YOUR BOY AND HIS TRAINING
YOUR BOY AND
HIS TRAINING
A PRACTICAL TREATISE ON BOY-TRAINING
BY
EDWIN PULLER
FORMER PRESIDENT, SCOUTMASTERS’ ASSOCIATION OF ST. LOUIS
[Illustration]
NEW YORK LONDON
D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
1916
COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY
D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
Printed in the United States of America
THIS VOLUME IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED TO THE MEN OF TOMORROW, WITH
THE HOPE THAT THE THOUGHTS EXPRESSED IN THESE PAGES WILL AID THEIR
PARENTS AND TEACHERS, IN SOME DEGREE, TO A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF
BOY-NATURE AND BOY-TRAINING.
PREFACE
The average boy is not understood by the average parent. This
misunderstanding produces not only indifferent training of the boy
but also soul-stress for the parent and his son. Intelligent training
will improve the quality of the man into whom your son will develop.
To be able to give such training, the parent must first know how.
The education of the parent in the subject of boy-training is the
pretentious purpose of this volume, which I approach with full
consciousness of my own limitations.
This book is the result of my association with and study of large
numbers of boys from ten to twenty years of age, and in it have been
embodied, consciously or unconsciously, some ideas of other writers on
this subject.
I have endeavored to present in elementary form a brief, practical
study in adolescent psychology and its application to boy-training,
written in language which the average parent, guardian or teacher
can readily understand. With this end in view, there has been an
elimination of technical terms, as far as may be--even at possible risk
of scientific inaccuracy of statement. It will not be necessary for the
average reader to peruse these pages with a dictionary at hand. They
were written not for psychologists, but for parents, in the hope that a
work both readable and comprehensible will acquaint the average reader
with the laws governing boy-life and their application to his training
with greater clarity than a work abounding in abstruse phraseology and
scientific nomenclature.
The pages which follow will be devoted to a discussion of the problems
of the normal boy--the same red-blooded, harum-scarum youngster who
occupies such a large place in your life--and not especially to the
delinquent boy. I indulge the hope that this volume may aid you, in
some degree, to a better understanding of your boy, his problems and
their solution.
EDWIN PULLER.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
I. THE ETERNAL BOY-PROBLEM 1
Boy-problems are as universal as boys--Boys too often regarded
as necessary evils--Necessity for training--How to study the
boy--Tendencies in present-day education of children--Character-
culture should come first--The home is the place and the parent
the agency--Boys more difficult to train than girls--The boy’s
viewpoint--Parental indifference to boy-training--Each boy is an
individual problem.
II. PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY 15
Causes of waywardness--Wrong training and bad environment--
Parental ignorance concerning boy-training--An instance--
Heredity--Accountability of the parent--Spending money--Laxity
of discipline--Average parent not fully equipped for his job.
III. CHILD PSYCHOLOGY 30
Table of psychic characteristics at several ages--Infancy and
imagination--Early boyhood and individualism--Early adolescence
and hero-worship--Later adolescence and thoughtful mental
attitude--Age when puberty occurs--Period of motor activity.
IV. ADOLESCENT PSYCHOLOGY 52
Adolescence the period of storm and stress--Change from
childhood to manhood--Puberty--Physical indicia--Mental
indicia--Psychic disturbances--Truancy and wanderlust--Lack of
continuity of purpose and action--Proximity to the savage
state--Humor--Sex-consciousness and its manifestations--Love
affairs--Plasticity of mind--Will-power appears--Age of
discretion--Cycles of susceptibility to religious influences--
Age of experimentation--Hero-worship and its manifestations--
Object of hero-worship--Gratitude lacking--Reflective period--
Introspection--Sense of perspective is distorted--Visionary
ambitions--Dislike of older boy for younger--Will-power,
mental and moral stature attained.
V. THE BOY’S VIEWPOINT 80
Difference of viewpoint at differing psychic ages--Youth and
age contrasted--The boy’s desire for physical expression--
Inability for sustained mental or physical effort--Adult must
put himself in boy’s place to understand him--The natural adult
leader of boys--Boy lives in the present--Parent must do child’s
thinking for him--Injustice to boy from failure to consider his
standards.
VI. OBEDIENCE 92
The cornerstone of child-training--Children’s attitude toward
parents--Its causes and effects--Character is predicated on
obedience--Parental prohibitions which cause disobedience--Habit
of obedience formed most easily in early childhood--How
obedience may be cultivated--Commands must be founded on justice
and reason--Disobedience results from parental caprice or
injustice--Illustrations--The rational quality in the boy--
Importance of paternal example.
VII. THE REPRESSIVE METHOD OF TRAINING 104
Age when training should begin--Repressive method is negative--
Illustrations of repressive commands--Their effect on the boy--
The play spirit in the young--A factor in mental and moral
growth--The passive system of training--Evils of lavish supply
of money--Effects of repression are depressing--Acts should not
be prohibited without suggestion of other acts to fill the void
created--Mental inspiration of praise.
VIII. THE SUGGESTIVE METHOD OF TRAINING 117
Necessity for formulating definite plan of training--Impossible
to state a simple rule--American habit of drifting out of touch
with offspring--Duty of fathers to continue intimacy with sons
through adolescence--American children not generally well bred--
English, German, French and Japanese methods contrasted--
Suggestion is informative and inspirational--Negative commands
produce mental hostility and will combat--Illustrations of
effect of suggestion--A father’s plan--The big brother
comradeship of father and son.
IX. THE HABIT OF FALSEHOOD 132
Imagination a characteristic of childhood--Fantasy as real to
childhood as reality--The cause of lies--Illustrations--The
fisherman’s lie--Clarity of mental processes largely determines
whether a statement is a lie or an untruth--The lie of the
older boy--Desire to avoid punishment the chief cause of
falsehood--The remedy for falsehood--Moral suasion, its
definition and application.
X. CORPORAL PUNISHMENT 143
The place occupied by corporal punishment as a corrective
measure--Reasons advanced for its use--Illustration from a
banker’s experience--Average child does not rebel against
authority--But only against authority unjustly or harshly
exercised--The boy’s view of corporal punishment--Breaking
the boy’s will--Unjust or excessive punishments conduce to
lying--Effect of nagging on children--Mental _versus_ physical
punishment--Effective substitutes for corporal punishment.
XI. THE CIGARETTE HABIT 157
Effect of nicotine on human organism--A physician’s opinion--
Tobacco and the adult--Age when boys acquire the habit--Effects
of tobacco on adolescents--Opinion of Dr. Seaver based on
physical measurements of smokers and non-smokers--Cigarette
most pernicious form of tobacco--Influences which actuate boys
to acquire the habit--Poisons in the cigarette--Acrolein and
carbonic oxide--Moral effects--Juvenile criminals are generally
cigarette fiends--Methods used to dissuade boys from beginning--
Suggestion of a remedy for those who have contracted the habit.
XII. BOY GANGS 173
Gregarious instinct in boys--Craving for association with their
own kind--Two kinds of boy gangs--The supervised gang--The
unsupervised gang--Illustrations of each--The gang leader and
his qualifications--The necessity for a meeting place--Morals
of unsupervised gang always lower than morals of its individual
constituents--Motives for gang activities--Their code of
honor--Street gangs are training schools for delinquents--Gang
spirit inherent in all boy-nature--Supervised gangs and their
influence on character development--Necessity for urging boy to
join good gang.
XIII. THE BOY SCOUT INFLUENCE 183
The magic of the name Scout--The Boy Scouts of America--What the
movement is--Ranks and requirements--Good turns and
illustrations--Appeal of uniform and hikes to boy before
joining--Purpose of organization is character-building--A
former method of teaching ethics--Scout camps and hikes--The
camp-fire tale as a means of training--The qualities which
Scout associations develop--Boy Scout organization founded on
sound psychology--A denatured gang--Opinions of sociologists--
The universality of its appeal to boyhood--An efficient method
of training boys in mass--It keeps the boy busy--The busy boy is
the best boy--A field of social service for the adult.
XIV. JUVENILE READING 206
Potent influence of books on the boy--Next to environment and
companions--Two-fold value of literature--Desire of boy for
something to read--He reads for entertainment; studies because
compelled to--Reading must be suited to mental and psychological
requirements--Fairy tales--Adventure tales--Informative books--
Dime novel and nickel library--Their effect on morals and
literary taste--The bad book in the outward dress of good
fiction--The psychological requirement for thrilling adventure
tales--Comic Sunday supplements--Ideal companions for boys found
in best books--Doses of literature as remedies for diseases of
character--Stories of animal life--The juvenile magazine--A list
of books useful for outlining a course of juvenile reading.
XV. AGENCIES FOR SEX-INSTRUCTION 227
Importance of accurate sex knowledge--Misinformation acquired at
a very early age--Necessity for scientific instruction--Former
antipathy to discussion--Parent is natural teacher of sex--
Neglect of parental duty--Necessity for other agencies of
instruction--Grammar schools, high schools, colleges, etc.--
Danger of premature sex excitation--Individuals who are best
adapted to teach--Teacher, physician, biologist, special
lecturer--Opinions for and against the school as agency for
sex-instruction.
XVI. ON OUTLINE OF SEX-INSTRUCTION 238
Periods in child’s life when instruction should be given--
Instruction should be suited to his psychological requirements--
Mother should begin instruction--Method known as the biological
approach--Nature and amount of instruction necessary--Father
should assume instruction at puberty--Necessary admonitions--
Influence of theatrical productions with a sex-appeal--Musical
comedies, burlesque and vaudeville shows--Sex-hygiene
societies--A list of pamphlets published--A list of books
recommended.
XVII. CHILDREN’S COURTS 254
An instrumentality for reclaiming the wayward boy--The state
formerly regarded delinquent boy as a criminal--New attitude
toward dependent and delinquent children--Their mental and
moral concepts not matured--Infractions of law are
manifestations of moral disease which it is the state’s
business to cure--Child under sixteen cannot be a criminal--
Delinquent child is a ward of the state--The Juvenile Court--
Methods of dealing with boys--The probation officer--Laws
for control of delinquent parents.
XVIII. CONCLUSIONS 270
Every boy has inalienable right to be well trained--Basis of
boy-training is parent-training--Insight, tact and patience
necessary--Boy’s need of father’s companionship--Certain
physical abnormalities affect intellect and character--Effects
of heredity contrasted with environment--All boys possess a
common nature--Summary of rules bearing on boy-training.
YOUR BOY AND HIS TRAINING
YOUR BOY AND HIS TRAINING
CHAPTER I
THE ETERNAL BOY-PROBLEM
He who helps a child helps humanity with a distinctness, with an
immediateness, which no other help given to human creatures in any
other stage of their human life can possibly give again.
--BISHOP PHILLIPS BROOKS.
Boy-problems, like boys, are always with us. Wherever there is
a boy there are problems to be solved. The perfect boy may live
somewhere--but not in my immediate neighborhood. Even though he
possesses many of the attributes of perfection, he will be found
wanting in industry, or thrift, or orderliness, or courtesy, or
studiousness. He may even show such traits as disobedience,
untruthfulness, selfishness, truancy, thievery, or immorality. The
complete boy does not just grow--he is builded and the parent is both
architect and builder.
All parents at some time, and some parents at all times, regard boys
as necessary evils, to be endured with varying degrees of patience. We
formerly believed that boys should be seldom seen and less frequently
heard. The young barbarian was and is now tolerated for the time being
because of our hope that he will outgrow his rowdyism. We are disposed
to let nature take its course with the juvenile savage instead of
bothering our heads with the effort to understand him or to solve
his problems. But to train the boy intelligently we must first train
ourselves so that we can understand him and guide him through the
various stages of his development.
Intelligent training is the birthright of every child. If he has
not received it, he has been cheated. The training of the child
up to perfect maturity is the highest duty as well as the most
difficult task which devolves upon parents. The performance of this
duty is, fortunately, lightened by the pleasure of association with
the joyousness of childhood, but the real reward of the parent for
years of patient, watchful, intelligent supervision is not only the
consciousness of duty well done but the profound joy experienced in
aiding the unfoldment of an immortal soul.
The study of childhood possesses a fascination for the student
commensurate with its importance to humanity. It is both easier and
pleasanter to study the child in the concrete than children in the
abstract. But it is obvious that no comprehensive conclusions on
the subject of child-training can be deduced from the study of a
single child. The varying manifestations of different natures and
temperaments require wide observation, covering many subjects, before
correct conclusions as to cause and effect can be drawn or a systematic
philosophy can be evolved. We must study the concrete boy in large
numbers to be able to formulate abstract principles of boy-training.
“The proper study of mankind is man,” may be paraphrased into “the
proper study of boykind is boy.” Today we know the boy better than ever
before. He has been studied, watched, weighed, analyzed, synthesized,
tested, classified and labeled in all his varied aspects. We have
transformed our personal knowledge of him into scientific knowledge;
and various manifestations of his activities which were formerly called
“pure cussedness” are now recognized as ebullitions of superabundant
vitality which have been denied a natural outlet and therefore find
expression in prohibited forms.
The present-day tendency in the education of American children is to
emphasize the importance of knowledge, health, and character in the
order in which they are here set down. To confine the term “education”
solely or chiefly to the acquisition of knowledge is to limit its
meaning to its usual synonym of instruction or teaching. In its
truer and broader sense it implies the discipline and development of
the moral, physical, and spiritual faculties, as well as the purely
intellectual faculty, for it is only through such comprehensive
development that ideal maturity can be approached. Sheer intellectual
power, resulting from the systematic acquisition of knowledge and
training of the mind, produces a one-sided individual who lacks the
restraints and guidance imposed by moral and ethical concepts. He is
like an ocean liner of tremendous speed and power but without chart,
compass, or rudder. It is obvious that the intellectually brilliant
crook, devoting his mental gifts to the accomplishment of his criminal
purposes, is a less worthy and less useful citizen than the laborer of
high character but limited knowledge.
The entire trend of our present system of education is to overemphasize
the importance of the acquisition of knowledge and to underemphasize
the necessity for the building of character. And this is the chief
fault with our otherwise excellent public-school system of education,
which, circumscribed by public prejudices grounded in widely differing
religious beliefs, steers clear of comprehensive moral training because
of its intimate coherence with religious and spiritual training. The
meager moral training which the public school affords is merely
incidental to its primary function of imparting knowledge. This
deficiency must be supplied primarily by the home, and secondarily
by the Sunday school and the church in laying the foundations of
character strong and deep before the child reaches the school age and
by continuing the work on the moral and spiritual super-structure until
maturity beholds the building completed on all sides. When we come to
realize that the true function of education is first of all to build
strong character, second to develop a virile physique, and last of
all to impart knowledge and discipline the mental faculties, we then
will have evolved an educational system which will be effective in
accomplishing its real purpose--the evolution of the child into the
symmetrically equipped adult. This is the eternal boy-problem.
The home is the place and the parent is the agency for
character-culture. Every father of boys ought to be a boy-expert. And
he can be, by devoting to this most important of all subjects a tithe
of the study which he devotes to his business or to his profession.
Many parents rely entirely upon instinct or natural inclinations--which
are influenced largely by mental and temperamental conditions--as their
guide in boy-training. An inactive liver too frequently determines our
attitude toward our offspring. Is it fair to the son that the parent
blindly and blunderingly pursues his natural inclinations in training
his son, instead of availing himself of the results of the research and
the thought which have already been given to this subject?
More boys go wrong than girls, of which fact the records of juvenile
courts, reformatories, and houses of detention bear ample evidence;
and they are more difficult to train, develop, and discipline than
girls. This is due to the differences in their psychological processes.
Girlhood finds ample opportunity for its development in the seclusion
of the home. The future function of the woman child is to be the
home-maker and the bearer of children, and her training for this divine
responsibility can be accomplished best amid the refining influences
and protecting care which the home affords. The future of the man
child is to be the breadwinner of the family and the burden-bearer of
civilization. The training necessary to produce such diverse results
must be as different as the respective life-works of man and woman.
Boyhood requires, among other things, adventure, rough sports and
out-of-door activities for its development. Boys are less obedient,
less tractable, and less amenable to discipline than girls, therefore
their training is correspondingly difficult and involved. We should not
expect to understand the heart and soul of the boy more easily than his
anatomy and physiology.
The boy sees things from a point of view different from that of the
adult, based on psychological differences. The mature individual cannot
obtain the boy’s viewpoint unless he is able to put himself in his
place. To do this he must know the child’s changing mental processes
and the evolution of his moral perceptions which are manifested in
the four periods of his development, in each of which he exhibits
a personality as far apart as those of four individuals of widely
differing natures. The boy at six, ten, fourteen, and eighteen years
of age is four different personalities, and he requires four different
methods of treatment. These psychological prescriptions are as
dissimilar as the medical prescriptions for boils, measles, influenza,
and typhoid. The methods and plans suited for one period are unsuited
for another. The realization of this basic truth is the first step
toward the solution of your boy’s problems.
No parent who stops with provision for the physical and intellectual
demands of his child has done his full duty. It may appear trite to
say that he should go further and train the character and the soul;
but failure in this essential is a standing indictment against many
Christian homes today. Parental indifference to and ignorance of
boy-psychology are the causes which have produced untold thousands of
delinquent or semi-delinquent boys. Your boy may, and thousands of boys
do, weather the storm of adolescence, guided only by the blundering but
loving heart which has neither accurate knowledge nor understanding of
his nature; but such results are fortuitous rather than certain.
More parents have mastered the rules of bridge than have mastered the
principles of child-culture. The training of the boy, despite its
tremendous personal significance to him and to our homes, is less
frequently and less seriously discussed than politics, the weather, or
the latest style of dress. Too many boys are reared like their colored
sister, Topsy, who “jest growed.”
Deep down in our hearts we feel that we know much more than our
neighbors about the upbringing of a son, because of our superior
intuition and better judgment, even though we have never qualified
for the job by study, research, or thought. Too many of us believe we
are “natural-born” boy trainers. When our boy goes wrong, it is our
profound conviction that it is due wholly to the influence of the bad
boys with whom he associates. As a matter of fact, it is just as likely
that our Johnny has corrupted his associates as that they are the cause
of his moral infractions. Never, under any circumstances, do we blame
ourselves either for the poor quality of his training or for permitting
his evil associations. His delinquencies reflect on us and hurt our
pride, but we palliate the hurt by attributing them to causes which do
not involve us. We are too ready to prove an alibi when called to the
court of conscience and charged with responsibility.
The average parent bitterly resents personal advice relating to the
upbringing of his children, but this resentment probably has less
relevancy to reading a book on boy-training because it is impersonal
in its application and affords the reader the election of taking as
much or as little of it to himself as his reason, judgment, vanity, or
egotism may dictate.
All boys have a common nature whose development proceeds according to
fixed laws; but diversities of temperament and character differentiate
individuals and thus make each boy an individual problem. The solution
of that problem is your job.