TRANSCENDENTALISM AS ELUCIDATED FOR THE JUNIOR LEAGUE.
The following two weeks were unmarked by anything of special
interest, and Katherine found her time fully occupied in attending
to her daily duties and preparing for the next league meeting.
For a moment, after the second subject, "Transcendentalism," had
been assigned her, she felt "old Adam" beginning to stir
resentfully again, for she was impressed that, when the topic came
up for discussion, certain members of the club intended to make
her the target for more sharpshooting.
But the struggle was short, for the monitor within had declared
that "God's image and likeness could not reflect or manifest
anything but love;" when, like a flash, had come the inspiration
to treat the subject from a humorous point of view. She knew that
the committee had used the term in its perverted sense, so she
would meet them on their own ground, make an hour of fun for the
league, and thus, perchance, disarm the aggressive ones and create
a better feeling towards herself.
As these thoughts coursed rapidly through her mind during Miss
Felton's gallant defense, she became enthused over the idea, hence
the mirthful gleam in her eyes when she arose and accepted the
topic, and thus tactfully "poured oil upon the troubled waters."
In the quiet of her own room, after retiring, her plan began to
take a more definite form, and, before the week was out, she had
arranged her programme for the evening.
She found that she would be unable to carry it out alone, and so
confided her scheme to Sadie, Miss Walton, the president, and Miss
Felton, whom she now regarded as stanch friends. They were
delighted with it and heartily lent her their assistance in
perfecting it.
It became evident, however, as the day for the meeting drew on
apace, that more than usual interest was centered in the event,
for, upon two or three occasions, Katherine came suddenly upon a
group of the members in earnest conversation, which was instantly
cut short, or abruptly changed, when her presence was observed.
Jennie Wild, who was very fond of her, also gave her a hint that
something unusual was going on.
"Miss Minturn, what's the fun that's brewing in the Junior
League?" she inquired, as she encountered Katherine in one of the
halls a couple of days previous to the meeting.
"Is there fun brewing?" she inquired, evasively, and wondering if,
by any possibility, her own scheme had become known.
"Yes, I am sure there is, for I've heard some of the juniors
talking about a 'great time' that is on the tapis for the next
meeting; and--and your name was mentioned, too," Jennie concluded,
giving her a curious glance.
Katherine flushed and looked perplexed; but she felt sure that her
own secret was safe, for it had always been discussed behind
locked doors, and all concerned were too interested in the success
of it to betray her confidence.
"I have no knowledge of anything outside of my own province," she
replied. "I am to read a paper before the league on Tuesday
evening."
"Oh, say! what's the subject?" Jennie queried, eagerly.
"Don't you know, dear, it is a rule, in both the Junior and Senior
Leagues, that no information regarding what occurs in their
meetings can be made public without a vote of the members?"
Katherine smilingly inquired.
"Yes; but I'll never tell," said the girl, in a confidential tone.
"No, I am sure you will not," was the laughing retort.
"Oh, you mean you won't give me a chance," said Jennie, with a
good-natured grimace. "Well, whatever the subject may be, I am
sure the paper will be O. K."
"Thank you for your confidence in my ability, and, sometime,
perhaps, you may be enlightened regarding what is at present a
profound secret," returned Katherine, encouragingly.
"Well, perhaps that is what those girls were talking about, but
I'm pretty sure there's more than that in the wind," Jennie
thoughtfully observed. "But"--all on the alert again--"I've found
out that the sophs are planning to, kick up a bobbery, too--"
"Oh, Jennie!" interposed her companion, with laughing reproof.
"Yes, I know; that is awful slang. But what can you expect of a
'freshie'? I've got to make the most of my time, too, you know,
for when I get to be a junior I'll have to begin the 'prune and
prism' act," retorted the girl with a roguish wink. "Then"--
suddenly straightening herself, drawing down the corners of her
mouth, crossing her eyes, and assuming the air of a would-be
prude--"the prospective infraction of law and order would have to
be decorously stated something like this: ahem! 'Those
irrepressible, irresponsible and notorious sophomores are secretly
preparing to engage in exceedingly demoralizing, mischievous and
reprehensible behavior, calculated to produce an unpleasant state
of perturbation in the atmosphere of our household, inoculate a
spirit of anarchy in their fellows, and detract from the dignity
of our honored institution.' How's that for high?"
"Oh, I believe you are rightly named 'Wild Jennie'!" cried
Katherine, laughing heartily, for the girl was irresistible in her
drollery.
"All the same," continued Miss Mischief, resuming her accustomed
vivacity, "they really are up to something that will give the
teachers a tremendous nightmare one of these fine nights. You just
watch out, Miss Minturn--I've only got an inkling of the plot, but
it's great, and I'm going to be on hand to see it, even if I can't
be in it."
"Look out, dear, that you do not get involved in something that
you will be sorry for afterwards," cautioned Katherine.
"I'll look out for number one--never you fear; but"--with a wise
nod--"you just keep your eyes peeled about your own affairs. Ta-
ta!" and, with a wave of her hand, the girl hurried away, merrily
whistling a popular air as she went.
"I wonder if those girls are planning some practical joke upon me
for Tuesday evening!" Katherine said to herself, as she went on up
to her room.
Taking what Jennie had told her in connection with what she
herself had seen and heard, she was inclined to think that there
might be "something brewing"; but, as there appeared to be no way
to solve the mystery, she wisely decided not to dwell upon it,
although she determined that she would be on the qui vive and not
caught napping.
Tuesday evening came. The league convened at the usual hour, and
that something of more than wonted interest was anticipated was
evinced by the fact that every member of the club was promptly on
hand, while curious glances were bent, and comments made, upon a
curtain which had been stretched across one end of the room.
After the meeting was formally opened the president stated that,
before the reading and discussion of the paper, there would be a
short entertainment, which had been specially prepared for the
occasion.
This announcement met with vigorous applause, and an air of eager
interest at once pervaded the audience.
Miss Walton waited patiently until quiet was restored, then
resumed:
"First I will read an original conundrum which is propounded by
one of our members, and which you are requested to solve."
Everyone was at once on the alert.
"My first," read the chairman, "is a state of oblivion.
"My second is what comes to all things mundane.
"My third appertains to articulation, to a form of surgery, and to
a profession.
"My fourth is applied to certain theories and fanatical tenets.
"My whole is a term employed to designate a certain form of
philosophy which is also often misconstrued and misapplied."
As Miss Walton was about to lay down her paper she was asked to
read the conundrum again, which she did, while pencils were busy
taking notes; then she observed:
"Before the answer is called for we are to have a charade, which
has also been prepared by a member of our club, after which you
will please give your solutions before Miss Minturn reads her
paper."
A bell now tinkled faintly, and the mysterious curtain was raised,
revealing a prettily furnished room and, conspicuous in a
reclining chair, there lay a young lady apparently asleep, while
two others, wearing black dominoes and lace masks, attempted to
arouse her, Their efforts proved ineffectual, however, although
she was pinched, shaken, commanded to awake, and even made to
stand upon her feet. But nothing availed; she was seemingly
oblivious of everything.
"Alas! it is of no use," solemnly observed one domino to the
other, who sighed heavily, and mournfully shook her head, and the
curtain was rung down.
A moment later it went up again. No one was now in the room, but a
short piece of rope dangled from one arm of the chair.
The third scene revealed an office. On a table lay a number of
small instruments, a lot of loose teeth, also a couple of full
sets. A lady was seated in a chair, and beside her stood a
gentleman(?) holding aloft in one hand a pair of forceps, in which
there gleamed a single tooth, while with the other he extended a
glass of water to his patient, remarking in a suave, professional
tone:
"It is all over, madam--a very successful operation. Rinse your
mouth, please, and then we will look at the others," whereupon the
curtain fell.
The fourth scene showed the same room in which the first act had
been given. In a low rocker sat a spinster of uncertain age, very
prim as to attitude and attire, her face partially concealed by a
profusion of corkscrew curls that dangled from her temples. She
appeared to be absorbed in reading, while there were piles of
books on the table at her side, on chairs, and were also strewn
promiscuously about the floor.
Presently a colored servant entered the room. A spotless kerchief
was folded about her expansive shoulders; a bright red bandanna
was coiled around her woolly head, and a long, blue and white
checked apron was tied about her ample waist.
She was a typical, full-blooded negress, and shuffled into the
room in true darky style, but with signs of distress and one black
hand covering her right eye.
"Well, Dinah, is anything wanted?" demanded the spinster, but
without glancing up from her book.
"Y'sm, honey; I'se done got sumpin' in m' eye. I has sho'."
"Come here and let me look at it," said her mistress, reluctantly
laying her book aside and taking a pencil from the table.
Dinah knelt before the woman, who made a careful examination of
the suffering member.
"I see it!" she said; "don't move and I'll get it. There!"--
carefully removing something with a corner of her immaculate
handkerchief--"see?"
"Y'sm; thank'e, Miss Julia. Yah! yah! what a li'l spec to make
such a rumpus! Looks like de Bible 'mote,' but, golly! it done
feel mo' like de 'beam.' Yah! yah! yah!" laughed the negress,
revealing two rows of dazzling teeth to an appreciative audience
as she laboriously struggled to her feet.
"Feel all right now, aunty?" queried the spinster, as she
carefully refolded her handkerchief.
"Y'sm, y'sm; I'm obleeg'd to 'e, Miss Julia. Lor'!" rubbing her
knees and groaning, "de rumatism do work de mischief wi' dese yere
po' ole bones." But Miss Julia had again become absorbed in her
book and, apparently, did not hear.
"Got another new book, Miss Julia?" queried Dinah, after watching
her mistress in silence for a moment.
"No, Dinah," replied the spinster, lifting a beatific glance and
smile to the ceiling, "I am still engaged with my 'Philosophical,
Psychological and Theosophical Research.'"
"Lor'!" and Dinah rolled her eyes with an awe-struck look over the
audience. "I 'spec' some day, honey, you's so uplifted, you'll go
soarin' up inter de clouds and outer sight, straight 'ter kingdom
come--"
"Dinah! I think it is time you were giving your attention to your
dinner," interposed Miss Julia, in a lofty tone.
"Y'sm; I's gwine--I sho'ly is'm," retorted Dinah, spiritedly, as
she straightened herself and turned with a resentful flirt of her
skirts to obey. Then glancing back over her shoulder and showing
her white teeth in a broad grin, she added: "I's gwine ter 'gage
in m' soupy-logical, lamby-logical, pie-o-logical research; y'sm,
sho!" and, striking a superior attitude, she cake-walked off the
stage with a vigorous stride and regardless of 'ole bones' or
'rumatism'; and the curtain was rung down upon an audience
convulsed with merriment, while a voice from somewhere cried out:
"Well done, Sadie! yo'll take de cake, dis time, fer sho."
Scene five showed the same room, the same spinster with her book
clasped to her breast, her head thrown back, her eyes gazing aloft
into vacancy.
"Oh, ye messengers of supereminent light! Oh, ye soul-thrilling
angels from realms supernal! Draw nearer--unfold your celestial
wings and brood tenderly o'er the aspirations of this receptive
heart--this heart already upborne on waves of ecstasy and o'er-
mastering joy; fulfill its psychic dreams and lift it to thine own
supersensible heights"--she breathed in an exaggerated stage
whisper and continued her vague, visionary monologue, or
extravaganza, until the curtain fell and brought down the house
again with enthusiastic applause.
"Has anyone guessed the answer to the conundrum, or charade, or
both?" inquired the president with mirthful eyes when she could
make herself heard.
"Transcendentalism!" cried Clara Follet, wiping the tears from her
cheeks. "Dinah gave it away to me with her 'is'm' and her
'rumatism,' and, of course, the charade was the key to the
conundrum."
From several others came the same answer, with, the various hints
or points which had suggested it.
"And now," continued Miss Walton, "we will have the paper on the
same subject from Miss Minturn, who is also the author of both
conundrum and charade."
Again there was a vigorous clapping of hands, in the midst of
which the curtain was raised and Katherine appeared upon the
stage, in her spinster attire, but shorn of her voluminous
corkscrew curls.
She was smiling, and rosy, and bowed her thanks for the generous
approval of her efforts.
As she unfolded her manuscript an expectant hush fell upon her
audience, and she observed that significant and inquiring glances
were exchanged between some of the members of the league.
"The paper which I have prepared," she began, "may not prove to be
just what the club may have expected from me; but it will at least
show that I have given the subject assigned me some thought.
"Once on a time--'twas not so very long ago--
Miss Puff craved something of Philosophy to know,
And, with proofs of culture armed and high position,
To a Summer School of Sages sought admission.
"With inspiration rare, she here absorbed her fill
Of ologies galore, and conned them o'er, until
Her wearied brain grew dazed beyond expression;
But, of this sad fact, Miss Puff made no confessions
"Ontology came first, with arguments profound,
With language mystical, the wisest to confound;
Physics took the platform next, to claim discussion,
And Metaphysics foll'wing near caused concussion.
"Cosmology! Phrenology! what charmed lore!
What depths profound! how high her aspirations soar!
Tidbits of sweetness for future delectation.
Ah! but could she give a lucid explication?
"Theosophy! Psychology! transcendent themes!
Glide softly in upon her philosophic dreams:
'Till soul upborne to realms of ecstasy sublime,
Earth's vanities grow dim upon the shores of time.
"But, lo! now hydra-head Theology appears
To shatter dreams and chill her heart with nameless fears,
For Sage and Seer spare not in sharp dissection,
'Till poor Puff, alas! no longer makes connection.
"But, all the same, 'twas lovely to 'philosophize!'
It mattered not if she were wise, or--otherwise;
Or deeply versed in themes on which the Sages dote,
Could she but keep on transcendental waves afloat.
"And so, at length, the Summer School drew to a close.
Home went Miss Puff, well primed, to smatter and to pose;
Lightly soar on clouds of blissful exaltation,
And air her fads, perchance (?) in some smart publication.
"Howe'er, dear friends, Miss Puff's career was very brief.
Like all pretentious frauds, she shortly came to grief;
She was found out, you know, and took a strange belief
Which none could heal, and faded like a leaf.
Then, slyly fled the town!--was never seen again,
Though faithful search was made o'er mountain, moor and fen.
"The claim? Ah! that begat long medical debate;
But finally, as I am authorized to state--
For all things mystical must have some kind of name,
And there's no better phrase to chronicle the same--
'Twas--the learned doctors vowed--abnormal mentalism,
The outgrowth of her fads and Transcendentalism!"
Katherine made her bow as she concluded and slipped behind the
scenes. But the applause was beyond anything she had yet received
and was kept up, with cries of "come out," "come out," until there
was nothing to do but reappear, which she did with flushed cheeks
and shining eyes.
"Comrades, I thank you all for your hearty appreciation and
commendation," she said, when quiet was restored. "It occurred to
me that a humorous treatment of the subject might be more
enjoyable than any other, and"--with an arch look and nod--"more
applicable to your conception of the term. But"--her eyes now
brimming with mirth--"I will not take more of your time, as I
believe there is a supplement to my programme yet to come."
The president looked surprised.
"I know of nothing more, Miss Minturn," she said; but even as she
spoke there was a nervous rustle apparent among some of the
audience.
"Still I am quite sure that a ghostly surprise, not down on my
pragramme, had been planned for us. Perhaps this will elucidate my
meaning," Katherine explained, and, bringing to light something,
which she had until then concealed behind her, she shook out and
held up to view a white robe, made of a sheet, and also a white
mask.
Groans and laughter greeted this announcement and display.
"Oh! who has given us away? Who has told you, Miss Minturn?" came
breathlessly from various quarters of the room.
"No one 'has given the secret away'--no one has 'told' me
anything," she replied. "The discovery was an accident. I was
obliged to slip up to my room for something forgotten, just before
it was time to open the meeting. As I reached the end of the hall
I heard voices, and, being arrayed in the dentist's garb with only
a domino over it, I did not wish to be seen. I fled into the
closet there, and the next moment two juniors passed, carrying
something in their arms, wrapped in shawls. I heard one say, 'When
I give the signal, Miss Blank will touch the button and put out
the lights.' When they were beyond hearing I stole from the closet
and found a small bundle at my feet. Investigation revealed this
ghostly garb, and, if I am not mistaken, those shawls, in yonder
corner, contain several others."
The room was very still for a moment after Katherine concluded,
and there were some very red faces, here and there, among the
audience.
Suddenly Clara Follet sprang to her feet, and, addressing the
president, said:
"Miss Walton, as I am the leader in this affair, may I make an
explanation?"
"Certainly. Comrades, Miss Follet has the floor."
"There is nothing to be done but make a clean breast of
everything," continued Miss Follet, with a resolute air, but with
crimson cheeks as she faced the audience. "As you all know, some
of us were inclined to--to guy Miss Minturn at our last meeting
about a certain subject, and when she declined to write a paper on
it we thought we would give her another as nearly like it as
possible, and so get some fun out of it when it came up for
discussion. Well"--with a suggestive shrug--"we, of course,
expected she would go into it deep, and mount, and soar, and all
that; so some of us put our heads together and planned a ghost
walk. We were going to wait until she reached the zenith of her
flight, when, at a signal from me, the electrics would be turned
off, which would leave us a very dim light through the transoms
opening into the hall; then eight of us were to slip into our
robes, form a circle around Miss Minturn, and chant a dirge. Well-
-but--ahem! don't you see, she just took all the wind out of our
sails to begin with? Instead of a 'ghostly surprise' the ghosts
got the surprise--that conundrum and charade made me suspect that
the committee on topics were going to 'get left,' and I began to
feel my courage failing. But that transcendental poem!--that
capped the climax, and I saw that the only thing to be done was
for the spooks to hide their diminished heads and keep dark."
Miss Follet was here interrupted by vigorous clapping and bursts
of irrepressible laughter, in which even the dignified president
joined.
But a tap of the gavel restored order, and Miss Follet was invited
to proceed.
"That is all there is to tell," she replied, "but I want to add,
for myself, that I think Miss Minturn is 'a brick,' as the boys
would put it, and I take off my hat to her"--turning to Katherine
with a low, graceful bow--"if she will accept the homage from the
chief transgressor, who--to make all possible atonement--proposes
to give the best spread of the season in her honor, in place of
the next meeting, if the league will vote me the privilege and she
will signify her pardon and approval by shaking hands with me."
As she concluded she extended her hand to Katherine, who grasped
it cordially, amid enthusiastic clapping by the entire audience.
It was some minutes before order could be restored, when the
business was transacted and Miss Follet's proposal to give a
spread in Miss Minturn's honor, two weeks from that night,
received a most hearty and unanimous vote.
When the meeting was dismissed it was evident that a decided
reaction of feeling had taken place, for Katherine at once became
the center of attraction and held a delightful little reception
for a while; but this was cut short by the ringing of the retiring
bell, and the Junior League dispersed in the happiest frame of
mind, all declaring that the "Transcendental Evening" had been the
finest of the year.
When Katherine laid her head upon her pillow that night and fell
asleep her pulses were beating in joyous rhythm with three
beautiful words gleaned from her beloved "Science and Health"--
"Love is enthroned! Love is enthroned!" [Footnote: "Science and
Health," page 454.]