MY DEAR FRIEND: I mentioned to you, some time ago a sentence which I
would most earnestly wish you always to retain in your thoughts, and
observe in your conduct. It is ‘suaviter in modo, fortiter in re’
[gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind D.W.]. I do not know any
one rule so unexceptionably useful and necessary in every part of life. I
shall therefore take it for my text to-day, and as old men love
preaching, and I have some right to preach to you, I here present you
with my sermon upon these words. To proceed, then, regularly and
PULPITICALLY, I will first show you, my beloved, the necessary connection
of the two members of my text ‘suaviter in modo: fortiter in re’. In the
next place, I shall set forth the advantages and utility resulting from a
strict observance of the precept contained in my text; and conclude with
an application of the whole. The ‘suaviter in modo’ alone would
degenerate and sink into a mean, timid complaisance and passiveness, if
not supported and dignified by the ‘fortiter in re’, which would also run
into impetuosity and brutality, if not tempered and softened by the
‘suaviter in modo’: however, they are seldom united.
The warm, choleric man, with strong animal spirits, despises the
‘suaviter in modo’, and thinks to, carry all before him by the ‘fortiter
in re’. He may, possibly, by great accident, now and then succeed, when
he has only weak and timid people to deal with; but his general fate will
be, to shock offend, be hated, and fail. On the other hand, the cunning,
crafty man thinks to gain all his ends by the ‘suaviter in modo’ only; HE
BECOMES ALL THINGS TO ALL MEN; he seems to have no opinion of his own,
and servilely adopts the present opinion of the present person; he
insinuates himself only into the esteem of fools, but is soon detected,
and surely despised by everybody else. The wise man (who differs as much
from the cunning, as from the choleric man) alone joins the ‘suaviter in
modo’ with the ‘fortiter in re’. Now to the advantages arising from the
strict observance of this precept:
If you are in authority, and have a right to command, your commands
delivered ‘suaviter in modo’ will be willingly, cheerfully, and
consequently well obeyed; whereas, if given only ‘fortiter’, that is
brutally, they will rather, as Tacitus says, be interrupted than
executed. For my own part, if I bid my footman bring me a glass of wine,
in a rough insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he
would contrive to spill some of it upon me: and I am sure I should
deserve it. A cool, steady resolution should show that where you have a
right to command you will be obeyed; but at the same time, a gentleness
in the manner of enforcing that obedience should make it a cheerful one,
and soften as much as possible the mortifying consciousness of
inferiority. If you are to ask a favor, or even to solicit your due, you
must do it ‘suaviter in modo’, or you will give those who have a mind to
refuse you, either a pretense to do it, by resenting the manner; but, on
the other hand, you must, by a steady perseverance and decent
tenaciousness, show the ‘fortiter in re’. The right motives are seldom
the true ones of men’s actions, especially of kings, ministers, and
people in high stations; who often give to importunity and fear, what
they would refuse to justice or to merit. By the ‘suaviter in modo’
engage their hearts, if you can; at least prevent the pretense of offense
but take care to show enough of the ‘fortiter in re’ to extort from their
love of ease, or their fear, what you might in vain hope for from their
justice or good-nature. People in high life are hardened to the wants and
distresses of mankind, as surgeons are to their bodily pains; they see
and hear of them all day long, and even of so many simulated ones, that
they do not know which are real, and which not. Other sentiments are
therefore to be applied to, than those of mere justice and humanity;
their favor must be captivated by the ‘suaviter in modo’; their love of
ease disturbed by unwearied importunity, or their fears wrought upon by a
decent intimation of implacable, cool resentment; this is the true
‘fortiter in re’. This precept is the only way I know in the world of
being loved without being despised, and feared without being hated. It
constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavor
to establish.
Now to apply what has been said, and so conclude.
If you find that you have a hastiness in your temper, which unguardedly
breaks out into indiscreet sallies, or rough expressions, to either your
superiors, your equals, or your inferiors, watch it narrowly, check it
carefully, and call the ‘suaviter in modo’ to your assistance: at the
first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft. Labor even to
get the command of your countenance so well, that those emotions may not
be read in it; a most unspeakable advantage in business! On the other
hand, let no complaisance, no gentleness of temper, no weak desire of
pleasing on your part,--no wheedling, coaxing, nor flattery, on other
people’s,--make you recede one jot from any point that reason and
prudence have bid you pursue; but return to the charge, persist,
persevere, and you will find most things attainable that are possible. A
yielding, timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and
the unfeeling; but when sustained by the ‘fortiter in re’, is always
respected, commonly successful. In your friendships and connections, as
well as in your enmities, this rule is particularly useful; let your
firmness and vigor preserve and invite attachments to you; but, at the
same time, let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and
dependents from becoming yours; let your enemies be disarmed by the
gentleness of your manner, but let them feel, at the same time, the
steadiness of your just resentment; for there is a great difference
between bearing malice, which is always ungenerous, and a resolute
self-defense, which is always prudent and justifiable. In negotiations
with foreign ministers, remember the ‘fortiter in re’; give up no point,
accept of no expedient, till the utmost necessity reduces you to it, and
even then, dispute the ground inch by inch; but then, while you are
contending with the minister ‘fortiter in re’, remember to gain the man
by the ‘suaviter in modo’. If you engage his heart, you have a fair
chance for imposing upon his understanding, and determining his will.
Tell him, in a frank, gallant manner, that your ministerial wrangles do
not lessen your personal regard for his merit; but that, on the contrary,
his zeal and ability in the service of his master, increase it; and that,
of all things, you desire to make a good friend of so good a servant. By
these means you may, and will very often be a gainer: you never can be a
loser. Some people cannot gain upon themselves to be easy and civil to
those who are either their rivals, competitors, or opposers, though,
independently of those accidental circumstances, they would like and
esteem them. They betray a shyness and an awkwardness in company with
them, and catch at any little thing to expose them; and so, from
temporary and only occasional opponents, make them their personal
enemies. This is exceedingly weak and detrimental, as indeed is all humor
in business; which can only be carried on successfully by, unadulterated
good policy and right reasoning. In such situations I would be more
particularly and ‘noblement’, civil, easy, and frank with the man whose
designs I traversed: this is commonly called generosity and magnanimity,
but is, in truth, good sense and policy. The manner is often as important
as the matter, sometimes more so; a favor may make an enemy, and an
injury may make a friend, according to the different manner in which they
are severally done. The countenance, the address, the words, the
enunciation, the Graces, add great efficacy to the ‘suaviter in modo’,
and great dignity to the ‘fortiter in re’, and consequently they deserve
the utmost attention.
From what has been said, I conclude with this observation, that
gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind, is a short, but full
description of human perfection on this side of religious and moral
duties. That you may be seriously convinced of this truth, and show it in
your life and conversation, is the most sincere and ardent wish of,
Yours.