"_O, friend never strike sail to a fear._"
Because the woman in Joan had not been hurt by her experiences, because
it was only the wildness of youth that had carried her to the verge of
making mistakes and then sent her reeling back, she reacted quickly. She
was no longer the reckless, heedless Joan--the change made Martin frown.
He put full value on her cropped hair and thin body--he had grappled
with the scourge, and he knew!
He presently found himself in friendly sympathy with this new, patient,
tender Joan--they had much to say to each other.
Nancy was not so keen about the change. Joan had come back--Joan was
putting into life all that it lacked. This was enough for Nancy! The
spring days were dreams of bliss and she radiated joy.
"Ken will adore you, Joan!" she confided. "You see, he has a twisted
idea about you just because you weren't with us all, but when he sees
you, darling, he'll be on his knees before you as we all are!"
"I'd love to get my first view of him in that attitude," Joan laughingly
replied, "but on the whole, I'd rather take him standing."
During those waiting days, until Raymond came to marry Nancy, Ridge
House quivered with excited preparation.
"Of course!" Joan had agreed to the quiet wedding idea, "we must have it
as Nancy wishes, but it must be perfect."
So Joan sewed and designed--some of Patricia's gift was hers--and often
her face fell into pensive lines as she worked, for she seemed to see
Patricia as she used to sit, well into the night, planning and evolving
the dainty garments that others were to wear.
"My turn!" Joan comforted herself with the thought; "my turn now, dear
Pat."
And then the day came when Kenneth Raymond was to arrive. Mrs. Tweksbury
could be safely left in New York. She was resigned to the wedding but
deplored the necessity of being absent.
"I know something will go wrong," she said to Kenneth; "do be careful
and make sure that you are really married, Ken! They are so sloppy in
the South, and it would be quite like Doris Fletcher, if she couldn't
get that candlestick preacher of hers, to let Dave Martin or any one
else read the service. Doris never could put the emphasis of life where
it belonged."
Kenneth laughed merrily.
"Nancy and I will see to it, Aunt Emily," he replied, "that we are tied
up close. Just use your time, until I bring her back, in thinking of the
good days on ahead--when we'll have her always, you and I."
Mrs. Tweksbury relaxed.
"She's a blessed child, Ken. She always was."
Raymond arrived late one May afternoon. Joan was dressing for dinner,
dressing slowly, tremblingly--she did not mean to go downstairs until
dinner was served if she could avoid it.
She had worked late, worked until she was weary enough to plead an
hour's rest, and now she stood by the window overlooking The Gap.
"I've got the world in my grip," she thought, "but the whirl makes me
dizzy."
Silver River was rushing along rather noisily--there had been a big
storm the night before and the water had not yet calmed down; the rocks
shone in the last rays of the sun, and just then Joan looked up at The
Rock!
There it was--The Ship! Sails set and the western light full upon it.
For a moment Joan gazed, trying to remember the old superstition. Then
her face grew tender.
"Whatever happens," she murmured, "it shall not happen to Nancy. I've
spoiled enough of her plays--she shall not be hurt now."
The thought held all the essentials of a prayer and it gave an uplift.
Then Joan turned to her toilet. Recalling Patricia's theory about the
artistic helps to one's appearance, she worked fervently with her slim
little body and delicate face.
A bit of fluffing and the lovely hair rose like an aura about the
smiling face. The eyes did not seem too large when one smiled--so Joan
practised a smile! The gowns, one by one, were laid out upon the bed and
regarded religiously; finally, one was chosen that Patricia had loved.
"My lamb," Joan recalled the words and look, "a true artist knows her
high marks. This gown is a revealment of my genius."
It was a pale blue crêpe, silver-touched and graceful; a long, heavy,
silver cord held it at the waistline, and the loose, lacy sleeves made
the slim arms look very lovely.
"If ever I needed bucking, Pat, dear, I need it now!" whispered Joan,
and her eyes dimmed.
She heard the pleasant bustle below; the light laughter, the cheery
calls. She heard Raymond's voice when he greeted Nancy--it startled her
by its familiarity and its strangeness.
"He sounds as if he were in church," mused Joan. She felt as the old do
as they re-live their youth.
There was candlelight in the dining room when Joan entered. The family
were all assembled, for Doris had sent for Joan only at the last moment.
"Ken, dear, this is Joan."
Nancy said it as if she were flouting all the foolish things any one had
ever felt about Joan. Pride, deep affection, rang in her voice. "This is
Joan!"
Joan went slowly, smilingly forward. She saw Raymond's knuckles grow
white and hard as his hands gripped the back of his chair. His eyes
dilated, and for a moment he could not speak. Finally he managed:
"So this--is Joan!" and went forward to greet her.
"I reckon they will all get this shock," thought Doris; "what they have
thought about the child ought to shame them. Emily Tweksbury was always
a snob."
Martin, from under his shaggy brows, watched the scene curiously. He,
like everyone else, was, unconsciously, on guard where Nancy was
concerned. This frank surprise was gratifying for Joan, but it placed
Nancy, for a moment, to one side.
Joan had never looked lovelier; never more self-controlled. She was
holding herself, and Raymond, too, by firm will power. He must not
betray anything--he owed her and Nancy that! There was no wrong. No
suggestion of it must enter in.
In another moment the danger was over; the colour rose to Raymond's
face.
"I--I hadn't expected anything quite so--splendid," he said.
"You are very kind," Joan had her hands in his, now; "you see--I've been
wandering in strange places; I am rather an outlaw and the best any one
could do for me was to wait and let me speak for myself. I'm glad you
approve!"
"I certainly do!" Raymond said, and gratefully joined the circle as it
sat down.
As the time passed the situation caught Joan's feverish imagination; she
dared much; she was cruel but fascinating. She proposed, after dinner,
to read palms--explaining that she and Pat had learned the tricks.
At the name of "Pat" Raymond's grave eyes fixed themselves upon her.
Joan saw the firm lips draw together, and she paused in her gaiety,
sensing something she did not quite understand.
In the living room by the fire Joan again grew witchy. She insisted upon
proving her cleverness at palm-reading. Raymond dared not refuse, but he
showed plain disapproval.
"It's rot!" Martin broke in, "but here goes, Joan!" And spread his
honest hand upon the altar.
Joan had a good field now for her wit, and she set the company in a
merry mood. When she touched upon Martin's nephew, which, of course, she
wickedly did, she made an impression.
"See here," Martin broke in, "this isn't palm-reading, you little
fraud--you're trying to be funny trading on what you've heard but
couldn't know for yourself."
"That's part of the trick, Uncle David. Now, Nan, dear, let me have that
small paw of yours."
Frankly Nancy extended the left hand upon which glittered Raymond's
diamond.
"The right one, too, Nan darling! What dear, soft, pink things!" Joan
bent and kissed them. "Such happy hands; good, true hands. Every
line--unbroken. Running from start to finish--as it should run."
"A stupid pair of hands, I call them." Nancy puckered her lips.
"They are blessed hands, Nan."
Raymond went behind Nancy's chair and fixed his eyes upon Joan--he was
almost pleading with her to have done with the dangerous play.
"Aunt Dorrie?" Joan turned to her, ignoring Raymond.
"My hands can tell you nothing, Joan, dear," Doris said; "I've been a
coward. See, my hands are flabby inside--the hands of a woman who has
had much too easy a time. 'Who has reached forth--but never grasped.'"
At this Martin came and stood over Doris. Joan looked up and suddenly
her eyes dimmed. She seemed alone. Alone among them all. There was no
one beside her--they seemed, Martin and Raymond, to be defending their
loved ones from her.
"And now, my brother Ken!" The words were like a call.
"Oh, let me off!" Raymond tried to speak lightly.
"No, indeed! The safety of my family is at stake!"
Raymond was inwardly angry, but he sat down and defiantly spread his
hands.
Joan regarded them silently for a dramatic moment, then she quietly
opened her own.
"Isn't this odd," she said, "there is a line in your hand and
mine--alike!"
Every eye was fixed on the four hands.
"Right here----" Joan traced it.
"What does it mean?" Martin asked.
"Capacity for friendship; that we are rather daring; not afraid of many
things--but canny enough to know----"
"What, Joan?--out with it!" It was Doris who spoke.
"Canny enough--to distrust ourselves once in awhile."
Martin gave a guffaw.
"Joan," he said, "you ought to be sent to bed. Your eyes are too big and
your colour too high. Stop this foolishness and let us take a turn on
the river road. The moonlight is filling it--it's too rare to be
overlooked."
So they went out, keeping together and talking happily until it was time
to return to the house; there, Raymond managed to say to Joan, just as
they were parting:
"This has been rather a shock, you know, I wish I could see you
alone--for a moment."
She looked up at him, and all the mad daring was gone from her eyes.
"Is there anything to say?" she whispered. "Now or--ever?"
"Yes."
And Raymond knew that Joan would come back.
He sat on the broad porch, opening to The Gap, and smoked. The house
grew still with that holy quietness that holds all love safe.
Then came a slight noise; someone was coming!
It was significant that Raymond should know at once who it was. All the
love and yearning in the world would not have drawn Nancy through the
sleeping house to him. The knowledge made him smile grimly, happily.
Doris, once having said good-night, meant it, and Martin had gone to his
bungalow.
"Well--here I am." Joan appeared and sat down, looking as if she were
doing the most commonplace thing in life. It was the old daring that had
led to dangerous ways.
"Is it--safe?"
"Why not?" It was the same frank, childlike look.
"But--Nancy; your Aunt----"
Joan twisted her mouth humorously.
"We'll have to risk them--you said you had something to say."
"Joan! Good Lord! but it's great to have a name to call you by--you
drove me pretty hard to-night. I make no complaint--except----" He
paused.
"For Nancy?" Joan asked.
"Yes! Joan, she's wonderful. She's the sort that makes a man rather
afraid until he realizes that he means to keep her as she is--forever."
This was spoken with a definiteness of purpose that made Joan recoil.
Again he was defending Nancy from what he had believed Joan to have
been!
"I wonder"--she looked away--"I wonder if any one could do that? Or if
it would be wise if he could?"
"Joan, when I saw you to-night, after the shock--I could have fallen on
my knees in gratitude--there have been hours when the fear I had about
you nearly drove me crazy; made me feel I had no right--to Nancy."
"So you--did remember, for a little time?"
"Yes. I went to the Brier Bush--Miss Gordon gave me to understand that
you had gone away with someone--married, she thought.
"Joan--who was--Pat?"
For a moment Joan could not understand, then, as was the way with her,
the whole truth flooded in.
Raymond had taken thought for her--Elspeth had deceived him--oh! how
hard Elspeth could be. Joan recalled scenes behind closed doors when
Elspeth Gordon dealt with her assistants!
"And when you thought--I had--gone away--you felt free?" Joan's face
quivered. Raymond nodded. How easy it was to talk to Joan. How quick she
was to comprehend and help one over a hard stretch!
"Joan--who was Pat?" That seemed to be the vital thing now. And then
Joan told him. As she spoke in low, trembling tones, she saw his head
bow in his hands; she knew that he was suffering with her, for her; as
good men do for their women. Joan was conscious of this attitude of
Raymond's--she was reinstated; fixed, at last, where she could be
understood: she belonged to his world!
"Poor little girl! After the beast in me dashed your card house to atoms
you made another try--alone!" Raymond raised his face.
"No--I had Pat." At that instant Patricia symbolized the link between
the unreal and the real.
"Yes, for a little while--but, Joan, it didn't pay--the danger you ran
and all that--did it? Such girls as you cannot afford such experiences."
"Yes. Having had Pat, I am able to see--wider."
Joan was thinking of the girls whom Raymond could _not_ have understood
or sympathized with! Girls such as she might so easily have been
like--unless---- Unless what?
"Joan, you and I always said we could speak plain truth, didn't we?"
Kenneth's words brought her back.
"Of course!"
"Well," Raymond dropped his eyes and flushed, "you really didn't
care--not in the one, particular way, did you? It was only play; you
meant that?"
"It was only play, Ken. The suffering came because we did not know what
we were playing with. It's the not knowing that matters."
"Joan, you have seen the worst in me----?"
"Yes, and the best, Ken. It was like seeing you come back from
hell--unharmed."
"Do you think I should tell Nancy? Put her on her guard? There _is_
something in me----"
At this Joan leaned forward with a new light on her face--it was the
maternal taking shape.
"No, Ken, you must _not_ tell Nan. With her it is the _not_ knowing that
matters. She must be guarded; not put on guard. I know now that Nan will
be safe with you; I wasn't sure before; but if you raised a doubt in
her mind all would go wrong. She was always like that."
"But----" for a moment a beaten terror rose in Raymond's eyes.
Joan nodded bravely to him.
"You and I, Ken, must never give fear a chance. Once we know, we must
not turn back."
She stood up, looking tall and commanding.
Raymond rose also and took her hands.
"You're great, Joan," he said, "simply great. You understand--though how
you do, the Lord only knows.
"Joan!" Raymond flung out the question that was tormenting him. "Joan,
why didn't we--care the other way?"
"I think," Joan looked ancient, but pathetically young, "I think men and
women don't, when they understand too well. And the line in our hands
explains that, perhaps," she smiled wanly. "You see, Miss Jones and Mr.
Black are--paying!"
"Joan, go now, dear. Others might not understand." Raymond at that
moment grimly shut the door on his one playtime!
"And you--would hate to have them misunderstand about me--for Nancy's
sake?"
"No, Joan, for your own. You're too big and fine--to have any more
hurting things knock you. May I kiss--you good-night?"
For a moment something in Joan shrank, then she raised her face.
"Yes. Good-night--brother Ken."
For another moment they stood silent. Then:
"What was it that made you so hard at dinner, Joan, and makes you so
sweet now?"
"Ken, I thought that you--had not tried to find out about me--after that
night!"
"Did the mere going back really matter?"
"It meant everything, Ken."
"How?"
"Oh! can you not understand? If you had just--not cared I would have
been afraid to-night for Nancy! Ken, I believe you went back to pay for
all our folly--had I been willing to accept; had I--cared in the
way--you suspected."
"Yes, Joan. I would have." Raymond said this solemnly. "That's what I
went for."
"And you should not have paid! Girls--must not--let others pay more than
is owed--I've learned that, Ken. But it was the going back that made
it--right for you to--go on. Ken, for Nancy's dear sake I am glad it
was--you and I!"
"For that I thank God!" Again Raymond bent his head. This time his lips
fell on the open palms of the hands with those lines in them--lines like
his own!
"Some day you are going to be happy, Joan."
"I am happy now. I was never happy, really, before. You see, I was
always looking for myself in the past; now I think I have found
myself--rather a dilapidated self, but mine own. It's going to be very
interesting, this getting acquainted, and"--here Joan was thinking of
the last day in the hospital and the rooms opening to the sweet
singer--"and I'm going to touch and feel life instead of merely looking
out through my own small door. And so--good-night."
She was gone as she had come--not stealthily, but noiselessly; not
afraid, but cautious.