"_There are two elements that go to the composition of friendship. One
is Truth; the other is Tenderness._"
After Thornton's departure Doris metaphorically, drew a long breath. She
felt that he would make no further move at present--how could he? As one
faces a possible surgical operation with the hope that Nature may
intervene to make it unnecessary, she turned to her blessed duties with
renewed vigour.
Of course, there were hours, there always would be hours, when, alone,
or when the children played near her, Doris wondered and speculated but
always reached the triumphant conclusion that her love, equal and
sincere, for both little girls, had been made possible by her
unprejudiced relations with them. And that must count for much.
Every time she was diverted from her chosen path she courageously took
stock, as it were, of her gains and possible losses.
For instance, when Mrs. Tweksbury had appeared to discern resemblance
between Nancy and Meredith, she wondered if, as often is the case, the
impartial observer could discover what familiarity had screened?
But try as she did, at that time, she could not find the slightest
physical trace of likeness, and she brought old photographs to her aid.
While, on the other hand, the mental and temperamental characteristics
of both little girls were such as were common to healthy childhood.
Again it was possible for Doris to face any fact that might present
itself--she knew that, by her past course, she had not only secured
justice for the children but faith in herself.
Her greatest concern now was the menace of Thornton.
"Think of Nancy," she mused, "sweet, sensitive, and fine, under such
influence! And Joan so high-strung and reckless! It would be a hopeless
condition!"
Looked upon from this viewpoint Doris grew depressed. While her
conscience remained clear as to any real wrong she had done in acting as
she had, there were anxious hours spent in imagining that time when, as
Thornton said, the girls themselves must know.
When must they know?
Doris had not considered that before to any extent.
Thornton might demand at once that they know the truth. He had a right
to that.
Here was a new danger, but as the silence continued the immediate fear
of this lessened. And the children were mere babies. They could not
possibly understand if they were told, now.
Until such time, then, as they must be told, Doris renewed her efforts
in building well the small, healthy minds and bodies.
"When they marry"--this brought a smile--"when they marry! Of course,
then, they must know." With that conclusion reached, anxiety was once
more lulled to rest.
Gradually the old peaceful days merged into new peaceful days. Doris
entered, little by little, into her social duties so long neglected; the
children romped and lived joyously in the old house--"just
children"--until suddenly a small but significant thing occurred when
they were nine years of age that startled Doris into a line of thought
that brought about a radical change in all their lives.
She was sitting in the library one stormy day, reading. The tall back of
the chair hid her from view, the fire and the book were soothing, and
the excuse--that the storm gave her the right to do what she wanted to
do, rather than what she, otherwise, might feel she should do--added to
her enjoyment.
From above she heard the voices of the children and Mary's quiet
intervention now and again.
Then Joan laughed, and the sound struck Doris as if she had never heard
it before. What a peculiar laugh it was--for a child! Silver clear,
musical, but with a note of defiance, recklessness, and yes, almost
abandon.
Joan was teasing Nancy about her dolls--Joan detested dolls, she
declared that it was their stupid stare that made her dislike them. She
only wanted live things: dogs and cats, not even birds--she was sorry
for birds. Nancy's dolls were to her "children," and she was pleading
now for an especial favourite and Joan was praying--rather
mockingly--that God would let it get smashed because of "the proud
nose."
"But God makes children's noses!" Nancy was urging.
"Well! He don't make dolls," Joan insisted, and proceeded with her
petition until Nancy's wails brought Mary upon the scene.
Doris listened. She could not hear what Mary said, but presently peace
reigned above-stairs and the pelting storm and the book resumed their
power.
It might have been a half hour later when she heard soft, stealthy
footsteps in the hall. She sat quite still, believing that one of the
children was hiding and that the other would be on the trail
immediately. The small intruder passed through the library and went into
the sunken room.
Doris, herself unseen, looked from behind her shelter and saw that it
was Joan, and before she could call to her she was held silent by what
the child proceeded to do.
Deftly, quickly she disrobed and stood in her pretty, childish nakedness
in the warm room.
For a moment she poised and listened, then she stepped over the rim of
the fountain, took the exact attitude of one of the figures, and with
rapt, upturned face became rigid.
It was wonderfully lovely, but decidedly startling. Still Doris waited.
The water dripped over the small body; Joan's lips were moving in some
weird incantation, and then with the light all gone from her pretty face
she came out of the basin, pulled her clothing on as best she could, and
flung herself tragically in a deep chair.
For a moment Doris thought the child was crying, but she was not. Her
limp little body relaxed and the eyes were sad.
Doris rose and went to the steps.
"Why are you here alone, Joan?" she asked.
Quite simple the reply came:
"I was--trying to make it come true, Auntie Dorrie," this with a
suspicious break in the voice.
"What, darling?" Doris came down and took the child in her arms.
"Mary says if you believe anything hard enough you can make it come
true. _She_ always can! I wanted to play with the fountain girls--I know
it would be beautiful--but you have to be _like them_. You have to shut
the whole world out--and then you know what they know."
"Why, little girl, do you think the fountain children are happier than
you and Nancy?"
With that groping that all mothers feel when they first confront the
_individual_ in the child they believed they knew Doris asked her
question.
"I've used Nancy and me all up!" was Joan's astonishing reply.
"All up?" the two meaningless words were the most that Doris could
grasp.
"Yes, Aunt Dorrie. Dolls and Mary's silly stories and Nancy's funny
games all over and over and over until they make me--sick!"
Joan actually looked sick, so intense was she.
"Nan is happy always, Aunt Dorrie--she's made like that--but I use
things up and then I want something else. Mary said that, honest true,
things would come if you believed hard enough. Maybe I cannot believe
hard enough--or maybe Mary didn't speak truth. She doesn't always, Aunt
Dorrie."
Doris gasped and drew the child closer. It was like being dragged, by
the little hand, to an unsuspected danger that she, not the child,
understood.
Gradually the inner side of the years was turned out by Doris's careful
questions and Joan's quiet simplicity. She revealed so much now that
she found that her view of life had a dramatic interest. It appeared,
quite innocently, that Nancy could assume any position in order to win
her way.
"She always speaks truth, Auntie Dorrie," Joan loyally defended, "but
she can make truth out of such queer things; it just _is_ truth to
Nancy, for she doesn't want to hurt people's feelings. Mary likes Nancy
best, for I cannot make truth when I want to. Aunt Dorrie--truth
is--a--_a thing_, isn't it?"
"Yes, darling. But we--we see it differently, that is all."
This was comforting to Joan, and she smiled. Then Mary again took the
centre of the stage--Mary's interpretations, all coloured with the
mystery of her desolate childhood; her old superstitions and power to
control by the magic of her imagination. There were certain tales, it
seemed, that were held as bribes. Nancy would always succumb to the
lures; Joan, only to a few.
"What are they, dear? I love fairy stories, you know."
Doris was keeping her voice cool and calm.
"Why, Mary says there is a Rock on a big mountain that is--bewitched!
And everything near it is, too. She says things grow on it and you look
at them and they are alive, and you can--can, well, use them! Mary saw a
road once and just went up on it--it was a bewitched road, and she
got--lost!" Joan's eyes widened. "Mary says she'll have to find her way
back somehow, and if Nancy and I are naughty, she'll go and find it at
once! Nancy is afraid, but I told Mary I'd follow her!
"And then Mary said that once she just longed and longed for a doll--she
had never had one--and she saw The Ship on The Rock and she went up to
it--that was before she got lost on the road--and she asked the captain
of The Ship for a doll, and he said he would send one to her. And she
went home and that very night--that _very_ night, Aunt Dorrie, she
looked in a room where she heard a funny noise and she saw a live doll!
And while she was looking she saw a tall big lady bring in another. You
see, when The Rock gets alive, everything is alive and Mary had forgot
that--and so the dolls were--were babies. Nancy believes that, but
I--tried it on Nancy's dolls--and it isn't true!"
The rain outside beat wildly against the windows; the wind lashed the
vines and roared down the chimney.
"Are--you asleep, Aunt Dorrie?" The silence awed Joan.
"No, dear heart. I am just thinking."
And so Doris was--thinking that she was walking in the dark. Her own
small flashlight had seemed enough to guide her, and here she discovered
that it had only shown her one path, the one she had chosen, and all the
other paths--Mary's, Nancy's, and Joan's--had been disregarded.
Suddenly it seemed as dangerous to have too much faith as too little.
"I want you, Joan, dear, to go up and play, now, with Nancy. See if you
cannot take all the old games and make a new one. That would be such a
pleasant thing to do."
"Must I, Auntie Dorrie? I'd rather stay here close to you. It's a new
game. I like it here."
It was hard to send the small, clinging thing away, but Doris was firm.
Once alone, she closed her eyes and let her hands fall, palms upward, on
her lap. She felt tired and perplexed. There had come a parting of the
ways. Apparently the ninth year was a dangerous year. What must she do?
Was Mary more ignorant than she seemed or--more knowing? What had Mary
known at Ridge House?
The dull, quiet girl, as Doris recalled her, seemed merely a part of the
machinery of the Sisters' Home; she had never taken her into
account--but had she been what she seemed? What was she now?
It was appalling--in the doubt as to what was, or was not--to think that
so much had been taken for granted.
The children had seemed babies. The mere physical care had been the main
consideration, and while that was going on Joan had grown weary of the
old games and Nancy had learned to gain her ends by indirect methods.
Clearly, Doris must have help at this juncture.
"I see," she thought on, heavily, "why fathers _and_ mothers are none
too many where children are concerned."
It was then that she thought of David Martin in a strangely new way--a
way that brought a faint colour to her cheeks.
All the afternoon she thought of him while she, having set Mary to other
tasks, devoted herself to Nancy and Joan. She read to them, scampered
through the house with them, did anything and everything they suggested,
until she had subdued the nervous strain and could laugh a bit at her
bugbears of the morning. Joan, flushed and towzled, Nancy, sweetly
radiant, effaced the menacing images her anxiety had created--but she
still needed help. And David Martin was the one, the only one among her
friends who seemed adequate to her need.
"I've tried to be a mother," she thought, "but I have taken the father
out of their lives--I must supply it."
When the children were in bed and the house quiet, Doris went to the
sunken room and, taking up the telephone receiver, called her number.
She was calm and at peace. She was prepared to lay the whole matter of
the past few years before David Martin, and she was conscious, already,
of relief.
"I am going to let myself--go!" she thought, her ear waiting for a
reply.
It was Martin who answered.
"David, are you quite free for an hour?"
"For the entire evening, Doris. Are the children sick?"
How like Martin that was! What most concerned and interested Doris was
first in his thought.
Doris's face twitched.
"It's my friend," she said, slowly, "that I want. Not my physician."
"I'll be there in a half hour."
The soft drip of the rain outside was soothing. So happy did Doris feel
that she wondered if her fears would not strike Martin as absurd, and
after all, why should she lay her burden of confession upon him in order
to ease her perplexity? Along this line she argued with herself while
she ordered a tray to be sent up as soon as Doctor Martin arrived.
She gave particular instructions as to the preparation of the dainties
Martin enjoyed but which no one but Doris ever set before him.
"I chose the shield of silence," she mused. "Why should I ask another to
help me with it now?"
Still, in the end, her honest soul knew that it was not help for herself
she was seeking, but guidance for the children whose best interests she
must serve.
And then, as one looks back over the path he has travelled while he
pauses before going on, Doris Fletcher saw how the love of David Martin
had been transformed for her sake into friendship that it might brighten
her way. She had never been able to give him what he desired, but so
precious was she to him--and full well she knew it--that he had become
her friend.
Out of such stuff one of two things is evolved--a resentful man, or the
most sacred thing, that can enter a woman's life, a true friend.
Martin had made a success of his profession; his unfulfilled hopes had
seemed to broaden his sympathies instead of damming them.
As the clock struck nine Martin appeared at the doorway--a tall, massive
figure, the shoulders inclined to droop as though prepared for burdens;
the eyes, under shaggy brows, were as tender as a woman's, but the mouth
and chin were like iron.
"David, it was good of you to come." Doris met him on the steps and led
him to his favourite chair, drawn close to the blazing fire.
"To take any chance leisure of yours is selfish--but I had to!"
Martin took the outstretched hands and still held them as he sat down.
After all the silent years the old thrill filled his being.
"This is a great treat," he said in his big, kind voice. "I was just
back in the office. I steered two small craft into port this
afternoon--I need a vacation."
Doris recalled how this phase of Martin's profession always exhausted
him, and she smiled gently into his eyes. Just then the tray she had
ordered was sent up. He looked at it and his tired face relaxed; the
deep eyes betrayed the boyish delight in the thought that had prompted
the act.
"You must need me pretty bad to pay so high!" he said, watching Doris
pour the thick cream into his cup of chocolate.
"I do, David, but really I'm not buying; I'm indulging myself. May I
chatter while you eat? There are three kinds of sandwiches on the plate.
Take them in turn, they are warranted to blend." Then quite suddenly:
"David, it's about the children. They are over nine. What happens,
physiologically, when children--girls--are--are nearly ten?"
"Deviltry, often. At nine they are too old to spank, too young to reason
with--it's the dangerous age, at least the outer circle of the dangerous
age." Martin tested the second sandwich.
"And the prescription? What do you prescribe for the dangerous age?"
Doris felt that it was best to edge toward the vital centre by
circuitous routes.
"Barrels and bungholes or what stands for barrels and bungholes--a good
school where a mixture of discipline with home ideals prevail. I know of
several where giddy little flappers are marvellously licked into shape
without danger of breaking. I've felt for some time that your kids
needed--well, not love and care, surely, but a practical understanding."
"Why didn't you tell me, David?"
"People never appreciate what they do not pay for. Now that you have
offered up this tribute to the animal of me, I know you are ready for
the other."
"The other, David?"
"Yes, the best of me. That always belongs to you."
This was daring, and it sent Doris to cover while she caught her breath.
David calmly ate on. After the sandwiches there was a bit of fruit cake
made from the recipe handed down from the days of Grandfather Fletcher.
"David, do you think mothers, I mean real mothers, have divine
intuitions about their children? Intuitions that, well, say, adopted
mothers never have?"
"No, I don't. The majority of mothers are vamps. They think they have a
strangle hold on their offspring; a right to mould or bully them out of
shape. The best school I know is run by a woman who says it takes her a
year to shake off the average mother; after that the child becomes an
individual and you can get a line on it."
"That's startling, David. It's hard, too, on mothers."
"Oh! I don't know. I often think if mothers could be friends to their
children, _real friends_, I mean, and not claim what no human being has
a right to claim from another, they'd reap a finer reward. I'd hate to
love a person from duty. The fifth commandment is the only one with a
promise. It needs it! What is the stuffing in this third sandwich,
Doris? It comes mighty near perfection."
"I never give away the tricks of my trade, David! And let me tell you,
you are mighty like a sandwich yourself--light and shade in layers; but
I reckon you are right about the friend part in mothers. Then, too, I
think an adopted mother has this to her credit--she doesn't dare
presume."
"No, often she bullies. She thinks she paid for the right. After all,
the best any of us can do for a child is to set it free; point out the
channels and keep the lights burning!"
"David, you are wonderful. You should have had children." The tears were
in Doris's eyes.
"Oh! I don't know--I'd have to have too many other things tacked on. All
children are mine now, in a sense."
David pushed the tray away and leaned luxuriously back in his chair.
"Now," he said, with his peculiar smile that few rarely saw, "let's have
it! The skirmish is over."
Then Doris told him--feeling her way as she poured her confession into
the ears of one who trusted her so fully and who asked so little. She
saw his startled glance when she, beginning with Meredith's death,
struck the high note of the real matter. Martin was not resenting her
past reticence, but he was taken off his guard, and that rarely happened
to him.
Once, having controlled his emotions, he was placid enough. He noted the
outstretched hands in Doris's lap and estimated her weariness and her
need of him. After all, those were the big things of the moment. In
Martin's thought any act of Doris's could easily be explained and
righted. He did not interrupt her, he even saw the humour of her account
of the scene with Thornton, years before, when she presented both
children to his horrified eyes. Martin shook with laughter, and that
trivial act did more to strengthen Doris than anything he could have
done. It relieved the tension.
"How did you manage to create the impression, among us all, that these
children are twins?" Martin, seeing that Doris had finished with the
vital matter, turned to details. "I cannot recall that you ever said
so--and there seems to be no reason why they should be twins."
"That's it, David, there never was a reason, really, and I did not
intend, at first, to give the impression--I simply said nothing. Things
like this grow in silence until they are too big to handle. It was the
telling of plain half-truths that did the mischief--and letting the
conclusions of others pass. Of course I did not hesitate with George
Thornton, he mattered; the others did not seem to count--no one but you,
David. I have felt I wronged your faith, somehow."
Martin, at this, began to defend Doris.
"Oh, I don't agree to that. It was entirely your own affair. You wrote
to me while you were away about Meredith. I realized how cut up you
were, and God knows you had reason to be. Until you needed me, I don't
see but what you had a right to act as you saw fit about the children."
"David, I always need you. It is because I need you so much that I have
decency to keep my hands off!"
Martin's brows drew close, his mouth looked stern, but he was again
controlling the old, undying longing to possess the only woman he had
ever loved, and shield her from herself!
Then he gave his prescription:
"Doris, get rid of Mary. Find a proper place for her and forget whatever
doubts you may have. Remember only her years of service; she gave the
best she had. Then send the children to Miss Phillips'. Of course, you
must write to Thornton. Tell him as much or as little as you choose.
He's rightfully in the game. We're all three playing with a dummy." How
Doris blessed Martin for that "we three!" He had come into the game and,
once in, Martin could be depended upon.
"You've run amuck among accepted codes," he was saying with that curious
chuckle of his, "and yet, by heaven! you seem to have established a
divinely inspired one for the kids."
"You think that, David? You are not trying to comfort me?"
Martin got up. He seemed suddenly in a hurry to be off. He had given
what he could to meet Doris's need--given it briefly, concisely, as was
his way.
Doris brought his coat and held it for him--her face lifted to his with
that yearning in her eyes that always unnerved him. It was the look of
one who must offer an empty cup to another who thirsted. Then she spoke,
after all the silent years:
"David, I have always loved you, but I am beginning to understand at
last about love. I had not the 'call' in my soul. Merry had it, the
mountain mother had it--but it never came to me. Without it, I dared not
offer to pay the cost of marriage. That would have been unjust to you. I
did realize that, but the deeper truth has only come recently. I wonder
if you can understand, dear, if I say now, even _now_, that I would be
glad for you to marry and be happy--as you should be?"
"Doris, I counted that all up years ago. It did not weigh against you!"
Martin's voice was husky.
"Then, David, be my friend and the friend of my little children. For
their sakes, I implore your help along the way."
Martin bent and touched his lips to Doris's head which was bowed before
him.
"Thank you," he said with infinite tenderness; "you are permitting me to
share all that you have, my dear. Good-night."