A TWELFTH-NIGHT BALL--PANTOPRAGMATIC COOKERY--MODERN VANDALISM--A BOWL
OF PUNCH
sic erimus cuncti, postquam nos auferet Orcus:
ergo vivamus, dura licet esse bene.
So must we be, when ends our mortal day:
Then let us live, while yet live well we may.
_Trimalchio, with the silver skeleton: in_
Petronius: c. 34.
Twelfth-night was the night of the ball. The folding-doors of the
drawing-rooms, which occupied their entire breadth, were thrown wide
open. The larger room was appropriated to grown dancers; the smaller to
children, who came in some force, and were placed within the magnetic
attraction of an enormous twelfth-cake, which stood in a decorated
recess. The carpets had been taken up, and the floors were painted with
forms in chalk{1} by skilful artists, under the superintendence of Mr.
Pallet. The library, separated from all the apartments by ante-chambers
with double doors, was assigned, with an arrangement of whist-tables,
to such of the elder portion of the party as might prefer that mode of
amusement to being mere spectators of the dancing. Mr. Gryll, with Miss
Ilex, Mr. MacBorrowdale, and the Reverend Dr. Opimian, established his
own quadrille party in a corner of the smaller drawing-room, where they
could at once play and talk, and enjoy the enjoyment of the young. Lord
Curryfin was Master of the Ceremonies.
1 These all wear out of me, like forms with chalk Painted on
rich men's floors, for one feast-night: says Wordsworth, of
'chance acquaintance,' in his neighbourhood.--Miscellaneous
Sonnets, No. 39.
After two or three preliminary dances, to give time for the arrival of
the whole of the company, the twelfth-cake was divided. The characters
were drawn exclusively among the children, and the little king and queen
were duly crowned, placed on a theatrical throne, and paraded in state
round both drawing-rooms, to their own great delight and that of their
little associates. Then the ball was supposed to commence, and was by
general desire opened with a minuet by Miss Niphet and Lord Curryfin.
Then came alternations of quadrilles and country dances, interspersed
with occasional waltzes and polkas. So the ball went merrily, with, as
usual, abundant love-making in mute signs and in _sotto voce_ parlance.
Lord Curryfin, having brought his own love-making to a satisfactory
close, was in exuberant spirits, sometimes joining in the dance,
sometimes--in his official capacity--taking the round of the rooms to
see that everything was going on to everybody's satisfaction. He could
not fail to observe that his proffered partnership in the dance, though
always graciously, was not so ambitiously accepted as before he had
disposed of himself for life. A day had sufficed to ask and obtain the
consent of Miss Niphet's father, who now sate on the side of the larger
drawing-room, looking with pride and delight on his daughter, and with
cordial gratification on her choice; and when it was once, as it was
at once known, that Miss Niphet was to be Lady Curryfin, his lordship
passed into the class of married men, and was no longer the object of
that solicitous attention which he had received as an undrawn prize in
the lottery of marriage, while it was probable that somebody would have
him, and nobody knew who.
The absence of Mr. Falconer was remarked by several young ladies, to
whom it appeared that Miss Gryll had lost her two most favoured lovers
at once. However, as she had still many others, it was not yet a decided
case for sympathy. Of course she had no lack of partners, and whatever
might have been her internal anxiety, she was not the least gay among
the joyous assembly.
Lord Curryfin, in his circuit of the apartments, paused at the
quadrille-table, and said, 'You have been absent two or three days, Mr.
MacBorrowdale--what news have you brought from London?'
_Mr. MacBorrowdale._ Not much, my lord. Tables turn as usual, and the
ghost-trade appears to be thriving instead of being merely audible,
the ghosts are becoming tangible, and shake hands under the tables with
living wiseacres, who solemnly attest the fact. Civilised men ill-use
their wives; the wives revenge themselves in their own way, and the
Divorce Court has business enough on its hands to employ it twenty
years at its present rate of progression. Commercial bubbles burst,
and high-pressure boilers blow up, and mountebanks of all descriptions
flourish on public credulity. Everywhere there are wars and rumours of
wars. The Peace Society has wound up its affairs in the Insolvent Court
of Prophecy. A great tribulation is coming on the earth, and Apollyon
in person is to be perpetual dictator all the nations. There is, to be
sure, one piece of news your line, but it will be no news to you. There
is a meeting of the Pantopragmatic Society, under the presidency of
Lord Facing-both-ways, who has opened it with a long speech,
philanthropically designed as an elaborate exercise in fallacies, for
the benefit of young rhetoricians. The society has divided its work into
departments, which are to meddle with everything, from the highest to
the lowest--from a voice in legislation to a finger in Jack Horner's
pie. I looked for a department of Fish, with your lordship's name at
the head of it; but I did not find it. It would be a fine department.
It would divide itself naturally into three classes--living fish, fossil
fish, and fish in the frying-pan.
_Lord Curryfin._ I assure you, Mr. MacBorrowdale, all this seems as
ridiculous now to me as it does to you. The third class of fish is all
that I shall trouble myself with in future, and that only at the tables
of myself and my friends.
_Mr. Gryll._ I wonder the Pantopragmatics have not a department of
cookery; a female department, to teach young wives how to keep their
husbands at home, by giving them as good dinners as they can get abroad,
especially at club. Those anti-domestic institutions receive their chief
encouragment from the total ignorance of cookery on the part of young
wives: for in this, as in all other arts of life, it is not sufficient
to order what shall be done: it is necessary to know how it ought to be
done. This is a matter of more importance to social well-being than
nine-tenths of the subjects the Pantopragmatics meddle with.
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ And therefore I rejoice that they do not meddle
with it. A dinner, prepared from a New Art of Cookery, concocted under
their auspices, would be more comical and more uneatable than the Roman
dinner in Peregrine Pickle. Let young ladies learn cookery by all
means: but let them learn under any other tuition than that of the
Pantopragmatic Society.
_Mr. Gryll._ As for the tribulation coming on the earth, I am afraid
there is some ground to expect it, without looking for its foreshadowing
exclusively to the Apocalypse. Niebuhr, who did not draw his opinions
from prophecy, rejoiced that his career was coming to a close, for he
thought we were on the eve of a darker middle age.
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ He had not before his eyes the astounding march
of intellect, drumming and trumpeting science from city to city. But I
am afraid that sort of obstreperous science only gives people the novel
'use of their eyes to see the way of blindness.'{1}
Truths which, from action's paths retired,
My silent search in vain required,{2}
1 Gaoler. For look you, sir: you know not which way you
shall go. Posthumus. Yes, indeed do I, fellow.
Gaoler. Your death has eyes in's head, then: I have not seen
him so pictured... .
Posthumus. I tell thee, fellow, there are none want eyes to
direct them the way I am going, but such as wink, and will
not use them.
Gaoler. What an infinite mock is this, that a man should
have the best use of eyes to see the way of blindness!
--Cymbeline: Act v. Scene 4.
2 Collins: Ode on the Manners.
I am not likely to find in the successive gabblings of a dozen lecturers
of Babel.
_Mr. Gryll._ If you could so find them, they would be of little avail
against the new irruption of Goths and Vandals, which must have been
in the apprehension of Niebuhr. There are Vandals on northern thrones,
anxious for nothing so much as to extinguish truth and liberty wherever
they show themselves--Vandals in the bosom of society everywhere even
amongst ourselves, in multitudes, with precisely the same aim, only more
disguised by knaves, and less understood by dupes.
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ And, you may add, Vandals dominating over
society throughout half America, who deal with free speech and even the
suspicion of free thought just as the Inquisition dealt with them,
only substituting Lynch law and the gallows for a different mockery of
justice, ending in fire and faggot.
_Mr. Gryll._ I confine my view to Europe. I dread northern monarchy, and
southern anarchy; and rabble brutality amongst ourselves, smothered
and repressed for the present, but always ready to break out into
inextinguishable flame, like hidden fire under treacherous ashes.{1}
1 ----incedis per ignes
suppositos cineri doloso.
--Hor. Carm, 11. i.
_Mr. MacBorrowdale_. In the meantime, we are all pretty comfortable; and
sufficient for the day is the evil thereof; which in our case, so far as
I can see, happens to be precisely none.
_Miss Ilex._ Lord Curryfin seems to be of that opinion, for he has
flitted away from the discussion, and is going down a country dance with
_Miss Niphet._.
_The Rev. Dr. Opimian._ He has chosen his time well. He takes care to be
her last partner before supper, that he may hand her to the table. But
do you observe how her tragic severity has passed away? She was always
pleasant to look on, but it was often like contemplating ideal beauty
in an animated statue--Now she is the image of perfect happiness, and
irradiates all around her.
_Miss Ilex._ How can it be otherwise? The present and the future are all
brightness to her. She cannot but reflect their radiance.
Now came the supper, which, as all present had dined early, was
unaffectedly welcomed and enjoyed. Lord Curryfin looked carefully to the
comfort of his idol, but was unremitting in his attentions to her
fair neighbours. After supper, dancing was resumed, with an apparent
resolution in the greater portion of the company not to go home till
morning. Mr. Gryll, Mr. MacBorrowdale, the Reverend Doctor Opimian, and
two or three elders of the party, not having had their usual allowance
of wine after their early dinner, remained at the supper table over a
bowl of punch, which had been provided in ample quantity, and, in the
intervals of dancing, circulated, amongst other refreshments, round
the sides of the ballroom, where it was gratefully accepted by the
gentlemen, and not absolutely disregarded even by the young ladies.
This may be conceded on occasion, without admitting Goldoni's facetious
position, that a woman, masked and silent, may be known to be English by
her acceptance of punch.{1}
1 Lord Runebif, in Venice, meets Rosaura, who is masked, before a
_bottega di caffè_. She makes him a curtsey in the English fashion.
Milord. Madama, molto compita, voleté caffè?
Rosaura. (Fa cenno di no. )
Milord. Cioccolata?
Rosaura. (Fa cenno di no. )
Milord. Voleté ponce?
Rosaura. (Fa cenno di si. )
Milord. Oh! è Inglese.
La Vedova Scaltra, A. iii. S. 10.
He does not offer her tea, which, as a more English drink
than either coffee or chocolate, might have entered into
rivalry with punch: especially if, as Goldoni represented in
another comedy, the English were in the habit of drinking
it, not with milk, but with arrack. Lord Arthur calls on his
friend Lord Bonfil in the middle of the day, and Lord Bonfil
offers him tea, which is placed on the table with sugar and
arrack. While they are drinking it, Lord Coubrech enters.
Bonfil. Favorite, bevete con noi.
Coubrech. Il tè non si rifiuta.
Artur. E bevanda salutifera.
Bonfil. Voleté rak?
Coubrech. SI, rak.
Bonfil. Ecco, vi servo.
--Pamela Fanciulla, A. i. S. 15.