The Premier, says a contemporary, has become greatly attached to a white
terrier puppy that he brought with him from Colwyn Bay. The report that it
has been taught to run after its own tail by Mr. LLOYD GEORGE himself is
probably the work of malice.
* * *
Our heart goes out to the tenant of an experimental wooden house who is
advertising for the assistance of the man who successfully held up a
post-office in London about a fortnight ago.
* * *
A London carman is said to have summoned his neighbour for calling him an
O.B.E. We are sure he could not have meant it.
* * *
"The most hygienic dress for all boys is the Scots kilt," says a
correspondent of _The Daily Mail_. "My own boys wear nothing else." We are
glad to see that the obsolete Highland Practice of muffling the ears in a
cairngorm has been definitely discarded.
* * *
According to a contemporary a new form of road surface material, which is
not injurious to fish, has been produced by the South Metropolitan Gas
Company. The utilisation of some of the deeper cavities in our highways for
the purpose of food production has long been a favourite theme of ours.
* * *
"Having a tooth drawn," says a writer in _Health Hints_, "has its
advantages." It certainly tends to keep one's mind off the Coalition.
* * *
Two men have been charged at Sutton with selling water for whisky. People
are now asking the exact date when this was first made an offence.
* * *
At the present time a missionary costs twice as much as before the War,
says the Rev. W.J. FULLERTON. Many a cassowary has been complaining
bitterly of the high cost of this comestible.
* * *
A new tango will be danced for the first time on January 15th, says _The
Daily Express_. For ourselves we shall try to go about our business just as
if nothing really serious had happened.
* * *
Asked by the magistrate if her husband had threatened her, a Stratford
woman replied, "No; he only said he would kill me." Almost any little thing
seems to irritate some people.
* * *
It appears that, after reading various references about his trial in the
London papers, the ex-Kaiser was heard to say that if we were not very
careful he would wash his hands of the whole business.
* * *
There is a lot of wishy-washy talk about the Bolshevists, says a Labour
paper. Wishy, perhaps, but from what we see of their pictures in the
papers, not washy.
* * *
"Supplies of string for letter mail-bags," says _The Post Office Circular_,
"will in future be 19 inches in length, instead of 18 inches." It is the
ability to think out things like this that has made us the nation we are
to-day.
* * *
Offers are invited in a contemporary for a large quantity of tiger skins.
People should first make sure that the rest of the tiger has been properly
removed before purchasing.
* * *
The composer of an American ragtime song is to have a statue erected to him
in New York. It is hoped that this warning will have the desired effect on
any composers in this country who may be tempted to commit a similar error.
* * *
We understand that, after several weeks of careful investigation into
details, the special Committee appointed by the Government to deal with
Germany's refusal to pay for her sunken fleet at Scapa have now recommended
that no receipt should be given until the money is handed over.
* * *
"You will soon be able to get work," said the Kingston magistrate to a man
summoned for income-tax. This is the sort of thoughtless remark that tends
to embitter the unemployed.
* * *
According to an evening paper, Granny LAMBERT, of Edmonton, proposed to the
reporter who visited her on her one-hundred-and-sixth birthday. As,
however, she is experiencing some difficulty in obtaining the consent of
her parents the affair may possibly fall through.
* * *
Much sympathy is felt for the scrum-half who will be unable to assist his
team this month on account of being severely crocked whilst helping his
wife at the Winter sales.
* * *
The London policeman who went across to Ireland for his Christmas holiday
is still under strict observation by mental experts.
* * *
We hear that the Congo Government have now decided that all Brontosauri
must in future carry a red front light and a green rear light when
travelling at night-time.
* * *
The War Office is said to be making preparations to abolish the Tank Corps.
It appears that the Major-General who recently drove from Whitehall to
Tothill Street in one of these vehicles has reported unfavourably upon
them, saying that he never got a wink of sleep the whole time.
* * *
A remarkable echo of Armageddon is reported from the Wimbledon district. A
subscriber was rung up the other day by "Trunks" and asked if he still
wished to say good-bye to himself before leaving for the Somme.
* * *
Thistles do more damage to agriculture than rats, declared the
Montgomeryshire Agricultural Executive Committee. Stung by this
uncalled-for attack on his national vegetable a Scotchman writes to say
that within his knowledge more arable land has been laid waste by leeks
than by any other noxious weed.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Professor's Wife._ "SEPTIMUS, THE THAW HAS BURST THE
PIPES."
_Professor._ "NO, NO, MARIE. AS I'VE HAD OCCASION TO EXPLAIN TO YOU EVERY
YEAR SINCE I CAN REMEMBER, IT'S THE FROST THAT BURSTS THE PIPES--_NOT_ THE
THAW."]
* * * * *