, and Lawyer_.)
_Merchant Prince (placing his chair next to Slangy Daughter's, and
leaning his elbow on her.)_ "There is nothing like trade. We tradesmen
alone are great. We despise the whole lot of clean and idle aristocrats.
I keep a Gin Palace in Liverpool. Does your bloated aristocracy do half
as much for suffering humanity?"
_Slangy Daughter._ "Speak on, speak ever thus, O Noble Being! It's
awfully jolly!"
_Curtain falls, and Baker wakes up to lead his orchestra through the
mazes of "Shoo Fly."_
_Appreciative Lady._ "Isn't it nice? Miss HENRIQUES'S dress is perfectly
beautiful, and it sounds so cunning to hear her talk slang."
_Second Appreciative Lady._ "How handsome ROCKWELL looks! Just like a
real baronet, my dear!"
_Other Appreciative Ladies._ "The dresses at WALLACK'S are always
perfectly exquisite. I mean to have my next dress made with a green silk
fichu, a moire antique bertha, and little point lace peplums and
gussets, just like Miss MESTAYER'S. Won't it be sweet?"
_All the Counter-Jumpers in the Theatre._ "JIM WALLACK'S the boy! Don't
he talk up to those aristocratic snobs, though?"
_Act 2. Enter Unpleasant Neighbor and Unintelligible German. The former
says,_ "You're sure there's an iron mine on the Baronet's land?"
_Unintelligible German._ "Ya! Das ist um-um-um."
_Enter Merchant Prince and Slangy Daughter. Exeunt the other fellows._
_Merchant Prince._ "There is nothing like the grandeur of trade; and yet
we tradesmen are not proud. See! I offer to marry you."
_Slangy daughter._ "I love you wildly! _(Aside.)_ I do hope he won't
rumple my hair."
_Merchant Prince._ "Come to my arrums! The majesty of trade is so
infinitely above any thing else"--_and so forth._
_Enter Managing Wife._ "Take her, noble Merchant, and be happy
_(Aside.)_ This settles the affair of the mortgage." _(To Daughter)_
"Come, darling, we'll go and tell your father." _(They go.)_
_Enter Unpleasant Neighbor._ "Here's a telegram for you. No bad news, I
hope?"
_Merchant Prince._ "I am ruined unless you lend me £40,000. Do it, and I
will assign to you the mortgage on the baronet's property. The majesty
of trade is something which"--
_Unpleasant Neighbor._ "Here it is." _(Aside.)_ "Now I'll get possession
of the estate and the iron-mine."
_Enter Managing Wife._ "Ruined, are you? Of course you can't have my
daughter now."
_Merchant Prince._ "I resign her. We tradesmen are infinitely greater
than you aristocrats."
_Curtain falls, Baker wakes up. "Shoo Fly" by the Orchestra, and remarks
on dress by the ladies as before. Counter-jumpers go out to drink to the
majesty of trade, having grown perceptibly taller since the play began._
_Act 3. Unprincipled Neighbor to Unintelligible Dutchman._ "Have you got
the analysis of the iron ore?"
_Unintelligible Dutchman._ "Ya! Das its um-um-um."
_Unprincipled Neighbor._ "All right! Now I'll foreclose the mortgage,
and will be richer than ever."
_Enter Vague Baronet, and Wife and Daughter, and Lawyer. To them
collectively remarks the Unprincipled Neighbor,_ "The mortgage is due.
As you can't pay, you've got to move out."
_Disagreeable Lawyer._ "Not much! Here's an analysis of iron ore found
on our land. We raised money on the mine, and are ready to pay off the
mortgage."
_Enter Merchant Prince._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. I told
them all about it. We tradesmen are great, but we will sometimes help
even a wretched aristocrat."
_Slangy Daughter._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. Now I will marry
my noble Merchant, and make him rich again; for there's dead loads of
iron on the Governor's land, you bet!"
_They all produce analyses of the ore, and the play itself being o'er,
the curtain falls._
_Exasperated critic, who has sent for twelve seats, and has been
politely refused._ "I'd like to abuse it, if there was a chance; but
there isn't. The play is really good, and I can't find much fault with
the acting. However, I'll pitch into STODDARD for swearing, which his
'Unprincipled Neighbor' does to an unnecessary extent, and I'll say that
JIM WALLACK is too old and gouty to play the 'Merchant Prince,' and
doesn't quite forget that he used to play in the Bowery."
_Every body else._ "Did you ever see a play better acted? And did you
ever see actresses better dressed?"
And PUNCHINELLO is constrained to answer the latter question with an
emphatic No! As to the acting, it might be improved were Mr. STODDARD to
play the character for which he is cast, instead of insisting upon
playing nothing but STODDARD. But to all the rest of the actors, not
forgetting Mr. RINGGOLD, who plays the insignificant part of the
"Innocuous Youth," PUNCHINELLO is pleased to accord his gracious
approval.