SCENE--_Refreshment Saloon at a London Theatre. A three-play
bill forms the evening's entertainment. First Act over. Enter
BROWN, JONES, and ROBINSON._
_Brown_. Well, really a very pleasant little piece. Quite amusing.
Yes; I think I will have a cup of coffee or a glass of lemonade. Too
soon after dinner for anything stronger.
_Jones_. Yes, and really, after laughing so much, one gets a thirst
for what they call light refreshments. I will have some ginger-beer.
_Robinson_. Well, I think I will stick to iced-water. You know the
Americans are very fond of that. They always take it at meal-times,
and really after that capital _équivoque_ one feels quite satisfied.
(_They are served by the Bar Attendant._) That was really very funny,
where he hides behind the door when she is not looking.
[_Laughs at the recollection._
_Brown_. And when the uncle sits down upon the band-box and crushes
the canary-cage! [_Chuckles._
_Jones_. Most clever. But there goes the bell, and the Curtain will
be up directly. Rather clever, I am told. The _Rose of Rouen_--it
is founded on the life of _Joan of Arc_. I am rather fond of these
historical studies.
_Brown_. So am I. They are very interesting.
_Robinson_. Do you think so? Well, so far as I am concerned, I
prefer Melodrama. Judging from the title, _The Gory Hand_ should be
uncommonly good.
[_Exeunt into Theatre. After a pause they return to the
Refreshment Room._
_Brown_. Well, it is very clever; but I confess it beats me. (_To Bar
Attendant._) We will all take soda-water. No, thanks, quite neat, and
for these gentlemen too.
_Jones_. Well, I call it a most excellent psychological study.
However, wants a clear head to understand it. (_Sips his soda-water._)
I don't see how she can take the flag from the Bishop, and yet want to
marry the Englishman.
_Robinson_. Ah, but that was before the vision. If you think it over
carefully, you will see it was natural enough. Of course, you
must allow for the spirit of the period, and other surrounding
circumstances.
_Brown_. Are you going to stay for _The Gory Hand_?
_Jones_. Not I. I am tired of play-acting, and think we have had
enough of it.
_Robinson_. Well, I think I shall look in. I am rather fond of strong
scenes, and it should be good, to judge from the programme.
_Jones_. Well, we will "sit out." It's rather gruesome. Quite
different from the other plays.
_Robinson_. Well, I don't mind horrors--in fact, like them. There goes
the bell. So I am off. Wait until I come back.
_Brown_. That depends how long you are away. Ta, ta!
[_Exit ROBINSON._
_Jones_. Now, how a fellow can enjoy a piece like that, I cannot
understand. It is full of murders, from the rise to the fall of the
Curtain.
_Brown_. Yes--but ROBINSON likes that sort of thing. You will see
by-and-by how the plot will affect him. It is rather jumpy, especially
at the end, when the severed head tells the story of the murder to the
assistant executioner. I would not see it again on any account.
_Jones_. No--it sent my Maiden Aunt in hysterics. However, it has the
merit of being short. (_Applause._) Ah, there it's over! Let's see
how ROBINSON likes it. That _tableau_ at the end, of the
starving-coastguardsman expiring under the rack, is perfectly awful!
(_Enter ROBINSON, staggering in._) Why, my boy, what's the matter?
_Brown_. You do look scared! Have something to drink? That will set it
all to-rights!
_Robinson_ (_with his eyes protruding from his head, from horror_).
Here, help! help! (_After a long shudder._) Brandy! Brandy I: Brandy!
[_At all the places at the bar there is a general demand for
alcohol._
_Brown_. Yes. IRVING was right; soda-water does very well for
SHAKSPEARE's histories, but when you come to a piece like _The Bells_,
you require supporting. [_Curtain and moral._
* * * * *
"IN A WINTER (COVENT) GARDEN."
That indefatigable Showman, Sir DRURIOLANUS, the Invincible Knight,
commenced his Winter Operatic Season on Monday, the Tenth, at Covent
Garden, so as to be well in advance of Signor LAGO, who may now boast
of having _La Donna_, Her Most Gracious MAJESTY, for his patron.
_Monday Night_.--The two RAVOGLIS in good form in the _Orféo._
Likewise the Player of the Big Drum made more than one big hit during
the evening. "_Che farò_" was re-demanded. "Tired of '_Faro_,'" quoth
Mr. WAGGSTAFF--"why not make it '_Whisto_,' or some other game?"
_Exit_ WAGGY. The _Intermezzo_ of _Cavalleria Rusticana_ of course
encored enthusiastically. "Signor CREMONNINI," quoth WAGG, returning,
"is not half the 'ninny' his name implies." And, indeed, from the
moment he was heard singing "in his ambush" (as the Irish boy in the
Gallery said of TOM HOHLER at the Dublin Theatre when he heard the
_Trovatore's_ voice behind the scenes) before the rise of the Curtain,
everyone said, "This is the tenner for our money."
[Illustration: OPERATIC TACTICS.
_Sir Druriolanus_. "I Say, Bevignani, I think we've got the right
pitch, eh?"]
_Tuesday_.--The namesake of our own GEORGE AUGUSTUS, Mlle. ROSITA
SALA, made a real hit as _Leonora_ in _Il Trovatore_. "Handsome is as
handsome does," and Mlle. SALA didn't act as "handsome" as she looked.
Another "ninny" played to-night, namely GIANNINNI, all right vocally,
but not much dramatically. "_Il Balen_" was encored when sung by a
manly baritone with the feminine name of ANNA; i.e., Signor DE ANNA.
He might advantageously alter DE-ANNA to APOLLO, that is if he could
be sure of looking the part.
_Wednesday_.--_Lohengrin_. MELBA as _Elsa_. WAGGSTAFF tried to make
his usual pun on the name of _Ortruda_, but was "countered" by Young
JUMPER who protested that he had heard it before and never wanted to
hear it again. "I know what you're going to say," he exclaimed; "it's
something about '_aught ruder_!' I know!" "I've no doubt you do,"
returned the defrauded WAGGY, sarcastically, "for you're uncommonly
like _Othello_, 'Rude am I in speech'--only," added WAGGSTAFF, "_he_
apologised for it." Young JUMPER sniggered, his friends laughed, and
the incident terminated. The Chorus seemed to have become Wandering
Minstrels, so very uncertain were they.
Altogether, Sir DRURIOLANUS OPERATICUS, with his successful Drury Lane
Race-course, his Provincial Theatre, his Italian Opera, his Paper (not
_in_ the House, but his weekly one out of it), his Music-of-the-Future
Hall, for which a temporary and limited licence has been granted,
will--in a general-dealer kind of way--be having a good time of it
till Pantomime Season slaps him on the back with a cheery "Here we are
again!" and then he will have another and a better time. No doubt of
Sir Gus's success, or in abbreviated proverbial Latin, "_De Gus. non
disputandum_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE HEIGHT OF EXCLUSIVENESS.
_Miss Prunes._ "AH, DOCTOR, THESE HIGH SCHOOLS ARE SADLY MIXED! BUT,
UNDER _MY_ CARE, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR LITTLE WARD WILL ASSOCIATE
WITH DAUGHTERS OF _GENTLEMEN ONLY_!"
_The Doctor._ "THAT, MADAM, IS TO BE SELECT INDEED; SINCE I BELIEVE
PALLAS ATHENE ALONE FULFILLED SUCH A CONDITION."
(For pedigree of Pallas Athene vide Classical Dictionary--Art.
"Minerva.")]
* * * * *