"Zaffarine Isles," replied the Spanish captain; "they are not
inhabited."
"Plenty of ground sharks," replied Jack.
The Spanish captain thought our hero a very strange fellow, to fight
under a green silk petticoat, and to take lessons in Spanish from the
ground sharks. However, being quite as polite as Jack, he did not
contradict him, but took a huge pinch of snuff, wishing from the bottom
of his heart that the ground sharks had taken Jack before he had hoisted
that confounded green petticoat.
However, Jack was in high favour with the captain, and all the ship's
company, with the exception of his four enemies--the master, Vigors, the
boatswain, and the purser's steward. As for Mr Vigors, he had come to
his senses again, and had put his colt in his chest until Jack should
take another cruise. Little Gossett, at any insulting remark made by
Vigors, pointed to the window of the berth and grinned; and the very
recollection made Vigors turn pale, and awed him into silence.
In two days they arrived at Gibraltar--Mr Sawbridge rejoined the ship--
so did Mr Jolliffe--they remained there a fortnight, during which Jack
was permitted to be continually on shore--Mr Asper accompanied him, and
Jack drew a heavy bill to prove to his father that he was still alive.
Mr Sawbridge made our hero relate to him all his adventures, and was so
pleased with the conduct of Mesty, that he appointed him to a situation
which was particularly suited to him--that of ship's corporal. Mr
Sawbridge knew that it was an office of trust, and provided that he
could find a man fit for it, he was very indifferent about his colour.
Mesty walked and strutted about, at least three inches taller than he
was before. He was always clean, did his duty conscientiously, and
seldom used his cane.
"I think, Mr Easy," said the first lieutenant, "that as you are so
particularly fond of taking a cruise"--for Jack had told the whole
truth--"it might be as well that you improve your navigation."
"I do think myself, sir," replied Jack, with great modesty, "that I am
not yet quite perfect."
"Well, then, Mr Jolliffe will teach you; he is the most competent in
this ship: the sooner you ask him the better, and if you learn it as
fast as you have Spanish, it will not give you much trouble."
Jack thought the advice good: the next day he was very busy with his
friend Jolliffe, and made the important discovery that two parallel
lines continued to infinity would never meet.
It must not be supposed that Captain Wilson and Mr Sawbridge received
their promotion instanter. Promotion is always attended with delay, as
there is a certain routine in the service which must not be departed
from. Captain Wilson had orders to return to Malta after his cruise.
He therefore carried his own despatches away from England--from Malta
the despatches had to be forwarded to Toulon to the admiral, and then
the admiral had to send to England to the Admiralty, whose reply had to
come out again. All this, with the delays arising from vessels not
sailing immediately, occupied an interval of between five and six
months--during which time there was no alteration in the officers and
crew of his Majesty's sloop _Harpy_.
There had, however, been one alteration; the gunner, Mr Minus, who had
charge of the first cutter in the night action in which our hero was
separated from his ship, carelessly loading his musket, had found
himself minus his right hand, which, upon the musket going off as he
rammed down, had gone off too. He was invalided and sent home during
Jack's absence, and another had been appointed, whose name was Tallboys.
Mr Tallboys was a stout dumpy man, with red face, and still redder
hands; he had red hair and red whiskers, and he had read a good deal--
for Mr Tallboys considered that the gunner was the most important
personage in the ship. He had once been a captain's clerk, and having
distinguished himself very much in cutting-out service, had applied for
and received his warrant as a gunner. He had studied the _Art of
Gunnery_, a part of which he understood, but the remainder was above his
comprehension: he continued, however, to read it as before, thinking
that by constant reading he should understand it at last. He had gone
through the work from the title-page to the finis at least forty times,
and had just commenced it over again. He never came on deck without the
gunner's vade-mecum in his pocket, with his hand always upon it to refer
to it in a moment.
But Mr Tallboys had, as we observed before, a great idea of the
importance of a gunner, and, among other qualifications, he considered
it absolutely necessary that he should be a navigator. He had at least
ten instances to bring forward of bloody actions, in which the captain
and all the commissioned officers had been killed or wounded, and the
command of the ship had devolved upon the gunner.
"Now, sir," would he say, "if the gunner is no navigator, he is not fit
to take charge of his Majesty's ships. The boatswain and carpenter are
merely practical men; but the gunner, sir, is, or ought to be,
scientific. Gunnery, sir, is a science--we have our own disparts and
our lines of sight--our windage and our parabolas and projectile
forces--and our point blank, and our reduction of powder upon a
graduated scale. Now, sir, there's no excuse for a gunner not being a
navigator; for knowing his duty as a gunner, he has the same
mathematical tools to work with." Upon this principle Mr Tallboys had
added John Hamilton Moore to his library, and had advanced about as far
into navigation as he had in gunnery, that is, to the threshold, where
he stuck fast, with all his mathematical tools, which he did not know
how to use. To do him justice, he studied for two or three hours
everyday, and it was not his fault if he did not advance--but his head
was confused with technical terms; he mixed all up together, and
disparts, sines and cosines, parabolas, tangents, windage, seconds,
lines of sight, logarithms, projectiles and traverse sailing, quadrature
and Gunter's scales, were all crowded together, in a brain which had not
capacity to receive the rule of three. "Too much learning," said Festus
to the apostle, "hath made thee mad." Mr Tallboys had not wit enough
to go mad, but his learning lay like lead upon his brain: the more he
read, the less he understood, at the same time that he became more
satisfied with his supposed acquirements, and could not speak but in
"mathematical parables."
"I understand, Mr Easy," said the gunner to him one day, after they had
sailed for Malta, "that you have entered into the science of
navigation--at your age it was high time."
"Yes," replied Jack, "I can raise a perpendicular, at all events, and
box the compass."
"Yes, but you have not yet arrived at the dispart of the compass."
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"Are you aware that a ship sailing describes a parabola round the
globe?"
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"And that any propelled body striking against another flies off at a
tangent?"
"Very likely," replied Jack, "that is a _sine_ that he don't like it."
"You have not yet entered into _acute_ trigonometry?"
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"That will require very sharp attention."
"I should think so," replied Jack.
"You will then find out how your parallels of longitude and latitude
meet."
"Two parallel lines, if continued to infinity, will never meet," replied
Jack.
"I beg your pardon," said the gunner.
"I beg yours," said Jack.
Whereupon Mr Tallboys brought up a small map of the world, and showed
Jack that all the parallels of latitude met at a point at the top and
bottom.
"Parallel lines never meet," replied Jack, producing Hamilton Moore.
Whereupon Jack and the gunner argued the point, until it was agreed to
refer the case to Mr Jolliffe, who asserted, with a smile, that those
lines were parallels and not parallels.
As both were right, both were satisfied.
It was fortunate that Jack would argue in this instance: had he believed
all the confused assertions of the gunner, he would have been as puzzled
as the gunner himself. They never met without an argument and a
reference, and as Jack was put right in the end, he only learned the
faster. By the time that he did know something about navigation he
discovered that his antagonist knew nothing. Before they arrived at
Malta Jack could fudge a day's work.
But at Malta Jack got into another scrape. Although Mr Smallsole could
not injure him, he was still Jack's enemy; the more so as Jack had
become very popular: Vigors also submitted, planning revenge; but the
parties in this instance were the boatswain and purser's steward. Jack
still continued his forecastle conversation with Mesty; and the
boatswain and purser's steward, probably from their respective ill-will
towards our hero, had become great allies. Mr Easthupp now put on his
best jacket to walk the dog-watches with Mr Biggs, and they took every
opportunity to talk at our hero.
"It's my peculiar hopinion," said Mr Easthupp, one evening, pulling at
the frill of his shirt, "that a gentleman should behave as a gentleman,
and that if a gentleman professes hopinions of hequality and such
liberal sentiments, that he is bound as a gentlemen to hact up to
them."
"Very true, Mr Easthupp; he is bound to act up to them; and not because
a person, who was a gentleman as well as himself, happens not to be on
the quarter-deck, to insult him because he only has perfessed opinions
like his own."
Hereupon Mr Biggs struck his rattan against the funnel, and looked at
our hero.
"Yes," continued the purser's steward, "I should like to see the fellow
who would have done so on shore however, the time will come when I can
hagain pull on my plain coat, and then the insult shall be vashed out in
blood, Mr Biggs."
"And I'll be cursed if I don't some day teach a lesson to the blackguard
who stole my trousers."
"Vas hall your money right, Mr Biggs?" inquired the purser's steward.
"I didn't count," replied the boatswain magnificently.
"No--gentlemen are above that," replied Easthupp; "but there are many
light-fingered gentry habout. The quantity of vatches and harticles of
value vich were lost ven I valked Bond Street in former times is
incredible."
"I can say this, at all events," replied the boatswain, "that I should
be always ready to give satisfaction to any person beneath me in rank,
after I had insulted him. I don't stand upon my rank, although I don't
talk about equality, damme--no, nor consort with niggers." All this was
too plain for our hero not to understand, so Jack walked up to the
boatswain, and taking his hat off, with the utmost politeness, said to
him:
"If I mistake not, Mr Biggs, your conversation refers to me."
"Very likely it does," replied the boatswain. "Listeners hear no good
of themselves."
"It appears that gentlemen can't converse without being vatched,"
continued Mr Easthupp, pulling up his shirt-collar.
"It is not the first time that you have thought proper to make very
offensive remarks, Mr Biggs; and as you appear to consider yourself
ill-treated in the affair of the trousers, for I tell you at once, that
it was I who brought them on board, I can only say," continued our hero,
with a very polite bow, "that I shall be most happy to give you
satisfaction."
"I am your superior officer, Mr Easy," replied the boatswain.
"Yes, by the rules of the service; but you just now asserted that you
would waive your rank--indeed, I dispute it on this occasion; I am on
the quarter-deck, and you are not."
"This is the gentleman whom you have insulted, Mr Easy," replied the
boatswain, pointing to the purser's steward.
"Yes, Mr Heasy, quite as good a gentleman as yourself, although I av ad
misfortune--I ham of as hold a family as hany in the country," replied
Mr Easthupp, now backed by the boatswain; "many the year did I valk
Bond Street, and I ave as good blood in my weins as you, Mr Heasy,
halthough I have been misfortunate--I've had hadmirals in my family."
"You have grossly insulted this gentleman," said Mr Biggs, in
continuation; "and notwithstanding all your talk of equality, you are
afraid to give him satisfaction--you shelter yourself under your
quarter-deck."
"Mr Biggs," replied our hero, who was now very wroth, "I shall go on
shore directly we arrive at Malta. Let you, and this fellow, put on
plain clothes, and I will meet you both--and then I'll show you whether
I am afraid to give satisfaction."
"One at a time," said the boatswain.
"No, sir, not one at a time, but both at the same time--I will fight
both or none. If you are my superior officer, you must _descend_,"
replied Jack, with an ironical sneer, "to meet me, or I will not descend
to meet that fellow, whom I believe to have been little better than a
pickpocket."
This accidental hit of Jack's made the purser's steward turn pale as a
sheet, and then equally red. He raved and foamed amazingly, although he
could not meet Jack's indignant look, who then turned round again.
"Now, Mr Biggs, is this to be understood, or do you shelter yourself
under your _forecastle_?"
"I'm no dodger," replied the boatswain, "and we will settle the affair
at Malta."
At which reply Jack returned to Mesty.
"Massa Easy, I look at um face, dat feller, Eastop, he no like it. I go
shore wid you, see fair play, anyhow--suppose I can?"
Mr Biggs having declared that he would fight, of course had to look out
for a second, and he fixed upon Mr Tallboys, the gunner, and requested
him to be his friend. Mr Tallboys, who had been latterly very much
annoyed by Jack's victories over him in the science of navigation, and
therefore felt ill-will towards him, consented; but he was very much
puzzled how to arrange that _three_ were to fight at the same time, for
he had no idea of there being two duels; so he went to his cabin and
commenced reading. Jack, on the other hand, dared not say a word to
Jolliffe on the subject: indeed, there was no one in the ship to whom he
could confide but Gascoigne: he therefore went to him, and although
Gascoigne thought it was excessively _infra dig_ of Jack to meet even
the boatswain, as the challenge had been given there was no retracting:
he therefore consented, like all midshipmen, anticipating fun, and quite
thoughtless of the consequences.
The second day after they had been anchored in Vallette harbour, the
boatswain and gunner, Jack and Gascoigne, obtained permission to go on
shore. Mr Easthupp, the purser's steward, dressed in his best blue
coat with brass buttons and velvet collar, the very one in which he had
been taken up when he had been vowing and protesting that he was a
gentleman, at the very time that his hand was abstracting a pocket book,
went up on the quarter-deck, and requested the same indulgence, but Mr
Sawbridge refused, as he required him to return staves and hoops at the
cooperage. Mesty also, much to his mortification, was not to be spared.
This was awkward, but it was got over by proposing that the meeting
should take place behind the cooperage at a certain hour, on which Mr
Easthupp might slip out and borrow a portion of the time appropriated to
his duty, to heal the breach in his wounded honour. So the parties all
went on shore, and put up at one of the small inns to make the necessary
arrangements.
Mr Tallboys then addressed Mr Gascoigne, taking him apart while the
boatswain amused himself with a glass of grog, and our hero sat outside
teasing a monkey.
"Mr Gascoigne," said the gunner, "I have been very much puzzled how
this duel should be fought, but I have at last found it out. You see
that there are _three_ parties to fight; had there been two or four
there would have been no difficulty, as the right line or square might
guide us in that instance; but we must arrange it upon the _triangle_ in
this."
Gascoigne stared; he could not imagine what was coming.
"Are you aware, Mr Gascoigne, of the properties of an equilateral
triangle?"
"Yes," replied the midshipman, "that it has three equal sides--but what
the devil has that to do with the duel?"
"Everything, Mr Gascoigne," replied the gunner; "it has resolved the
great difficulty: indeed, the duel between three can only be fought upon
that principle. You observe," said the gunner, taking a piece of chalk
out of his pocket, and making a triangle on the table, "in this figure
we have three points, each equidistant from each other; and we have
three combatants--so that placing one at each point, it is all fair play
for the three: Mr Easy, for instance, stands here, the boatswain here,
and the purser's steward at the third corner. Now, if the distance is
fairly measured, it will be all right."
"But then," replied Gascoigne, delighted at the idea, "how are they to
fire?"
"It certainly is not of much consequence," replied the gunner, "but
still, as sailors, it appears to me that they should fire with the sun;
that is, Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, Mr Biggs fires at Mr Easthupp,
and Mr Easthupp fires at Mr Easy, so that you perceive that each party
has his shot at one, and at the same time receives the fire of another."
Gascoigne was in ecstasies at the novelty of the proceeding, the more so
as he perceived that Easy obtained every advantage by the arrangement.
"Upon my word, Mr Tallboys, I give you great credit; you have a
profound mathematical head, and I am delighted with your arrangement.
Of course, in these affairs, the principals are bound to comply with the
arrangements of the seconds, and I shall insist upon Mr Easy consenting
to your excellent and scientific proposal."
Gascoigne went out, and pulling Jack away from the monkey, told him what
the gunner had proposed, at which Jack laughed heartily.
The gunner also explained it to the boatswain, who did not very well
comprehend, but replied:
"I dare say it's all right--shot for shot, and damn all favours."
The parties then repaired to the spot with two pairs of ship's pistols,
which Mr Tallboys had smuggled on shore; and, as soon as they were on
the ground, the gunner called Mr Easthupp out of the cooperage. In the
meantime, Gascoigne had been measuring an equilateral triangle of twelve
paces--and marked it out. Mr Tallboys, on his return with the purser's
steward, went over the ground, and finding that it was "equal angles
subtended by equal sides," declared that it was all right. Easy took
his station, the boatswain was put into his, and Mr Easthupp, who was
quite in a mystery, was led by the gunner to the third position.
"But, Mr Tallboys," said the purser's steward, "I don't understand
this. Mr Easy will first fight Mr Biggs, will he not?"
"No," replied the gunner, "this is a duel of three. You will fire at
Mr Easy, Mr Easy will fire at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs will fire at
you. It is all arranged, Mr Easthupp."
"But," said Mr Easthupp, "I do not understand it. Why is Mr Biggs to
fire at me? I have no quarrel with Mr Biggs."
"Because Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs must have his shot
as well."
"If you have ever been in the company of gentlemen, Mr Easthupp,"
observed Gascoigne, "you must know something about duelling."
"Yes, yes, I've kept the best company, Mr Gascoigne, and I can give a
gentleman satisfaction; but--"
"Then, sir, if that is the case, you must know that your honour is in
the hands of your second, and that no gentleman appeals."
"Yes, yes, I know that, Mr Gascoigne; but still I've no quarrel with
Mr Biggs, and therefore, Mr Biggs, of course you will not aim at me."
"Why, you don't think that I'm going to be fired at for nothing,"
replied the boatswain; "no, no, I'll have my shot anyhow."
"But at your friend, Mr Biggs?"
"All the same, I shall fire at somebody; shot for shot, and hit the
luckiest."
"Vel, gentlemen, I purtest against these proceedings," replied Mr
Easthupp; "I came here to have satisfaction from Mr Easy, and not to be
fired at by Mr Biggs."
"Don't you have satisfaction when you fire at Mr Easy," replied the
gunner; "what more would you have?"
"I purtest against Mr Biggs firing at me."
"So you would have a shot without receiving one," cried Gascoigne: "the
fact is, that this fellow's a confounded coward, and ought to be kicked
into the cooperage again."
At this affront Mr Easthupp rallied, and accepted the pistol offered by
the gunner.
"You ear those words, Mr Biggs; pretty language to use to a gentleman.
You shall ear from me, sir, as soon as the ship is paid off. I purtest
no longer, Mr Tallboys; death before dishonour. I'm a gentleman,
damme!"
At all events, the swell was not a very courageous gentleman, for he
trembled most exceedingly as he pointed his pistol.
The gunner gave the word, as if he were exercising the great guns on
board ship.
"Cock your locks!"--"Take good aim at the object!"--"Fire!"--"Stop your
vents!"
The only one of the combatants who appeared to comply with the latter
supplementary order was Mr Easthupp, who clapped his hand to his
trousers behind, gave a loud yell, and then dropped down: the bullet
having passed clean through his seat of honour, from his having
presented his broadside as a target to the boatswain as he faced towards
our hero. Jack's shot had also taken effect, having passed through both
the boatswain's cheeks, without further mischief than extracting two of
his best upper double teeth, and forcing through the hole of the farther
cheek the boatswain's own quid of tobacco. As for Mr Easthupp's ball,
as he was very unsettled, and shut his eyes before he fired, it had gone
the Lord knows where.
The purser's steward lay on the ground and screamed--the boatswain spit
his double teeth and two or three mouthfuls of blood out, and then threw
down his pistols in a rage.
"A pretty business, by God," sputtered he; "he's put my pipe out. How
the devil am I to pipe to dinner when I'm ordered, all my wind 'scaping
through the cheeks?"
In the meantime, the others had gone to the assistance of the purser's
steward, who continued his vociferations. They examined him, and
considered a wound in that part not to be dangerous.
"Hold your confounded bawling," cried the gunner, "or you'll have the
guard down here: you're not hurt."
"Han't hi?" roared the steward. "Oh, let me die, let me die; don't move
me!"
"Nonsense," cried the gunner, "you must get up and walk down to the
boat; if you don't we'll leave you--hold your tongue, confound you. You
won't? then I'll give you something to halloo for."
Whereupon Mr Tallboys commenced cuffing the poor wretch right and left,
who received so many swinging boxes of the ear, that he was soon reduced
to merely pitiful plaints of "Oh, dear!--such inhumanity--I purtest--oh,
dear! must I get up? I can't, indeed."
"I do not think he can move, Mr Tallboys," said Gascoigne; "I should
think the best plan would be to call up two of the men from the
cooperage, and let them take him at once to the hospital."
The gunner went down to the cooperage to call the men. Mr Biggs, who
had bound up his face as if he had a toothache for the bleeding had been
very slight, came up to the purser's steward.
"What the hell are you making such a howling about? Look at me, with
two shot-holes through my figure-head, while you have only got one in
your stern: I wish I could change with you, by heavens, for I could use
my whistle then--now if I attempt to pipe, there will be such a wasteful
expenditure of his Majesty's stores of wind, that I never shall get out
a note. A wicked shot of yours, Mr Easy."
"I really am very sorry," replied Jack, with a polite bow, "and I beg to
offer my best apology."
During this conversation, the purser's steward felt very faint, and
thought he was going to die.
"Oh, dear! oh, dear! what a fool I was; I never was a gentleman--only a
swell: I shall die; I never will pick a pocket again--never--never--God
forgive me!"
"Why, confound the fellow," cried Gascoigne, "so you were a pickpocket,
were you?"
"I never will again," replied the fellow, in a faint voice: "Hi'll
hamend and lead a good life--a drop of water--oh! _lagged_ at last!"
Then the poor wretch fainted away: and Tallboys coming up with the men,
he was taken on their shoulders and walked off to the hospital, attended
by the gunner and also the boatswain, who thought he might as well have
a little medical advice before he went on board.
"Well, Easy," said Gascoigne, collecting the pistols and tying them up
in his handkerchief, "I'll be shot, but we're in a pretty scrape;
there's no hushing this up. I'll be hanged if I care, it's the best
piece of fun I ever met with." And at the remembrance of it Gascoigne
laughed till the tears ran down his cheeks. Jack's mirth was not quite
so excessive, as he was afraid that the purser's steward was severely
hurt, and expressed his fears.
"At all events, you did not hit him," replied Gascoigne; "all you have
to answer for is the boatswains's mug--I think you've stopped his jaw
for the future."
"I'm afraid that our leave will be stopped for the future," replied
Jack.
"That we may take our oaths of," replied Gascoigne.
"Then look you, Ned," said Easy; "I've lots of dollars; we may as well
be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, as the saying is; I vote that we do not
go on board."
"Sawbridge will send and fetch us," replied Ned; "but he must find us
first."
"That won't take long, for the soldiers will soon have our description
and rout us out--we shall be pinned in a couple of days."
"Confound it, and they say that the ship is to be hove down, and that we
shall be here six weeks at least, cooped up on board in a broiling sun,
and nothing to do but to watch the pilot fish playing round the rudder,
and munch bad apricots. I won't go on board; look ye, Jack," said
Gascoigne, "have you plenty of money?"
"I have twenty doubloons, besides dollars," replied Jack.
"Well, then we will pretend to be so much alarmed at the result of this
duel, that we dare not show ourselves, lest we should be hung. I will
write a note, and send it to Jolliffe, to say that we have hid ourselves
until the affair is blown over, and beg him to intercede with the
captain and first lieutenant. I will tell him all the particulars, and
refer to the gunner for the truth of it; and then I know that, although
we should be punished, they will only laugh; but I will pretend that
Easthupp is killed, and we are frightened out of our lives. That will
be it; and then let's get on board one of the speronares which come with
fruit from Sicily, sail in the night for Palermo, and then we'll have a
cruise for a fortnight, and when the money is all gone we'll come back."
"That's a capital idea, Ned, and the sooner we do it the better. I will
write to the captain, begging him to get me off from being hung, and
telling him where we have fled to, and that letter shall be given after
we have sailed."
They were two very nice lads--our hero and Gascoigne.