(_Enter PASHA and the Sultan of TURKEY._)
_The Sultan._ Then you want me to press the GERMAN KAISER to come to
Constantinople and pay me a visit. Is that it?
_Enver._ Yes, your Majesty, that is about it. It would produce a splendid
effect on the populace and would electrify the soldiers.
_The Sultan._ But I've already told you that I cordially dislike this
KAISER of yours. Wherever he goes he turns everything upside down, and
there's not a moment's peace or repose for anybody. He must have reviews of
troops morning, noon and night, and it's all quite useless, for our
Generals tell me that he doesn't really understand anything about soldiers
and their movements. You know they've had to keep him away from the
fighting, both in France and Russia, because he would insist on giving the
most absurd orders, and when things didn't go right immediately he always
broke out into shouting and cursing, and praying and crying until his Staff
felt so ashamed of him and themselves that they didn't know which way to
look. There's never any knowing what a man like that will do. He's as
likely as not to want to preach a sermon in St. Sophia, or to ride his
horse up the steps of the Palace.
_Enver._ These are certainly faults, but they are the faults of an
enthusiastic nature.
_The Sultan._ Well, I don't like that kind of enthusiastic nature. I prefer
something quieter. Besides, I am told that his behaviour in the house and
his table-manners are dreadful. He's quite capable, if he doesn't like a
dish, of throwing it at the attendants. Then he gets so angry when people
don't agree with him; the least contradiction makes him purple, absolutely
purple, with passion. My dear ENVER, you would have to pretend you knew
nothing about Turkey when you talked with him--at any rate nothing in
comparison with his knowledge--and I'm sure you wouldn't like that; nobody
would. No, I can't say the prospect of having him here as my guest allures
me, but of course, if you say it _must_ be done, I'm ready to sacrifice
myself. Only I warn you it will spoil everything for me to have him here
prancing about in a Turkish uniform.
_Enver._ I didn't know your Majesty's feelings were so strong on the
subject. Perhaps it will not, after all, be necessary. I will see what can
be done.
_The Sultan._ Yes, do, there's a good fellow. If I had to entertain that
man for a week I should suffer from indigestion for the rest of my life.
_Enver._ If possible we will see that your Majesty is spared such an
affliction. With your Majesty's leave I will now withdraw.
_The Sultan._ Do by all means. No--stop; you haven't given me any of the
War news. I keep on asking for it, but nobody pays any attention to my
requests. Honestly, I don't see much use in being a Sultan if one can't get
anyone to do what one asks.
_Enver._ Oh, you want to hear some War news, do you? Well, I may as well
tell you now as later. Baghdad's gone.
_The Sultan._ What--captured?
_Enver._ Yes, the infernal English have got it.
_The Sultan._ I knew it was bound to happen. I told you so only last
Tuesday--at least, if it wasn't you it was somebody else. "Baghdad," I
said, "is sure to be captured. The English are in great force, and if we
don't watch it carefully they're sure to snatch it from us." That's what I
said; but you wouldn't have it. You were all so cock-sure, and now where
are you?
_Enver._ Who can fight against treachery?
_The Sultan._ Treachery? It's simply stupidity and incompetence. You and
your KAISER keep patting one another on the back, and then one fine morning
you wake up and discover that Baghdad has fallen. ENVER, you'll find it
rather difficult to explain this to the people. They know my advice hasn't
counted for anything in this; they'll put it all down to you; and you can't
murder them all, as you murdered poor old NAZIM.
_Enver._ Silence, or--
_The Sultan._ Yes, I know, but I will not keep silence. Rather, I will ask
again, why have you sent my best regiments to help the Austrians and
Germans on their own fronts? Even I could have managed better than that.
And why are we fighting in this War at all? Answer me that.
_Enver._ We fight for the greatness of Turkey.
_The Sultan._ Well, we don't seem very successful. It was a good deal
bigger before we lost Erzerum and Baghdad...
(_Left wrangling._)
* * * * *
Conscience-Money?
"The Commissioners of Inland Revenue acknowledge the receipt of first
half of £100 note from 'Berlin.'"--_Daily Paper._
* * * * *
"Half-a-dozen deer escaped from Hatfield Park some weeks ago through a
gate having been carelessly left open. A wholesale clearance of
vegetables followed in the district, and the damage was so serious
that, with the Marquis of Salisbury's approval, shooting parties of
farmers went out, and the raiders have now been run to
earth."--_Manchester Paper._
It looks as if they were only rabbits, after all.
* * * * *