MY DEAR FRIEND: I send you the inclosed original from a friend of ours,
with my own commentaries upon the text; a text which I have so often
paraphrased, and commented upon already, that I believe I can hardly say
anything new upon it; but, however, I cannot give it over till I am
better convinced, than I yet am, that you feel all the utility, the
importance, and the necessity of it; nay, not only feel, but practice it.
Your panegyrist allows you, what most fathers would be more than
satisified with, in a son, and chides me for not contenting myself with
‘l’essentiellement bon’; but I, who have been in no one respect like
other fathers, cannot neither, like them, content myself with
‘l’essentiellement bon’; because I know that it will not do your business
in the world, while you want ‘quelques couches de vernis’. Few fathers
care much for their sons, or, at least, most of them care more for their
money: and, consequently, content themselves with giving them, at the
cheapest rate, the common run of education: that is, a school till
eighteen; the university till twenty; and a couple of years riding post
through the several towns of Europe; impatient till their boobies come
home to be married, and, as they call it, settled. Of those who really
love their sons, few know how to do it. Some spoil them by fondling them
while they are young, and then quarrel with them when they are grown up,
for having been spoiled; some love them like mothers, and attend only to
the bodily health and strength of the hopes of their family, solemnize
his birthday, and rejoice, like the subjects of the Great Mogul, at the
increase of his bulk; while others, minding, as they think, only
essentials, take pains and pleasure to see in their heir, all their
favorite weaknesses and imperfections. I hope and believe that I have
kept clear of all of these errors in the education which I have given
you. No weaknesses of my own have warped it, no parsimony has starved it,
no rigor has deformed it. Sound and extensive learning was the foundation
which I meant to lay--I have laid it; but that alone, I knew, would by no
means be sufficient: the ornamental, the showish, the pleasing
superstructure was to be begun. In that view, I threw you into the great
world, entirely your own master, at an age when others either guzzle at
the university, or are sent abroad in servitude to some awkward, pedantic
Scotch governor. This was to put you in the way, and the only way of
acquiring those manners, that address, and those graces, which
exclusively distinguish people of fashion; and without which all moral
virtues, and all acquired learning, are of no sort of use in the courts
and ‘le beau monde’: on the contrary, I am not sure if they are not an
hindrance. They are feared and disliked in those places, as too severe,
if not smoothed and introduced by the graces; but of these graces, of
this necessary ‘beau vernis’, it seems there are still ‘quelque couches
qui manquent’. Now, pray let me ask you, coolly and seriously, ‘pourquoi
ces couches manquent-elles’? For you may as easily take them, as you may
wear more or less powder in your hair, more or less lace upon your coat.
I can therefore account for your wanting them no other way in the world,
than from your not being yet convinced of their full value. You have
heard some English bucks say, “Damn these finical outlandish airs, give
me a manly, resolute manner. They make a rout with their graces, and talk
like a parcel of dancing-masters, and dress like a parcel of fops: one
good Englishman will beat three of them.” But let your own observation
undeceive you of these prejudices. I will give you one instance only,
instead of an hundred that I could give you, of a very shining fortune
and figure, raised upon no other foundation whatsoever, than that of
address, manners, and graces. Between you and me (for this example must
go no further), what do you think made our friend, Lord A----e, Colonel
of a regiment of guards, Governor of Virginia, Groom of the Stole, and
Ambassador to Paris; amounting in all to sixteen or seventeen thousand
pounds a year? Was it his birth? No, a Dutch gentleman only. Was it his
estate? No, he had none. Was it his learning, his parts, his political
abilities and application? You can answer these questions as easily, and
as soon, as I can ask them. What was it then? Many people wondered, but I
do not; for I know, and will tell you. It was his air, his address, his
manners, and his graces. He pleased, and by pleasing he became a
favorite; and by becoming a favorite became all that he has been since.
Show me any one instance, where intrinsic worth and merit, unassisted by
exterior accomplishments, have raised any man so high. You know the Due
de Richelieu, now ‘Marechal, Cordon bleu, Gentilhomme de la Chambre’,
twice Ambassador, etc. By what means? Not by the purity of his character,
the depth of his knowledge, or any uncommon penetration and sagacity.
Women alone formed and raised him. The Duchess of Burgundy took a fancy
to him, and had him before he was sixteen years old; this put him in
fashion among the beau monde: and the late Regent’s oldest daughter, now
Madame de Modene, took him next, and was near marrying him. These early
connections with women of the first distinction gave him those manners,
graces, and address, which you see he has; and which, I can assure you,
are all that he has; for, strip him of them, and he will be one of the
poorest men in Europe. Man or woman cannot resist an engaging exterior;
it will please, it will make its way. You want, it seems, but ‘quelques
couches’; for God’s sake, lose no time in getting them; and now you have
gone so far, complete the work. Think of nothing else till that work is
finished; unwearied application will bring about anything: and surely
your application can never be so well employed as upon that object, which
is absolutely necessary to facilitate all others. With your knowledge and
parts, if adorned by manners and graces, what may you not hope one day to
be? But without them, you will be in the situation of a man who should be
very fleet of one leg but very lame of the other. He could not run; the
lame leg would check and clog the well one, which would be very near
useless.
From my original plan for your education, I meant to make you ‘un homme
universel’; what depends on me is executed, the little that remains
undone depends singly upon you. Do not then disappoint, when you can so
easily gratify me. It is your own interest which I am pressing you to
pursue, and it is the only return that I desire for all the care and
affection of, Yours.