_Monday, April 26th._--Among the many Members of the House who have held
His Majesty's commission there are, no doubt, some rather eccentric
persons, but that hardly justified Mr. PALMER in suggesting that they
should be deprived in debate of the customary prefix "gallant." The SPEAKER
gave no encouragement to the idea, and was still more shocked by Mr.
DEVLIN'S proposal that all these courteous expressions should be dropped,
and that Members should "call each other by own names." It would certainly
add to the pungency but not to the peacefulness of debate if the
Nationalist Leader were allowed to refer to "Sir EDWAR-R-D CAR-R-SON,"
instead of to "the right honourable gentleman the Member for Duncair-r-n."
At Question-time Lord ROBERT CECIL was informed that a report on the state
of Ireland was being prepared and would shortly be circulated. But a
further crop of outrages so moved him that he could not wait for the facts,
and forthwith moved the adjournment. The ensuing debate was not very
helpful. Lord ROBERT demanded the restoration of law and order in tones so
vigorous that an hon. Member called out, "A New Cromwell!" He did not seem
to like the comparison and later on took most un-Cromwellian exception to
the Government's methods of "coercion." Mr. BONAR LAW'S speech could in the
circumstances be little more than an elaboration of "Do not shoot the
pianist; he is doing his best."
[Illustration: "The Hon. Member says I am like OLIVER CROMWELL."--_Lord
ROBERT CECIL._]
_Tuesday, April 27th._--On the report of the Budget resolutions there was,
of course, the usual attempt to get rid of the tea-duty. As Colonel WARD
sarcastically pointed out, opposition to this particular impost has been
for years the "by-election stunt" of every party in turn. To-day the
rejection was moved by the Labour Party, and when the CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER asked if in exchange they were prepared to extend the income-tax
downwards Mr. J. H. THOMAS boldly declared that for his part he was quite
ready. But as it appeared that his idea of the exemption-limit was L325 a
year Mr. CHAMBERLAIN thanked him for nothing.
Among the varied and ingenious arguments adduced by Colonel GUINNESS
against the increased tax on sparkling wines the one that he evidently
thought most likely to soften the heart of the CHANCELLOR was that it would
reduce consumption, since at current prices it would be an offence against
good taste for anyone in this country to be seen drinking champagne. But
Mr. CHAMBERLAIN could not agree. In his view the larger the taxation on the
bottle the greater the patriotism of the consumer.
[Illustration: "Who has a better right [than the Labour Party] to a good
dinner and a good cigar?"--_Mr. JACK JONES._]
In advocating a slight relaxation of the cigar-duty Mr. HURD quoted Mr.
BONAR LAW for the _dictum_ that the excellence of a dinner largely depended
upon the quality of the cigar that followed it, and went on to remark that
he did not on this matter expect the support of the Labour Party. Mr. JACK
JONES stentoriously resented this slur upon their taste. "We like a good
cigar as well as anybody," he shouted, adding somewhat superfluously, "Who
has a better right to a good dinner?" This outburst may have shaken the
CHANCELLOR'S conviction that Havana cigars are indubitably of the nature of
luxuries.
_Wednesday, April 28th._--According to the Duke of RUTLAND, who made an
eloquent plea for the better protection of wild birds, their worst enemy is
the village schoolmaster, whose motto seems to be, "It's a fine day; let us
go out and collect something." I cannot help thinking that his Grace must
have some special dominie in his mind and was arguing from the particular
to the general.
The story of Lady ASTOR'S seat is beginning to resemble a penny novelette.
Evicted by the bold bad Baronet below the Gangway the heroine has been
enabled by the courtesy of one of Nature's noblemen, in the person of Mr.
WILL THORNE, to find a new home in the precincts of the Labour Party, and
seems quite happy again.
Since the American Senate takes so kindly an interest in our affairs as to
pass resolutions in favour of Irish independence, Mr. RONALD MCNEILL
thought it would be only friendly if the House of Commons were to
reciprocate with a motion in support of the Filipinos' claim to
self-determination. Mr. BONAR LAW fought shy of the suggestion and
preferred Sir EDWARD CARSON'S idea that it was better for each country to
leave other countries alone. "I would be very thankful," he added rather
wistfully, "if Ireland would leave us alone." But his appeal fell on deaf
ears, for, at the instance of Mr. T. P. O'CONNOR, the House spent most of
the evening in discussing the threat of the Irish dock-labourers in
Liverpool to paralyse the trade of the port unless the Government released
the hunger-strikers at Wormwood Scrubs.
The rest of the time was spent in getting the House to agree to the
expansion of the Excess Profits Tax. This was largely secured by the
special pleading of Mr. BALDWIN. His argument that to call the tax
"temporary," as his chief did last year, was quite compatible with
maintaining and even increasing it, was more ingenious than convincing, but
his promise that, if the shoe really pinched the small business and the new
business, the CHANCELLOR would do his best to ease it, combined with an
urgent "whip" to secure a big majority for the impugned impost.
[Illustration: COLONEL WEDGWOOD PROTESTS AGAINST MINISTERIAL
"IMPERTINENCE."]
_Thursday, April 29th._--Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL gave an account of the
Easter riots in Jerusalem, where Jews and Moslems have been breaking one
another's heads to the glory of God, for all the world like Irishmen in
Belfast. He also promised to give further information as soon as Lord
ALLENBY'S report should be received. Lord ROBERT CECIL, who has lately
developed an unlawyer-like tendency to jump to conclusions ahead of the
facts, made what sounded distinctly like a suggestion that the British
officers on the spot had been remiss in their duty, and thereby earned from
Mr. CHURCHILL a dignified castigation which pleased the House.
Crowned with olive-branches plucked from San Remo the PRIME MINISTER
celebrated one of his now familiar peace-triumphs. Everybody knows the
procedure on these occasions--the crowded House, the cheers raised by the
faithful Coalitionists as the victor is seen making his way to the Table,
and then the speech, so unvarying in its construction that I fancy there
must be a sealed pattern for it in the archives of No. 10, Downing Street.
First comes a recital of the immense difficulties of the problems to be
solved--in this case including a really serious difference of opinion with
our good friends the French; then a little comic relief at the expense of
his arch-critic in the Press, who on this occasion had surpassed himself in
"simian clatter"; next a summary of the wonderful results achieved--chiefly
the establishment of direct relations with the hitherto boycotted
Governments of Russia and Germany; and lastly a declaration that all
differences and difficulties had melted away, and that henceforward the
Allies would be a band of brothers.
Once more Mr. ASQUITH disappointed his more impetuous supporters and
displayed his statesmanship by a speech in which he practically said ditto
to the PRIME MINISTER; the only suspicion of a sting being contained in his
suggestion that the Supreme Council had now outlived its usefulness and
should promptly be replaced by the League of Nations.
Mr. BOTTOMLEY, on the contrary, was all sting and no statesmanship. I
gather that he has been conducting an unofficial conference on his own, and
as the result of his conversations with distinguished but anonymous foreign
statesmen has arrived at quite different conclusions from those of the
PRIME MINISTER. The fact that he was kept waiting on the pier at Boulogne
while the British Delegation went off in a special steamer, on which he was
not invited to embark, may have imparted an extra spice of rancour to his
strictures.
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[Illustration: _Betty (hearing the cuckoo's call the first time)._ "MUMMY,
DEAR, DO ALL THE OTHER DICKY-BIRDS HAVE TO GO AND FIND IT NOW?"]
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[Illustration: _Customer._ "I SEE CORONODORAS ARE GOING TO BE FIVE
SHILLINGS EACH NOW."
_Barber's Assistant._ "WELL, WE SHALL 'AVE TO SMOKE 'EM NEARER THE END,
THAT'S ALL."]
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