Not that I had been exactly asleep, but dreamily ruminating over a
series of chaotic visions that had about as much reason and order as a
musical medley. I had been riding in the cars for the past six hours,
and had now become so accustomed to the monotony that all idea of a
change seemed wildly absurd; in my half-awake state, I was feebly
impressed with the conviction that I was to ride in the cars for the
remainder of my existence.
The entrance of the conductor, with the dull little glowworms of lamps
which he so quickly jerked into their proper places, made a sudden break
in my train of thought; and, not having anything else to occupy me just
then, I became speedily beset with the idea that the luminary just above
my head was only awaiting a favorable opportunity to tumble down upon
it. The thought became unpleasantly absorbing; and, not having
sufficient energy to get up and change my seat, I looked out of the
window again.
The prospect was, like most country views, of no particular beauty when
seen in the ungenial light of a November evening: the sky rather leaden
and discouraging; the earth, chilled by the sun's neglect, was growing
shrivelled and ugly with all its might; and the trees were dreary
skeletons, flying past the car window in a kind of mad dance, after the
fashion of Alonzo and the false Imogen. I gave up the idea of making the
cars my future residence, and considered that it was quite time to look
about me, and inquire, for present, practical purposes, what I was and
where I was going.
But, at the very outset of this laudable occupation, a disagreeable fact
thrust itself impudently in my face, and even shook its fist at me in
insolent defiance. There was no getting over it--I was undeniably a
_woman_--and, what was worse, rather a womanly woman. I am aware, of
course, that this depends. If you should ask that stately lily, radiant
with beauty, from the crown of the head to the sole of her foot,
surrounded by her kind, and cherished and admired as one of the choicest
gems of the garden, whether she considered it an agreeable thing to be a
flower, she would probably toss her head in scorn, as youthful beauties
do, at the very question. But ask the poor roadside blossom, trampled
on, switched off, and subjected to every trial that is visited on
strength and roughness, without the strength and roughness to protect
her, and there is very little doubt that she would express a desire to
wake up, some morning, and find herself transformed into a prickly pear.
Womanhood, under some circumstances, is very much like sitting partly on
one chair, and partly on another, without being secure on either.
It is an unnatural combination to have the propensities of a Columbus or
Robinson Crusoe united with a habit of trembling at stray dogs in the
daytime, and covering one's head with the bedclothes at night. I had
longed to be afloat for some time past; but now, that I was fairly out
of sight of land, I shuddered at the immensity of the fathomless sea
that stretched before me. Whither bound? To the 'Peppersville Academy,'
in a town on the border of a lake familiar to me in my geography days at
school, but which seemed, practically, to have no more connection with
New York than if it had been in Kamtchatka. To this temple of learning I
was going as assistant teacher; and the daring nature of the undertaking
suddenly flashed upon me. Suppose that, when weighed in the examining
balances, I should be found wanting? Suppose that some horridly sharp
boy should 'stump' me with 'Davies' Arithmetic?'
That was my weak point, and I realized it acutely. Figures never would
arrange themselves in my brain in proper order; I am by no means sound
even on the multiplication table; and the only dates that ever fixed
themselves in my memory are 1492 and 1776. The very sight of a slate and
pencil gave me a nervous headache, and as I had lately been told that
_idiots_ always failed in calculation, I considered myself but a few
removes from idiocy. My answering that advertisement was a proof of it;
and here I was, hundreds of miles from any familiar sight, going to
teach pupils who probably knew more than I did! I had my music and
French, to be sure, and that was _some_ foundation--but not half so
solid as a substantial base of figures.
In a sort of frantic desperation, I began, to ply myself with impossible
sums in mental arithmetic, until I nearly got a brain fever; and the
cars stopped, and the dreaded station was shouted in my ears, while I
was in the midst of a desperate encounter with a group of stubborn
fractions.
How I dreaded the sight of the personage who had twice subscribed
himself my 'obedient servant, Elihu Summers'! My 'obedient servant,'
indeed! More likely my inexorable taskmaster, with figures in his eye
and compound fractions at his tongue's end. I painted his portrait:
tall, wiry, with compressed lips, and a general air of seeing through
one at a glance. Now, when one is painfully conscious of being deficient
in several important points, this sort of person is particularly
exasperating; and I immediately began to hate Mr. Summers with all my
might.
Nevertheless, I shook considerably, and, having been informed that I
would be met at the station, though by whom or what was not specified, I
prepared to alight, with my bag and shawl and 'Harper,' attached to
various parts of my person. Considering how short the step is from the
sublime to the ridiculous, the length, or rather height, of that step
from the car to the platform was out of all proportion; I looked upon it
as an invention of the enemy, and stood hopelessly considering the
impossibility of a descent without the aid of a pair of wings.
Raising my eyes in dismay, I saw in the dim light a pair of arms
outstretched to my assistance; and, observing that the shoulders
pertaining thereto were broad and solid-looking, I deposited my hundred
and twenty pounds of flesh and bone thereon without any compunctions of
conscience, and no questions asked. I almost fell in love with that
individual for the very tender manner in which I was lifted to the
ground; but, once safe on terra firma, I merely said, 'Thank you, sir,'
and was gliding rapidly into the ladies' saloon, half afraid of
encountering Mr. Summers in my journey.
But my _aide-de-camp_, with a hasty stride, arrested my progress, as he
said inquiringly, 'This is Miss Wade, I believe?'
I turned and looked at him, as the light fell upon his figure from the
open doorway--large and well proportioned, with the kind of face that
one sees among the heroes of a college 'commencement,' or the successful
candidates for diplomas--half manly, half boyish, with a firm mouth and
laughing eyes; and he immediately added, 'I have come to conduct you to
your boarding house.'
I concluded that he was either a son or nephew of 'Elihu Summers,'
possibly an assistant in the school; and I felt glad at the prospect of
some congenial society.
The walk to the boarding house was not a long one, and we said very
little on the way. My companion had quietly relieved me of my small
articles of baggage; and I had mechanically taken the offered arm as
though I had known him all my life. I could not see much of the town in
the dark, and what I did see did not impress me with a very exalted idea
of its liveliness--the inhabitants apparently considering it sinful to
show any lights in the fronts of their houses, except an occasional
glimmering over the hall door.
My companion suddenly turned, mounted two steps, and lifted a knocker.
The sound, at first, produced no reply; but presently a sound of
unbolting and unbarring ensued, and the door was opened, as Morgiana
would have opened it to let in the forty thieves. A small, pale man,
with whitish eyes, and gray hair standing on end, peered at us rather
inhospitably; and on the lower step of the staircase a tallow candle, in
a brass candlestick, emitted the brilliant light that tallow candles
usually do.
We effected an entrance by some miracle; and once in that full blaze of
light, the old man exclaimed:
'Oh, Mr. Summers, so it is you, is it? I was kind of puzzled to make out
_who_ 'twas. And is this the new teacher you've brought along, or a
boarding scholar? Looks about as much like one as t'other.'
With a smile, I was introduced as 'Miss Wade;' and just as a pleasant
matronly looking woman made her appearance, the old man seized me in an
unexpected embrace, observing, quite as a matter of course, 'I always
kiss nice-looking young gals.'
'Not always,' thought I, giving him a desperate push that sent him,
where he more properly belonged, to the arms of Mrs. Bull, who
opportunely arrived in time to restore his equilibrium.
I suppose my cheeks were blazing, they felt so hot, for the good wife
gently remarked, 'It is only Mr. Bull's way--he doesn't mean anything by
it, or I should have been jealous long ago.'
Had the observation not been so hackneyed, I would have advised Mr. Bull
to mend his way; but he seemed so thoroughly astonished that further
comment was unnecessary.
A glance at Mr. Summers, who had proved to be the redoubtable Elihu,
discovered an amused smile hovering around the corners of his mouth; and
it _was_ ridiculous that, at my first entrance into a house, I should
have a pitched battle with the master of it. To do the old man justice,
I do not believe that he _did_ 'mean anything,' as the intended salute
was to be given in the presence of witnesses; he only labored under the
hallucination of old men in general, who seem to think that, because it
is an agreeable thing to them to kiss all the fresh young lips they
encounter, it must be just as agreeable to the fresh young lips to
receive it; reminding me of a wise saying I encountered somewhere
lately, that, 'although age sees a charm in youth, youth sees no charm
in age.'
But father Bull was not malicious; he only said that 'he guessed I
wasn't used to country ways;' and after that little brush we became very
good friends.
I took to _Mrs._ Bull at once; and, following her into a neat little
room, where there was a stove, a rag carpet, and a table laid for one, I
was informed that this was the dining room, sitting room, and room in
ordinary. Tea was over long ago; indeed, as it was eight o'clock, they
had begun to think of going to bed. Cars in which I travel are always
behindhand; and they had almost given me up.
Having introduced me to my host and hostess, Mr. Summers took his leave,
for he did not board there, and went to see that my trunk was speedily
forwarded to its destination.
I sat down at the neat table, and tried what Mr. Bull denominated
'presarved squinches'--which might have passed for fragments of granite,
and were a trifle sour in addition; the apple pie, which, had it been
large enough, would have been a splendid foundation for a quadrille; the
bread, which looked like rye, but wasn't; and the tea, which neither
cheered nor inebriated. This is what good, honest city people eulogize
under the name of 'a real country tea;' and half an hour after I had
left the festive board, I could not positively have sworn whether I had
had any tea or not.
Mr. and Mrs. Bull were very hospitable, and pressed me continually to
eat, remarking that 'I had an awful small appetite;' but I considered it
awful under the circumstances, without being small. They had one other
boarder, they said, 'a single lady, who was very quiet, and didn't
disturb any one.' They evidently intended this as an eulogy for Miss
Friggs, but I should have preferred an inmate with more life about her.
At nine o'clock I concluded, from various signs, that it was time to
turn my steps bedward; and producing a fresh tallow candle, Mrs. Bull
placed it in another brass candlestick, and led the way up stairs. The
stairs were narrow, crooked, and winding, and the doors opened with
latches. My sanctum was of moderate size, with a comfortable-looking
bed, covered with a white counterpane (I had dreaded patchwork), a white
curtain to the window, and a white cover on the table,--a pleasant
harmony, I thought, with the snow that would soon cover the ground; and
feeling chilled through, in spite of the fire that burned in the funny
little stove, I wondered that so many people never think of providing
for but one kind of hunger.
Mrs. Bull helped me to arrange my things, and kissed me good-night in a
way that went to my heart at once. I did not treat her on this occasion
as I had treated Mr. Bull.
'I suspect,' said she, kindly, 'that you've been used to things very
different from what you'll find here; but we'll do all in our power to
make it pleasant for you, and I dare say that, before long, you'll feel
quite at home in Peppersville.'
People 'dare say' anything, and many things appeared more probable than
that I should ever feel at home in Peppersville.
One thing I thoroughly congratulated myself upon, and that was that Mr.
Summers boarded elsewhere. It is a dreadful thing to be housed under the
same roof, in a place where there is a total want of all excitement,
with any sort of a man--people have even become attached to spiders when
shut up alone with them--and when the man is young, good-looking, and
poor, the danger is increased. I did not come to Peppersville to fall in
love with the principal of the Academy; and I was glad that _one_ road,
at least, to that undesirable end was cut off.
I found the evening psalms and lessons, and then climbed into my
nest--where I sank down, down, down into the feathery depths, in a
manner peculiarly terrifying to one whose nights had all been spent on
hair mattresses. A few hours' ride had transplanted me into a new
region, among an entirely different race of people, and I fell asleep to
dream that a whole army of intricate sums were charging upon me with
fixed bayonets.
* * * * *
Morning came, and I was under the painful necessity of getting up--which
is always an unnatural wrench under the most favorable auspices. The
first bell had rung at an unearthly hour, and I paid no attention to it,
but the second bell was not much more civilized; and as I failed to
appear, Mrs. Bull came to the door to see if I had made way with myself.
I told her not to wait--I would be down as soon as I could get dressed;
and I plunged desperately into a basin of cold water. Thankful for the
institution of nets, I hastily packed my hair into what Artemus Ward
calls 'a mosquito bar,' and with a final shake-out of my
hurriedly-thrown-on drapery, I descended, with the expectation of
finding the family in the full enjoyment of their morning meal.
But Mrs. Bull stood at the head of the table, Mr. Bull at the foot, and
Miss Friggs at the side, all with their hands on their respective
chairs. If they had stood in that position ever since Mrs. Bull's visit
to my door, they had enjoyed it for at least half an hour.
This was very embarrassing; but the only answer that I received to my
remonstrances was that 'they knew what manners was.' After that, I
always managed to be down in time.
I found Miss Friggs just as she had been represented, with the addition
of being very kindly disposed toward me; but between her and Mr. Bull
there existed a sort of chronic squabble that led to frequent passages
of wit. Mr. Bull opened the ball, that morning, by observing, with a
half wink at me, that 'he see she hadn't been kerried off yet,' which
referred to a previously expressed objection on the part of Miss Friggs
to sleep without some secure fastening on the door of her room; and
people in the country can never understand why you should want anything
different from the existing state of things. Then Mr. Bull remarked that
Miss Friggs had better sleep in a bandbox or an old stocking, as folks
packed away valuables in such things, because they were seldom looked
into by housebreakers.
Suddenly, Miss Friggs asked her tormentor if he had seen any robbers
lately--when he turned around and handed me the butter. This referred to
a tradition that Mr. Bull had come running home one evening, entirely
out of breath, under the firm belief that he was pursued by a robber,
and nearly shut the door in Mr. Summers's face, who had been in vain
hallooing to him to stop, in order to apprise him of my expected
arrival, and make some provision for my accommodation.
These things were all explained to me by degrees; and in the uneventful
routine upon which I had entered, I learned to consider them quite spicy
and champagne-ish.
Mr. Summers called at fifteen minutes before nine, according to
agreement, and we set out together for the Academy. It was a one-storied
edifice, after a Grecian model, which probably looked well in marble,
with classical surroundings, but which, repeated in dingy wood, with no
surroundings at all, grated on an eye that studied the fitness of
things. But, unfortunately, my business was with the inside; and I felt
uneasy when I saw the formidable rows of desks.
'And now, Miss Wade,' said my companion, with admirable seriousness,
'you see your field of action. You will have charge of about thirty
girls; and when they behave badly, so that you have any difficulty with
them, just send them in to me.'
This sounded as though they were in the habit of behaving very badly
indeed; but I doubted if sending them in to him would have been much of
a punishment for any over fifteen.
There was one scholar there when I arrived--a tall, awkward-looking
girl, somewhat my senior--whom Mr. Summers introduced as 'Helen Legram.'
Her only beauty was a pair of very clear eyes, that seemed to comprehend
me at a glance; for the rest, her face was oddly shaped, her figure bad;
and a narrow merino scarf, tied around her throat, was not a becoming
article of dress.
But scarcely had I made these observations when the Philistines were
upon me--arriving by twos, threes, and fours, and pouring through the
open door like overwhelming hordes of barbarians. Of course, every pair
of eyes that entered was immediately fixed upon me; and, although I
endeavored to keep up my dignity under the infliction, I could not help
wishing that it were possible to be suddenly taken up and dropped into
the middle of next week, when my _mauvaise honte_ would have had a
reasonable chance to wear off by several days' contact.
This _beginning_ is a terrible lion blocking up the way of every
undertaking, and never does he appear so formidable as at the outset of
school teaching, unless it is in writing a story. I cast about in my
mind for various models, as a sort of guide; but the only spirits that
emerged from the vasty deep were Dr. Blimber and Cornelia. With an
inconvenient perversity, they refused to be laid, and kept dancing
before me all day. In entering upon my career, I was firmly impressed
with two convictions: one was that I didn't know anything, and the other
was that my pupils would speedily find it out.
The day began, as all sorts of days do; and through the open door of the
adjoining apartment I watched Mr. Summers, and endeavored to follow all
his proceedings. When he rang his bell, I rang mine; and, by dint of
looking as wise and sober as I possibly could, I contrived to begin with
a tolerable degree of success.
But a pair of clear eyes, that never seemed to be removed from my face,
embarrassed me beyond expression. Their owner was a perfect bugbear.
Such a formidable memory I never encountered; and in her recitations,
which were long and frequent, I do not think she ever misplaced a
letter. That girl had algebra written on her face; and when, in a slow,
deliberate way, she approached me with slate, pencil, and book, I felt
sure that this would prove my Manassas. I was inexpressibly relieved to
discover that the problems, complicated enough to bring on a slow fever,
were all unravelled; indeed, my feelings bore no small resemblance to
those of a criminal at the gallows just presented with a reprieve.
All that I had to do was to say, 'Very well, indeed, Miss Legram; are
you fond of algebra?' To which she replied, 'Very,' and went back to her
seat.
Going in to Mr. Summers for some private instructions, I found his desk
covered with votive offerings, as though it had been the shrine of some
deity to be propitiated. There were large winter apples; hard winter
pears; bunches of chrysanthemum; bags of chestnuts, and even popped
corn; but the parcel that received the most honorable treatment was a
paper of black-walnut kernels, carefully arranged and presented by a
little, mild-eyed lame girl. I made a note of that.
With the dignity of a professor, Mr. Summers solved my difficulties;
while I meekly listened, and wondered if this could be the half-boyish
individual who had lifted me from the cars. He did not look over
twenty-three, though, and, if not strictly handsome, had had a very
narrow escape of it. His hair had a way of getting into his eyes, and he
had a way of tossing it back as horses toss their manes; and this motion
invariably brings up a train of associations connected with Mr. Summers.
The day's session was over, and the pupils had departed. I thought that
Mr. Summers had departed also; and, nervous and wearied out with the
unwonted strain upon my patience and equanimity, I applied myself
dejectedly to the fascinating columns of 'Davies' Arithmetic,' for
unless I speedily added to my small stock of knowledge, a mortifying
_exposé_ would be the inevitable consequence. Why, thought I, with all
the ills that man is naturally heir to, must some restless genius invent
figures? The people in those examples have such an insane way of
transacting business, I could make nothing of them; my answers never
agreed with the key, but I fully agreed with the poor man who said so
despairingly, 'Wat wi' faeth, and wat wi' the earth goin' round the sun,
and wat wi' the railways all a whuzzin' and a buzzin', I'm clean
muddled, confoozled, and bet!' and flinging the book out of sight, I
gave myself up to the luxury of a good cry.
I had not been enjoying myself long, though, before I was interrupted;
and as the crying was not intended for effect, the interruption was an
unpleasant one. Of course, I had to answer that original question, 'What
is the matter?' but instead of replying, after the most approved fashion
in such cases, 'Nothing,' I went directly to the fountain head, and
said, abruptly, 'Davies' Arithmetic.'
Mr. Summers quietly picked up the book, and I saw that he understood the
matter at once--for the dimples in his cheeks deepened perceptibly, and
beneath the dark mustache there was a gleam of white teeth. My face grew
hot as I noted these signs, and I exclaimed desperately:
'Mr. Summers, I should like, if you please, to resign my situation. I am
aware that I must seem to you like an impostor, for I cannot do anything
at all with figures; and I thought'--
Here I broke down, and cried again, and Mr. Summers finished the
sentence by saying:
'You thought that you would not be called upon to teach arithmetic? A
very natural conclusion, and there is no reason why you should. I prefer
taking charge of these classes myself--but no one can supply your place
in French and music.'
'A sugar plum for the baby,' thought I, and kept silence.
'I think, though,' continued my mentor, 'that anything as dry and
practical as figures is a very good exercise for an imaginative turn of
mind, by supplying a sort of balancing principle; and, if you would like
to improve yourself in this branch, I should take great pleasure in
assisting you.'
Very kindly done, certainly, and I accepted the offer with eagerness. I
was to rest that evening, he said--I had had enough for one day; but it
was understood that on other evenings generally he was to come to Mr.
Bull's and instruct his assistant teacher in the A B C of mathematics. I
could not help thinking that few employers would have taken this
trouble.
Mr. Bull appeared to be of no earthly use in the household except to go
to the door, which, in Peppersville, was not an onerous duty; and had I
not so frequently seen the same thing, I should have wondered what Mrs.
Bull ever married him for. From frequent references to the time 'when
Mr. Bull was in the store,' I came to the conclusion that he had once
dealt in the heterogeneous collection of articles usually found in such
places. I was not informed whether Mr. Bull had 'given up the store,' or
whether 'the store' had given up Mr. Bull; but I was disposed to
entertain the latter idea.
There was no servant in the establishment except an old Indian woman,
who amused herself by preparing vegetables and washing dishes in the
kitchen--not being at all active, in consequence of having lost part of
her feet from indulging in a fancy for a couch of snow on one of the
coldest nights of the preceding winter, when, to use a charitable
phrase, 'she was not quite herself.' I believe that, even after this
melancholy warning, that eccentric person was frequently somebody else.
'However,' as Mrs. Bull said, 'she didn't disturb any one'--and although
I could not exactly see the force of this reasoning, I treated it with
respectful silence for Mrs. Bull's sake.
Miss Friggs, who was 'quite one of the family,' and had lived in it so
long that I believe she almost persuaded herself that she had been born
in it, 'did' her own room--which was perfectly appalling with its
fearful neatness. There was not a thread on the carpet, nor a particle
of dust in the corners; and the bed, when made up, was as accurately
proportioned as though it had all been scientifically measured off. I
have caught glimpses of Miss Friggs going about this business with her
head carefully tied up, as though it might burst with the immensity of
her ideas on the subject; and when she had finished, you might have
eaten off the floor--that is, if you preferred it to a table. This was
her one occupation in life, and she did it thoroughly; but it seemed
too sad to have so few occupations that any could be accomplished in so
faultless a manner.
Fired with honest but misguided zeal, I one morning entered the lists
against Miss Friggs in a vain attempt to make my own bed; but those
horrid feathers acted like the things in the Philosopher's Scales, for
when some were up, others were down; neither north nor south, east nor
west would agree to terms of equality, and it was impossible to bring
them to any sort of compromise.
I related my experience to Mrs. Bull; and when I assured her that I had
crawled all over the bed in the vain attempt to bring some order out of
chaos, she was more amused, in her quiet way, than I had ever known her
to be. She desired me, however, to leave the room, to her in future, as
she enjoyed it, and I could not be expected to do everything. I did not
interfere with her measures again.
A lesson had been given me to look over; and on Mr. Summers's first
visit to me, in Mrs. Bull's parlor, I felt as if he had been a dentist
with evil designs on my largest grinder. He was as cool as though he had
been fifty and I five, and behaved himself generally as though it were a
very common thing for youthful principals to give private lessons to
their young lady-teachers.
Mr. Bull had made a fire, which was another talent that I discovered in
him; and Mrs. Bull had given the room as much of a look of comfort as a
room can have that is very seldom used. The good woman had even placed a
dish of apples and doughnuts on a table in the corner--which, she said,
were always on hand when Mr. Bull was paying his addresses to her; but
the family did not appear to put any such construction on Mr. Summer's
visits to me. I had told them that we had a great deal of school
business in common; and they seemed to think it quite natural that we
should have.
And to business Mr. Summers proceeded immediately on his arrival,
throwing me into a state of complete confusion by asking me questions
not definitely set down in the book, and calmly allowing me to blunder
through to something like an end without the least interruption or
assistance. I, whose childhood had for some time been made miserable by
the question of a sharp schoolmate, 'Which is the heaviest--a pound of
lead or a pound of feathers?' and her calm persistence that they were
both alike, in spite of my passionate denial in favor of lead, was not
likely to distinguish myself at these sittings; and whatever I had
hitherto admired in Mr. Summers was now eclipsed by my appreciation of
his extraordinary patience.
'You must think me a perfect fool!' I exclaimed, unguardedly.
'No,' replied my imperturbable companion, 'I consider you a very fair
average.'
I bit my lip in anger at myself, and turned assiduously to my slate and
pencil.
'You will take that for next time,' said my preceptor, rising at the end
of an hour, and calling my attention to a portion that he had marked in
pencil, 'when I shall be more particular about your recitations. Good
evening.'
'Very romantic,' thought I, as I walked rather discontentedly into the
sitting room, and I wondered what sort of stuff Mr. Summers was made of.
I began to be afraid that I might be piqued into flirting with him.
He seemed to have the talent, though, of winning golden opinions from
all sorts of people. Mr. Bull pronounced him 'a cute chap,' and 'real
clever, too,' for he did not consider the terms synonymous. Mrs. Bull
said that he was just the right person in the right place; and Miss
Friggs declared that he was 'a young man among a thousand.' Not at
Peppersville, certainly, for there were but five others in the place;
but, to use the phraseology most in vogue there, they could not hold a
candle to him.
That quiet, overgrown girl, with her faultless recitations and steady
pursuance of one idea, interested me exceedingly, and I determined to
find out her history. I spoke of her to Mr. Summers, and he replied:
'Oh, yes; Helen Legram is quite an original. 'Born of poor, but
respectable parents,' I have little doubt that she will turn out like
the heroes of all biographies that commence in a similar manner. Her
father is a very plain farmer, living somewhere among the mountains,
with a large family to provide for; and Helen, in consequence, has
hitherto enjoyed no advantages in the way of education beyond those
obtained from an occasional quarter at the district school. In the
intervals she had to wash, bake, mend, and make, with untiring industry,
with short snatches of reading, her only indulgence; until, last summer,
a relative, well to do in the world, spent some months at the mountain
farm, and presented Helen with the means of obtaining her heart's
desire--a thorough education. To that end she is now assiduously
devoting herself in the spirit of Milton, who 'cared not how late he
came into life, only that he came fit.' Helen Legram is a plain,
unformed country girl; but she has those three handmaids of talent who
so frequently eclipse their mistress: industry, patience, and
perseverance; and I prophesy that not only will she succeed in her
present undertaking, but win for herself a name among the Hannah Mores
and Corinnes of posterity. What a wife such a woman would make!'
I wondered if he was engaged to her? They were about the same age, and
being entirely opposite in every respect, it was quite natural that they
should fall in love with each other.
I had some trouble with my tall pupil in French, as she had not quite
the Parisian accent, and at her time of life it was not easy to acquire
it. She persevered, though, with unparalleled firmness; and as she
wished to study Latin, I was obliged to learn it myself, from Mr.
Summers. I pitied that man when I began to stumble through the
declensions. Virgil would have torn his hair in frenzy at such rendering
of his lines, and I should have been very sorry to encounter him alone.
There we sat, hour after hour, in Mrs. Bull's parlor, scarcely a word
passing between us except on the subject of Latin or arithmetic. Mr.
Summers was an excellent teacher; and it was worth my sojourn in
Peppersville to learn what I did.
One evening, however, we were rather more sociable; and in answer to
some remark of mine, Mr. Summers asked me where I supposed he was born!
Beginning with Maine, I went regularly through the Eastern States, with
a strong desire to leave him in Massachusetts; but, very much to my
surprise, he denied them all.
'New York, then, or New Jersey,' I persisted.
Mr. Summers only smiled; and then I tried the Hoosier States, where they
are 'half horse and half alligator;' his figure was somewhat in the
backwoodsman style. But none of these would do.
'Then,' said I, out of all patience, 'you could not have been born
anywhere. I give it up.'
'Well,' was the reply, 'I think you might as well, for you would never
guess.'
And here the matter ended. But frequently afterward did I find myself
wondering what portion of the globe Mr. Summers could claim as his own,
his native land; for I had come to the conclusion that he might not be
an American at all.
Skating season arrived; and all Peppersville took to the lake like a
colony of ducks. It was splendidly exhilarating, and my crotchet needle
had for some time previous been flying through tangled mazes of crimson
worsted, to the great admiration of the household, in the manufacture of
a skating cap.
I must have been built expressly for going on ice, for it seemed like my
native element. Those beautiful moonlight nights, with the cold blue sky
above and the glittering crystal beneath, were like glimpses of
fairyland. Mr. Summers taught me how to skate, for which I was
sufficiently grateful; but I had no idea of being handed over to him
exclusively for the benefit of Peppersville, so I seized upon 'big
boys,' or staid, married men, or anything that came handy in the way of
support, until I was sufficiently experienced to go alone.
Helen Legram did not skate. Nothing could induce her to venture; and
probably, while we were cultivating our heels on the ice, she was
cultivating her head in milder latitudes. I thought, _then_, that she
was to be pitied; but, two weeks later, I would have given all that I
possessed to have followed her example in the beginning.
It was intensely cold that night, and somehow my skates were very
troublesome. Mr. Summers bent down to arrange them, and I declined
making use of his shoulder as a support. I never knew how I did it, but
ice is slippery; I performed an extraordinary slide--kicked Mr. Summers
directly in the mouth, thereby knocking out one of his front teeth, as
though I had been a vicious horse--and went backward into the arms of
the oldest male pupil of the Peppersville Academy, while my unfortunate
victim, knocked into a state of insensibility, fell prostrate on the
ice.
A crowd gathered, of course, and raised their venerable preceptor, and
brought him to his senses, while I was congratulated on my escape. I
looked upon this as the most awkward predicament I had ever been placed
in, and was completely nonplussed as to the course of action to be
pursued under the circumstances. Had I been in love with Mr. Summers, or
he with me, the case would have been different; as it was, I would have
given much to have changed places with him. He declared, however, that
it was nothing, laughed about the accident, and said that one tooth more
or less made very little difference. Had he been a woman, he never would
have forgiven me.
The next morning, Mr. Summers was not at school, and Helen Legram took
his place. They boarded in the same house; and from her I learned that
his mouth was so much swollen he could scarcely speak. It was very
disagreeable, certainly; but, having weighed the matter all the morning,
I came to the conclusion by afternoon, that it was decidedly my duty to
go and see after Mr. Summers.
I found him in the parlor, considerably disfigured; and Helen Legram was
making him some pap--that being the only style of sustenance upon which
he could venture. His mouth was very sore, for the sharp runner of a
skate is rather a formidable weapon; but he laughed with his eyes when I
presented myself, and seemed to enjoy my embarrassment.
'I do not see how it happened,' said I, very much annoyed.
'All that I know of the case,' replied Mr. Summers, quite as though it
had been somebody else's case, 'is that, while engaged in the discharge
of my duty, a cloud of dimity suddenly floated before my eyes--a
stunning shock ensued--I saw stars--and then exit into the region of
know-nothingdom.'
Rather awkwardly, I suppose, I offered myself as head nurse, having been
the cause of the mischief; but Mr. Summers, with many thanks for the
offer, did not think there would be any necessity for availing himself
of it. I felt very sorry for him, and quite as sorry for myself.
In a few days the principal returned to his school duties. He possessed
a remarkable degree of reticence; and, owing to this blessed quality,
no one but ourselves and Helen Legram ever knew of my share in that
unfortunate accident. I felt rather guilty whenever allusion was made to
it by some well-meaning person; but I noticed that Mr. Summers always
turned the conversation as soon as possible. We were on more social
terms after that disaster; and somehow the evenings spent over Latin and
arithmetic became less practical, and decidedly more interesting. Mr.
Summers, however, was very cautious, and so was I. He never seemed to be
swayed by impulse; and I should have nipped anything like tenderness in
the bud.
One evening, however, I was considerably astonished at him, and not a
little indignant. The 'faculty' of the Peppersville Academy were invited
to a small party at the house of one of its wealthiest patrons, who
lived some miles out of town.
They sent a covered wagon for us, and a 'boy,' that indispensable
article in the country, to drive us.
The boy seemed to drive with his eyes shut; suddenly, there was a
terrific jolt, and I screamed and clung to Mr. Summers for protection.
Under the circumstances this was unavoidable; but, as he seemed disposed
to retain my hand, I tried to disengage it.
It was held in a firm grasp; and I said, in a tone that could not be
mistaken: 'Mr. Summers!'
My hand was immediately released; and neither of us spoke another word
during the drive.
I did not enjoy that party. I was angry at Mr. Summers, and I let him
see it; but I had no patience with any other man in the room. In driving
back, Mr. Summers 'thought that he would sit outside, to get a little
fresh air,'--which, as the thermometer stood at twenty, must have been
exhilarating. I was handed out in silence, and went to bed in as bad a
humor as that in which many a belle comes from the ball room.
There was a coolness between us for several days, which gradually thawed
into a more genial state of things, but it did not seem to me that it
ever became quite as it was before.
All winter there were rumblings deep and continual in the political
sky--sometimes the sun broke out, and people said that it was going to
clear; but usually the weathercocks predicted a long, southerly storm. I
never saw a man so full of prophecy as Mr. Bull. One would have supposed
that every hour brought him telegraphic despatches both from the real
and the spurious Congress; and that President Lincoln and Jeff. Davis
were both convinced of their utter inability to take any steps without
the cognizance and approval of Mr. Bull.
Mrs. Bull said mildly that 'she hoped it would blow over;' but Mr. Bull
exclaimed indignantly that 'he didn't want it to blow over--he wanted it
to blow out and done with it, if it was goin' to, and not keep a
threatenin' all to no purpose. It was high time that things was settled,
and people knew what was what. If we was goin' to hev a rumpus, he hoped
we'd _hev_ it.'
If the old man had not been really good-natured and inoffensive, I
should have taken him in hand; but these disconnected remarks appeared
to give him so much pleasure that it would have been cruel to deprive
him of it.
Helen Legram had a reverential way of speaking of Mr. Summers that
provoked me; but she told me one day, when I laughed at this, that no
one who knew his life could do otherwise. And how did _she_ 'know his
life'? He had never disclosed it to _me_--and I could not see what there
was in Helen Legram to entitle her to this confidence. They certainly
were engaged--everything went to prove it; and, if I had been at all in
love with Mr. Summers, I should have classed the feeling that pervaded
me under the head of jealousy.
Mr. Bull 'guessed that Mr. Summers and that tall gal were goin' to make
a match of it;' and, when I assented to the proposition, he added that
'she didn't _pretty_ much, but he kalkilated she'd make a good, stirrin'
wife for a young man who had his livin' to get. Should hev kind o'
thought,' continued Mr. Bull, who seemed to love the subject, 'that he'd
hev fancied _you_; but there's no accountin' for tastes.'
I glided out of the room unperceived, and the old gentleman probably
talked confidentially to the four walls for some time afterward.
* * * * *
Sumter had fallen; and the whole school broke out in badges.
Peppersville was on fire, and burning, of course, in red, white, and
blue flames. No one bought a dress even that had not the loyal colors
displayed _somewhere_ in it; and a man who did not wear a cockade was
rather looked askance upon.
Mr. Bull was in his element, and spent his time principally in going to
the post office in search of news, and asking everybody's political
shibboleth. The subject was discussed at every meal. Mr. Bull thought
that half the members of Congress ought to have been hung long ago. Miss
Friggs, who sometimes attempted the poetical, said that it made her
heart bleed to think of the glorious figure of Liberty wandering
desolate and forsaken, with her costly robe of stars and stripes
trailing in the dust; and Mrs. Bull, who was one of the wisest women I
ever knew, prudently said nothing on a subject which she did not quite
understand.
The militia of Peppersville began to turn out in rusty regimentals, and
cut up queer antics in the street; and Mr. Summers, who appeared to have
a talent for everything, took them in hand to drill.
'Do you understand military tactics?' I inquired in surprise.
'Somewhat,' was the reply. He had been captain of a company of boy
soldiers; and, now that I came to think of it, there was something
decidedly military in his bearing.
'If I were only a _man!_' I exclaimed, discontentedly, 'I would be off
to the war and distinguish myself; but a woman is good for nothing but
to be insignificant.'
'The works of a watch are 'insignificant,' in one sense,' observed my
companion; 'but what would the watch he without them?'
'I do not see any application in this case,' I replied, indifferently.
'A woman,' said he, bending down to adjust some papers, 'is often the
Miriam and Aaron of some Moses whose hands need holding up. Many a
bullet that finds the heart of an enemy is sent, not by the hand that
pulls the trigger, but by a softer hand miles away. Something, or rather
some _one_, to work for, is an incentive to great deeds.'
Mr. Summers's face was flushed; and he looked suddenly up when he had
done speaking.
I withdrew my eyes in confusion, and, with the careless remark, 'Mrs.
Partington would tell you that you were speaking paregorically,' I left
a place that was getting entirely too hot to hold me.
A few days after, Mr. Summers started for the seat of war, with the
commission of first lieutenant, and Helen Legram became principal of the
Peppersville Academy. I think that bright spring days are disagreeable,
glaring things, when some one whom you like and have been accustomed to
see in certain places, is seen there no more; and the day that Mr.
Summers left, I was out of all patience with the April sunshine.
He had said no more: a friendly pressure of the hand from him, and a
sincerely expressed hope on my part that he would return unharmed--a
request from Mr. Bull to 'give it to 'em well'--a caution from Mrs. Bull
not to expose himself, if he could help it, to the night air--a
pincushion from Miss Friggs, because men never have conveniences-and he
was gone, with, no reasonable prospect of his return.
I said this to myself a great many times; but I also said that I did not
go to Peppersville to fall in love with the principal of the Academy.
Those everlasting recitations began to be unendurable; the walks about
Peppersville were totally uninteresting, and I did not know what to do
with myself. I cultivated Helen Legram; and, during the vacation, she
took me home with her to the farm.
It seemed like a new life, that three weeks' visit, and I enjoyed it
extremely. We went on expeditions up the mountains, and lived a sort of
vagrant life that was just what we both needed. The roar of cannon could
not reach us there; the sight of bleeding, dying men was far away; and
we almost forgot that the teeth of the children whom she had nourished
at her breast were tugging at the vitals of the Union.
One afternoon, amid the fragrant odor of pine trees, Helen Legram told
me the story of Mr. Summers's life.
He was born and educated in Florida, much to my astonishment, and had
entailed upon him the misery of a worthless, dissipated father. His
mother, after dragging out a saddened existence, sank into the grave
when her youngest boy was just entering upon the years of boyhood.
Finally, the elder Summers, who had always boasted of his patrician
blood, killed a man in a fit of mingled passion and intemperance, and
then cheated the gallows of its due by putting an end to his own life.
His property was quite exhausted; and the two sons who survived him
could only look upon his death as a release from continued mortification
and disgrace. An uncle's house was open to receive them; but, before
many years had elapsed, Arthur Summers, who was described as a miracle
of manly beauty, changed his name for that of a rich heiress who
bestowed herself and her lands upon him, and requested his brother to
follow his example in the matter of the name at once, and in the matter
of the heiress as soon as convenient.
Elihu Summers, however, persisted in retaining the name that his father
had disgraced; he said that he would redeem it, and declared that no
wife of his should furnish him with bread while his brain and hands were
in working order. His brother looked upon him as a harmless lunatic; but
Elihu was firm, and took up his abode at the North, as better calculated
to further his design. After a series of adventures he became principal
of the Peppersville Academy, with the view of ultimately studying a
profession; and there he had been for two years when I came in contact
with him.
I had been studying Helen Legram's face during this recital; and at its
conclusion I asked her if she was engaged to Mr. Summers.
'No, I am not engaged to him,' she replied, with a vivid blush; 'I have
good reason to suppose that he is attached to some one else.'
'Well,' thought I, as I noted the blush, 'if not engaged to him, you are
certainly in love with him;' and I felt sorry for her if it was not
returned.
I did not go back to Peppersville that summer--I had had enough of
school teaching; and I returned to the relatives with whom I had become
disgusted, on promises of better behavior from them for the future. They
were not _near_ relatives--I had none; and I had rebelled at being
tutored and watched like a child. Having fully asserted my independence,
I was treated with more respect; but, while they supposed that I was
nestling down in quiet content, I was busily casting about in my mind
the practicability of another venture.
I burned to do something for my country; I could not do as meek women
did, and sit down and sew for it; the monotonous motion of the needle,
which some people call so soothing, fairly distracted me; and, in spite
of the low diet of Latin and mathematics on which I had been kept all
winter, I entertained vague visions of myself, in cropped hair and army
blue, following the drum.
Just at this critical juncture, when common sense was spreading her
pinions for flight, I received a letter from a darling Mentor of a
friend, who was spending the golden sunshine of her life as her Saviour
spent His, in doing good; and she ordered me to the hospitals.
'You have youth and health,' she wrote; 'spend them in the service of
your country. Many a brave soldier lies stiffening in his gore on the
bloody field of Manassas; many as brave are writhing in agony in the
hospitals that received the wounded of that disastrous day; go among
them with words of comfort, and smooth the pillow of those brave
defenders whose blood has been freely poured out to enable _you_ to
sleep in peace.'
I could wait no longer; in spite of protestation, I put my chattels in
order, and was off with a noble band of women, who were all bent on the
same errand.
I had heard nothing from Mr. Summers since his departure: he might have
been killed at Manassas, or have fallen, side by side with the noble
Winthrop, at Big Bethel, or have perished, as the lamented Ellsworth
perished, by the hand of the assassin. I never expected to behold him
again in _this_ world; and I began to think that I had not appreciated
him.
* * * * *
I cannot describe my life as hospital nurse: it was just passing from
one scene of suffering to another; and I had not realized that there
_could_ be so much misery in this bright, beautiful world. At first I
used to tremble and faint; but finally the intense desire to _do_
something for these poor, mutilated wrecks of humanity conquered the
weakness; and I even wondered at my own self-control.
There were pleasant gleams, too, in this life, of utter
self-abandonment; blessings from fever-parched lips; grateful looks from
dying eyes; pleased attention to holy words; and, wrapping all like a
halo, the thought that I was working in very deed, ay, and battling,
too, for the glorious flag that floated over my head.
They were constantly bringing in fresh patients, and the sight roused no
curiosity; but one day, such a ghastly face was upturned to view, as
they placed the shattered body tenderly on a cot, that, involuntarily, I
bent closer.
'Awful things, those Minié wounds,' observed a young surgeon who stood
near me; and then, as he went on to describe how the horrible ball
revolves in the lacerated flesh, I suddenly caught a full view of the
features, over which the shadow of death seemed to have settled, and
fainted dead away.
It was a long time, I believe, before I regained my senses; but as soon
as I did, I went to work. Mr. Summers was stretched before me on that
cot, with a gaping wound in his shoulder, that had not been attended to
in proper time. He opened his eyes once, and smiled, as he seemed to
recognize me bending over him; but a fainting fit ensued, and then he
became delirious.
I could not bear to have any one else attend to him, and I watched him
faithfully day and night. That dreadful Minié wound seemed as if it
never would heal, and I think that the doctors scarcely expected him to
get up again. I almost felt as if I had been brought to the hospital for
this one purpose; and without his ever having told me in plain words
that he loved me--in spite of all my wise resolutions to the
contrary--during silent watches beside that couch of suffering, I became
convinced that I loved him with all the strength of which I was capable.
Yes, I who had nominally devoted myself to the service of my country,
had ignominiously closed my career by falling in love with the first
good-looking patient that had been brought into my ward!
If any stupid man, though (a woman would know better), supposes that I
informed Mr. Summers of this, either by word or look, in his first lucid
moment, he is entirely mistaken. On the contrary to punish myself for
this humiliating weakness, I was more severe than ever; and when the
patient became well enough to thank me for my kind attention, etc., I
told him, as coldly as I could, that it was no more than I would have
done for the commonest soldier--(which was not strict truth)--that my
labors were given to my country, and not to individuals--with much more
to the same purpose.
Mr. Summers sighed deeply, and turned over on his pillow; and he did not
imagine how I felt.
He said no more on the subject then; but, one evening, when he had been
moved from his bed to an easy chair, he spoke out like a man, and a
pretty determined one, too, in plain terms, and asked me if I would ever
marry him?
In just as plain terms I told him that I never would--I had resolved to
devote my life in this manner; and, with an expression of utter
hopelessness, he replied that he took back all his thanks for the
miserable life I had saved; he was weary of it, and would hasten to
throw it away on the next battle field.
This was very dreadful, of course; but that winter's practice had given
me quite a turn for arithmetic, and I fell to calculating how many
battles would probably transpire before that crippled shoulder would let
him take the field again.
'You will not get out under three months,' said I, confidently.
He looked at me for a moment; and then, bending closer, he whispered,
'You do not really mean it, Isabel?'
My face flushed uncomfortably at this address, but, making a last
struggle, I inquired carelessly, 'And why not, pray?'
'Because,' he replied, with a steady voice, 'you have too kind a heart
to consign to a disappointed life one who loves you so devotedly.'
I suppose I had; for, after that, he had the impudence to assure me that
I was engaged to him.
'Providence seems to smile upon us,' observed my convalescing patient,
the next morning; 'read this, Isabel.'
The formidable looking document was placed in my hand, and I learned
that Lieutenant Elihu Summers, for gallant conduct at the battle of Bull
Run, was promoted to the rank of colonel.
'Mrs. Colonel Summers,' said he, with the old mischief beaming in his
eye; 'isn't that tempting?'
I immediately punished him by reading an article that happened to be on
hand, which proved conclusively that army and navy officers were a
worthless, dissipated set. Nevertheless, it was a satisfaction to think
that my wish of entering the army was about to be gratified--although in
such an unexpected way.
I could never definitely ascertain whether Helen Legram loved Mr.
Summers or not; but I am under the impression that she did, and that she
will never marry. She makes a splendid principal for the Peppersville
Academy; and, when we have a house of our own, she will be the first
invited guest.
I am afraid that I have no 'mission.' I spoiled my school teaching by
falling in love with the principal, and my hospital nursing by becoming
infatuated with my most troublesome patient. I do not feel disposed,
therefore, to try another field.