THE REPRESSIVE METHOD OF TRAINING
The training of the child should begin as soon as it is able to
comprehend spoken language. A venerable mother who had reared eleven
children and had seen them attain successful and honorable positions
in life was asked the question: “At what time should the training of a
child begin?” Her answer was: “In the cradle.” And, it is needless to
add, it should be continued to maturity. There are, broadly speaking,
two general plans of training which may be termed respectively the
repressive method and the suggestive method.
The repressive method of training is founded on the principle of
negation. It seeks to make the boy do right by constant admonition
not to do wrong. It proceeds on the theory that elimination of the bad
will, leave the good. It is indirect in its methods as well as its
results.
The negative system of training manifests itself in such commands as,
“Don’t make that noise;” “Don’t bother me, I’m busy;” “Don’t slide down
the cellar door;” “Don’t talk so loud;” “Don’t play in the house;”
“Don’t tease sister;” “Don’t eat so much;” “Don’t soil your clothes;”
“Don’t bring those boys into the house;” “Don’t scuff out your shoes;”
“Don’t get your hands dirty;” “Don’t be tardy at school;” “Don’t wear
out the seat of your pants;” and so on without end.
No boy ever thrived on an indigestible diet of don’ts.
Jacob Riis, writing in the _Outlook_, says: “Write the one word ‘Don’t’
there, and only that, and the boy if he has any spirit will take to
the jungle. Every father knows it; every teacher has learned it, if he
has learned anything.”
While this system has a modicum of worth in certain of its
applications, it lacks the comprehensiveness and directness necessary
to accomplish the best results.
The prohibition of reading dime novels, nickel libraries and other
blood-and-thunder tales, without the suggestion of adventure stories of
definite ethical and moral value to fill the vacuum thus created in his
emotional life, is another conspicuous example of the repressive method
of training--which does not repress but impels the boy to continue his
lurid reading in secret.
The error of the system lies in taking something essential away from
the boy without giving him an adequate substitute. It is damming up the
stream without providing a spillway, and is as ineffective as it is
unpsychological. The current of his activities will find a channel as
surely as water will find its level. Instead of attempting to check the
flow, we should direct it into channels for good. This repression, if
persistent, will dwarf the child’s initiative and compel him to grope
in the dark to find out what is permissible. It is as fallacious in
practice as a system of teaching, if such could be conceived, which
would give the boy a hundred guesses to learn a fact, instead of the
teacher’s direct statement of the fact. It is the maze of a labyrinth
which envelops the traveler in hopeless confusion and its effect can
only be depressing and disheartening to the child. We frequently make
the mistake of underestimating the reasoning powers of our children,
which prompts us with autocratic dogmatism to forbid their acts without
an explanation of the reasons why or the suggestion of a substitute to
fill the void caused by the prohibition.
“Stop making that noise!” is a command hurled at the playful boy with
such frequency that it no longer excites comment. It is natural for
boys to play, yell, make a noise, and wear out clothes. They are the
exuberant manifestations of his physical and emotional nature; the
expression of the atavistic tendencies of man; the safety valve which
relieves the pressure of superabundant vitality. As he is in the savage
period of his life he yells like a savage. You may as well tell a pup
not to bark as to tell a boy not to yell. It is the nature of the
animal. We should recognize this fact by conforming to nature--not
opposing it--because it is the normal condition of the normal boy. I
have a profound pity for the boy who prefers to sit by his mother’s
knee and read a book on his holiday, instead of joining the gang in
playing tag or getting up a scrub game of baseball. Such a boy is
abnormal; he is not “all boy”; he is either sick or mentally deficient
and either condition should inspire the grayest solicitude of his
parents as to his future. We do not want to rear a race of anemic runts.
The young of all mammals manifest the play spirit as a means of growth.
Colt, calf, lamb, kitten, pup, and boy all exhibit this tendency of
nature. These things are the cause of growth, not only physical, but
mental and moral as well. The educational value of play is one of the
most important factors in the boy’s evolution. It is the expression
of his being, his growth, his aspirations and his future. By play,
he trains his eye, his hand, his mind and his muscles; his moral
conceptions are formed; he learns to distinguish between right and
wrong, and the recognition of individual and property rights begins
to emerge from his nascent moral consciousness. Games with companions
develop the social instincts. Through them he first realizes that he
is a social unit--a thread in the social fabric of humanity. Action,
constant action, is the keynote to his present and the hope of his
future. He aches for action. If the boy’s play and noise disturb you,
do not squelch him, but rather provide him with a place in which he
may exercise these manifestations of his nature without causing you
annoyance. A playroom in the house or barn, a tent, the lawn, the park,
the great woods of the country are all ideal playgrounds for boys
which satisfy the savage spirit of his nature. There ought to be ample
room in this great world of ours for the growth and development of our
future men.
Objection is sometimes made that sports are a non-productive form of
energy--a waste of time and strength which might be employed in manual
training or in work of economic value capable of being measured in
terms of money. It is true that the athletics and games of boys have
no money value, nor are they designed for such purpose, but the energy
expended is not wasted. On the contrary, it is highly productive of
both physical and moral growth. It is productive of strong bodies,
clear eyes, speed, agility, strength, quick thinking, sound judgment,
a sense of fair play, self-confidence, control of temper, coördination
of brain and muscle, and respect for the rights of others. Their
value is educational and cultural--a means to an end and not the end
itself. The boy who by reason of financial necessity is required to
become a breadwinner is deprived not only of a large part of the joys
of boyhood which should be his as a matter of right, but of many
physical activities, educational in their effect, which would otherwise
train and equip him both mentally and physically for service in
adult vocations and good citizenship. The repression of play and its
attendant noise is always inspired by motives of consideration for the
convenience of the adult and never by a thought of its effect on the
boy himself.
The repressive method of training, alone, is ineffective at any age,
but if it is used sparingly in early childhood and then only when
combined with suggestions and directions for activities to replace
those prohibited it produces good results. As the child grows in years
the positive, constructive, suggestive method of training should be
employed exclusively.
Quite as pernicious as the repressive method is the passive system of
training--in effect no training at all--which permits the boy to have
his own way in everything. It is the resource of the indulgent and
lazy parent who seeks the line of least resistance. When combined with
a lavish supply of money, its effects are usually ruinous. I know a boy
now fifteen years of age, a typical spoiled son of a wealthy father.
At our first meeting, a year ago, the sartorial display on his stunted
physique was loud and elaborate and was the work, he volunteered, of
his father’s tailor. He was decorated with a gold watch and chain, an
elaborate scarf pin and two finger rings conspicuous for their size. He
immediately began to boast to the little group of boys who surrounded
him of the cost and superiority of his clothes, his rifle, his canoe
and his pony. At first, the group looked on in mingled awe and
admiration. Then their keen insight and sense of humor were betrayed
in the knowing winks and nods which they exchanged, followed by a
volley of questions designed to hold him up to ridicule, until the poor
little sham of a boy, unable to bear their raillery longer, finally
blurted out in an attempt to silence his inquisitors, “My father’s got
more money than all of your fathers put together.”
I have long held the belief that the boy is the mirror of his home.
A subsequent acquaintance with the lad’s father and his home life
confirmed my impression that the sum total of this boy’s training
consisted in gratifying his every wish. For the boy to ask was to
receive. While the father expended a wealth of money, he did not
expend a single thought concerning its effect on his son. Only pity
can be evoked at the plight of such a boy handicapped as he is by
these false ideals and standards of life. It is doubtful whether even
the unsympathetic, stern and harsh discipline of the brutalist is
more conducive to crippled character than the methods of the lavish,
coddling and cosseting parent.
Parents have the choice of two plans in correcting faults and
developing character in the boy. One consists in the prohibition of
acts and the application of censure for wrongdoing, and proceeds on the
theory that the consequences of wrongdoing will be made so unpleasant
that he will abandon the acts complained of to avoid the resulting
censure. The other plan is to suggest the desired course of conduct and
to praise the boy for his good acts and qualities to the extent that
he will continually seek to earn approval by doing the things which
call forth approbation. The boy, like the adult, is keenly susceptible
to praise. The exaltation of spirit which follows the word of approval
given as a reward for good deeds is a continued inspiration to future
goodness. The effects of blame are depressing; of praise, stimulating.
A certain boy has hanging on the wall of his bedroom an honor shield
on which silver “merit stars” are placed for conspicuous good deeds,
deportment, and scholarship. As each unworthy act or failure of duty
causes the removal of a star, the owner is keenly alive to keeping his
escutcheon bright with evidences of merit.
The boy is intensely human, although we may not at all times treat
him like a human being. As our own best efforts are inspired by
commendation or reward, so the boy is quickened to highest endeavor
by praise and not by blame. Rewards are more effective incentives
to excellence than demerits or punishments. The constant repression
of a child’s actions by prohibition is a cruel form of punishment
which drives him farther and farther out of the range of the parent’s
influence for suggestive helpfulness.
“Do this!” is more effective than “Don’t do that!”