["Due consideration will be given in the selection
of Candidates for Scholarships to proficiency in
athletics."--_Daily Paper_.]
_Examiner_ (_courteously_). Have you studied any Latin author?
_Candidate_ (_with hesitation_). I once looked into CORNELIUS NEPOS,
but never could construe half a dozen lines.
_Exam._ What have you studied in Greek?
_Can._ Tried the first page of VALPY, and got through the present of
[Greek: tuptô]--then gave it up.
_Exam._ Do you know anything about Mathematics?
_Can._ Fancy I have heard of the Rule of Three, but hanged if I know
much about Fractions.
_Exam._ (_a little despairingly_). Can you give the dates of the four
WILLIAMS in English History?
_Can._ No. Suppose followed one another, as shillings of the time of
WILLIAM THE FOURTH still in use. Suppose WILLIAM THE FIRST must have
been about the end of the Eighteenth Century.
_Exam._ (_with new hope_). Do you know anything about Geography?
_Can._ Not without a _Continental Bradshaw_.
_Exam._ (_nothing daunted_). Can you tell me the name of the spot
which is supposed to be the centre of the universe?
_Can._ I haven't the faintest idea, but suppose you mean Monte Carlo.
_Exam._ (_as a last resource_). Do you know anything about Law?
_Can._ Nothing at all, except that one of my friends had to pay five
pounds, the other day, for assaulting a Policeman.
_Exam._ (_losing his temper_). Then what on earth _do_ you know?
_Can._ Only how to break the record of the quarter mile.
_Exam._ (_brightening up_). And can you play Cricket?
_Can._ (_contemptuously_). _Can_ I play Cricket! Why I carried my bat
out for 184 against Loamshire, with GRACE bowling his swiftest.
_Exam._ (_cordially grasping his hand_). My dear Sir, after the
satisfactory examination you have just undergone, I shall have much
pleasure in recommending you for a Scholarship.
* * * * *