THE INDIAN WIDOW
Exaggerated statements about widows. Easterns naturally
demonstrative in their grief. The conservative widow.
Influential and wealthy widows. Remarriage of widows. Hindu
Widows' Home; its aim and object; a visit to the Home; the
daily routine; impressions made by the visit. The True
Light. The future of the widows. Custom a hindrance to
progress. The effect of caste. The Indian daughter-in-law;
not necessarily in bondage. A kind-hearted mother-in-law.
There has been a good deal of false sentiment expended, and
exaggerated statements made, concerning the condition of widows in
India. The condition of a widow is of necessity a trying one in any
country. She often has to exchange a position of affluence and
importance for one of poverty and obscurity. The Indian widow is at
any rate sure of a home and support from her relations, which is not
always the case with the English widow. The stripping of the
ornaments, the shaving of the head, the shabby garments, the meagre
food, the hard work, and the despised position of the Indian widow has
often been described in moving terms. But the Western widow also lays
aside her ornaments during her time of mourning, and the shaving of
the head is a natural Eastern outward symbol of sorrow. The Hindu man,
who invariably wears a moustache, shaves it off when he loses some
near relation, such as a parent or a brother. The plain white garments
which the Indian widow usually wears have nothing of the dreary
severity of the garb of the veiled English widow, to whom also scanty
food, hard work, and humble station often becomes her portion from
necessity.
Easterns are always demonstrative in their expressions of grief. Hence
the removal of the ornaments, the cutting off the hair, etc., is
performed in a demonstrative way. But the Hindu widow would not wish
it otherwise; and although all the ceremonies may not be exactly
congenial to her, she is at any rate a person of importance even in
her humiliation, and that is a great compensation to her. If she has
money--and some Hindu husbands leave all their wealth to their
wives--she will find herself surrounded by affectionate relations, all
of them ready to undertake the management of her property, and each of
them warning her of the necessity of being on her guard not to trust
any of the others.
At a Hindu Widows' Home, to be described presently, the inmates dress
as they like, wear what ornaments they please, and let their hair
grow. Someone visiting the Home was surprised to see a widow with her
head shaved, and wearing the unadorned white garments. On inquiry, it
transpired that this woman refused to avail herself of her freedom,
and that she preferred to bear the outward marks of widowhood out of
respect to the memory of her husband.
One of the most influential of the residents in Yerandawana village is
a widow, and she is much looked up to. She is well-dressed, wears a
good deal of gold jewellery, and her white hair sets off her wrinkled
brown face. She was photographed in a group with her grandsons; and
her relations and other villagers not unfrequently call at the Mission
bungalow and ask to see the photograph.
The real hardship for the young Hindu widow is that she cannot marry
again. In spite of much talk amongst so-called Hindu "reformers" about
the advisability of allowing the remarriage of widows, very little
practical progress has been made in this direction. Many young girls
are thus condemned unwillingly to lead unmarried lives, their
widowhood having often begun in actual childhood. The result of this
is, as might be expected, in too many cases disastrous.
Many of the attempts of Hindus to establish charitable institutions,
such as orphanages, have been definitely in opposition to Christian
efforts in the same direction, and they did not deserve to prosper,
and few survive. But there is one institution, which was founded with
a genuine desire to ameliorate the position of young Hindu widows,
which has not only held its ground, but has steadily enlarged its
sphere of usefulness.
[Illustration: SARLA KALU WITH HER GREAT-GRANDSON.]
This Hindu Widows' Home is out in the country, two or three miles
beyond our own village Mission. Its aim and object, as expressed in
their report, published in English as well as Marathi, is as
follows:--"To educate young widows from the higher castes that do not
allow widow remarriage, so as to enable them to earn an honourable
living and to cultivate their minds." The work, begun on a small scale
several years ago, has gradually developed. The inmates of the Home
number eighty or more, and nearly all of these are Brahmin widows. But
even Brahmins are divided into sections, and although in the Home they
are all able to eat in the same room, they sit in different groups
according to the section to which they belong.
A visit to the Home is an interesting, but rather pathetic experience.
The buildings are excellently adapted to their purpose; substantial,
well designed, and conveniently arranged. Extreme neatness and
cleanliness, so rare in India, prevail. The young women study
diligently under competent masters, and they all share in the
housework. The daily bath and the washing of their principal garment,
which is part of the necessary routine of a high-caste Hindu before
their chief meal, takes some time. Hindu schools never open till late,
except in the very hot weather, because these operations, including
their meal, have to be got through before the real work of the day
begins. The widows have only two regular meals, the one at 10, the
other at 6.30. But prosperous Indians eat largely at one sitting, so
that when people eat only two meals a day, which is the custom in most
Indian families, it does not mean that they are put on short commons.
They have a large prayer-room at the Home, in which they assemble for
the reading of Hindu scriptures and explanations of the same, and
occasionally there is a short discourse. There was no idol in this
room at the time of my visit, but I was informed that one would be
placed there eventually, not because it was in any way necessary for
their worship, but because it was customary. The small _Tulsi_ plant,
the common object of devotion amongst women, was the only visible
indication of idolatry. This plant was growing in one of the
courtyards on the sort of ornamental pedestal of brick and plaster
which is the usual arrangement. It was allowed in condescension to the
prejudices of the minority, and I was assured that it was only the few
who made use of it.
The high-caste Hindu woman has a grave and rather melancholy, lifeless
face, and the inmates of the Home were largely of this type. But they
did not look otherwise than contented, especially the younger ones.
But the impression left upon me, as I left the place and bade farewell
to the gifted and evidently most earnest Indian lady who showed me
over the establishment, was one of intense melancholy. Here was the
husk without the kernel. Consciously, or unconsciously, there was
much in the Widows' Home which was copied from Christian institutions,
and which never could have sprung out of Hinduism. If only Christ,
with all that He has to give, could be received into the Home, what
light and gladness He would bring into the hearts of these poor
gropers after truth! It is impossible to guess whether or no this
effort may be preparing the way for Christ in the distant future. At
present there is no indication that Christianity is a subject of
either interest or inquiry on the part of any of the inmates, except
for that visit which a few of them paid to our village church.
The serious flaw in the project, from a merely utilitarian point of
view, is that the future of these young women appears rather vague.
The demand for female Hindu teachers in India is at present small, and
a few only have found employment in this way. Three or four have
become nurses or midwives. Knitting, weaving, and other industrial
work has taken practical shape and may lead to something. But, so far,
only one student has accomplished remarriage, which is what would make
the Home a real blessing amongst Hindus. There are now a number of
educated men who feel the desirability of an accomplished wife who
could share in their interests and intellectual pursuits. The great
disparity of age between husband and wife, almost universal amongst
Hindus, is beginning to be recognised as an abuse, although the idea
still lingers, even amongst Indian Christians, that the husband
should always be rather the elder of the two. These young widows,
well-educated, trained, and disciplined by their busy life in the
institution, would make excellent wives for the educated Hindus. But
the power of custom is so overwhelming in India that, in spite of the
obvious advantages to be derived from the arrangement, the probability
is that the remarriage of a Hindu widow will for a long time continue
to be a most unusual event.
Caste here also, as well as everywhere else, is a barrier to progress.
I once suggested to a delightful and accomplished young Hindu, of good
position but not a Brahmin, who would have liked an intellectual and
companionable wife, that he should marry one of the widows from the
Home. But he assured me that such a thing was absolutely impossible on
account of his caste, and that not a widow in the Home would have him,
in spite of all that he had to offer her.
There has also been a great deal of exaggeration, in books about
Indian customs, concerning the position of the young daughter-in-law,
as if of necessity it must be one of great bondage. The mother-in-law
no doubt rules her daughter-in-law from the time she takes up
residence in the household, because she is usually still quite a child
and has to be taught her duties, and especially how to cook. But, for
the most part, the mother-in-law appears to be very devoted to her
daughter-in-law, and if she sometimes corrects her it is in her
anxiety that she should excel in domestic affairs, so that she may be
a good housewife.
One of the farmers' wives brought her youngest son's little wife to
the village Mission bungalow to ask us to show her the lad's
photograph, which had been taken some time back. There did not appear
to be any restraint or mystery in speaking of her husband, which we
are sometimes told in books is a characteristic of Hindu matrimonial
life. The young wife, who was a pretty child of about thirteen years,
was pleasantly shy; but her cheerful mother-in-law showed her the
photograph and discussed it, together with that of another group of
villagers, in which she picked out her own husband, with much animated
talk, and pleasant smiles and laughter. Except for the difference in
the setting of the picture it might have stood for a scene in a
country parsonage in England.