"Would he go back if anything happened to you?"
"I don't know."
Kelly was coming now. His aircar swooped up to the curb and he opened
the door for her. She got in, sliding beside him with an amused but
determined look.
I pulled out my gun and leaned forward. I put the muzzle against the
curving throat of the girl.
"Jim," I said, "I'll do it for you if you want."
There was a flash of fright in her face and she put her hand up to her
throat, but only to ease the pressure of the gun that dug into the
white flesh.
Jim stared at the girl and me and the gun.
"No, Al."
"It's no crime," I said. "They'd never convict me for killing an Ideal.
Jim, this is your last chance to beat the Stardust Overdrive."
"Thanks, Al," said Kelly. "Maybe I'll be sending for you someday to
help."
"Out there," I said.
"Out there," he said bitterly. "I'm leaving tomorrow."
The girl's small hands moved up and with amazing strength pushed my gun
away from her throat. Her look was one of triumph, even and cool, not
gloating. Almost matter-of-fact.
"Remind me to scare the hell out of you some time," she said. "We're
human too, you know."
I looked down at the sitting sweep of the white-clad thighs and
grunted. "Maybe."
Then I looked at Jim and saw it was check-out time. For a moment his
face had the old look of swagger. Just for a second he was the old Jim.
"Keep 'em flying, boy," he said.
"Same to you, Jim."
"Maybe I'll see you out there some time, Al."
"Maybe you will, Jim," I said.
"Goodbye, Albert Hall," said the girl. The aircar zoomed away from me.
* * * * *
I put my gun away angrily. Then I caught an aircar back to the office.
On the way I did a lot of thinking. And what I thought made me even
angrier. I thought about Kelly--and all the other men like him who
signed on the Stardust Overdrive. They were good men, happy men--even
married, some of them. But when they came back from deep space they
were changed. For they always brought back an Ideal--a beautiful
woman on the surface, and seemingly one who was a reflection of their
every wish or desire--an Ideal. Human? As far as Earth science could
determine. But science and deep space were light years apart and
perhaps would always be that way for the men who went out there never
talked about it much when they came back. Why? _Why!_
What made them hate it--like Kelly? And what made them _have_ to
return? What turned a happy man into a miserable prisoner? _Why didn't
Kelly quit the Stardust Overdrive?_
When I got to the office I had made up my mind. This had been gnawing
at me for a long time and it had to be settled. I had to know....
I filled out my request for transfer from planetary runs to deep space.
Then I went to the tele and called my wife.
"Honey, you won't like what I've just done," I told her. I could see
her face take on a sudden chilled look. As if she knew....
"What is it, Al?" There was tenseness in her voice and I couldn't blame
her a bit.
"The Stardust Overdrive." I said it quickly and then felt like a heel.
But it was already too late.
"Al--no--you couldn't--"
"I signed the papers a few minutes ago. Honey, you've got to
understand--I have to ... I saw Kelly a little while ago. He's changed,
and I've got to know why. He was my best friend...."
Her face grew hard then. "Kelly! What about me? Don't I count? I'm your
wife--remember? Or would you rather find someone to take my place--an
Ideal!"
"You don't understand," I tried to tell her, but knew it was useless.
She had never been in space, not even to Luna. A spaceman gets the
challenge in his blood, he's got to see more, he's got to know what's
beyond the solar system. Out where the Ideals come from. Sooner or
later he's got to _know_.
Her face sobered suddenly and there was a desperateness in her eyes.
"Al, did Kelly tell you?"