"_Joyous we launch out on trackless seas carolling free, singing our
songs._"
A week from that night Joan again eluded Sylvia. She did it by not going
to the studio for dinner. She felt deceitful and mean, but there were
heights--or were they depths?--that Sylvia could not reach, and
intuitively Joan felt that Sylvia would disapprove of what she was now
doing.
Patricia was not in when Joan reached her rooms--they were small, dim
rooms and rather cluttered.
Sitting alone, waiting, Joan thought of Patricia more intimately than
she often did. She recalled what Sylvia had told of her; remembered the
warnings, and her eyes dimmed.
"Poor old Pat!" she mused, "she's like a pretty bird--just lighting on
things, or"--and here Joan thought she had struck on something rather
expressive--"or like a lovely, bright cloud casting a shadow. No matter
what colour the cloud is, the shadow's dark. Dear old Pat! Well--I see
the colour."
This was satisfying and brought up her feeling about Patricia, which had
been depressed.
And just then Patricia tripped in, humming and rippling and stumbling
over a rug as she felt her way in the gloom--Joan had not turned on the
lights. Presently she stopped short and asked sharply:
"Who is here?"
Joan bubbled over and Patricia gave a relieved laugh.
"Lordy!" she gasped, "you gave me a bad minute. I thought----"
"What, Pat?" Joan touched the switch.
"I--I thought--it might be someone else. I haven't had a thing to eat
since breakfast," Patricia announced, dropping on a couch and pulling
the cushions into all the crevices surrounding her thin, weary little
body.
"I'll get the nicest little meal for you in a jiffy!" Joan sprang to her
feet. "Is there anything _to_ fix?" she added, quickly.
"There's always something"--Patricia closed her eyes--"eggs and milk
and--and canned horrors." Then, with a radiant smile:
"I've been on the trail of your man, Joan, and it was some trail."
"Pat, darling," Joan hung over the couch, "you take a couple of winks.
I'm going out to get--a steak."
"A what?" Patricia regarded Joan gravely. "A brand-new steak for me?
Joan, you must be mad!"
"Pat, lie down and dream a minute or two. A steak, fried potatoes, a
vegetable, and dessert with coffee, cheese, crackers--and--and----" Joan
was putting on her hat while she spoke and Patricia was sniffing
adorably.
A half hour later Joan crept noiselessly back, her arms full of bundles.
Patricia lay fast asleep on the couch.
Sleep does revealing things, and in spite of her hurry, Joan stopped and
looked at the girl lying in the full glare of the electric light.
She was like a weary child. All the hard lines on the thin face were
obliterated; the soft hair fell in cunning curls about the neck and
ears; the long lashes rested delicately on the fair skin.
All the world stains were covered by the sweet presence of Patricia's
youth, which had stolen forth in slumber time.
Then it was that Joan discovered that she was crying. Big tears were
rolling down her cheeks, and in her heart was growing a new, vital
emotion--a selfless, nameless, urging tide of protection for something
weak and helpless.
When the meal was prepared Joan kissed Patricia awake.
The girl sat up and gazed dazedly at the small table drawn to the couch,
at the candles burning on it, at the covered dishes from which crept the
most bewildering smells.
"The god of the famishing--bless you!" whispered Patricia and fell to
the joy of the meal with the abandon of the starved.
She ate and drank and smoked. She let Joan wait upon her and dispose of
the débris. She even directed Joan to the closet where her kimono and
slippers were; she let Joan undress her and put them on.
"How thin you are, Pat lovey!" Here Joan kissed a white shoulder.
"A mere bag of bones, Joan lamb, but they are easy to carry around."
"And such ducks of feet, Pat, I never saw such cunning feet. They do not
look big enough to be of use."
"They'll carry me as far as I have to go, Joan, and take it from me, I'm
not keen for a prolonged trip. It's too much trouble to keep yourself
alive to want to spin it out."
"Oh, Pat! Hasn't my dinner done you any good?" Joan smoothed the soft,
fluffy curls tenderly.
"Why, you old darling," Patricia broke forth, "you've given me a glimpse
of what would make it worth while--the trip, I mean. That's the trouble.
I get the glimpse, acquire the taste, and then I wake up to--sawdust.
Oh! good God, Joan."
Joan rose and turned off the lights; she left the candles burning and
sat down on a stool by Patricia.
After a while Patricia reached for her cigarettes and spoke as if
several big things had not occurred. She gurgled as a mischievous child
might who had stolen jam and escaped detection.
"Your man, Joan," she began puffing away, "is named Kenneth Raymond. In
tracking him I resorted first to Hannah Leland, society editor of
_Froth_. Hannah stores up items about the upper crust as a squirrel does
nuts. Her articles always have background; she's let in everywhere
because folks are afraid to shut her out. She can see more through
keyholes than others do through barn doors, and her scent
is--phenomenal!"
Joan hugged her knees and looked grave.
"I--I hate to snoop, Pat," she whispered.
"You don't have to--I got Hannah's snoops for you. They're innocent
enough--really, they're the soundest of sound little nuts.
"Mrs. Tweksbury had a romance! Don't grin, Joan. She didn't always look
like a squaw in front of a tobacco shop--they say she was rather a
stunner. She married Tweksbury before she got the bit in her
mouth--afterward she clutched it good and proper and trotted the course
according to the rules.
"Then came Raymond--this man's father. He somehow got it over to Mrs.
Tweksbury--the real thing, you know, and she reached and got it over to
_him_, that it was up to them to--keep it clean. Gee! Joan, her past
sounds like a tract with all the sobs left out and a lot of iron put in.
"Raymond, in a year or two, married a woman who lived only long enough
to produce this man upon whose trail we're scouting. This Kenneth was a
measly little offspring and his mother's people undertook to give him a
chance to live. He picked up and he and his father became pals--Hannah
rooted out a picture of them riding horseback. Then the father was
thrown from his horse and killed right before the eyes of the boy, and
that put him back years--he barely escaped. I don't believe he would
have, from accounts, if Mrs. Tweksbury hadn't butted in at that point
and made it a matter of honour to the boy to--to--carry on!
"Well, once he mounted _that_ horse he rode it as he did all
others--hard and grim. He never played in all his life. He's been making
good. Society he loathes; women do not exist for him, outside of Mrs.
Tweksbury. I bet he knows _her_ past and is paying back for his
dad--he's like that.
"Well, when I'd got everything Hannah had in her safe I had a burning
desire to have a look at Mr. Kenneth Raymond myself. So this afternoon I
went to his office----"
"Pat!" cried Joan. "Oh! Pat, how could you?"
"Easiest thing in the world, my lamb. You see, the chance of viewing a
human being--with one fortune in his pocket and another coming to him
when Mrs. Tweksbury lets go--actually on a job holding it down like
grim death--was a sight to gladden the heart of a tramp like me. I
sallied down to Wall Street and had some fun.
"I found his building without a moment's delay and I casually asked the
elevator boy where Mr. Raymond's office was, and the little chap grew
effusive--either Mr. Raymond is lavish with tips, or the human touch,
for his goings and comings are meat to that kid.
"He told me I had better hustle, for at four-thirty every day Mr.
Raymond beat it! The boy was an artist in word-painting. He described my
man as a real toff, none of your little yappers. He's going to haul in
the pile and playing honest-to-God--fair, too!"
Joan burst out laughing. Patricia mimicked the ribald manner of the boy
deliciously.
Patricia nodded her thanks and went on:
"Well, I hung around his corridor for ten minutes, Joan; and at
four-thirty exactly his door opened and I had timed myself so perfectly
that he tumbled over me and nearly knocked me down.
"He has better manners than you might expect from such a deadly prompt
person. He steadied me and looked positively concerned when he realized
what a pretty, helpless little thing I am!" Patricia gave a wicked wink
and lighted her fifth cigarette.
"I told him I was looking for ---- and I made up a preposterous name; and
he puckered his lofty brow and said he couldn't recall any such name in
the building, and then I told him I had about concluded that I had the
wrong address, and he offered to look the name up for me, but I sighed
and said that it was too late. My man always left his office at
three-forty-five and that I would have to come again.
"We went down in the elevator together, the boy winking all the way down
at me--and--that's all, Joan, except that you've got to go careful with
Mr. Kenneth Raymond. You don't want to hurt that fairy godmother of his;
she hasn't had many things of her own in life, and I do insist that
while one is grabbing it's better to grab where there is a flock than
pick a ewe-lamb. Besides, this Kenneth Raymond hasn't begun to
understand himself--he's been too busy understanding life. Have a heart,
Joan!"
Joan looked up sedately.
"Isn't it queer, Pat, but now that I know him he doesn't seem
interesting in the least. He's priggish and conceited; he's a poser,
too. It is too bad, Pat, for you to tire yourself out and get such a--a
dry stick for your pains."
Patricia regarded Joan for a full minute and then she remarked:
"You had better go home and get to bed, child. And look here--I give you
this advice free: a fire lighted by an idiot can do as much damage as
any other kind of a fire."
"Thanks, Pat. I'll remember that when I--play around dry sticks.
Good-night, you old, funny Pat, and thank you."
Joan bent and kissed the top of Patricia's head.
After that evening with Patricia Joan clung to Sylvia with unusual
tenacity. She also went to see a well-known teacher of music and got his
opinion of her voice.
"Your voice needs nearly everything to be done for it that can be done
to a voice," the professor frankly told her, "but you _have_ a voice,
beyond doubt. You have feeling, too, almost too much of it; it is
feeling uncontrolled, perhaps not understood.
"If you are willing to give years to it you will be a singer."
The man thought that he was killing hope in the girl before him, but to
his surprise she raised her eyes seriously to him and said:
"I am a working girl, but I am saving for the chance of doing what you
suggest. I will begin next winter. I think I know that I shall never be
great, but I believe I will sing some day."
The man bowed her out with deep respect.
When Joan told of her interview Sylvia was delighted, and Patricia, who
had happened in for a cup of tea, looked relieved.
"Of course you'll sing, Joan," she said, enthusiastically, "and if you
don't turn your talent to account you'll bring the wrath of God down
upon you. That Brier Bush is well enough to start you--but you're pretty
well through with it, I fancy."
Patricia was arraigning herself with Sylvia for reasons best known to
herself. She had the air of a very discreet young woman.
Long did Joan lie awake that night on her narrow bed. She had raised the
shade, and the stars were splendid in the blue-black sky.
She was happier, sadder, than she had ever been in her life before--more
confused.
She wanted Doris and Nancy and the shelter and care; she wanted her own
broad path and the thrill that her own sense of power gave her. She
wanted to cling close to Sylvia; she was afraid of Patricia but felt the
girl's influence in her deepest depths.
In short, Joan was waking to the meaning of life, and it had taken very
little to awaken her, for her time had come.
Three days later Kenneth Raymond ate his luncheon at the Brier Bush and
spoke no word to Joan. The following day he nodded to her, and the day
after that he said, in a low voice as she passed:
"I want to have you read my palm again."
"Once is enough," Joan replied.
"I have forgotten what you said," Raymond broke in; "besides, I have
another reason. You've set me on a line of thought--you've got to clear
the track."
"Oh, very well." And Joan sat down and took the broad hand in hers.
"I've read a lot of stuff since I saw you first," Raymond began. "There
is something in this palmistry."
"I just take the words and play with them," Joan replied. "I truly do
not know whether there is anything in it--or not. It is only fun here."
"Look at me!"
This Joan refused to do.
"There is that line in my hand like yours"--Raymond was in dead
earnest--"what--does it mean?"
"I told you what it means," Joan faltered.
"Do you want me to read your palm?" Raymond bent farther across the
table.
"Yes, if you can!" Joan was on her mettle. She instantly spread her
hands to the bent gaze and prayed that no one would take the tables near
by. It was late; the rush was over and Elspeth Gordon, for the moment,
had left the room.
"You're not what you appear," Raymond began.
"Who _is_?" Joan flung this out defiantly.
"You're daring a good deal--to taste life. You're testing your line;
making it prove itself--_I_ haven't dared!"
Joan did not speak, and her small hands were as quiet as little dead
hands in the strong ones which held them.
"Does it pay--the daring, the testing?" Raymond's eyes, dark and
unfaltering, tried to pierce the veil.
"Yes--I think so."
"You make me want to try--do you dare me?"
"It does not interest me at all what you do." Joan was like ice now.
"You evidently misunderstand our play here. Let go of my hands!"
"I haven't finished yet. You've got to hear me out."
"Let go of my hands!"
"All right--but will you stay here?"
"I'll stay until I want to go."
"Very well. I know I'm a good deal of a fool--but sometimes a slight
thing turns the stream. I thought it was all rot--a play that you'd made
up--this line business." Raymond spoke hurriedly. "Of course I'd heard
of it, but I never gave it a thought. Just for sport, after that first
day, I got bushels of books and I've been sitting up nights reading.
There's something in it!"
Joan laughed. The man looked like an excited boy who had started a toy
engine going.
"See here! They say your left hand is what you start with; your right
hand what you have made of yourself--that line that you have and I have
is in my right hand--is yours in both?"
Joan tried not to look--but ended in looking.
"No," she replied. "I reckon it only comes in the right hand with
anybody."
"No, it doesn't; the lady I was with the other day hadn't it in either
hand!"
"Isn't she lucky?" Joan laughed.
"No, she isn't!" Raymond spoke solemnly. "Only the people who have
it--are."
"I'm going now." Joan got up; and so did Raymond.
"See here," he said, bluntly. "I've never had a bit of adventure in my
life--I'm a stick. I don't know what you will think of me; I don't care
much; but you've started something in me; it's nothing I'm ashamed of,
either, and you needn't be afraid. But won't you talk to me some
time--about--well, this stunt and some other things?"
"Certainly not!" Joan drew back and added: "and I am not in the least
afraid."