_British Envoy, Timbuctoo, to Foreign Minister, London._
No end of a row! Grand Vizier, Lord Chamberlain, Keeper of Privy
Purse, and other high Officials, assembled outside my house, and
smashed windows, aided by furious crowd. Certain that Sultan is at
bottom of it. Mayn't I say something vigorous to him?
_Foreign Minister, London, to British Envoy, Timbuctoo._
Awkward, as General Election going on. Temporise. Appear not to notice
stone-throwing. Very difficult to get to Timbuctoo with British Force.
If hit with stones, try arnica. Rather think Timbuctoo was discovered
by an Irishman, and called after him, TIM BUCKTOO. Eh?
_British Envoy to Foreign Minister._
Please don't jest; especially not in Irish. Glad to say aspect
of affairs completely changed. Sultan frightened about the
stone-throwing. Beheaded Grand Vizier, and sent Lord Chamberlain,
heavily ironed, to be imprisoned in cellar under my own apartment.
Gratifying. Treaty on point of being signed.
_Foreign Minister to British Envoy._
Your action quite approved of. Get Treaty signed quick! France, not
unnaturally, seems rather galled. See joke? Play on word "Gaul."
_British Envoy to Foreign Minister._
Quite see joke. Saw it years ago. Please don't send any more of 'em.
Treaty settled! Gives absurdly generous bounty to all British subjects
trading with Timbuctoo. Abolishes all Tariffs. Draft, with Sultan's
signature, returned to him to be properly copied out. Mere formality.
Packing up, and off to Coast to-night.
_Same to Same._
Arrived at coast. Treaty in carpet-bag. Regret to say, that on
examining it, find that Sultan has slipped in the little word "not" in
every clause. Makes hash of whole thing. What shall I do?
_Foreign Minister, London, to British Envoy._
Do nothing! Former Foreign Minister no longer in Office. General
Election _has_ taken place. Whole subject will be reconsidered,
with quite new lights, before long. Off for a holiday just now, and
can't attend to it. You'll hear from me again in about six months.
Meanwhile, your motto must be--"_Fez-tina lente_!" Last joke.
Brilliant. Just going to let it off at dinner-party. P.S.--Great
success.
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REEF-LECTION.--Delivering judgment in the case of _Osborne_ v.
_Aaron's Reef, Limited_, Mr. Justice CHITTY, in the interests of the
public, was justly severe on both plaintiff and defendants, declining
"to give any costs in this action to such a Company." Everyone is
familiar with the nautical expression of "taking in a reef," which
seems to have been a slightly difficult operation for anyone to
perform with AARON's Reef, which, after the manner of AARON's Rod,
when it was transformed into a serpent, appears to possess the faculty
of swallowing to a very considerable extent. Knowing brokers, if
consulted, would not have sung to unwary clients the popular ditty
"_Keep your Aarons_," but would have recommended them, being in, to
be out again in double-quick time, if there were any chance of an
immediate though small ready-money profit to be made, before one could
have said "Scissors!"
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