Count TISZA has declared his intention of going to the Front for the
duration of the War. He denies, however, that he caught the idea from
Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL.
***
The Germans announced that Chérisy was impregnable. In view of the
fact that the place has since been captured by the British it is felt
that Sir DOUGLAS HAIG could not have read the German announcement.
***
Owners of babies are asked to hang out flags from their houses during
the forthcoming Baby Week at Croydon. Parents who have only a little
Bunting should hang that out instead.
***
A parrot owned by a lady at Ipswich is said to make "poll scratchers"
for herself out of small pieces of soft wood. In justice to the bird
it must be stated that she has frequently expressed a desire to be
allowed to do war-work, but has been discouraged.
***
A Battersea fitter has been committed for trial for breaking into a
Kingston jeweller's and stealing goods worth £2,350. There is really
no excuse for this sort of thing, as the public have been repeatedly
asked by the Government not to go in for expensive jewellery.
***
An Eastbourne coal merchant told the tribunal that a substitute sent
to him was "too dirty to cart coals." The department has apologised
for the mistake and explained that it was thought the man was required
to deliver milk.
***
According to the _Berliner Tageblatt_, twenty-nine houses in Oberreuth
have been burned down and a villager aged ninety-seven years has been
arrested. The veteran, it appears, puts down his sudden crime to the
baneful influence of the cinema.
***
One of the latest Army Orders permits the wearing of leather buttons
in place of brass. Our readers should not be too ready to assume that
this will have any effect on the existing meat-pie shortage.
***
Recently published statistics of the Zoological Gardens show a marked
decrease of mortality among the inmates since they were placed on
rations. A nasty rumour is also laid to rest by the declaration that
the notices which deal with "Enquiries for Lost Children" and are
prominently displayed in the Gardens were actually in vogue before the
rationing system was introduced.
***
Paper is one of the principal foods of "Chips," the pet goat of
Summer-down Camp. In view of the increasing value of this commodity
an attempt is to be made to encourage the animal to accept caviare
instead.
***
"Quite good results in the sterilisation of polluted drinking water,"
says _The British Medical Journal_, "have been obtained by the use
of sulphondichloraminobenzoic." It appears that you just mention this
name to the germs (stopping for lunch in the middle) and the little
beggars are scared to death.
***
In a recent message to General LUDENDORFF, the KAISER refers to the
German defence as being "mainly in your hands." And only last April
they were professing to find it in HINDENBURG'S feet.
***
It is not yet compulsory under the new Order, but as a precaution
it is advisable for the owner of a cheese to have his full name and
address written on the collar.
***
The gentleman who advertised last week in a contemporary the loss
of two pet dogs will be greatly interested in a little book just
published, entitled _How to Keep Dogs_.
***
"It is the most extraordinary case I ever heard of," said the Chairman
of the Middlesex Appeal Tribunal, in the case of a one-eyed man passed
for general service. The case is not unique, however, for a one-eyed
man named NELSON is recorded as having seen some general service in
the early part of the nineteenth century.
***
Brazil has entered the War and Germany is now able to shoot in almost
any direction without any appreciable risk of hitting a friend.
***
A five-months-old boy having been called up at Hull, the mother took
the baby to the recruiting office, where we are told the military were
satisfied that a mistake had been made.
***
The author of an article in _The Daily Mail_ stated recently that nine
readers of that paper had sent him poems. This of course is only to be
expected of a newspaper which advocates reprisals.
***
According to the _Vossische Zeitung_ washing soap is unobtainable
in Berlin. Even eating soap, it is rumoured, can be obtained only at
prohibitive prices.
***
Before the Law Society Tribunal, Mr. JACOB EPSTEIN, the sculptor,
was stated to have passed the medical test. On the other hand Mr.
EPSTEIN'S Venus is still regarded as medically unfit.
***
A Devon lady who has just celebrated her one hundredth birthday
declares that to drink plenty of water daily is the secret of good
health. This is a great triumph for the milk trade.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Curate_ (_to old parishioner troubled with insomnia_).
"HAVE YOU TRIED COUNTING SHEEP JUMPING OVER A STILE?"
_Old Lady_. "AH, THAT'S WORSE THAN USELESS, SIR. IT SETS ME WORRYIN'
ABOUT THEM BUTCHERS WITH THEIR ONE-AND-TEN-PENCE A POUND FOR MUTTON."]
* * * * *