We were sitting around the fire at Colonel Holborow's. Dinner was
over--had, in fact, been over for some time--the hour of smoke, whisky,
and confidence had arrived, and we had been telling one another the
various reasons which accounted for our being unmarried, for we were
all bachelors except the colonel, and he had, as a variety, told the
reasons why he wished he was unmarried (his wife was away). Jack
Dexter, however, had not spoken, and it was only in response to a
direct appeal that he related the following story. The story may be
true or untrue, but I must remark that Jack always had rather a
weakness for representing himself on terms of condescending intimacy
with the nobility and even greater folk.
Jack sighed deeply. There was a sympathetic silence. Then he began:
"For some reason best known to herself," said Jack, with a patient
shrug of his shoulders, "the Duchess of Medmenham (I don't know whether
any of you fellows know her) chose to object to me as a suitor for the
hand of her daughter, Mary Fitzmoine. The woman was so ignorant that
she may really have thought that my birth was not equal to her
daughter's; but all the world knows that the Munns were yeomen two
hundred years ago, and that her Grace's family hails from a stucco
villa in the neighborhood of Cardiff. However, the duchess did object;
and when the season (in the course of which I had met Lady Mary many
times) ended, instead of allowing her daughter to pay a series of
visits at houses where I had arranged to be, she sent her off to
Switzerland, under the care of a dragon whom she had engaged to keep me
and other dangerous fellows at a proper distance. On hearing of what
had happened from George Fitzmoine (an intimate friend of mine), I at
once threw up my visits and started in pursuit. I felt confident that
Lady Mary was favorably inclined (in fact, I had certain proofs
which--but no matter), and that if I won her heart I could break down
the old lady's opposition. I should certainly have succeeded in my
enterprise, and been at this moment the husband of one of the most
beautiful girls in England, but for a very curious and unfortunate
circumstance, which placed me in an unfavorable light in Mary's eyes.
I was not to blame; it was just a bit of bad luck.
"I ranged over most of Switzerland in search of Lady Mary. Wherever I
went I asked about her, and at last I got upon the track. At
Interlaken I found her name in the visitors' book, together with that
of a Miss Dibbs, whom I took to be the dragon. I questioned the porter
and found that the two ladies had, the afternoon before, hired a
carriage and driven to a quiet little village some fifteen miles off,
where there was a small but good inn. Here they evidently meant to
stay, for letters were to be sent after them there for the next week.
The place was described to me as pretty and retired; it seemed,
therefore, an ideal spot for my purpose. I made up my mind at once. I
started the next day after luncheon, took the journey easily, and came
in sight of the little inn about seven o'clock in the evening. All
went well. The only question was as to the disposition of Miss Dibbs
toward me. I prayed that she might turn out to be a romantic dragon;
but, in case she should prove obstinate, I made my approaches with all
possible caution. When my carriage stopped at the door I jumped out.
The head waiter, a big fellow in a white waistcoat, was on the steps.
I drew him aside, and took a ten-franc piece from my pocket.
"'Is there a young lady staying here?' I asked. 'Tall, fair,
handsome?' and I slid the piece of gold into his palm.
"'Well, yes, sir,' he said, 'there is a young lady, and she is all that
you say, sir. Pardon me, Monsieur is English?'
"'Yes,' said I.
"'Ah,' said he, smiling mysteriously. 'And it is Wednesday.'
"'It is certainly Wednesday,' I admitted, though I did not see that the
day of the week mattered much.
"He came close to me and whispered:
"'The lady thought you might come, sir. I think she expects you, sir.
Oh, you can rely on my discretion, sir.'
"I was rather surprised, but not very much, for I had hinted to George
Fitzmoine that I meant to try my luck, and I supposed that he had
passed my hint on to his sister. My predominant feeling was one of
gratification. Mary loved me! Mary expected me! There was complete
mental sympathy between Mary and myself!
"I went up to my room in a state of great contentment. I had been
there about half an hour when my friend the waiter came in. Advancing
toward me with a mysterious air, he took a blank envelope out of his
pocket and held it up before me with a roguish smile.
"'Monsieur will know the handwriting inside,' he said cunningly.
"Now I had never corresponded with Lady Mary, and of course did not
know her handwriting, but I saw no use in telling the waiter that. In
truth, I thought the fellow quite familiar enough. So I said shortly
and with some hauteur:
"'Give me the note;' and I took another piece of gold out of my pocket.
We exchanged our possessions, the waiter withdrew with a wink, and I
tore open the precious note.
"'Whatever you do,' it ran, 'don't recognize me. I am WATCHED. As soon
as I can I will tell you where to meet me. I knew you would come.--M.'
"'The darling!' I exclaimed. 'She's a girl of spirit. I'll take good
care not to betray her. Oh, we'll circumvent old Dibbs between us.'
"At eight o'clock I went down to the salle a manger. It was quite
empty. Mary and Miss Dibbs no doubt dined in their own sitting room,
and there appeared to be no one else in the hotel. However, when I was
halfway through my meal, a stylishly dressed young woman came in and
sat down at a table at the end of the room farthest from where I was.
I should have noticed her more, but I was in a reverie about Mary's
admirable charms, and I only just looked at her; she was frowning and
drumming angrily with her fingers on the table. The head waiter
hurried up to her; his face was covered with smiles, and he gave me a
confidential nod en passant. Nothing else occurred except that a
villainous looking fellow--something, to judge by his appearance,
between a valet and a secretary--thrust his ugly head through the door
three or four times. Whenever he did so the waiter smiled blandly at
him. He did it the last time just as the lady was walking down the
room. Seeing her coming he drew back and held the door open for her
with a clumsy, apologetic bow. She smiled scornfully and passed
through. The waiter stood grinning in the middle of the room, and when
I, in my turn, rose, he whispered to me, 'It's all right, sir.' I went
to bed and dreamed of Mary.
"On entering the room next morning the first person I saw was Mary.
She was looking adorably fresh and pretty. She sat opposite a stout,
severe-looking dame in black. Directly my eyes alighted on her I
schooled them into a studiously vacant expression. She, poor girl, was
no diplomatist. She started; she glanced anxiously at Miss Dibbs; I
saw her lips move; she blushed; she seemed almost to smile. Of course
this behavior (I loved Mary the more that she could not conceal her
delightful embarrassment!) excited the dragon's curiosity; she turned
round and favored me with a searching gaze. I was equal to the
occasion. I comprehended them both in a long, cool, deliberate, empty
stare. The strain on my self-control was immense, but I supported it.
Mary blushed crimson, and her eyes sank to her plate. Poor girl! She
had sadly overrated her powers of deception. I was not surprised that
Miss Dibbs frowned severely and sniffed audibly.
"At that moment the other girl came in. She walked up, took the table
next to mine, and, to my confusion, bestowed upon me a look of evident
interest, though of the utmost shortness--one of those looks, you know,
that seem to be repented of in an instant, and are generally the most
deliberate. I took no notice at all, assuming an air of entire
unconsciousness. A few minutes later Mary got up and made for the
door, with Miss Dibbs in close attendance. The imprudent child could
not forbear to glance at me; but I, seeing the dragon's watchful eye
upon me, remained absolutely irresponsive. Nay, to throw Miss Dibbs
off the scent, I fixed my eyes on my neighbor with assumed
preoccupation. Flushing painfully, Mary hurried out, and I heard Miss
Dibbs sniff again. I chuckled over her obvious disapproval of my
neighbor and myself. The excellent woman evidently thought us no
better than we ought to be! But I felt that I should go mad if I could
not speak to Mary soon.
"I went out and sat down in the veranda. It was then about half-past
ten. The ugly fellow whom I had noticed the evening before was hanging
about, but presently a waiter came and spoke to him, and he got up with
a grumble and went into the house. Ten minutes afterward my neighbor
of the salle a manger came out. She looked very discontented. She
rang a handbell that stood on the table, and a waiter ran up.
"'Where's the head waiter?' she asked sharply.
"'Pardon, ma'mselle, but he is waiting on some ladies upstairs.'
"'What a nuisance!' said she. 'But you'll do. I want to give him an
order. Stay; come indoors and I'll write it down.'
"She disappeared, and I sat on, wondering how I was to get a sight of
Mary. At last, in weariness, I went indoors to the smoking room. It
looked out to the back and was a dreary little room; but I lit my cigar
and began on a three days' old copy of the Times. Thus I spent a
tedious hour. Then my friend the head waiter appeared, looking more
roguish than ever. I dived into my pocket, he produced a note, I
seized it.
"'Why have you been so long?' (Charmingly unreasonable! what could I
have done?) 'Directly you get this, come to the wood behind the hotel.
Take the path to the right and go straight till you find me. I have
thrown the SPY [poor old Dibbs!] off the scent.--M.'
"I caught up my hat and rushed into the hall. I cannoned into a young
man who had just got out of a carriage and was standing in the veranda.
With a hasty apology I dashed on. Beyond doubt she loved me! And she
was honest enough not to conceal it. I hate mock modesty. I longed to
show her how truly I returned her love, and I rejoiced that there need
be no tedious preliminaries.
Mary and I understood one another. A kiss would be the seal of our
love--and the most suitable beginning of our conversation.
"In five minutes I was in the wood. Just before I disappeared among
its trees I heard someone calling 'Monsieur, monsieur!' It sounded like
the voice of the head waiter, but I wouldn't have stopped for fifty
head waiters. I took the path Mary had indicated and ran along it at
the top of my speed. Suddenly, to my joy, I caught sight of the figure
of a girl; she was seated on a mound of grass, and, though her face was
from me, I made no doubt it was Mary. She wore the most charming blue
cloak (it was a chilly morning) which completely enveloped her. I
determined not to shilly-shally. She loved me--I loved her. I ran
forward, plumped down on my knees behind her, took her head between my
hands dodged round, and kissed her cheek.
"'At last, my darling!' I cried in passionate tones.
"By Jupiter, it was the other girl, though!
"I sprang back in horror. The girl looked at me for a moment. Then she
blushed; then she frowned; then--why, then she began to laugh
consumedly. I was amazed.
"'"At last," you call it,' she gasped. 'I call it "at first"'; and she
laughed merrily and melodiously. She certainly had a nice laugh, that
girl.
"Now, concerning what follows, I have, since then, entertained some
doubts whether I behaved in all respects discreetly. You will allow
that the position was a difficult one, but it is, I admit, very
possible that my wisest course would have been to make an apology and
turn tail as quickly as I could. Well, I didn't. I thought that I
owed the lady a full explanation. Besides, I wanted a full explanation
myself. Finally (oh, yes, I see you fellows grinning and winking),
Mary was not there, and this young lady rather interested me. I
decided that I would have five minutes' talk with her; then I would run
back and find Mary.
"'I must beg a thousand pardons,' I began, 'but I took you for somebody
else."
"'Oh, of course,' said she, with a shrug, 'it's always that.'
"'You appear incredulous,' said I, rather offended.
"'Well, and if I am?' said she.
"My feelings were hurt. I produced Mary's second note.
"'If I can trust to your discretion, I'll prove what I say,' I remarked
in a nettled tone.
"'I shall be very curious to hear the proof, sir, and I will be most
discreet,' she said. She was pouting, but her eyes danced. Really, she
looked very pretty--although, of course, I would not for a moment
compare her with Lady Mary.
"'A lady,' said I, 'was so kind as to tell me to seek her here this
morning.'
"'Oh, as if I believed that!'
"I was piqued.
"'There's the proof,' I cried, flinging the note into her lap.
"She took it up, glanced at it, and gave a little shriek.
"'Where did you get this?'
"'Why, from the head waiter.'
"'Oh, the fool!' she cried. 'It's mine.'
"'Yours? nonsense! He gave me that and another last night.'
"'Oh, the stupidity! They were for--they were not for you. They were
for--someone who is to arrive.'
"I pointed at the signature and gasped, 'M.! Do you sign M.?'
"'Yes; my name's--my name begins with M. Oh, if I'd only seen that
waiter this morning! Oh, the idiot!'
"Then I believe I swore.
"'Madame,' said I, 'I'm ruined! No harm is done to you--I'm a man of
honor--but I'm ruined. On the strength of your wretched notes, madame,
I've cut the girl I love best in the world--cut her dead--dead--dead!'
"'What? That young lady in the---- Oh, you thought they were from
her? Oh, I see? How--how--oh, how very amusing!' And the heartless
little wretch went off into another peal of laughter.
"'You pretended not to know her! Oh, dear! oh, dear!' and her laughter
echoed among the trees again. 'I saw her looking at you, and you ate
on like a pig! Oh, dear! oh, dear!'
"'Stop laughing!' said I savagely.
"'Oh, I'm very sorry, but I can't. What a scrape you've go into! Oh,
me!' And she wiped her eyes (they were as blue as her cloak) with a
delicate bit of a handkerchief.
"'You shan't laugh,' said I. 'Who were your notes for?'
"'Somebody I expected. He hasn't come. The waiter took you for him, I
suppose. I never thought of his being so stupid. Oh, what a brute she
must have thought you!' And she began to laugh again.
"I had had enough of it. I hate being laughed at.
"'If you go on laughing,' said I, 'I'll kiss you again.'
"The threat was a failure; she did not appear at all alarmed.
"'Not you!' she said, laughing worse than ever.
"I should like you fellows to understand that my heart never wavered in
its allegiance to Lady Mary--my conscience is quite clear as to
that--but I had pledged my word. I caught that tiresome girl round the
waist and I kissed her once--I'm sure of once, anyhow. She gasped and
struggled, laughing still. Then, with a sudden change of voice, she
cried, 'Stop', stop!'
"I let her go. I looked round. We had a gallery of spectators. On one
side stood the ugly-headed valet; on the other, in attitudes of horror,
Mary and Miss Dibbs!
"'You've ruined us both now,' said the girl in blue.
"I rose to my feet and was about to explain, when the ugly fellow
rushed at me, brandishing a cane. I had quite enough to arrange
without being bothered by him. I caught the cane in my left hand, and
with my right I knocked him down.
"Then I walked up to Lady Mary. I took no heed of Miss Dibbs'
presence; it was too critical a moment to think of trifles.
"'Lady Mary,' said I, 'appearances are so much against me that you
cannot possibly attach the slightest weight to them.'
"'Sir,' said she, 'I have no longer the honor of your acquaintance. I
have only to thank you for having had the consideration not to
recognize me when we met so unexpectedly in the dining room. Pray
continue to show me the same favor.'
"With which pleasant little speech she turned on her heel. It was
clear that she suspected me most unjustly. I turned to the girl in
blue, but she was beforehand with me.
"'Ah, I wish I'd never see you,' she cried, 'you great, stupid
creature! He [she pointed to the prostrate figure of the ugly servant]
will tell Frederic everything.'
"'Come,' said I, '_I_ was only an accident; it would have been just as
bad if----'
"As I spoke I heard a step behind me. Turning round, I found myself
face to face with the young man with whom I had come in collision as I
rushed through the hall. He gazed at the servant--at me--at the girl
in blue.
"'Margaret!' he exclaimed, 'what is the----'
"'Hush, hush!' she whispered, pointing again to the servant.
"I stepped up to him, lifting my hat:
"'Sir,' said I, "kindly inform me if you are the gentleman who was to
come from England.'
"'Certainly I come from England,' he said.
"'And you ought to have arrived on Wednesday?'
"'Yes," he answered.
"'Then,' said I, 'all I have to say to you, sir, is--that I wish to the
devil you'd keep your appointments.' And I left them.
"That's why I'm not married, boys. Where's my glass?"
"It is a very curious story," observed the colonel. "And who were they
all--the girl in blue--and the young man--and the ugly servant--and
Frederic?"
"Colonel," said Jack, with an air of deepest mystery, "you would be
astounded to hear."
We all pricked up our ears.
"But," he continued, "I am not at liberty to say."
We sank back in our chairs.
"Do you know?" asked the colonel, and Jack nodded solemnly.
"Out with it!" we cried.
"Impossible!" said Jack. "But I may tell you that the matter engaged
the attention of more than one of the Foreign Offices of Europe."
"Good Heavens!" cried we in chorus, and Jack drank off his whisky and
water, rose to his feet, and put on his hat.
"Poor dear Mary!" said he, as he opened the door. "She never got over
it."
The colonel shouted after him:
"Then what did she marry Jenkyns of the Blues for?"
"Pique!" said Jack, and he shut the door.