In obedience to O'Grady's directions, of which, fortunately for me,
he left a memorandum in writing, I started from Portobello in the
canal-boat on the afternoon of the day after his departure. The day
was dark and lowering, with occasional showers of cold and sleety rain.
However, the casual glance I took of the gloomy cell, denominated cabin,
deterred me from seeking shelter there, and buttoned up in my greatcoat
and with my travelling-cap drawn firmly over my eyes, I walked the deck
for several hours, my own thoughts affording me sufficient occupation;
and even had the opportunity presented itself, I should not have desired
any other. On this score, however, there was no temptation; and as I
looked at my fellow-passengers, there was nothing either in their voice,
air, or appearance to induce me to care for any closer intimacy.
The majority of them were stout, plain-looking countryfolk, with coats
of brown or grey frieze, leather gaiters, and thick shoes, returning, as
I could guess from some chance expressions they dropped, from the Dublin
market, whither they had proceeded with certain droves of bullocks,
wethers, and hoggets, the qualities of which formed the staple of
conversation. There were also some lady passengers--one a rather
good-looking woman, with a certain air of half gentility about her,
which enabled her at times to display to her companion her profound
contempt for the rest of the company. This companion was a poor
subdued-looking girl of about eighteen or twenty years, who scarcely
ventured to raise her haggard eyes, and spoke with an accent painful
from agitation; her depressed look and her humble manner did not
conceal, however, a certain air of composed and quiet dignity, which
spoke of happier days. A host of ill-bred, noisy, and unmannerly
children accompanied them; and I soon discovered that the mother was
the wife of the great shopkeeper in Loughrea, and her pale companion
a governess she had just procured in Dublin, to initiate the promising
offspring in the accomplished acquirements of French, Italian,
music, and painting. Their only acquaintance on board seemed to be a
jolly-looking man who, although intimate with every one, seemed somehow
not to suffer in the grand lady's esteem from the familiarities he
dispensed on all sides. He was a short, florid-looking little fellow,
with a round bullet head, the features of which seemed at first sight
so incongruous that it was difficult to decide on their prevailing
expression; his large grey eyes, which rolled and twinkled with fun,
caught a character of severity from his heavy overhanging eyebrows, and
there was a stern determination in his compressed lips that every moment
gave way to some burst of jocular good-humour, as he accosted one or
other of his friends. His voice, however, was the most remarkable thing
about him; for while at one moment he would declaim in the full round
tone of a person accustomed to speak in public, in the next he would
drop down into an easy and familiar accent, to which the mellowness of
his brogue imparted a raciness quite peculiar. His dress was a suit of
rusty black, with leather breeches of the same colour, and high boots.
This costume, which pronounced him a priest, might also, had I known
more of the country, have explained the secrets of that universal
understanding he maintained with all on board. He knew every one's
business, whither they were going, where they had been, what success had
attended them in the market, how much the black heifer brought, what the
pigs were sold for; he asked why Tim didn't come to his duties, and
if Molly's child was well of the measles; he had a word too for the
shopkeeper's wife, but that was said in a whisper; and then producing a
copper snuff-box, about the size of a saucer, he presented it to me with
a graceful bow, saying--
'This is not the first time I have had the honour of being your
fellow-traveller, Captain. We came over from Liverpool together.'
I now remembered that this was the same priest whose controversial
powers had kept me awake for nearly half the night, and whose convivial
ones filled up the remainder. I was delighted, however, to renew my
acquaintance, and we soon cemented an intimacy, which ended in his
proposing that we should sit together at dinner, to which I at once
assented.
'Dacent people, dacent people, Captain; but _bastes_, after all, in the
ways of the world--none of the _usage de société_, as we used to say
at St. Omer's. No, no; _feræ naturæ_, devil a more. But here comes the
dinner; the ould story--leg of mutton and turnips, boiled chickens and
ham, a cod and potatoes! By the Mass, they would boil one's father if
they had him on board,' while he added in a whisper--'by rason they
can't roast! So now, will you move down, if you please?'
'After your reverence, if you'll permit. _Arma cedant togæ_.'
'Thrue for you, my son, _sacerdotes priores_; and though I am only a
priest----'
'More's the pity,' said I, interrupting.
'You're right,' said he, with a slight pinch of my arm, 'whether you are
joking or not.'
The dinner was not a very appetising one, nor indeed the company over
seductive, so that I disappeared with the cloth, glad to find
myself once more in the open air, with the deck to myself; for my
fellow-travellers had, one and all, begun a very vigorous attack upon
sundry jugs of hot water and crucibles full of whisky, the fumes of
which, added to the heat, the smoke, and other disagreeables, made me
right happy to escape.
As the evening wore late, the noise and uproar grew louder and more
vociferous, and, had not frequent bursts of laughter proclaimed the
spirit of the conviviality, I should have been tempted to believe the
party were engaged in deadly strife. Sometimes a single narrator would
seem to hold the company in attentive silence; then a general chorus of
the whole would break in, with shouts of merriment, knocking of knuckles
on the table, stamping of feet, and other signs of approbation and
applause. As this had now continued for some time, and it was already
verging towards midnight, I began to grow impatient; for as sleep stole
over my eyelids, I was desirous of some little quiet, to indulge myself
in a nap. Blessings on my innocent delusion! the gentlemen below-stairs
had as much notion of swimming as sleeping. Of this a rapid glance
through a little window, at the extremity of the cabin, soon satisfied
me. As well as the steamed and heated glass would permit my seeing, the
scene was a strange one.
About forty persons were seated around a narrow table, so closely packed
that any attitude but the bolt upright was impracticable. There
they were, of every age and sex; some asleep with Welsh wigs and red
pocket-handkerchiefs screening their heads from cold, and their ears
as well as might be from uproar; some were endeavouring to read by the
light of mutton candles, with wicks like a light infantry feather, with
a nob at the head; others, with their heads bent down together, were
confidentially exchanging the secrets of the last market; while here and
there were scattered about little convivial knots of jolly souls, whose
noisy fun and loud laughter indicated but slight respect for their
drowsy neighbours.
The group, however, which attracted most of my attention was one near
the fire at the end. This consisted of his reverence Father Tom, a
stout, burly-looking old farmer opposite him, the austere lady from
Loughrea, and a little dried-up, potted-herring of a man, who, with a
light-brown coat and standing collar, sat up perpendicularly on his seat
and looked about him with an eye as lively and an accent as sharp as
though it were only noonday. This little personage, who came from
that Irish Pennsylvania called Moate, was endeavouring to maintain a
controversy with the worthy priest, who, in addition to his polemics,
was deep in a game of spoiled five with the farmer, and carrying
on besides another species of warfare with his fair neighbour. The
diversity of all these occupations might possibly have been overmuch for
him, were it not for the aid of a suspicious-looking little kettle that
sat hissing and rocking on the hob, with a look of pert satisfaction
that convinced me its contents were something stronger than water.
Perceiving a small space yet unoccupied in the party, I made my way
thither by the stair near it, and soon had the satisfaction to find
myself safely installed, without attracting any other notice from the
party than a proud stare from the lady, as she removed a little farther
from beside the priest.
As to his reverence, far too deeply interested in his immediate pursuits
to pay any attention to me, he had quite enough on his hands with his
three antagonists, none of whom did he ever for a moment permit to
edge in even a word. Conducting his varied warfare with the skill of a
general, who made the artillery, the infantry, and the cavalry of mutual
aid and assistance to one another, he continued to keep the church,
the courtship, and the cards all moving together, in a manner perfectly
miraculous--the vehemence with which he thumped down a trump upon the
table serving as a point in his argument, while the energy of the action
permitted a squeeze of the lady's hand with the other.
'There ye go, six of spades! Play a spade, av ye have one, Mr.
Larkins---- For a set of shrivelled-up craytures, with nothing but thee
and thou for a creed to deny the real ould ancient faith, that Saint
Peter and---- The ace of diamonds! _that_ tickled you under the short
ribs----- Not you, Mrs. Carney; for a sore time you have of it, and an
angel of a woman ye are; and the husband that could be cruel to you, and
take---- The odd trick out of you, Mr. Larkins----
No, no, I deny it--_nego in omnibus, Domine_. What does Origen say? The
rock, says he, is Peter; and if you translate the passage without----
Another kettleful, if you please. I go for the ten, Misther Larkins.
Trumps! another--another--hurroo! By the tower of Clonmacnoise, I'll
beggar the bank to-night. _Malhereux au jeux, heureux en amour_, as we
used to say formerly. God forgive us!'
Whether it was the French, or the look that accompanied it, I cannot
aver, but certainly the lady blushed and looked down. In vain did the
poor Quaker essay a word of explanation. In vain did Mrs. Carney herself
try to escape from the awkward inferences some of his allusions seemed
to lead to. Even the old farmer saw his tricks confiscated, and his
games estreated, without a chance of recovery; for, like Coeur de Lion
with his iron mace, the good priest laid about him, smashing, slaying,
and upsetting all before him, and never giving his adversaries a moment
to recover from one blow, ere he dealt another at their heads.
'To be sure, Mrs. Carney, and why not? It's as mild as mother's milk.
Come, ould square-toes, take a thimbleful of it, and maybe it'll lead
you to a better understanding. I play the five fingers, Mr. Larkins.
There goes Jack, my jewel! Play to that--the trick is mine. Don't be
laughing; I've a bit of fat in the heel of my fist for you yet. There
now, what are you looking at? Don't you see the cards? Troth, you 're
as bad as the Quaker; you won't believe your own eyes---- And ye see,
ma'am'--here he whispered something in the lady's ear for a few seconds,
adding as he concluded--'and thim, Mrs. Carney, thim's the rights of
the Church. Friends, indeed! ye call yourselves friends! Faix, ye're the
least social friends I ever forgathered with, even if the bare look
of you wasn't an antidote to all kinds of amusements---- Cut, Mr.
Larkins---- And it's purgatory ye don't like? Ye know what Father
O'Leary said, “Some of ye may go farther and fare worse,” not to speak
of what a place heaven would be, with the likes of you in it---- Av it
was Mrs. Carney, indeed. Yes, Mary, your own beautiful self, that's
fit to be an angel any day, and discoorse with angels---- Howld, av
you please, I've a club for that---- Don't you see what nonsense you're
talking--the little kettle is laughing at you---- What's that you 're
mumbling about my time of life? Show me the man that'll carry twelve
tumblers with me; show me the man that'll cross a country; show me the
man that 'll---- Never mind, Mrs. Carney---- Time of life, indeed! Faix,
I'll give you a song.'
With these words, the priest pushed the cards aside, replenished the
glasses, and began the following melody to an air much resembling 'Sir
Roger de Coverley':--
'To-morrow I 'll just be three-score;
May never worse fortune betide me
Than to have a hot tumbler before,
And a beautiful crayture beside me!
If this world 's a stage, as they say,
And that men are the actors, I 'm certain,
In the after-piece I 'd like to play,
And be there at the fall of the curtain.
Whack! fol lol.
'No, no, Mrs. Carney, I'll take the vestment on it, nothing of the
kind--the allusion is most discreet; but there is more.
'For the pleasures of youth are a flam;
To try them again, pray excuse me;
I 'd rather be priest that I am,
With the rights of the Church to amuse me.
Sure, there's naught like a jolly old age,
And the patriarchs knew this, it said is;
For though they looked sober and sage,
'Faith, they had their own fun with the ladies!
Whack! fol lol.
'Come now, Captain, you are a man that knows his humanities; 'I be
judged by you.'
'I protest,' said I laughingly, 'I'd rather pronounce on your punch than
your polemics.'
'No, would you though?' said the priest, with a joyous twinkle in his
eye, that showed which controversy had more attraction for him. 'Faix,
then, you shall have a fair trial. Beach me that glass, Mr. Larkins; and
if it isn't sweet enough, maybe Mrs. Carney would stir it for you with
her finger. There, now, we'll be comfortable and social, and have no
more bother about creeds, nor councils; for although it is only child's
play for me to demolish a hundred like you, I'd rather be merciful, and
leave you, like Alexander the coppersmith, to get the reward of your
works.'
Whether it was the polite attention bestowed upon me by his reverence,
or that the magical word 'Captain,' so generic for all things military
in Ireland, had its effect, or that any purely personal reasons were
the cause, I cannot aver; but, certainly, Mrs. Carney's manner became
wonderfully softened. She smiled at me slyly when the priest wasn't
looking, and vouchsafed an inquiry as to whether I had ever served in
the Roscommon yeomanry.
The kettle once more sent forth its fragrant steam, the glasses were
filled, the vanquished Quaker had extinguished both himself and his
argument beneath his broad beaver; and Father Tom, with a glance
of pleasure at the party, pronounced our arrangements perfect, and
suggested a round game, by way of passing the time.
'We are now,' said he, 'on the long level for eighteen miles; there's
neither a lock nor a town to disturb us. Give Mrs. Carney the cards.'
The proposition was met with hearty approval; and thus did I, Lieutenant
Hinton, of the Grenadier Guards, extra aide-de-camp to the viceroy,
discover myself at four in the morning engaged at a game of loo, whose
pecuniary limits were fourpence, but whose boundaries as to joke and
broad humour were wide as the great Atlantic. Day broke, and I found
myself richer by some tumblers of the very strongest whisky punch, a
confounded headache, and two-and-eightpence in bad copper jingling in my
pocket.