MY EQUIPMENT
FATHER was away nearly a week, for he could not leave Aunt Patty until
after the funeral.
Meanwhile the day on which I had expected to go up for my examination
arrived and found me in a most dismal and unhappy frame of mind. My
health as yet showed no signs of improvement, and I could not face my
misfortune philosophically. Having no longer any stimulus to exertion,
I sank into a state of apathy and became a mere bundle of irritated
nerves. Mother would not let me stay in bed; but it was torture to
me to join the family circle. The children's high voices and Fred's
tiresome ways almost drove me distracted. They thought me a dreadful
fidget, and even Olive, I believe, would have liked to scold me; but
mother seemed to understand. She had more patience with me than I had
with myself, for though I really could hardly help getting cross or
crying at the least thing, I was dreadfully vexed to be such a baby.
When mother saw how weak I was, she had a fire lighted early in the day
in my own room, so that I could keep away from the others as much as I
liked, with the result that I spent the greater part of each day there.
Yet I fretted at the thought that I was thus adding to the household
expenses and proving but a care to mother. The weather was very bad
at this time, so no one urged me to the unwelcome exertion of taking
a walk. Perhaps I should have been better if I had gone out; but I
fancied I could not walk even so far as the Common.
It was late in the afternoon, and I was sitting alone by the fire in
my bedroom, when I became aware from the bustle below that father had
come home. I had been crying a good deal that day and felt that a very
little would upset me again, so, though I longed to see father and to
hear for myself what he had to say, I could not persuade myself to go
downstairs. But father had not been many minutes in the house ere he
found his way to my room. Tears sprang to my eyes as he kissed me and
asked how I was in his grave, kindly fashion. I said as little about
myself as I could, for there was nothing pleasant to say.
"How is Aunt Patty?" was my first question.
"Oh, she is bearing up bravely," he said; "but it was a terrible shock
for her. Your uncle's end came so unexpectedly. The gout attacked his
heart and he was gone in half-an-hour."
"Oh, poor auntie! How dreadful for her!" I replied.
"Ay; I did not like leaving her this morning. I fear she grieved sorely
when I was gone. I wanted her to come with me and stay here awhile; but
she said the going back to a desolate home would be too painful."
"I wish she had come," I said with all sincerity, for Aunt Patty was
one whose presence I knew would not jar on my weakened nerves, and,
besides, I was truly sorry for her. But my father's next words startled
me considerably.
"I had a little talk with your aunt about the future yesterday, Nan,
and she seems disposed to follow your advice."
"My advice, father?" I repeated in amazement. "I have never given her
any advice."
"Have you forgotten what you said about her taking paying guests?" he
asked.
"Oh, just that word!" I exclaimed. "Does she really think of doing so?"
"She does indeed, for she is very loath to leave 'Gay Bowers,' and
that seems the only way in which she can remain there," said my
father. "I doubt myself if many persons would care to visit such an
out-of-the-world place; but she says a fair number of artists go to
Greentree every summer, and she thinks she might make a connection.
In that case she would sell or let a good part of her land, and would
probably find it easy to do so, since Squire Canfield has long set
covetous eyes on the meadows that adjoin his park. In short, Nan, she
is inclined to make the experiment, if you will help her."
"I, father? How can I help her?" I said.
"By going to 'Gay Bowers,' of course," he replied, "and becoming her
assistant in the enterprise."
"But I-Oh, father, it is impossible!" I cried. "I am not that sort of
girl at all. I could not help her. Olive would be the one."
"Olive will not be the one," said my father emphatically. "Your mother
could not spare her, and no doctor has ordered her off to the country.
You must be the one to go, my dear Nan. It is the very thing for you."
"Oh, how can you say so?" I protested. "I am not a bit domesticated. I
can't cook, and I am not fond of sewing."
"Then it is quite time you learned how to cook and look after a house,"
was my father's dictum. "You could not have a better teacher than
your Aunt Patty. Did not Dr. Algar say you were to have some light
employment that would occupy your thoughts without taxing your brain?
Here it is, then. You will not be always hard at work. Your aunt will
need some one to amuse her guests, to take them for walks, teach them
to play croquet, and the like."
"But that is worse still!" I cried in dismay. "You don't know how
stupid I am in company. Olive is the one to make herself agreeable to
strangers, not I. I can never think of anything to say, unless it is
the wrong thing. I am clever at saying that."
"Then you really must begin to acquire the art of being agreeable,"
said my father with a laugh. "It's all right, Nan, I have promised your
aunt you shall go to her as soon as your mother thinks you are fit for
the journey."
When father spoke in that tone I knew it was of no use to protest. He
went away, leaving me to ponder this wholly unexpected solution of the
problem of the future. The more I thought of it the less I liked it. I
was a bookish girl, somewhat dull and absent-minded in general society,
and inclined to despise people whose tastes were not intellectual. But,
since books were now forbidden me, and country air was what I needed,
I really had no excuse for objecting to the arrangement father had
made. Mother and Olive were just as sure as he that it was the very
thing for me. And when a sweet letter came from Aunt Patty, saying how
sorry she was to learn from father of my ill-health, and consequent
disappointment, and what a comfort it would be to her, if I would make
"Gay Bowers" my home for twelve months, I felt bound to go.
A girl can seldom go anywhere without the subject of clothes demanding
consideration. It did not seem that I should require an extensive
wardrobe in such a quiet country house; but, while she declared she
could not afford to put all her girls into black, mother feared that my
aunt might be hurt if I did not make my appearance attired in mourning.
The idea gave me an agreeable, though transient, sense of importance,
for to have new clothes was an event in the lives of us girls.
I was rather dismayed when mother said she could only give me one
new frock, but Olive came to my relief by deciding that my everyday
dress of dark blue could be dyed and "done up" to look as good as new.
Fortunately my winter coat was black, and I had a black felt hat in
good condition. Olive said I need not wear mourning more than three
months, and she promised to overhaul my summer clothes, and send me
a change of raiment in the spring. Finally, she produced an elderly
black chip hat of her own, which she placed on my head, and pronounced
the right shape for me, and then proceeded to brush over with a black
decoction, the exact nature of which I cannot pretend to explain,
though I can testify that it had a remarkably renovating effect on the
chip. She had set the hat to dry in front of my fire, and was turning
over a box of odds and ends in the hope of finding some trimming for
it, when Peggy burst into the room with the air of one who brings
tidings.
I have said nothing yet of this sister. We sometimes spoke of her as
the "happy medium," since she was the middle one of our band of five
sisters, and "happy" was an adjective which suited her excellently.
Her name had given rise to some controversy in our family circle. When
she was born father wished to name her Martha, after his only sister;
but mother had protested that the name was too old-fashioned. No one
would call her Martha, she declared, and we did not want two Pattys
in the family. So father allowed her to choose the infant's name. She
bestowed on her the queenly name of Margaret, and now we all persisted
in calling her "Peggy," much to mother's disgust.
Peggy was sweet seventeen. She had a round, merry face, with laughing
blue eyes, and her nose tilted upwards in a way that gave a charming
piquancy to her expression. She had left school a year before, and was
working hard at a school of art, for she aimed at becoming a clever
artist in black and white. She was rather short, and it was a trial to
her that people often took her to be younger than she was.
"Oh, what do you think?" she cried as soon as she was within the room.
"Aunt Clara has sent us another box of fig-leaves!"
This was our poetic way of describing the consignments of cast-off
clothes Aunt Clara sent us out of her affluence from time to time.
She was mother's only sister, who had married money, while mother
had merely married brains. It was curious that each congratulated
herself on having made the better match. Mother would speak of Mr.
Redmayne somewhat contemptuously as the "Manchester man" or the "Cotton
spinner." She never forgot that he was a self-made man, though she was
wont to say that this fact was to his credit.
Aunt Clara and her husband occasionally came to town; but they always
stayed at the Grand Hotel and seldom bestowed much of their time on
us. She did not resemble mother in the least. Large and stout, and
magnificently attired, she seemed to fill our small drawing-room when
she condescended to pay us a visit, and to make our stairs and passages
shrink as she passed along them. She would assume a pitiful air, which
was very irritating, ask innumerable questions, and show clearly her
belief that she could have managed in every way better than our mother
did. But what excited within us the most indignation was her betrayal
that she held our father in light esteem as a man whose talents were
wasted because he had not made money by them.
So Mrs. Redmayne's visits were distinct trials, and we were thankful
they did not occur often. She had five children, three of whom were
girls, but we knew almost nothing about our cousins except what could
be gathered from an inspection of their abandoned finery, parcels of
which frequently arrived for our use. Mother had too much good sense to
refuse what was really a help; but I think it galled her pride to see
how extravagantly our cousins were attired, though we all decided that
their style of dress showed a sad lack of taste.
"Hurrah!" cried Olive as she heard Peggy's announcement. "What could be
more opportune! Now we shall be able to set you up, Nan."
I shook my head.
"Not in black," I said, "if red or yellow were considered mourning in
this country we might find something useful. Have you forgotten the
riddle you once propounded, Olive—why is Aunt Clara like the virtuous
woman of the Book of Proverbs?"
"I never heard that riddle!" cried Peggy. "What is the answer?"
"Because all her household are clothed with scarlet," I replied.
Peggy laughed and clapped her hands, but Olive said:
"That is a slight exaggeration. I don't despair of finding something
that may be useful for you, Nan. Run and bring the box up here, there's
a dear, Peggy. You don't mind, Nan?"
"Not at all," I replied, sitting up quite alert. Already I was feeling
better. In spite of my fears for the future, the immediate prospect of
a change had raised my spirits.
Peggy ran off eagerly and soon reappeared, hot and breathless, bearing,
with Fred's assistance, a fair-sized dress-box into the room. We knew
the box well, it went to and fro between London and Manchester pretty
frequently.
Fred was as eager to see the contents of the box as any of us; but I
was for turning him out of the room before we opened it.
Peggy, however, suggested that it would be a kindness to mother,
who was trying to write letters below, if we let him remain, so on
condition that he kept as still as he possibly could, and tried nothing
on, we allowed him to share our diversion.
Funnily enough, the first things that came to light were a scarlet silk
blouse and a coat of the same hue. But below was a handsome black silk
gown which Aunt Clara must have worn herself, and a black cloth coat
trimmed with astrachan. Evidently it had occurred to our aunt that
mother would need to put on mourning.
"That will make mother a beautiful dress," said Olive, with pleasure in
her voice. "It's yards too big, of course, but I can alter that. And
she wants a new coat badly too. This scarlet coat will do nicely for
Ethel, and this blouse I think I will do up for myself, since I am the
only one of the 'grown-ups' that looks well in scarlet. Ah! look at
this odious brown and yellow check Who can wear that?"
"I shall, I expect," said Peggy plaintively. "I generally have to take
what nobody else likes. Oh dear! I do wish my cousins would let me
choose their clothes, since I have to wear them afterwards."
I laughed at this absurd suggestion, then said:
"You see I was right, Olive; there is nothing that will do for me."
"Don't you be so sure," said Olive, diving again into the box. "I have
not got to the bottom yet. Ah, what is this? A black silk sash! The
very thing to trim that hat."
"That is fortunate," I said, regarding it with satisfaction; then a cry
from Peggy made me turn my eyes again upon the box.
"Oh, look," she said, "at this gorgeous frock—pink satin and tulle and
sequins! What a show!"
It was an evening gown of a colour far too vivid for my taste. The
skirt was trampled and soiled. It had evidently done duty at several
parties.
"I believe something might be made of this, Nan," said Olive, examining
it with a critical air. "Veiled with black grenadine or something
diaphanous, it would make you a charming evening gown. You will need
one, you know, when the guests come. It is a fortunate thing that your
hair is such a pretty colour and your complexion so clear that you look
your best in black. And pink suits you too. See, this colour is not at
all startling subdued by black."
"Oh, thank you, Olive," I said. "It is not often you are so
complimentary. You generally find something wrong with my appearance."
"Because you are so careless of it," she said as she closely examined
the pink bodice. "This must have been Cousin Agneta's. Aunt said she
was the slightest of the three, and this waist is barely twenty inches.
I hope she does not tight-lace. Ah, what are these spots on the front?
I declare it looks as if she were crying bitterly when she last wore
this. Poor girl!"
"Rich girl, you mean," said Peggy. "I don't believe she was crying.
What can she have to cry about?"
"A good many things, I dare say, if we only knew," replied Olive.
"Surely, Peggy, you are not so idiotic as to think that money is all
people want to make them happy!"
"Well, rather not," said Peggy with a grimace, "seeing that we manage
to be very happy without it."
"I guess one girl's heart is very much like another's," said Olive
rather incoherently, "even if she does wear purple and fine linen and
fare sumptuously every day. But now I must get on with this hat. Put
the things back in the box and take it away, there's a dear, Peggy."
"Oh, yes; I'm always a dear when you want me to do anything," Peggy
replied; but she packed them up all the same, for she was nothing if
not good-tempered.
Dear old Olive put in a good many stitches for me during the next few
days, and so did mother. Between them they got me ready in a week.
I felt very miserable when the hour of departure came. It was a raw,
cold day, and the very thought of the journey made me feel faint and
sick. I behaved like a baby at the last and Olive had to be very stern
and resolute with me. She drove with me to Liverpool Street, where
father met us and saw me into the express for Chelmsford. It was due
there in fifty minutes, so the journey was nothing to mind if I had
not been so exceedingly weak. I soon began to revive, however, and my
spirits rose as the train bore me farther and farther from the gloom of
London out into the heart of the clear, cold country.