_T. P.'s Weekly_, in some sprightly lines, suggests that _Punch_ should
appear daily. This would certainly not be a whit more strange than to
issue a _T. P.'s Weekly Christmas Number_ as is done by our
contemporary.
* * *
Answer to a Correspondent.--Yes, khaki is the fashionable colour for
plum-puddings for the Front.
* * *
_Post hoc propter hoc?_ Extract from the Eye-Witness's description of
the KING'S visit to France:--"Another sight which excited the King's
keen interest was the large bathing establishment at one of the
divisional headquarters.... From here the procession returned to General
Headquarters, where his Majesty received General Foch and presented him
with the Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath."
* * *
Sir JOHN FRENCH'S praise of the Berkshire Regiment will surprise no one,
least of all _Mr. Punch's_ Toby.
* * *
REUTER tells us that when DE WET arrived at Johannesburg he was looking
haggard and somewhat depressed. This lends colour to the rumour that he
was annoyed at being captured.
* * *
In a letter published by a German newspaper a Landwehr officer
writes:--"On the German front officers and men do not salute in the
usual way, but by saying, 'God punish England,' while the reply is, 'May
He punish England.'" This admission that the Germans themselves cannot
do it is significant.
* * *
_Die Post_, in a reference to our million recruits, says, "Mere figures
will not frighten us." Frankly, some of the figures of the stout
Landwehr men frighten _us_.
* * *
At last in Constantinople there are signs that it is being realised that
the Germans are driving the Turkish Army to Suez-side.
* * *
When the Germans and the Russians both claim to have won the same
battle, what can one do? asks a correspondent. We can only suggest that
the matter should be referred to the Hague Tribunal.
* * *
An item of war news which the President of the Society for the Promotion
of Propriety thinks the Censor might very well have censored:--"To the
south of Lask the Russian troops took Shertzoff."
* * *
"The Grenadier Guard, 6 ft. 7 in. high, whom the Prince of Wales noticed
in hospital, is not the tallest man in the British Army, that
distinction being claimed for Corporal Frank Millin, 2nd Coldstream
Guards, who is 6 ft. 8-1/2 in." This, again, is the sort of paragraph
which might have been censored with advantage, for we are quite sure
that, if the PRINCE OF WALES'S giant sees it, it will cause a relapse.
* * *
For the first time for many years there were no charges of murder at the
December Sessions at the Old Bailey. It looks as if yet another of our
industries has been filched by the Germans.
* * *
The SECRETARY OF THE ADMIRALTY announces that candidates for
assistant-clerkships, Royal Navy, who have completed a period of not
less than three months' actual military service with His Majesty's
Forces since mobilisation, will be granted fifty marks in the
examination. It seems a most unpatriotic proceeding to pay them in
German money.
* * *
_The Nursing Times_ must really be more careful or we shall have the
German newspapers drawing attention to atrocities by the French. In its
issue of the 5th inst. our contemporary says:--"The 'Train unit' whose
names we gave some weeks ago have waited all this time for their call
for duty.... And now the French authorities have cut the train--and the
staff--in two!"
* * *
Reply to those who think it absurd to take precautions against
invasion:--It's the Hun-expected that always happens.
* * *
A great fall of cliff occurred last week between Beachy Head and
Seaford, and the Germans are pointing out that the break-up of England
has now begun in earnest.
* * * * *
Illustration: "I'M AFRAID IT'LL HAVE TO GO TO THE SAME PLACE AS MY
GERMAN PIPE WENT--THE DUSTBIN. IT SUITED ME, TOO."
* * * * *
Mr. Wells on Men's Wear.
"Her thoughts came back to the dancing little figure in
purple-striped pyjamas. She had a scared sense of irrevocable
breaches."
_The Wife of Sir Isaac Harman._
An obvious misprint in the last word.
* * * * *
The Quickest Route.
"THE KING'S JOURNEY.
CROSSES CHANNEL IN TORPEDO." Cumberland Evening Mail.
This is the method which the KAISER means to try for his coming invasion
of England.
* * * * *
"Professor G. Sims Woodhead, the Board's consultative
bacteriological adviser, to whom the report had been submitted,
said: 'I consider Dr. Mair's work contains a germ of great
promise.'"
_Birmingham Daily Mail._
We hope the Professor will not lose sight of the promising young
microbe.
* * * * *
"For any enemy ship to try to get into Dover at the present time
would be like entering the mouth of hell.
[We understand that the Admiralty have received no condemnation of
this.]"
_Daily Telegraph._
We hope that none of our contemporaries will blame the Admiralty for its
lack of information.
* * * * *
"Rev. Owen S. Watkins, one of the Wesleyan Methodist Chaplains with
the Expeditionary Force (already mentioned in the dispatches), tells
some most extraordinary stories of his experiences at the Front."
_Public Opinion._
We remember now some mention of this "Expeditionary Force" being made in
despatches, and we wondered at the time why the Censor allowed such a
public reference to it.
* * * * *
The Russians quietly evacuated Lodz without the loss of a single man.
The Germans allege that they captured it after strenuous fighting.
"And how can man lie better
Than facing fearful Lodz?"
* * * * *